正在进行时- 我跟Peter的故事（五）

跟老Peter的第一次约会，与其说是为了更多地了解他，倒不如说是为了不想伤害一个失意老男人的自尊心。Lisa经常跟我说说老Peter挺可怜的，大选失败，一个人啥都没了，没钱，没房子，没正经的工作，但同时我和Lisa也都希望老Peter能有一个好的未来，他写的书能够出版，他也能够找到real工作，能有一个好的结局。那天老Peter电话问我约会的时候除了中餐想吃什么，我没怎么犹豫就说：日餐，韩国菜都可以，他问我泰国菜如何，我说好啊，都无所谓的。后来他来这里接我的时候还是带我去了一间韩国餐馆，因为我先前提出吃韩国或日本菜都可以，他就问了楼里的一个日本妇人哪里有好一点的韩国餐厅，就把我带到这里了，我点了乌冬面，还有一些生鱼片，他点了米饭，炸虾，我头一次跟老Peter面对面坐的那门近，这才发现他的下巴有了赘肉，我在猜他的年纪，难道果真是他告诉Lisa 50 出头吗？关于老Peter的年龄，Lisa过去曾经怀疑过好多次，因为按照我们在网上看了老Peter来加拿大的年龄来推测，他现在快接近60了，可是他告诉Lisa他1956年出生的，如果那样，他也就50多一点，可是我怎么看怎么觉得不对劲，我过去曾经约会过的一个教授比我大8岁，比老Peter看上去年轻多了，起码下巴颏没有赘肉啊，还有我还注意到老Peter手上还有一些老年斑。这些症状都表明他的年龄不小了，难道他在隐瞒自己的真实年龄吗？我经常跟Lisa说我就不喜欢老男人，跟老男人在一起就好像要图他们什么的，对了，前些日子看过的那个大脑袋娃娃写的文章里不是说过吗，在老男人身边觉得自己被人家认为小蜜似的，我跟Lisa说：你说，如果我跟老Peter出去约会，人家会不会认为我在傍大款啊，要那样我多冤啊，他可是啥钱财都没有啊，还有，你说Lisa，那老家伙摸起来会是啥样的手感呢？会不会像木乃伊啊？说完我和Lisa哈哈大笑起来，Lisa总说我这个人太挑剔，不错，我很色，喜欢帅哥，喜欢有款有型的帅哥，每次去gym，看到那里有一个非常帅的personal trainer， 我都禁不住多看还不止两眼呢，每次跟他打照面的时候，我都不会错过打招呼的机会，美女我也喜欢看。可是，不管是美女还是帅哥，我都喜欢看年轻的，当然跟我年龄相仿的帅哥我也喜欢看，我告诉Lisa没有Physical attraction, 我是怎么都提不起对一个男人的兴趣，当然光有Physical attraction 恐怕也不成，还得有一些connections，Lisa 有时候骂我是老女色鬼，我不否认我就是，对了，从前有一个好过的男友，说我是典型的闷骚型女人，就是那种外表是淑女，内心是荡妇吧。反正我就是觉得跟老男人在一起就是不自在，提不起神来，同时也大大地降低了我的想象力。那晚跟老Peter慢慢地吃，慢慢地聊，其实，跟老男人在一起的一个最大的好处就是心跳减速，血压降低，似乎进入了麻木的状态，总之很放松，我平时说话张牙舞爪的速度现在已经减到了差点连我自己都不敢确认到底是我还是我的魂，吃过晚饭，看看时间还早，我跟老Peter提议去咖啡店坐坐在继续聊聊，他却说去我家，我怔了一下，他看出我的惊异，说“我们都是朋友了，你不会太介意吧？我说当然不，回家更随意，但心里还真有点怕，我当然是怕他想跟我亲热了，那种身体上我一点没有欲望的男人，我怕的要死，反正一想就有那种恶心的感觉。我是宁缺勿滥型，宁可空窗，也不会跟一个不喜欢的男人上床。回到我的公寓，我开始烧水泡茶，老Peter坐在餐桌旁，我边跟他说话边泡茶，就是不想跟他坐的那门近，后来茶泡好了，我把茶壶端过去，给他倒茶，心里总有那种惶惶的感觉，我想如果他那时候抓我的手，我会把茶壶泼在他身上了，好在这个老Peter蛮绅士，到底是英国式教育，让我慢慢地放松了下来。席间，电话响了起来，我心想，谁这么好，这时候打电话给我让我有机会远离老Peter，原来是Lisa 从国内打过来的，我告诉她老Peter在我这里，正约会我呢，她一听说这样，就说：“sherry，你跟他在一起一定得多观察，因为我还是挺怀疑他的年龄的，我那次请他出去饭店吃饭的时候，他竟然跟我说他的脚冷，可是那个饭店一点也不冷啊，还有，他给我开车门的时候，手不利落“哈哈，我不禁笑了起来，这个人精Lisa比我厉害多了，我咋就没看那么仔细呢？当然，我告诉Lisa有关老Peter下巴颏的赘肉，我也开始怀疑他的年龄了，反正，Lisa说，想办法知道他真实的年龄，当然，如果你不介意的话，我就没啥好说的了。挂了Ｌｉｓａ的电话，我的心里很不痛快，心想，这老Ｐｅｔｅｒ也应该算是诚实的男人吧，干吗装嫩啊？西人不都说了吗？年龄只是个数字，说归说，但年龄对我来说的确很重要，因为我宁愿找比我小的，也不喜欢比我大的，当然状态很重要，可是下巴颏有赘肉，没有头发，肚子大的，身材松松垮垮的男人不管年龄多大都提不起我的兴趣，我女朋友Helen说我太肉欲，我不否认，可是，这可不是一上床闭灯就能解决的问题，关键是手感啊，谁不喜欢结实的肉呢？就算买肉还是那种腱子肉吃起来口感好。那肥肉谁看了不恶心，当然了，时间长了视觉疲劳是人类的共性，男人女人都一样，反正我了解自己，没错，我喜欢精神共鸣，可对老Peter我的感觉就是敬重他，欣赏他，跟他谈文学，谈莎士比亚，人家可是头头是道的，我一起头，就怕后面了，因为他聊得越多，我听得越迷糊，太深奥了，总之，跟老Peter在一起想要找到那种chemistry很难，可他在我们第一次约会后写了一封很长的信：My Dear Sherry, It wasn't a typical first date at all!!We were friends already!BUT, we had been friends through Lisa and friends because I had keys and pots and they needed to be returned.........Friday night was just Sherry and Peter!And it was a date! And Peter thought it was fantastic.Poor you! You had a headache and I sensed you were suffering all evening. I wanted to suggest that we perhaps postpone the date but I thought you would not go for that!You were a fabulous dinner companion!!And then we went "back to your place"!! That was okay! You would NEVER do that on a fist date with anyone else!! But we were friends already.Sherry, several things happened, which I think are strange and perhaps are good omens.I was able to tell you some of my deepest feelings regarding politics and the need for change in this country. And I became passionate about what I was saying. I shared my passion with you, and that's something I have not done with anyone in Mississauga. Those feelings are something that I can only share with someone that I know really well and trust completely. And I shared them with you. It just seemed natural to do it.And I saw a little of a different Sherry as well that melted my heart. You are such a strong, self confident woman and yet I saw you nervous and confused at one point last night, nervous about me I think. I wanted to reach out and hold your hand and tell you that everything was okay but touching you as a friend is not something we have been able to do yet.The last and most amazing thing to me was how I felt when we said goodnight. I kissed your cheek, as we had agreed was appropriate, but the feeling I had being so close to you was one of pure chemistry! I wanted desperately to kiss your lips and felt it was the natural thing to do and my whole body shuddered with anticipation and I felt something from you as well. Wow!A first date is supposed to be a test as to whether or not one would like to see the other person again. Well, apart from the delightful fact that we are friends anyway, this first date told me that I have feelings for you beyond friendship and yes, I would love to see you that way again.Have I made any sense in this e-mail? I hope so! I'm very tired and it's late but I shall hopefully see you tomorrow (today!) and that fact keeps me going. I'll talk to you soon, Peter我不知道对老Peter啥时候会有chemistry，至少现在没有，尤其是想到他的年龄至今是个谜，还有他那不确定的未来，我这颗本来平静的心会经常心烦。