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原本跟老Peter约好上周二晚上一起去看那部Atonement 的电影，等我晚上回到家的时候接到他的两个留言，说有一个好的消息和一个不好的消息告诉我，他只说了不好的消息就是他不能陪我来看电影了，因为夜班那个保安被解雇了，他得上第二天凌晨4点钟开始的那个早班，所以当晚必须早点睡觉，至于好消息呢，他说要等我回他的电话再告诉我，第二个留言跟第一个基本一样，就是说话的语气似乎有点心切。我心想，这老Peter骨子里到底卖什么关子那？
打电话过去，老Peter似乎很激动，不过还是很镇静自若地把留言中不好消息先复述了一遍，然后迫不及待地说：“嗯，好了，Sherry，现在开始告诉你好消息。我上周申请了一个公司director of communications 的职位，他们给我回信让我去面试，要知道这个公司规模非常大，下属有很多很大的超市，根据我的了解，这个职位的报酬会在六位数。“ 六位数？ 我当时还没反应过来。是，老Peter接着说：”按照他们的规模，这个职位的报酬应该在100K以上，我给你念念他们给我回复的有关约我面试的email。Blablablablabla。。。“ 这个老Ｐｅｔｅｒ，怎么跟小孩子似的，不就一个约面试的信吗，至于那么激动吗？可人家老Ｐｅｔｅｒ说了：”这个公司给我回的信很快，说明他们对我的经历和背景非常感兴趣。至于面试吗，我一向都是一次成功的。我非常善于在面试中表现自己，知道如何对付面试官，。我这头听着他在那头ｂｌａｂｌａｂｌａ，心想，您这才哪到哪儿那，这万里长征头一步还没迈出去呢，就开始自吹自擂了，都说人家洋人自打从小无论在家里还是在学校都受到的那种表现自我的教育，可眼前的这位老Ｐｅｔｅｒ表现的也太超前了吧？平时看他挺内敛的啊，不过，既然人家激动兴奋成那样，咱也不能泼冷水啊，于是，就顺毛捋了：Peter，这简直是太好了，祝贺你，良好的开端是成功的一半，相信你一定会成功的，我和Lisa都认为你在这里做保安太大材小用了，简直就是浪费人才啊，就凭您那资历，您那学识，您那本事，您那那那。。。反正后来我都记不起来都说了些什么。就记得把老Peter说的心花怒放的，电话那头的笑声让我想起了那种久违了的孩提似的激动。在那个瞬间，我竟然感觉老Peter简直就是一个大男孩。
这部我们计划了很久想一起看的电影似乎难产了，一直到了周五的傍晚，大暴雪又开始侵袭这座城市，路上的车爬得都跟老牛一样的慢，回到家，又收到Peter的2个留言，意思是说希望我开车安全到家，他非常担心怎么这个时候我还没有到家，那个晚上我没有回他的留言，不知道为什么，我就是想一个人静静地呆着，不过，为了礼貌，我还是很晚的时候回了他一封简短的信，感谢他对我的关心，告诉他我安全到家，不过我很累，不想说话。我这个人有时候就这样，有时候比较情绪化，还不善于掩饰自己，想什么就说什么，当然也根本没有过多地想我这样做会给老Peter带来什么想法。只管随自己的心情做事是我现在所处的状态。
周六早上起床，外边已经是白雪皑皑的世界了，天气预报说暴雪还要持续到周日，看来这周六晚我的好朋于Helen跟我说好的邀请我跟老Peter 一起去吃水煮鱼的计划要泡汤了，简单吃了早点，给Helen电话，可人家还在梦里呢。打开电脑准备给老母亲发个邮件问候一下，咦，老Peter啥时候又来了一封信呢？点击，信在慢慢地展开，我的天，立马就开始头眩目转了，这老Peter，您这个给我写信还是写小说那？
Dear Sherry, I'm sorry you're too tired to speak; the drive back from the gym must have been terrible. The roads were bad enough at 5:30 when I got home!Thank you so much for telling me that you were safe.
I was very worried!! I know what it is to be too tired to talk. I am too tired to talk as well tonight. I did not sleep last night at all. I just lay in bed trying to put my life into some kind of perspective.
Last night, a terrible truth hit me. And it hit me like a bolt of lightening!
Have you ever had something really big happen in your life and although you know it's happened, it hasn't really gone into every part of your mind? I'm talking about the "subconscious". Maybe something like that happened when you divorced, I don't know. But it's that some really big thing has happened and it's too big for your mind to deal with all at once and so your subconscious mind denies for a long time that it has really happened. Am I making any sense?Well what happened to me last night was the truth of something finally being let out of my subconscious mind!You are the first woman I have wanted to date since I left Halifax in November 2006. And you don't know who I am.
Since 1992, virtually everybody in Eastern Canada knew who I was. They either knew my name, or my face. or both, or, if told who I was, their eyes would light up in recognition. Half a million people across Canada watched my TV show every week and most lived in Eastern Canada.There was never any question about Peter－. And the last woman to look at my tattoos said "Picton Castle?" I nodded and she smiled. She knew about the documentaries I had made on the sailing ship Picton Castle. She had watched them on TV. She had seen the program where I showed my tatoos to everybody and explained what they meant and why I had got them.
What kept me awake all last night was the thunderbolt of realization that you know none of this! To you, I am nothing more than your Security Guard, a few web pages and whatever I say, which may or may not be true.When I first came to Mississauga, I really enjoyed my freedom, the freedom of being anonymous, of nobody knowing or caring who I was. I could go into the Supermarket without being pointed at. I could ride the bus!! And I did! And nobody stared at me! I could run naked down the street without it being headline news in the paper the next morning! I never did that but the idea that I could really appealed to me.All that came crashing down last night when I saw the bad side of it for really the first time. Because my adored anonymity, my being anonymous, also means that I am anonymous to you. You, Sherry, the woman I am so attracted to, does not know who I am, does not know about my tattoos, does not know who I was and what I did and only knows me as a Security Guard because that is all she sees me do.It was like being hit on the head with a very heavy piece of wood! At last I could understand the truth. And it hurt very very badly.This is a good thing. This has made me wake up. You have made me wake up.I am not Peter －having a bit of fun in Ontario working as a Security Guard for a while, as my friends in Halifax think. I AM an anonymous Security Guard in Ontario. And that's all that Sherry knows. I write but Sherry does not see me write.I have no photographs and no possessions here. I am a mystery.And a mystery is not the perfect candidate for a potential husband.!I need to build a new life very quickly. And I will. Can you be patient with me, for a little bit, until I do? I love those lines of Mark Twain."Love like you've never been hurt", is one of the most profound statements in literature. We all know the incredible depth of what he means. It's one of the best pieces of advice the world has ever been offered! Can you love again, like you've never been hurt? Can I?The dancing and singing lines merely mean have confidence in yourself! And "work like you don't need the money" says do what you like to do and get enjoyment out of your work before all else.And then we have THAT line!! "Live like there's no tomorrow."It's one of the most discussed lines in American literature and it's become a cliché in the English language everywhere.After all the good advice of the lines before, why would Twain add this one that suggests irresponsibility and profligacy?Or is it actually good advice?When I was very young, I entered the Officers' Mess (the lounge, dining and bar area for officers in the army) of the Parachute Regiment of the British Army for the first time. I was a new Lieutenant posted to the regiment. On the wall I saw a framed copy of Twain's phrase. It's very appropriate for a soldier, who may not live to see tomorrow.Virtually everything I've done in my life ever since that day has had some element of danger to it. My stuff for CBC Television was always wild, exotic, and perilous and filled with passion.Living life like there's no tomorrow was my motto. And, as I've told you, one day in 2000, it seemed like there would be no tomorrow and my partner left me as a result!We need to talk about how that may have changed. Peter go bed now, dream Sherry maybe!
Pete
我问过老Peter他是用十个指头打字还是用二个，因为我知道好多洋人同事都只会用２个指头打字，哪像我们中国人这么聪明灵巧，当老Ｐｅｔｅｒ说他用二个指头打字的时候，我看着他无可奈何地笑了：“难道你写这么长的email，只有二个指头打字不累吗？”不，他回答道：不，给你写信我从来不觉得累，还有，我打字很快的，他充满自信地说。
周日的早上，我给老Peter回了信，谢谢他对我的关心，但是我目前只想跟他做普通的朋友，因为我还是想找自己更喜欢的工作，也有可能去美国工作，所以未来真的是未知数。他回电话的时候带着一丝伤感，说：Sherry，我现在的感觉就是被你dump了，我说没，我们还是朋友，我还没有想好走进relationship，我现在的首要任务是找一个好工作，稳定下来，然后再谈别的。至于你是否愿意还想跟我做朋友那是你自己的选择，我不会勉强你的，他想都没想说：“我愿意跟你做一辈子的好朋友，不过，我非常非常地喜欢你，希望你我在一起有一个好的未来。”
打电话过去，老Peter似乎很激动，不过还是很镇静自若地把留言中不好消息先复述了一遍，然后迫不及待地说：“嗯，好了，Sherry，现在开始告诉你好消息。我上周申请了一个公司director of communications 的职位，他们给我回信让我去面试，要知道这个公司规模非常大，下属有很多很大的超市，根据我的了解，这个职位的报酬会在六位数。“ 六位数？ 我当时还没反应过来。是，老Peter接着说：”按照他们的规模，这个职位的报酬应该在100K以上，我给你念念他们给我回复的有关约我面试的email。Blablablablabla。。。“ 这个老Ｐｅｔｅｒ，怎么跟小孩子似的，不就一个约面试的信吗，至于那么激动吗？可人家老Ｐｅｔｅｒ说了：”这个公司给我回的信很快，说明他们对我的经历和背景非常感兴趣。至于面试吗，我一向都是一次成功的。我非常善于在面试中表现自己，知道如何对付面试官，。我这头听着他在那头ｂｌａｂｌａｂｌａ，心想，您这才哪到哪儿那，这万里长征头一步还没迈出去呢，就开始自吹自擂了，都说人家洋人自打从小无论在家里还是在学校都受到的那种表现自我的教育，可眼前的这位老Ｐｅｔｅｒ表现的也太超前了吧？平时看他挺内敛的啊，不过，既然人家激动兴奋成那样，咱也不能泼冷水啊，于是，就顺毛捋了：Peter，这简直是太好了，祝贺你，良好的开端是成功的一半，相信你一定会成功的，我和Lisa都认为你在这里做保安太大材小用了，简直就是浪费人才啊，就凭您那资历，您那学识，您那本事，您那那那。。。反正后来我都记不起来都说了些什么。就记得把老Peter说的心花怒放的，电话那头的笑声让我想起了那种久违了的孩提似的激动。在那个瞬间，我竟然感觉老Peter简直就是一个大男孩。
这部我们计划了很久想一起看的电影似乎难产了，一直到了周五的傍晚，大暴雪又开始侵袭这座城市，路上的车爬得都跟老牛一样的慢，回到家，又收到Peter的2个留言，意思是说希望我开车安全到家，他非常担心怎么这个时候我还没有到家，那个晚上我没有回他的留言，不知道为什么，我就是想一个人静静地呆着，不过，为了礼貌，我还是很晚的时候回了他一封简短的信，感谢他对我的关心，告诉他我安全到家，不过我很累，不想说话。我这个人有时候就这样，有时候比较情绪化，还不善于掩饰自己，想什么就说什么，当然也根本没有过多地想我这样做会给老Peter带来什么想法。只管随自己的心情做事是我现在所处的状态。
周六早上起床，外边已经是白雪皑皑的世界了，天气预报说暴雪还要持续到周日，看来这周六晚我的好朋于Helen跟我说好的邀请我跟老Peter 一起去吃水煮鱼的计划要泡汤了，简单吃了早点，给Helen电话，可人家还在梦里呢。打开电脑准备给老母亲发个邮件问候一下，咦，老Peter啥时候又来了一封信呢？点击，信在慢慢地展开，我的天，立马就开始头眩目转了，这老Peter，您这个给我写信还是写小说那？
Dear Sherry, I'm sorry you're too tired to speak; the drive back from the gym must have been terrible. The roads were bad enough at 5:30 when I got home!Thank you so much for telling me that you were safe.
I was very worried!! I know what it is to be too tired to talk. I am too tired to talk as well tonight. I did not sleep last night at all. I just lay in bed trying to put my life into some kind of perspective.
Last night, a terrible truth hit me. And it hit me like a bolt of lightening!
Have you ever had something really big happen in your life and although you know it's happened, it hasn't really gone into every part of your mind? I'm talking about the "subconscious". Maybe something like that happened when you divorced, I don't know. But it's that some really big thing has happened and it's too big for your mind to deal with all at once and so your subconscious mind denies for a long time that it has really happened. Am I making any sense?Well what happened to me last night was the truth of something finally being let out of my subconscious mind!You are the first woman I have wanted to date since I left Halifax in November 2006. And you don't know who I am.
Since 1992, virtually everybody in Eastern Canada knew who I was. They either knew my name, or my face. or both, or, if told who I was, their eyes would light up in recognition. Half a million people across Canada watched my TV show every week and most lived in Eastern Canada.There was never any question about Peter－. And the last woman to look at my tattoos said "Picton Castle?" I nodded and she smiled. She knew about the documentaries I had made on the sailing ship Picton Castle. She had watched them on TV. She had seen the program where I showed my tatoos to everybody and explained what they meant and why I had got them.
What kept me awake all last night was the thunderbolt of realization that you know none of this! To you, I am nothing more than your Security Guard, a few web pages and whatever I say, which may or may not be true.When I first came to Mississauga, I really enjoyed my freedom, the freedom of being anonymous, of nobody knowing or caring who I was. I could go into the Supermarket without being pointed at. I could ride the bus!! And I did! And nobody stared at me! I could run naked down the street without it being headline news in the paper the next morning! I never did that but the idea that I could really appealed to me.All that came crashing down last night when I saw the bad side of it for really the first time. Because my adored anonymity, my being anonymous, also means that I am anonymous to you. You, Sherry, the woman I am so attracted to, does not know who I am, does not know about my tattoos, does not know who I was and what I did and only knows me as a Security Guard because that is all she sees me do.It was like being hit on the head with a very heavy piece of wood! At last I could understand the truth. And it hurt very very badly.This is a good thing. This has made me wake up. You have made me wake up.I am not Peter －having a bit of fun in Ontario working as a Security Guard for a while, as my friends in Halifax think. I AM an anonymous Security Guard in Ontario. And that's all that Sherry knows. I write but Sherry does not see me write.I have no photographs and no possessions here. I am a mystery.And a mystery is not the perfect candidate for a potential husband.!I need to build a new life very quickly. And I will. Can you be patient with me, for a little bit, until I do? I love those lines of Mark Twain."Love like you've never been hurt", is one of the most profound statements in literature. We all know the incredible depth of what he means. It's one of the best pieces of advice the world has ever been offered! Can you love again, like you've never been hurt? Can I?The dancing and singing lines merely mean have confidence in yourself! And "work like you don't need the money" says do what you like to do and get enjoyment out of your work before all else.And then we have THAT line!! "Live like there's no tomorrow."It's one of the most discussed lines in American literature and it's become a cliché in the English language everywhere.After all the good advice of the lines before, why would Twain add this one that suggests irresponsibility and profligacy?Or is it actually good advice?When I was very young, I entered the Officers' Mess (the lounge, dining and bar area for officers in the army) of the Parachute Regiment of the British Army for the first time. I was a new Lieutenant posted to the regiment. On the wall I saw a framed copy of Twain's phrase. It's very appropriate for a soldier, who may not live to see tomorrow.Virtually everything I've done in my life ever since that day has had some element of danger to it. My stuff for CBC Television was always wild, exotic, and perilous and filled with passion.Living life like there's no tomorrow was my motto. And, as I've told you, one day in 2000, it seemed like there would be no tomorrow and my partner left me as a result!We need to talk about how that may have changed. Peter go bed now, dream Sherry maybe!
Pete
我问过老Peter他是用十个指头打字还是用二个，因为我知道好多洋人同事都只会用２个指头打字，哪像我们中国人这么聪明灵巧，当老Ｐｅｔｅｒ说他用二个指头打字的时候，我看着他无可奈何地笑了：“难道你写这么长的email，只有二个指头打字不累吗？”不，他回答道：不，给你写信我从来不觉得累，还有，我打字很快的，他充满自信地说。
周日的早上，我给老Peter回了信，谢谢他对我的关心，但是我目前只想跟他做普通的朋友，因为我还是想找自己更喜欢的工作，也有可能去美国工作，所以未来真的是未知数。他回电话的时候带着一丝伤感，说：Sherry，我现在的感觉就是被你dump了，我说没，我们还是朋友，我还没有想好走进relationship，我现在的首要任务是找一个好工作，稳定下来，然后再谈别的。至于你是否愿意还想跟我做朋友那是你自己的选择，我不会勉强你的，他想都没想说：“我愿意跟你做一辈子的好朋友，不过，我非常非常地喜欢你，希望你我在一起有一个好的未来。”
评论
任雪晴
2008-03-25 20:09:02
回复
悄悄话
春天姐，我把你的peter故事正在进行时都一口气看完了。我想说说我的看法：1.我觉得你的思维方式还是非常中国的传统女性，虽然你说你是“闷骚型女人”呵呵。2.西人的职业并不能代表他们什么，我以前在多伦多有个朋友是学人类学和开直升飞机的，也是周游列国，现在的职业是在北方林子里砍树，照样也过的非常快乐。这个peter是个有故事的人，人生经历非常丰富。3.如果不介意，其实文身也是一门艺术，只是可能需要慢慢接受，还记得以前评价跳交谊舞和唱流行歌吗？习惯就好了。4.我想姐姐对这个peter还是有好感的，只是碍于一些传统的思维，没有迈开步子。如果姐姐觉得合适，就不要犹豫，“爱”的感觉是最重要的，其他生不带来，死不带走。最后祝福你，早日等到你妩媚的春天！
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