我与我尊敬的比利时朋友的通信Wed 17/05/2006

Wed 17/05/2006

Zi,

 

You needn't apologize for a late reply, you will have noticed that I succumb to that habit too.

 

Any story that disturbs the mind is not good of course, whether long or short. But a quick return to a normal state is supposedly a sign of "emotional intelligence". (Ever read Daniel Goleman? Two books of his I like are "Emotional Intelligence" and "Destructive Emotions". If you weren't living so far away you could come and borrow them; but I'm sure you have plenty of stuff to read there and don't need any advice from me.)

 

You talked about your experience over the last few years and you used an interesting metaphor. There is no end to ceilings. We need ceilings to protect ourselves. Nothing wrong with ceilings as long as we don't deny the sky is there or even blame the sky for being there. We need concepts to perceive anything at all; we need glasses to see, even though we know their colour will distort; and we need certain cultural standards not because we agree with them but because living in a group would be impossible if we rejected them. Of course, accepting them for their practical value does not mean we idolise them or need to defend them against any little change.

 

A "sense of direction" is worth a lot more than any plan. It is more felxible. Unexpected things always happen.

What is my direction? I think that what usually counts as a "direction" for most people is a career or certain material goals. In terms of those things I have no direction. That doesn't mean nothing changes. For example, I'm looking for an apartment in Brugge at the moment. I hope to move in summer, at least if I can find one I like that is affordable. But that's just something that is more practical, a change that will bring some positive elements with it. It is not part of any ambition or direction. And if it shouldn't happen, I won't be any worse for it. Since I have a relatively stable job, the only kind of real ambition I have is to become a better person. I now it sounds simplistic, a cliché. But I think the person I am now is a happier and a better person than the person I was twenty years ago. Change in that area is slow and hardly noticeable, but every small change is worth all the effort in the world for me. So the only question I try to ask myself is if something will increase true happiness or not. I like the job I do. But I wouldn't mind giving it up and doing something else. So my "direction" in the world is absent. I'm also looking for a place to go in summer. Greece and Myanmar are on top of my list. But if it turns out to be something else I'd be equally please.

With my 5th -year students we are reading "Bridget Jones diaries" in class. You may know the movie about a woman in her thirties and all the problems surrounding that. There a passage somewhere in there that says that happiness is striving towards attainable goals. I like that description.

Going to Paris tomorrow with school. It will be the first time I'm there since we were there a few years ago; so thre will be a few good memories for me there.

I was happy to learn that there is also some PhD progress. Slowly but surely was my motto too. No need to hurry.

 

Well, hope you are fine and enjoying life fully.

 

Take care,

 

Peter