8 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open

卢岩的回忆录，1996-1998年（26-28岁）Luyan's Memoirs, 1996-1998 (26-28 years old)

本章目录 Contents of This Chapter：8.1说我是他儿子 Saying I'm His Son；8.2 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open；8.3 刘团长的计划 Troupe Leader Liu’s plan；8.4 大惊失色 I was Shocked；8.5 室友帮我分析 Roommate Helps Me Analyze；8.6 郑重的告别Solemn Farewell；8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories；8.8 闹鬼了It’s Haunted；8.9 给色狼戴上墨镜 Putting Sunglasses on the Pervert；8.10 科学家的特质 Traits of a Scientist.

 

8.1 说我是他儿子 Said I'm His Son.

一天，在东大的公园里我遇见了黄老师，我们谈到了刘健君。黄老师说，自从我和她分手后，她们家就一直因为我打架。刘健君有男朋友了，打架就暂停；刘健君没有男朋友了，她爸她妈就轮流和她打架。

我感觉奇怪，问：“他们怎么还轮班跟女儿打架呢？”

One day, I met Teacher Huang in the park in Northeastern University, and we talked about Eve Liu. Teacher Huang said that ever since I broke up with her, their family had been fighting over me. When Eve Liu had a boyfriend, the fights were suspended; when Eve Liu didn't have a boyfriend, her parents took turns fighting with her.

I felt strange and asked, “Why do they still fight with their daughter in shifts?”

黄老师说：“她只身一人在美国，她爸妈怕把宝贝女儿憋屈着。那她一个人在国外，父母都和她打架，她不就更无依无靠了。”

我说：“是这么回事儿！他们打架为什么总说我？”

黄老师说：“她爸妈都喜欢你。她爸说你是他儿子，我听他说过好几次了。”

Teacher Huang said, “She's all alone in the U.S. Her parents are afraid of suffocating their precious daughter. Then she's all alone in a foreign country and her parents are fighting with her, so she's not even more unsupported.”

I said, “That's what happened! Why do they always talk about me when they fight?”

Teacher Wong said, “Her parents like you. Her dad says you're his son; I've heard him say that several times.”

 

我感觉没道理，说：“我们就这点儿关系，怎么我成了他的儿子呢？”

黄老师回答：“这你不知道。她爸妈总和我通电话，有事儿没事儿的，我们就在电话里唠嗑。这半年来，大部分时间我们都在唠你。这么说吧，平均每周两次，我们唠你唠到后半夜两点钟。”

I felt it didn't make sense and said, “That's all relationships we have, how come I became his son?”

Teacher Huang replied, “You don't know. Her parents always talk to me on the phone, and when there's something to do or nothing to do, we chatter on the phone. For the past six months, most of the time we've been nagging you. Let's put it this way, on average, twice a week, we nag you until two o'clock in the middle of the night.”

我感觉荒唐，就说：“我们没多少来往，你们哪来那么多的话题？”

黄老师说：“唉！老头子老太太就在家想，什么时候想起什么来了，就给我打电话。而且，每次我们通话，他们就问，卢岩忙什么呢? 你又遇见他没？像这我今天遇见你。那老头子就问，他在看见你之前在干什么，你们说过什么话，说话时是什么表情。说完话之后他又去干什么了，什么表情。”

I felt ridiculous, so I said: "We don't have much contact, how can you come up with so many topics?"

Teacher Huang said: "Oh! The old man and the old lady were just thinking at home. Whenever they remembered something, they called me. Moreover, every time we talked, they asked, what is Luyan busy with? Have you met him again? Like this, I met you today. The old man will ask, what was he doing before he saw you, what words you said, and what was his expression when he said it. What did he do after he said that, and what was his expression."

 

我感觉不可思议说：“这么细！那也不对呀！我们没见过面，他怎么想象我！也没有具体的目标形象啊！” 

黄老师说：“啊！你没见过他们；他们见过你。他们特意来这儿看过你；我安排的。我知道你的活动规律。我们等在一边看你。看见你的时候，那个开心呐！她爸指着你对我说， ‘你看！这就是我儿子！’ 这老两口笑得，都直不起腰来了！”

I felt incredible and said: "It's so detailed! That's not right! We have never met; how could he imagine me! There is no specific target image!"

Teacher Huang said: "Ah! You haven't seen them; they have seen you. They came here specially to see you; I arranged it. I know your activity pattern. We waited there to see you. When he saw you, so happy! Her dad pointed at you and said to me, 'Look! This is my son!' The old couple laughed so hard that they couldn't even straighten their backs!"

我问：“什么时候？”

黄老师说：“你可不知道呢！这老公姆俩看见你时才高兴呢！板不住地看，板不住地乐（参见7.12《百变神通》）。老头子一边乐一边说：这就是我儿子。”

I asked: "When?"

Teacher Huang said: "You don't know! These old couple were so happy when they saw you! They couldn't stop looking at you, and they couldn't stop laughing. The old man said, "That's my son (cf. section 7.12 “Hundred Godly Transformations”)."

 

我说：“哎呀！这老头儿盼女婿盼出病来了。”

黄老师说：“这我还不明白吗！不过老头子没病，就是喜欢你。当时我就看出来了，老头子真是从心底里高兴。你说刘健君参加托福GRE考试，得了全额奖学金去美国读博士，这是高兴事儿不？”

I said: "Oops! This old man is sick from looking forward to his son-in-law."

Teacher Huang said: "Certainly I understood! But the old man is not sick, he just likes you! I could tell at the time that the old man was happy from the bottom of his heart. What say you? Eve Liu took TOEFL and GRE exams, got full scholarship to the United States to study for her PHD, is this laughable affair or not?"

我回答：“那对谁家都是祖坟冒青烟（参见2.7《裸体婚礼》）的大好事儿！不只是钱的问题，这事儿本身就是人生的荣誉呀！”

黄老师说：“正是！我跟着她爸二十几年了，像是对我亲爸爸似的，我就看出来了：老头子对刘健君那事儿，也高兴，但不是从心底里往外高兴。”

I replied, “That is “turquoise smoke rising from the ancestral tomb” (cf. v. 2.7, Naked Wedding) for anyone's family! It's not just about the money; the affair itself is an honor in life!”

Teacher Huang said: "Exactly! I have been with her father for more than 20 years, as if he were my biological father. I can tell: the old man is also happy about Eve Liu’s achievement, but he is not happy from the bottom of his heart.”

 

我问：“怎么会呢！那是什么原因？”

黄老师说：“我也琢磨来着，没琢磨明白！自从刘健君二十多岁开始找对象谈恋爱了，老头子就这样了，总像是有心事儿似的。人家不跟我说，我也没法儿问。”

I asked: "How! Then what's the reason?"

Teacher Huang said: "I also pondered over it, but I didn't get it! Since Eve Liu twenty more years old began to look for boyfriend to fall in love, the old man has been like this, always as if there is something on his mind. He does not tell me; I can not ask."

我问：“是因为刘健君处对象一直不顺利？”

黄老师低着头想了想说：“应该是，但我说不准。” 他沉默了一会儿又说：“那时，老公姆俩看着你笑，我也跟着笑哇，但是我心里可难受了。”

I asked: "Is it because Eve Liu has been unsuccessful in finding a boyfriend?"

Teacher Huang lowered his head and thought for a moment: "It should be, but I can't say." He was silent for a while and said, "At that time, the old couple looked at you and was laughing, I also followed the laugh, but my heart was difficult."

 

我问：“怎么的呢？”

黄老师说：“那就是我！这几年一直给刘健君介绍对象来的，就是不成。而且，老头子为啥喜欢你？”

I asked: “How is that?”

Teacher Huang replied: "That's me! These years have been introduced boyfriends to Eve Liu; besides, why does the old man like you?"

我问：“为啥？”

黄老师说：“老头子知到关于你的事，还不都是听我说的。” 

事后，我曾多次回想这次谈话，每次都很伤感：都说，可怜天下父母心，这我是真的见到了；刘健君有个好爸爸！

I asked: "Why?"

Teacher Huang said: "Whatever the old man knows about you, he heard them from me! It is me who likes you!”

Afterwards, I thought about this conversation many times, and every time I was very sad: They say that parents in the world are pitiful, and I have really seen it; Eve Liu has a good father!

 

8.1-2 婚姻撮合 Marriage Matchmaking

一天，在宿舍寝室门口的走廊里遇见了黄老师几个人。他得知我还没有对象，说：“在美国，刘健君的课程安排有两周空闲时间，她要回国探亲，还没有对象。你愿意和她谈谈不？”

我问：“她读博士得需要多长时间？”

One day, I met Teacher Huang and a few others in the hallway at the entrance of my dormitory. When he learned that I didn’t have a girlfriend, he said, “In the United States, Eve Liu has two weeks of free time due to her course schedule. She is going back to China to visit her family and doesn’t have a boyfriend yet. Are you willing to talk to her?”

I asked, “How long will it take her to get a doctorate?”

黄老师回答：“不清楚，一般需要两或三年。”

我想，“和她谈恋爱，她在美国干什么我不知道，但在东北大学，黄老师几个人帮她看着我两三年。婚姻不成，我的婚姻就被耽误了，这我可吃大亏了。”我说：“就两周，谈个半生不熟的就天各一方；那我和她谈恋爱，至少得需要两三年，而且成功的可能性不大。人家在美国见多识广，看我这个土狍子能看惯么！我看不合适。”

Teacher Huang replied: "I don't know, it usually takes two or three years."

I thought, “talking love with her, what she is doing in the United States I do not know, but in the Northeastern University, Teacher Huang a few people to help her look at me for two or three years. If the affair does not work out, my marriage would be delayed, which is a big loss for me.” I said: “just two weeks, the love affair would be half green, not ripe yet, then we are far apart. That our marriage affair at least needs two or three years, and the likelihood of success is not great. She in the United States has seen more and sensed broadly, seeing me the country folk wouldn’t be used to! I don't think it's suitable.”

 

黄老师说：“找个好对象是需要很大付出的。”

我说：“听人说，一般的从恋爱到结婚就需要六个月。我都已经二十六岁了，很一般，就想那样，没有太高的期望。”

Teacher Huang said, “It takes a lot of work to find a good match.”

I said, “I've heard people say that the average one takes six months from falling in love to getting married. I'm twenty-six years old and average, so I want that and don't have high expectations.”

黄老师和帮手老师互相说了些什么，然后对我说：“若不然，你和她以同学聚会的名义见见面，那也是个找对象的机会。”

我想起我和刘健君第一次见面时的情景，觉得浑身不自在；再想和刘健君的同学在一起，那我的尴尬肯定少不了，就说：“不想，我们没必要见面。”

Teacher Huang and the helper teacher said something to each other, then said to me, “If not, you and her meet in the name of a classmate reunion, that would also be an opportunity to find a date.”

I remembered the first time Eve Liu and I met and felt uncomfortable; the second thought, “if I was going to be with Eve Liu's classmates again, then I would be much embarrassed again.” So, I said, “I don't want to, there's no need for us to meet.”

 

黄老师说：“合适的对象可不好找，你再想想。”

我说：“我想不出有什么用。我可是个大龄青年；谈恋爱是以结婚为目的的。” 

Teacher Huang said, “It's not easy to find a suitable match, so think again.”

I said, “I can't think of any use. I'm an older youth; falling in love is for the purpose of marriage.”

8.1-3 黄老师的哀伤 Teacher Huang's Mourning

一天，我和黄老师在楼前闲聊，谈起了刘健君。他对我抱怨她，好像我是她丈夫似的。他还说，他以前是从四川乡下来的一个义务兵，刘团长对他一手培养提拔到今天沈阳炮兵学院的院长，从没求过他任何别的事，就只求他为刘健君介绍对像这一件事（注3）。他手足无措地说，只有我能帮他。

One day, Teacher Huang and I were chatting in front of the building, and we talked about Eve Liu. He complained to me about her as if I were her husband. He also said that he was a conscripted soldier from a rural area in Sichuan. Troupe Leader Liu personally trained and promoted him to the president of the Shenyang Artillery Academy today. He never asked him for anything else except to introduce a partner to Eve Liu (Note 3). He said helplessly that only I could help him.

我对他的言语感觉不可思议，说：“你怎么能求我这个？我为了帮个人而娶她，这是什么事！”

他无可奈何地说：“我知道，我很清楚我不该跟你这么说；我是真没办法了！”

I felt incredulous at his words and said: "How can you beg me for this? I'm marrying her to help a person, that's what's going on!"

He said hopelessly: "I know, I know very well that I ought not to have said that to you; I am really at my wit's end!"

 

注8.1-3，死不瞑目诅咒的下法是一辈子对被诅咒的人做好事而只求他办一件事。此时黄老师已经预料到了下一节（8.2节）的事，刘团长正在用死不瞑目诅咒黄老师，刘建君和我卢岩。 他也是此真人医学实验的主导委员之一。黄老师看到了刘团长因为此实验，而身受多种疾病的折磨，如图8.1.2-1，2，3，4所示。图1至6源自古墨西哥（参见第18章《墨西哥法典》）。图1至4中的主人公是墨西哥法典中的上帝（太阳神），左翼蜂鸟。图4中，左翼蜂鸟正在牺牲他的女儿和儿子，金童和玉女，如图5和6所示。类似的，本章中的8.4节是刘团长诅咒我们的最后关键一步，然后我和刘建君的命运就被定型了（如图5，6），无法更改了。

Note 8.1-3, the way to cast the curse of "Die with Eyes Open" is to do good things to the cursed person for the rest of your life and only ask him to do one thing in return. At this time, Teacher Huang had already anticipated the next section (section 8.2), Troupe Leader Liu was cursing Teacher Huang, Eve Liu and me with "Die with Eyes Open". He was also one of the leading committee members of this real human medical experiment. Teacher Huang saw that Troupe Leader Liu was suffering from many diseases because of this experiment, as shown in Figures 8.1.2-1, 2, 3, and 4. Figures 1 to 6 are from ancient Mexico (see Chapter 18 "Mexican Codex"). The protagonists in Figures 1 to 4 are God (sun god) in the Mexican Codex, Huitzilopochtli. In Figure 4, Huitzilopochtli is sacrificing his daughter and son, the golden boy and the jade girl, as shown in Figures 5 and 6. Similarly, Section 8.4 in this chapter is the last key step for Troupe Leader Liu to curse us, and then the fate of Eve Liu and me was determined (as shown in Figures 5 and 6) and could not be changed.

 

8.2 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open

1996年秋的一天中午，风很大。在去食堂的路上，我看见黄老师像幽灵一样向食堂走，盯着眼前几米远的地方，面无表情，就跑过去逗他开心，大声问： “怎么这么不开心呢？”

One afternoon in the fall of 1996, it was very windy. On the way to the cafeteria, I saw Teacher Huang walking towards the cafeteria like a ghost, staring at a place a few meters ahead with no expression on his face. I ran over to cheer him up and asked loudly: "Why are you so unhappy?"

黄老师回过神儿来后说：“还是为了刘健君的事儿。昨天，那爷儿俩当着我的面就打起来了。老头子走到她的前面，指着她的鼻子说，‘刘健君！你不是我的女儿；卢岩是我的儿子’。老头子又走到我跟前，对我大声说：‘我都算好了，别人都不行，就卢岩行！如果我不能活着看见刘健君和卢岩结婚，我死不瞑目。你就在卢岩身上下功夫吧（注1）！’”

After coming to his senses, Teacher Huang said, "It was all about Eve Liu. Yesterday, the father and daughter started fighting in front of me. The old man walked up to her, pointed at her nose and said, 'Eve Liu! You are not my daughter; Adam Luyan is my son.' The old man walked up to me again and said loudly, 'I have calculated it all. No one else can do it, but Luyan can! If I can't live to see Eve Liu and Adam Luyan get married, I will die with eyes open. You should focus on Adam Luyan (Note 1)!'"

 

我说：“生气了，说几句过头的话，你何必这么在意！”

这时我们已经进到了食堂里，黄老师说：“不是气话，老头子是认真的。我跟了他几十年了。他说的是真心说，还是随便说说，我四十来岁的人了，还能看不出来！死不瞑目！死不瞑目，你不懂吗！”

I said, "He was angry and said some excessive words. Why do you care so much?" 

At this time, we had already entered the cafeteria. Teacher Huang shouted at me, "It's not what he said in anger. The old man is serious. I have been with him for decades. Whether he is sincere or just talking casually, I am in my forties. How can I not tell? Die with eyes open! Die with eyes open! Don't you understand!?"

食堂里的数百人惊奇地看着我们俩，他插队排进了买饭人的排队。我像似惹祸了一样，躲到了一边排队的后面，心想，“我好心逗你笑，你反倒吼我！死不瞑目，你吓唬谁呢！你说你是我爸爸就是我爸爸呀！你死不瞑目，我才不在乎呢！”

Hundreds of people in the cafeteria looked at us in amazement. He cut in a line and joined the line of people buying food. I ducked to the back of one side line like I seemed to be in trouble, thinking, “I was kind enough to make you laugh, and you yelled at me instead! Die with eyes open! Who are you scaring! It is only yourself said that you are my father, so you behave as my father! You die with eyes open; I don’t care!”

 

注8.2-1，就这样，我被刘团长从一组男孩儿中被选为了女婿。根据4.5节《真人医学实验的新闻》，实验中有多个男孩儿。女子组的集中训练营是在中国医科大学的巴甫洛夫楼（参见7.2《刘建君》），那里是国际医学交流中心。

Note 8.2-1, just like that, I was chosen by Team Leader Liu from a group of boys to be his son-in-law. According to Section 4.5 "News of Real-Life Medical Experiments", there were multiple boys in the experiment. The concentrated training camp for the girl's group was in the Pavlov Building of China Medical University (see 7.2 "Eve Liu"), which is the International Medical Exchange Center.

刘团长说，死不瞑目这个诅咒，狠毒至极（参见2.4节《桃花劫的讲解》）。下这个诅咒就是一辈子不断地对被诅咒的人做好事，而只求他一件事。被诅咒的人知道或者后来知道了下咒人的意愿，有能力办却没有兑现。等下咒人一死，被诅咒的人就受不了了，死不了也活不长。刘团长说，这个诅咒就没有其他的解法，只有顺解，就是按照下咒人的意思去做。

Troupe Leader Liu said that the curse of Die with Eyes Open is extremely vicious (see Section 2.4 "Explanation of Peach Blossom Catastrophe"). Casting this curse means that you do good things to the cursed person for your whole life, and only ask him for one thing. The cursed person knows or later knows the wish of the person who cast the curse can do it but does not fulfill it. Once the curser dies, the cursed person will not be able to bear it and will not live long either. Troupe Leader Liu said that there is no other way to solve this curse, only to follow the wish of the person who cast the curse.

插图8.2-3是古墨西哥的上帝三人组：左翼蜂鸟，金童墨西哥（又名特拉洛克），和玉女翠玉女。图中太阳神左翼蜂鸟的大眼睛代表上帝之眼（古墨西哥人作太阳），是由五个眼睛（参见第18章）。他的大耳朵代表天耳通（亦作千里耳）。

Illustration 8.2-3 shows the trinity of God of ancient Mexico: Huitzilopochtli, Gold Boy Mexico (also known as Tlaloc), and the Jade Girl Chalchiuhtlicue. The big eyes of the Sun God Huitzilopochtli in the picture represent the Eye of God (ancient Mexicans called it Sun), which is composed of five eyes (see Chapter 18). His big ears represent the Celestial Ear (also known as Thousand-mile Ear).

 

8.2-2

那年，我父母在沈阳北陵东面买了房子，那个小开发区已经竣工了。一天，我在进小区的路上看见了几个民工似的人，站在那里唠嗑，警觉了起来。我走过两个人的旁边，他们说 “死不瞑目”。 当我走近另两个人，他们说 “无解”。我不经意地想着 “死不瞑目，无解” ，想不出个所以然。但此时我对此说法不感觉陌生。

That year, my parents bought a house east of Beiling in Shenyang, and the small development zone had been completed. One day, on the way into the community, I saw a few people who looked like migrant workers standing there chatting, I became alert. I walked past two people, and they said, “die with eyes open”. When I approached the other two, they said "no solution". I thought about "die with eyes open, no solution" inadvertently, but I couldn't figure it out. But currently, I didn't feel unfamiliar with this statement.

 

注8.2-2，前文关于死不瞑目诅咒的说法是在我三岁之前听崔凤龙姨父讲的（参见2.4节《桃花劫的讲解》）。现代心理学说，三岁及以前的记忆，正常的成年人是回忆不出来的，但那些记忆仍然存在于无意识里，而且发挥着作用。那记忆是怎样发挥作用的？例如本段文字中的描述，我对死不瞑目诅咒不感觉陌生。直到2003年，我在一次痛哭之后，突然意识到了此诅咒的下法是一辈子对那人做好事，却只求那人办一件事；而且此狠毒至极的诅咒是无解的。

Note 8.2-2, the above statement about the curse of Die with Eyes Open was told by Uncle Dragon before I was three years old (see Section 2.4 "Explanation of Peach Blossom Catastrophe"). Modern psychology says that normal adults cannot recall memories of three years old and before, but those memories still exist in the unconscious and play a role. How do that memories play a role? For example, the description in this paragraph, I am not unfamiliar with the curse of Die with Eyes Open. It was not until 2003, after crying bitterly, that I suddenly realized that the way to cast the curse is to do good things to that person for a lifetime but only ask that person to do one thing; and there is no solution to this extremely vicious curse.

 

8.2-3

一天，黄老师找我谈话：“在美国，刘健君和男朋友分手了。她说人家不诚实。我们就劝她在以前处过的男朋友当中选一个。她同意了。我们就把她以前处过的男朋友都问了一遍。我也问过你，你告诉我你没有女朋友。然后我们把这些人当中没有女朋友的列了一个名单让刘健君选。她说：“就选卢岩吧。”

我问：“他在美国，我在中国，怎么谈？”

One day, Teacher Huang talked to me, "In the United States, Eve Liu broke up with her boyfriend. She said that he was dishonest. We persuaded her to choose one of her previous boyfriends. She agreed. We asked all her previous boyfriends. I also asked you, and you told me that you don't have a girlfriend. Then we made a list of those who didn't have girlfriends and asked Eve Liu to choose. She said, "Just pick Luyan.”

I asked: "He is in the United States, and I am in China, how can we talk?"

 

黄老师说：“这个我们研究了。你们可以通过通信，电话，网络聊天什么的来谈。”

我想不出来那是怎么谈恋爱，就说：“那谈和没谈有区别吗? 而且将来她很可能愿意留在美国。” 我表示不愿意做劳而无功的事。

Teacher Huang said: "We have studied this. You can talk through correspondence, phone calls, online chats, etc."

I couldn't figure out how that was a relationship, so I said, "Is there any difference between being in a relationship and not being in a relationship? And she might be willing to stay in the United States in the future." I said I didn't want to do anything that would be futile.

 

8.2-4

一九九六年初冬的一天，我看见黄老师一个人默默地站在走廊尽头的窗边，向窗外看。我走过去也向窗外看了看，故意逗笑，把他拉得离窗远一些，说： “你现在的表情和行为可真吓人！” 他面无表情，没出声。我问：“刘健君快毕业了吧？” （注，这时我的身心状态很不好，忘记了今昔是何年。）

黄老师说：“哪有那么快，至少还得一年多。但是，这博士她还没读完呢，又喜欢上了一个博士后的资历项目。”

One day in early winter of 1996, I saw Teacher Huang standing alone by the window at the end of the corridor, looking out. I walked over and looked out the window, deliberately making him laugh, and pulled him away from the window, saying, "Your expression and behavior are really scary now!" He had no expression on his face and didn't say anything. I asked, "Is Eve Liu about to graduate?" (Note: At this time, my physical and mental state was very bad, and I forgot what year it was.)

Teacher Huang said: "It won't be that fast; it will take at least a year. But she hasn't finished her PhD yet, and she's interested in a postdoctoral qualification program."

我说：“读书不就是为了工作么！读个博士证明一下能力就行了呗！还能读到天上去。”

黄老师说：“谁说不是呢！人家就喜欢。”

我说：“她读书也不耽误结婚，喜欢读就读呗！”

I said: "Isn't studying for work? Just get a PhD to prove her ability! She can't study to heaven."

Teacher Huang said: "Who says it's not true? She just likes it."

I said: "It won't hinder her from getting married if she studies. If she likes to study, then she can study!"

 

黄老师说：“她爸有个想法，不过这事儿得先跟你说，还没跟她说。”

我问：“什么想法？”

黄老师说：“刘健君可以有陪读，她爸说如果你愿意，可以让你以她男朋友的身份申请签证去美国。”

我问：“我们俩没交往过多长时间，她能同意吗？”

Teacher Huang said: "Her father has an idea, but he has to tell you first. He hasn't told her yet."

I asked: "What idea?"

Teacher Huang said: "Eve Liu can have a companion. Her father said that if you are willing, you can apply for a visa to the United States as her boyfriend."

I asked: "We haven't been dating for a long time. Will she agree?"

黄老师说：“她能不能同意我们还不知道。这是她爸的主意。她爸让她办手续，她能不办吗？”

我想，“她读博士，我打工学英语，考研究生， GRE我还真学不了，考不上。她看我不顺眼，那我可难受了！打几架之后回来了。我们家哪有那个闲钱让我去美国玩儿一圈。” 我说：“我连她长得什么样儿，都记不清了。再说，我现在还真没想出国。”

Teacher Huang said, "We don't know whether she will agree or not. This is her father's idea. Her father asked her to go through the formalities, how could she not do it?"

I thought, "She is studying for a doctorate, I am working to learn English and take the postgraduate entrance examination. I really can't study for the GRE and can't pass the examination. She doesn't like me, so I feel bad! After a few fights, I came back. How can our family have the spare money for me to travel around the United States?" I said, "I can't even remember what she looks like. Besides, I really don't want to go abroad now."

 

黄老师说：“若不然，我们给你找几张她以前的相片，给你看看。”

我说：“不用吧！她在美国不方便找男朋友，为什么不休学一年回国，等结婚了再去继续读博士。”

Teacher Huang said, "If not, we can find some old photos of her and show them to you."

I said, "No need! It's not convenient for her to find a boyfriend in the United States. Why doesn't she take a year off and return to China and then continue her doctoral studies after getting married."

黄老师的脸色立刻变了，厉声说道：“事业更重要！”

我愣了一下说：“有道理！那就慢慢地找吧。我还有点事儿，先走了。” 我转身忿忿地离开了。

Teacher Huang's face immediately changed, and he said sternly, “Career is more important!”

I froze for a moment and said, “Makes sense! Then take your time to find it. I still have some things to do, so I'll leave first.” I turned around and left angrily.

 

8.2-5

又一次我和黄老师在一起说话。我不同意和刘健君交往。他的态度变了，说：“我们已经得出结论了。刘健君靠她自己找不到丈夫。我们已经决定了，你就是她的丈夫。”

我感觉又诧异又气愤，说：“她和我的差异本来就很大。现在她在美国，将来变成什么样的人，没人知道。我跟她异地相处，成婚的机率可不大。我都快三十岁的人了，可不做这种没谱的事儿。”

Once again, I was talking with Teacher Huang. I didn't agree to go out with Eve Liu. His attitude changed and he said, “We've concluded. Eve Liu can't find a husband on her own. We've decided that you are her husband.”

Feeling surprised and angry, I said, "She and I are very different. Now she is in the United States, and no one knows what kind of person she will become in the future. The chances of us getting married are slim as we live in a long-distance relationship. I am almost 30 years old, and I don't want to do such a foolish thing."

黄老师眼露凶光（注，这说明他为此创伤了），说：“做备用的行不行？”

我也气急了，说道：“我早就是备用的！你以为我不知道，还要告诉我！” 我转身回房间了，气愤了一会儿，就忘了。

Teacher Huang's eyes flashed with anger (note, this shows that he was traumatized by this) and he said, "How about a backup?"

I was also furious and said, "I have been a backup for a long time! You think I don't know, and you still need to tell me!" I turned around and went back to my room. I was angry for a while, and then I forgot about it.

 

8.3 刘团长的计划 Troupe Leader Liu’s plan

一九九七年早春的一天，黄老师说有事要跟我说。我来到了他们的房间。他们俩就开始讨论我和刘健君的事。

他的室友对他说：“你没告诉卢岩，刘健君她爸是什么高级干部，家里有钱，有房子。现在找对象都讲究综合实力，人家有，你为什么不说？”

One day in the early spring of 1997, Teacher Huang said he had something to tell me. I came to their room. The two of them started talking about Eve Liu and me.

His roommate said to him, “You didn't tell Luyan that Eve Liu's father is some kind of senior cadre, and her family has money and houses. Finding a date nowadays is all about comprehensive strength, she has it, why didn't you say anything?”

黄老师说：“我对他说过几次，七十年代，她爸就已经是师级干部了。后来到了什么级别，我从来没有兴趣问，也不知道。” 他对我说：“她爸身体不好，现在在家呢。退休还是离休？人家没跟我说过，我也没问过，我们唠嗑不唠这个。她家有多少钱？人家不会告诉我。我不知道，就不能说。” 他又转向室友说：“房子人家可真不缺，对卢岩有吸引力，但不大。”

Teacher Huang said, "I told him several times that her father was already a division-level cadre in the 1970s. I have never been interested in asking what level he reached later, and I don't know." He said to me, "Her father is in poor health and is now at home. Is he retired or Emerald? He never told me, and I never asked. We don't talk about this. How much money does her family have? They won't tell me. I don't know, so I can't say it." He turned to his roommate and said, "They really don't have a shortage of houses. It is attractive to Luyan, but not much."

 

室友说：“你怎么知道没多少影响？”

我说：“她的家境不错，挺好；比这好再多，没什么用了。”

黄老师对他说：“你看怎么样！我早就看出来了！这好，我喜欢！如果他俩结婚了，俩人平等。卢岩不会因为家境感觉比刘健君低一等。”

His roommate said, “How do you know there's not much impact?”

I said, “She's from a well-off family, pretty good; any better than that, not much use.”

Teacher Huang said to him, “Look how it is! I saw it a long time ago! It's good, I like it! If the two of them get married, the two are equal. Luyan won't feel inferior to Eve Liu because of his family's comparably poor situation.”

室友问：“卢岩是咋回事？不喜欢钱和权势？”

黄老师说：“他当然也喜欢有钱有势，但他更看重人。” 对我说：“她爸爸有个主意，让我跟你商量商量。”

The roommate asked, "What's wrong with Luyan? Doesn't like money and power?"

Mr. Huang said, “Of course he likes money and power too, but he values people more.” To me, he said, “Her father had an idea and asked me to discuss it with you.”

 

黄老师对我说：“你的情况我们都知道得清清楚楚，我们对你有完全的信心。刘健君在那儿上大学念研究生，我们五六个人就一直在研究她。她的心肝肺，我们是摸得清清楚楚。你们俩配成婚姻，谁也不吃亏，谁也不占便宜。只是机缘不合，你们俩没能互相了解。熟悉之后，你们俩总有说不完的话，唠不完的磕。对此，我们有100%的把握。没把握的事，我们不做。卢岩，你就差一点，就是你给别人的第一印象不行。就因为这个弱点，你可亏大了。她爸说，我们对你进行些培训。准备好了之后，老头子就装病，让刘健君从美国回来。她回来后，让你们俩处一段时间就结婚。”

Teacher Huang said to me, "We all know your situation very well, and we have complete confidence in you. Eve Liu was a graduate student there, and five or six of us have been studying her. We know her heart and liver very well. If you two were to get married, neither of you would suffer a loss, and neither of you would take advantage. It's just that you two didn't get to know each other well due to bad luck. After you got to know each other, you two would always have endless affairs to talk about. We are 100% sure about this. We won't do anything we are not sure about. Luyan, you just lacked a little bit, that is, you didn't give others a good first impression. Because of this weakness, you suffered a great loss. Her father said that we will give you some training. After you are ready, the old man will pretend to be sick and let Eve Liu come back from the United States. After she comes back, let you two get along for a while and then get married."

 

 

 

8.3-2 准备工作 Preparations

我问：“准备什么？”

黄老师说：“这是我们五六个人研究的结果。你在各方面的根基都不差，就差接人待物的言谈举止。在这方面，我们有我们的一套东西，说着他就在屋里走来走去，表演给我看。他一边比画一边说：‘这套东西刘健君特别喜欢，她就经常练习，就很擅长。我亲自来教你。只是明白不行，这东西需要练习和使用才能掌握。我们送你去个地方，和那些人吃住睡在一起，你很快就能掌握。也许需要一两个月，我看你成了，拿的出手了，就接你回来。’”

I asked, “What are we preparing for?”

Teacher Huang said, “This is the result of research by five or six of us. You have a good foundation in all aspects, except for your manners and behavior. In this regard, we have our own set of things. He walked around the room and performed for me. He gestured and said, ‘Eve Liu likes this set of things very much. She practices it often and is very good at it. I will teach you in person. It’s not enough to just understand it. This thing needs practice and use to master it. We will send you to a place where you can eat, sleep and live with those people. You will master it quickly. It may take one or two months. When I see that you have done it and can show it off, I will take you back.’”

黄老师说：“你回来后，我再介绍几个我们的朋友给你。他们在这方面都挺好，举止有度，言辞有据，善交际，会办事，在沈阳都混得不错。咱们在一起吃吃饭，唠唠嗑，玩一玩，六、七次之后，你就行了。你在沈阳，就混开了，会办事，能办事了。”

我听得很高兴，没说话。

Teacher Huang said: "After you come back, I will introduce you to a few more of our friends. They are all good in this respect, well-mannered, well-spoken, sociable, and capable of doing affairs. They are doing well in Shenyang. Let's eat together, chat, and play together. After six or seven times, you will be able to do it. You will be able to do things in Shenyang."

I was very happy to hear this and didn't say anything.

黄老师又说：“刘健君的口才不错，说话层理清晰，有理有据。你在这方面的素质也挺好，看问题有角度，观点独道，有内涵。这我早就发现了。你和她说话吃亏在不了解对方。我们了解她，把她喜欢问的问题，希望听到的话写下来，得有几页纸。你分析清楚了，再背下来。你俩在一起的时候，她问，你就照着我们给你准备的说，她就遇见高人了。”

Teacher Huang added, "Eve Liu is a good speaker, and her words are clear and well-reasoned. You are also very good in this respect, you have a perspective on the problem, and your views are unique and meaningful. I have discovered this a long time ago. The reason you are at a disadvantage when talking to her is that you don't understand her. We understand her, and we have written down the questions she likes to ask and the words she hopes to hear, which will take up several pages. Analyze it clearly and then memorize it. When the two of you are together, if she asks, you can say what we have prepared for you, then she will have met a master."

黄老师又说：“同时，咱们再把你装饰一下，让你在我的杂志上发表几篇论文。你得把那几篇论文弄懂，你们谈论起来的时候，你不能不明白。”

Teacher Huang added, "At the same time, we will decorate you and let you publish a few papers in my magazine. You must understand those papers. When you discuss them, you must understand them."

我问：“这刘健君不明白？”

黄老师说：“她一直都是学医的，上哪儿懂咱们工科的东西。隔行如隔山，她能听懂我们工科的论文，那还了得！” 

I asked, "Does Eve Liu not understand?"

Teacher Huang said, "She has always studied medicine, how can she understand our engineering stuff? Different fields are like different worlds, how can she understand our engineering papers!"

 

8.3-3 再见面的安排 Arrangements for the next meeting

黄老师说：“等咱们把这些都准备好了，老头子就装病，把刘健君从美国招回来。她回来那天，咱们都到机场去接她。我看准时机，推你走过去。” 他说着，就又给我表演他那套举止（注，展现出 “三千威仪八万四千细行”），说：“就这个，刘健君特别喜欢，她就想看她的男朋友这样，可她没处看去。你一走，她一看，就晕了（注，就如同在7.3节，她用她的 “五百威仪十万八千魅力”把我弄晕了）。你这么想，她从美国回来，见到亲戚朋友，当然高兴，又有时差。”

Teacher Huang said: "When we have prepared all these, the old man will pretend to be sick and recruit Eve Liu back from the United States. On the day she comes back, we will all go to the airport to pick her up. I will wait for the right moment and push you over." As he said this, he performed his behavior for me again (Note: showing "3,000 majesties and 84,000 enchantments"), saying: "This is it, Eve Liu likes it very much, she just wants to see her boyfriend like this, but she has nowhere to see. When you behave in this way, she will see it and faint (Note, just like in Section 7.3, she stunned me with her "500 majesties and 108,000 charms"). Think about it this way, she came back from the United States and saw her relatives and friends, of course she is happy, and there is jet lag."

 

黄老师又说：“从机场回家的路上，你就和她坐在一起。她问你什么，你就照着我们给你写的回答。那话儿，刘健君她就总想听，连做梦都想听，可她没处听去。你一说，她一听，就飘起来了。她迷离迷糊地就只剩乐啦。随后，她就在天上呆着吧！下来，我们也再把她捧上去！”

Teacher Huang added, "On the way home from the airport, you sit with her. Whatever she asks you, you answer according to the answers we wrote for you. Eve Liu always wants to hear those words, even in her dreams, but she has nowhere to listen. As soon as you say them, she will float up. She is dazed and confused and only has joy. After that, she will stay in the sky! Come down, and we will flatter her up again!"

黄老师说：“到家后，亲戚朋友们都来看你们俩。人家跟咱不一样，交际广，朋友多。人家来看她了，她得陪着呀！人们都夸你们俩般配，你长得好看。我们都会夸人。到时候，左右的邻居，我们都告诉喽，人家父母和妹妹都研究好了，就选卢岩当女婿了，都要顺着说。那谁还能说个不般配，不好。刘建军的同学和朋友，我们也让她妹妹都告诉喽：我们家已经研究决定了，让他们俩赶快结婚；那她的同学朋友还能说啥。”

Teacher Huang said, "After getting home, all relatives and friends will come to see you two. Her family is different from us, her parents are very sociable and have many friends. When they come to see her, she must accompany them! People all praise you two for being a good match and you are beautiful. We all are capable to praise others. By then, we will tell all the neighbors on all sides that her parents and sister have already decided to choose Luyan as their son-in-law. Who can say that you two are not a good match!? We also let her sister tell Eve Liu's classmates and friends: our family has already decided to let them get married quickly; what can her classmates and friends say!?"

 

黄老师说：“就连你们俩晚上出去溜达，我们都安排路过的人回头看，说：这俩人真是天生的一对儿！”

我说：“我听着，感觉像是法师作法！” 

Teacher Huang said: "Even when you two go out for a walk at night, we arrange for passers-by to look back and say: These two are a perfect match!" 

I said: "From what I hear, it feels like a juristic teacher making law (i.e., a magician performing a ritual)!"

黄老师说：“什么法师作法！管用才是真的！就比如你和她在那儿说话，我们发现你说话走样了。我们就制造个借口把你叫出来，教你怎么说。不行咱再排练。练好了，你再去跟她唠，她都发现不了。那时候，你也想办法折腾她，就不让她睡觉。咱们这么一作，刘健君的时差至少要倒五六天。五六天之后，她对你的第一印象形成了。刘健君对你有这么个第一印象，你在她面前，一辈子都是个大丈夫。这东西一但成型，就不变。这是因为你本来的素质就挺好。你看怎么样？”

Teacher Huang said, "What kind of juristic teacher’s lawmaking (i.e., magician's magic) is this? It's only true if it works! For example, if you are talking to her and we find that you are not speaking in the right way, we will make up an excuse to call you out and teach you how to speak. If you can’t perform well, we will rehearse again. After you have practiced well, she won't notice when you talk to her again. At that time, you can also find ways to torment her and not let her sleep. If we do this, Eve Liu will have at least five or six days of jet lag. After five or six days, her first impression of you will be formed. She will have such a first impression of you that you will be a real man in front of her for the rest of your life. Once this thing is formed, it will not change. This is because your original quality is very good. What do you think?"

 

我说：“这不是骗人吗！骗人不好！”

黄老师说：“怎么是骗人呢！她爸爸妈妈和妹妹骗她干什么！我别人都不骗，更不会骗她；世界上的事就是这么回事！你说骗人，也行！这是她爸爸的主意，别人谁敢骗她呀！全世界人就骗她一个，能不成吗！你认为她是女神啊！连这她都能识破！这事儿，除非你告诉她，否则她一辈子不会知道，别人谁说这个！你觉得呢？”

I said, "Isn't this cheating? Cheating is not good!"

Teacher Huang said, "How is it cheating? Why would her parents and sister cheat on her? I don't cheat on anyone else, let alone her. That's how affairs are in the world! You say it's cheating, okay! This is her father's idea, who else dares to cheat on her! She is the only one in the world who is cheated, how can it be wrong! You think she is a goddess!? She can even see through this! Unless you tell her, she will never know about this. Who else would say this!? What do you think?"

 

8.3-4 八百年出不来一个The Only Person for 800 Years

我支吾地回答：“事儿是好事儿，有骗人的成分不好。” 这时，我是背对着屋门坐着的，不知什么时候，门口站着一个人在听我们说话。他突然大叫：“这还不行！真是八百年出不来一个！” 我被惊吓得蹦了起来，回头看。站在门口的人大声嚷嚷：“你连和平房产局都能混出来，摆弄咱这帮人，还不跟玩儿似的！” 我听糊涂了，不懂他在说什么！

I answered hesitantly: "It's a good thing, but it's not good to have deception." At this time, I was sitting with my back to the door. I don't know when a person stood at the door and listened to us. He suddenly shouted: "This is not good! You are truly ‘the only person for 800 Years’!" I jumped up in shock and looked back. The person standing at the door shouted: "You can even fool out (i.e., stand out) the Heping Housekeeping Bureau, messing with us, it is just like a game!" I was confused and didn't understand what he was saying!

黄老师愤怒地对他说：“你说啥呢！” 黄老师的室友示意那人离开。黄老师急冲冲地走到我背后，把门关上了。他走回床边，问室友：“他是谁？”

Teacher Huang angrily said to him, "What are you talking about!" Teacher Huang's roommate motioned for the man to leave. Teacher Huang hurriedly walked behind me and closed the door. He walked back to the bed and asked his roommate, "Who is he?"

 

室友领会了，回答：“啊！他是鞍山钢铁公司来的。” 黄老师说：“你告诉他，以后别到我们屋来！” 说完，他躺到了床上，叨咕：“他还来能耐了！你以为和平房产局的人是好惹的呐！你不动手，人家也不动手；你一动手，看人家不整死你！”

The roommate understood and replied, "Ah! He is from Anshan Iron and Steel Company." Teacher Huang said, "Tell him not to come to our room again!" After that, he lay down on the bed and muttered, "He is still capable! Do you think the people from the Heping Housekeeping Bureau are easy to mess with? If you don't make a move, they won't make a move either. If you make a move, they will beat you to death first!"

室友说：“完了，全完了！说啥也没用了！卢岩明白了!”

突然，黄老师从床上站了起来，大步绕过我，走到门口把屋门打开了，说：“卢岩不明白！”

My roommate said, "It's over, it's all over! It's useless to say anything! Luyan understands!" 

Suddenly, Teacher Huang stood up from the bed, strode around me, walked to the door, opened it, and said, "Luyan doesn't understand!"

 

室友说：“这，他怎么可能还不明白呢！”

黄老师说：“卢岩不是这个世界上的人！”

The roommate said, “This, how can he not understand yet!”

Teacher Huang said, “Luyan is not of this world!”

室友说：“你疯啦！他不是这个世界上的人，那他是哪个世界里的人？”

我说：“我也感觉挺害怕的！”

The roommate said, “You're crazy! He's not of this world, so what world is he from?”

I said, “I feel pretty scared too!”

黄老师对室友说：“他是幻想世界里的人！”

室友叨咕：“幻想世界里的人！” 想了一会儿说：“我明白了，你是说他和刘健君都是幻想世界里的人。就这幻想世界里的人在一起有话儿说。唠唠的，俩人就幻想到一块儿去了。”

Teacher Wong says to his roommate, “He's from a fantasy world!”

The roommate chattered, “Someone from the fantasy world!” After thinking for a while, he said, “I see, you mean he and Eve Liu are both people in the fantasy world. People in this fantasy world have something to say together. Chattering and chattering, the two of them fantasize together.”

 

黄老师说：“对！”

室友说：“啊！卢岩是个理想主义的人，他只在意刘健君，从来就没在乎咱们。我说你怎么那么喜欢他；你怎么发现他和咱们不一样的？”

Teacher Huang said: "Yes!"

The roommate said: "Ah! Luyan is an idealist. He only cares about Eve Liu and never cares about us. I wonder why you like him so much; how did you find that he is different from us?"

黄老师说：“我都观察他一年多了。咱们还在一楼那时候，我就看出来了，他就是个学生，一直和那些学生一起玩。” 他对我说：“咱们继续说咱们的。”

Teacher Huang said: "I have been observing him for more than a year. When we were still on the first floor, I could see that he was just a student, always playing with those students." He said to me: "Let's continue our conversation.”

 

8.3-5 两周后结婚 Marriage in Two Weeks

黄老师接着说：“就这样，你和刘健君相处两周以后，老头子就说话了，‘看你们俩那样儿，让邻居看了笑话，赶紧结婚吧！’她知道啥？还不是问这个问那个；她问谁，谁都说结婚是正确的选择。你们俩就结婚了。”

Teacher Huang continued, "So, after you and Eve Liu had been together for two weeks, the old man would say, 'You two are making laugh of the neighbors, so get married!' What did she know? She kept asking this and that. Whoever she asked said that getting married was the right choice. So, you two got married."

黄老师说：“你毕业后，就到我们学校去吧！我培养你当校长，师级干部（将军级别）。现在就定下来！我之后是XXX，他之后是YYY，之后是ZZZ。”

室友说：“ZZZ，那个大个子，怎么会是他？”

Teacher Huang said, “After you graduate, come to our school! I'll train you to be a principal, a division cadre (general rank). It's settled now! After me it's XXX, after him it's YYY, and after him it's ZZZ.”

The roommate said: "ZZZ, that big guy, how could it be him?"

 

黄老师说：“他是组织部长，有几个人，挺会办事。咱们来东大的事都是他办的。这他们都同意了。卢岩！现在咱就定下来，ZZZ之后就是你。”

我说：“你还有那权力？我哪有能力当校长！”

Teacher Huang said, “He's the Minister of Organization, has a few people who are quite good at doing things. He did all the work for us to come to Northeastern University. This, they all agreed to. Luyan! Let's settle it now, after ZZZ it's you.”

I said, “You still have that power? How am I capable of being the principal!”

室友豪横地说：“校长说了不算谁说了算！”

黄老师看了他一眼，对我说：“这事儿你得这么看！我们逐个安排你几个关键职位，话你一句一句地学，事儿你一件一件地办。我们再帮你立个功。她爸爸可不是一般人，你别看退休了，还有面子。一说老校长的女婿，都给面子。你本身就不差啥，还是研究生毕业，十几年后当校长，就是功到自然成。”

The roommate said arrogantly, "If the principal doesn't have the final say, who has the final say?"

Teacher Huang glanced at him and said to me, "You have to look at this this way! We will assign you several key positions one by one, you will learn one by one and do one by one. We will help you to get an award. Her father is not an ordinary person. Even though he is retired, he still has face. When people hear the son-in-law of the old principal, everyone gives him face. You are not bad at all. You graduated from graduate school. It will be natural for you to become the principal after more than ten years."

 

我费力地想着，认为是那么回事儿。

黄老师说：“人都有多大出息呀！四十来岁到师级，就行啦！你和刘健君结婚以后，新婚哪有不好的！都高兴！一年以后，孩子一哭，饭锅糊了！梦就醒啦！啥磕碜好看的，还不都是过日子！你看怎么样？”

I thought hard and thought that was the case.

Teacher Huang said: "How much can a person achieve! It's enough to reach the division cadre in your forties! After you and Eve Liu get married, there will be nothing wrong with your newlywed life! You will be happy! A year later, the child will cry, the rice pot burns! The dream will be awakened! What's the matter with the ugly or beautiful appearances? It's all about living! What do you think?"

我回答：“骗人不好。”

黄老师说：“这事不着急，你回去考虑几天再给我答复。”

I replied: "It's not good to cheat."

Teacher Huang said: "There's no rush for this matter. Go back and think about it for a few days, then give me an answer."

 

8.3-6 室友的反应 Roommate’s Reaction

我回到寝室，室友，那个来自国务院的警察，问我在黄老师的屋子里唠的什么，唠得那么欢？

我跟他说了，然后说：“他们全家帮我骗自己的闺女，我有那么傻吗！？到头来，我自己弄个哑巴吃黄连，有苦说不出。”

I returned to my room, and my roommate, the policeman from State Council, asked me what I was talking about in Teacher Huang’s room. Why was I so happy?

I told him, and then said, “Their whole family helped me to deceive their own daughter. Am I that stupid!? In the end, I was left myself with dumb eating goldthread, bitter can’t be spit out.”

 

室友大笑，问：“那个刘健君有什么毛病吗？”

我回答：“我没发现她有毛病。”

My roommate laughed out loud and asked, “What's wrong with that Eve Liu?”

I replied, “I don't find anything wrong with her.”

他说：“还有这事儿！我都没听着，不过我觉得他们那个培训挺好，挺有用。那是什么地方？我得去问问，我愿意自费去培训。说着，他找黄老师去了。”

He said, “And there's this thing! I didn't even hear about it, but I thought that training they had was pretty good and useful. What's that place? I'll have to ask, I'm willing to pay for the training myself. With that, he went to find Mr. Huang.”

 

8.4 大惊失色 I was Shocked.

随后，我每天看见我们八舍楼旁边站着两排100多二十左右岁的年轻人，看着我们来来往往的人流。我和同学们就猜：这是些什么人？在干什么？看我们像似动物园里的游人看动物似的。我总认为：是哪里在打架。这些人是埋伏在这里的。

Afterwards, every day I saw two rows of more than 100 young people in their twenties standing next to our dormitory building, watching us coming and going. My classmates and I would guess: Who are these people? What are they doing? They looked at us like visitors to a zoo looking at animals. I always thought: There was a fight somewhere. These people were lying in ambush here.

第四天的晚上，我和室友从食堂买饭回来，发现那些人不见了。我问他：“依你这个国务院的警察来看，他们是什么人？要干什么？” 当我们俩走进八舍的门厅时，惊讶地发现：门厅、两翼走廊和楼梯间到处站满了人；那些人冲进楼里了。一群人正围着门卫在那争吵呢。我们进不去，就站在大厅的门口。

On the evening of the fourth day, my roommate and I came back from the cafeteria after buying food and found that those people were gone. I asked him, "As a police officer from State Council, who are they? What are they doing?" When we walked into the lobby of the Eighth Dormitory, we were surprised to find that the lobby, the corridors on both wings, and the stairwell were full of people; those people rushed into the building. A group of people were arguing with the guard. We couldn't get in, so we stood at the door of the lobby.

 

室友说：“你站在这看着，看我这个国务院警察是怎么调查打架的。” 说着，他挤进了人群，去门卫的地方了。

我看人群的人很密，不能攒空走过去，就等在原地。很快，他回来了，问我：“你猜是怎么回事儿？”

My roommate said, "Stand here and watch how I, a State Council police officer, investigate a fight." Then he squeezed into the crowd and went to the guard post.

I saw that the crowd was very dense, and I couldn't find space to walk over, so I waited there. Soon, he came back and asked me, "What do you think happened?"

我说：“两伙人在哪儿打架呢，这帮人要缠住看门的人，不让他打电话叫警察。”

他尴尬地笑着说：“我怎么没发现你还这么能掩人呢！” 转回脸又对我说：“我才明白为什么我们领导总是拒绝我下现场的请求。” 说完，他自己挤进了人群，开始上楼了。

I said, “Two groups are fighting somewhere, and these guys are trying to pester the janitor to keep him from calling the cops.”

He laughed awkwardly and said, “Why didn't I realize you were still so good at pinching people!” Turning his face back to me, he added, “I just realized why our leader always denies my requests to come down to the site.” With that, he squeezed himself into the crowd and started up the stairs.

 

8.4-2 八百年出不来一个 The Only Person for 800 Years

我跟在他的后面，从坐在楼梯上的人身上跨过去，走得很慢。他在楼上对我喊：“三楼就没人了，我先自己走了。” 我们的寝室在东翼六楼的东边尽头。楼梯间的三、四、五楼都没人。

当我上到六楼时，吃了一惊，发现走廊入口的地方，一个人坐在地板上，一条腿横放在走廊过道，瞪着大眼睛看着我。

I followed him, stepping over the man sitting on the stairs, walking slowly. He shouted to me from upstairs, “There's no one on the third floor, so I'll go ahead by myself.” Our dorm room was at the eastern end of the sixth floor of the east wing. The third, fourth, and fifth floors of the stairwell were empty.

When I went up to the sixth floor, I was surprised to find a person sitting on the floor at the entrance of the corridor, with one leg across the corridor, staring at me with big eyes.

我小心翼翼地从他的腿上跨了过去，心想：这么大眼睛的人可真不多。这时，整条六楼的走廊里就只有我们两个人。

我走到走廊的中间时，突然发现一个人翘着二郎腿坐在寝室的门口。他的腿伸出来很长，我不得不绕着走。那人对寝室里的喊：“你快过来看！这就是那个 ‘八百年出不来一个’。” 当时，我认为这些人都是在职的研究生，都不认识，没有来往。大部分时间，六楼的这些房间都是空的。

I stepped over his legs carefully, thinking: There aren't many people with eyes this big. At this time, we were the only two people in the entire corridor on the sixth floor.

When I walked to the middle of the corridor, I suddenly found a person sitting at the door of the dormitory with his legs crossed. His legs were stretched out very long, so I had to walk around him. The person shouted to the people in the dormitory: "Come and see! This is the ONLY PERSON FOR 800 YEARS (cf. v. 8.3-4)." At that time, I thought these people were all working graduate students, and I didn't know them, had no contact with them. Most of the time, these rooms on the sixth floor were empty.

 

过去七八米后，我忽然意识到他们是在说我呢！“八百年出不来一个” 是几天前（参见8.3-4节），黄老师和我谈话时，一个站在门口的人说的。一股冲动从我的下部身体向上涌，直冲天盖骨。我失重了，撞到了走廊的墙上，听见后面有人说话，“他怎么了？怎么撞在墙上了？”另一个说，“让咱们给吓得，快，别看了！” 

After passing seven or eight meters, I suddenly realized they were talking about me! “THE ONLY PERSON FOR 800 YEARS (cf. v. 8.3-4), it was said by a man standing at the door when Teacher Huang and I were talking a few days ago. An impulse surged upward from my lower body, straight to my skull. I lost weight and hit the wall of the corridor, heard someone behind me talking, 'What's wrong with him? Why did he hit the wall?'  Another said, "He is scared by us, hurry up! stop looking!"

我感觉身体轻飘飘的，回到寝室后，把饭盒放在桌子上，就坐在床上，想平静一下，可是我的头脑发热，心很乱，什么也想不了。这时室友回来了，问：“你怎么了！你猜出那帮人是干什么的了吗？”

我回答：“我感觉是刘健君她爸生气了，冲着我来的。”

他诧异了：“嗯？你咋那么想呢！我再去问问！” 说着，他转身又出去了。

I felt light-headed. After returning to the dormitory, I put the lunch box on the table and sat on the bed, trying to calm down. However, my mind was hot, and my heart was in a mess, so I couldn't think of anything. At this time, my roommate came back and asked, "What's wrong with you? Have you guessed what those people do?"

I replied: "I feel like Eve Liu's dad is angry and is coming toward me."

He was surprised: "Huh? Why do you think so? I'll go ask again!" Then he turned around and went out again.

 

8.4-3 他们在走廊里争吵 They Quarreled in the Corridor

过了几分钟，室友没回来，我决定去水房洗洗脸，清醒一下，然后吃饭。

当我从水房回来时，黄老师的室友站在走廊里看着我，对屋里的黄老师喊，“这回套住了！XXX（国务院警察的名字）还在那屋说呢，‘可把卢岩吓坏了！’ 快来看！卢岩那脸，五颜六色的！我才知道人害怕是这个样子！”

After a few minutes, my roommate didn’t come back, so I decided to go to the bathroom to wash my face, sober up, and then eat.

When I came back from the bathroom, Huang’s roommate was standing in the corridor looking at me and shouted to Teacher Huang in the room, “This time we’ve trapped him! XXX (name of the State Council police) is still in the room saying, ‘Luyan is so scared!’ Come and see! Luyan’s face is full of colors! I just know that this is what it means to be scared!”

寝室里的黄老师说：“啥套住了！我们在打猎呢！你给我进来！”

室友转身对屋里说：“那你说，这事儿不好笑么！咱那些人天天站在那儿向他示威, 人家天天看热闹! 老头子算得可真准，说今晚卢岩该害怕了！他是真害怕了!”

Teacher Huang in the dormitory said, "What trap? Are we hunting? Come in!" 

The roommate turned and said to the room, "Then tell me, isn't this funny? Our hundred people stand there every day to demonstrate to him, but he watches the fun every day! The old man (i.e., Troupe Leader Liu) was really accurate in predicting that Luyan would be scared tonight! He really is scared!"

 

8.4-4 大祸临头 Disaster is Coming

我进屋后，开始吃饭。室友回来了，说：“你还有心思吃饭！那些人都是你那个女朋友她爸派来的。” 说着，他走到窗边，向外看。

我问：“我知道我们住的是六楼，那儿有人吗？”

After I entered the room, I started to eat. My roommate came back and said, "You still have the mood to eat! Those people were sent by your girlfriend's father." Then he walked to the window and looked out.

I asked, "I know we live on the sixth floor. Is there anyone there?"

他回答：“还行！你还知道咱们住的是六楼。这儿没人，不过我看人从这儿跳下去，摔不死，躺在医院里很疼啊！就再也不用担心找对象的事了！”

我说：“别装了！我是懵了，但是还没懵到那种程度，不会开窗就跑。”

He replied: "It's OK! You know we live on the sixth floor. There's no one here, but I think if someone jumps from here, they won't die, but they'll be in pain in the hospital! Then you don't have to worry about finding a partner anymore!"

I said: "Don't pretend! I am confused, but not to the extent that I would open the window and run."

 

他转回身坐在了床上，笑着问：“你有什么想法和打算吗？我还算是个警察，有警察的职业道德。什么事你或许可以先跟我说说。你要报警，我陪你去。”

He turned around and sat on the bed, smiling and asked, "Do you have any ideas or plans? I am still a policeman, and I have the professional ethics of a policeman. You may want to tell me what's going on first. If you want to call the police, I'll go with you."

我说：“你别想太多。去年这个时候，我堂兄卢勋卧轨自杀了，就是因为一个女朋友老是缠着他，和我现在的情况类似。我去参加葬礼，叔叔和姑姑们都对着他的遗像骂他。我娶刘健君，现在也看不出吃亏。事情还没发展到那一步，我可不想死后还挨骂；现在只是老头子生气了。” 我抬头看室友，他的脸色眼看着在变化，惊奇地问：“你怎么了？自杀还有基因遗传因素？”

I said, "Don't think too much. At this time last year, my cousin Lu Xun committed suicide by lying on the railway tracks because a girlfriend kept pestering him, which is like my current situation. I went to the funeral, and my uncles and aunts all cursed him in front of his portrait. I don't see any disadvantage in marrying Eve Liu now. Things haven't developed to that point yet, and I don't want to be scolded after I die; now it's just that the old man is angry." I looked up at my roommate, and his face’s color was changing. I asked in surprise, "What's wrong with you? Is there a genetic component to suicide?"

 

他沉默了一会儿，阴沉着脸说：“刚才我觉得好笑，还在想这事不能跟别人说，人家听了会以为我疯了。现在，我笑不出来了，这都是真的。自杀与遗传是否相关，我不知道，但你堂兄的事与你相关。这我在上大学时学过。我明白你说的，挺好！这不是性命攸关的时刻，别冲动，别发生意外，有事好商量。要不，你先去打黄老师？出出气！”

He was silent for a while, then said with a gloomy face, "Just now I felt funny, and was thinking that I couldn't tell anyone about this, because they would think I was crazy. Now, I can't laugh anymore, this is all true. I don't know whether suicide is related to genetics, but your cousin's case is related to you. I learned this when I was in college. I understand what you mean, it's good! This is not a life-threatening moment, don't be impulsive, don't let anything happen, we can talk it over if there is anything. Otherwise, why don't you go beat up Teacher Huang first? Let off your anger!"

我说：“你说啥呢！他们那么多人，我还去招惹他们！我想跟你说，我是这么准备挨打的。过一会儿，他们来了，我们吵起来了，你就在一边看着，别往前凑合。他们要打我，一推，我就倒在地上或者床上，抱成一团。等他们打几下之后，你就过来劝他们，别把人打死了。一群人打一个人，很容易就给打死了；结果谁也不知道是怎么打死的。”

I said, "What are you talking about! There are so many of them, and I still want to provoke them! I want to tell you that this is how I prepare to be beaten. After a while, they will come, and we will start arguing. You just watch from the side and don't move forward. If they want to hit me, they will push me, and I will fall to the ground or bed and curl up in a ball. After they hit me a few strokes, you come over to persuade them not to beat me to death. It is easy for a group of people to beat one person to death; in the end, no one knows how the person was beaten to death."

 

他感叹地说：“哎呀！你这现场知识可比我强多了！是这么回事。你放心，这工作我能做好。他们打你几下后，我再过去劝说，‘行啦行啦，打几下完成任务就行呗！你们老头子可没让你们打死他。’ 这我确信！那老头子没想打死你。费了这么大劲；人死了，不全白费了！那老头子是绝对不会做亏本生意的。现在，活着才能解决问题，等过几天你再去打那老头子！’”

He sighed and said, "Oh! Your on-site knowledge is much better than mine! This is what happened. Don't worry, I can do the job well. After they hit you a few times, I went over to persuade them, 'Okay, okay, just hit him a few times to complete the task! Your old man didn't ask you to beat him to death.' I'm sure of this! The old man didn't want to beat you to death. He put in so much effort; if you die, it all be in vain! The old man will never do business at a loss. Now, only by staying alive can you solve the problem. Wait a few days before you go and beat the old man!'"

我回答：“我想过了，那老头子家住在军区大院儿里，咱进不去。混进去了也打不了，卫兵有枪。再说了，她爸妈岁数都挺大了，我不能打老头儿老太太！”

I replied, "I've thought about it. The old man lives in the military compound and we can't get in. Even if we get in, we can't beat him because the guards have guns. Besides, her parents are quite old, and I can't beat up an old man or an old woman!"

 

他说：“我现在感觉好多了。我去那屋看看。我不走远了，就到隔壁那几个屋。有人来了，我立刻回来。” 说着，他出去了。

He said, "I feel much better now. I'll go to that room and look. I won't go far, just to the next few rooms. If someone comes, I will come back immediately." After saying that, he went out.

晚上七点多钟，黄老师找我谈话，“那些人都是老头子让我安排的。前几天，老头子让我跟你说的那个计划（参见8.3节），你考虑得怎么样了？” 我刚要说话，他又说了：“不着急，你再考虑一晚上，明天早上给我答复。”

Around 7pm, Teacher Huang talked to me, "The old man asked me to arrange those people. A few days ago, the old man asked me to tell you about the plan (cf. v. 8.3). How have you thought about it?" I was about to speak, but he said, "Don't worry, think about it overnight and give me an answer tomorrow morning."

 

8.5 室友帮我分析 Roommate Helps Me Analyze

我对室友说：“你大学和研究生都是学警察的，又在国务院读了五年警察的报告。你们那里都是全国一流的案情分析专家。那在这方面，你也是全国一流的专家？”

室友回答：“我就是这么认为的。”

I said to my roommate, “You studied police in college and graduate school, spent five years reading police reports in State Counsel. You're all the nation's leading experts on case analysis there. So, you're a first-rate national expert in this area, too?”

The roommate replied, “That's what I think.”

 

我问：“刘健君今年27岁，她爸有那么着急吗？”

室友回答：“这事因人而异，女孩子27岁是大龄了，有人着急，有人就不着急。她是个博士生，她的选择面就窄。她爸爸岁数大了，身体还不好，这又是个着急的因素，所以她爸爸可能是着急了。”

I asked, “Eve Liu is 27 years old, is her father that anxious?”

My roommate replied, “It varies from person to person, a girl is older at 27, some people are in a hurry, others are not. She's a PhD student, her options are narrow. Her dad is old and still not in good health, which is another factor for being in a hurry, so her dad is probably in a hurry.

 

8.5-2

我问：“他们怎么就看上我了呢？要模样没模样，要才华没才华，普普通通，一点儿也不出奇。”

室友回答：“有没有出众的地方，我没看出来。人家看重了你的什么，我不知道。你啥都不太差，一般偏上。有些有钱有势的人家选女婿，就选这样的。像我这样，人品出众，才华横溢的，他们不喜欢。”

I asked: "Why do they like me? I have no good looks, no talent, just an average person, nothing special."

My roommate replied: "I don't see whether you are outstanding or not. I don't know what they value about you. You are not bad in any aspect, just above average. Some wealthy and powerful families choose sons-in-law like this. They don't like people like me who have outstanding characters and talents."

这种说法，我感觉是听说过，比如东床驸马的案例（参见18.2.4-3《翠玉女哭了》），就我这样老实厚道的人，特别招某些找女婿父母的青睐。

I feel like I have heard of this statement, such as the case of the “side-puller horse on east bed” (cf. v. 18.2.4-3 Chalchiuhtlicue Cried). People like me who are honest, and kind are especially favored by some parents who are looking for sons-in-law.

 

8.5-3 制造婚姻 Making Marriage

我问：“他这么威胁我，可能我一害怕就同意了，也可能被激怒了就不同意了。这两种的几率各是多少？”

室友回答：“我不认为你说的那种几率可以量化。你这事，从去年春开始到现在，我都知道。现在他们这么多人折腾了三四天了，可不是小事。他们的目的确实是要促成你和刘健君的婚姻。我一直都在思索他们这么做是如何促成你们婚姻的？我的知识面不够宽也不够深；我什么都没想出来。不过，我可以从她爸爸的性格来说说。这老头子是个绝人。”

我问：“什么是绝人？”

I asked, “He threatened me like that, so maybe I agreed once I got scared, or maybe I got enraged and didn't agree. What are the odds of each of those two?”

Roommate replied, “I don't think the odds you're talking about can be quantified. I've known about this affair with you since last spring until now. Now that so many of them have been tossing it around for three or four days, it's no small affair. They do aim to facilitate your marriage to Eve Liu. I've been pondering how they did this to facilitate your marriage. My knowledge is neither broad nor deep enough; I have come up with nothing. However, I can speak from her father's personality. The old man is an absolute man.”

I asked, “What is an absolute man?”

 

室友说：“我举例子来说，他做生意，没有99%成功的把握，他不做。这老头子，这种人做事失败的可能性很小。不做没把握的事，是他性格当中的一个特质。你这事是婚姻，和做生意不一样。我举例子来说，假如你一害怕，同意了。和刘健君结婚后，你想起这事就生气；人都这样儿。你生气，她看了就不开心。你们的婚姻里有毒，有障碍。那她爸爸不是害了自己女儿的婚姻吗！促成婚姻，那要你自愿地，由衷地爱她才算数。从那老头子绝对的性格来说，这样才算是制造婚姻。”

Roommate said, "Let me give you an example. If he doesn't have a 99% chance of success in business, he won't do it. This old man is a person who is very unlikely to fail. Not doing things he is not sure of is a trait in his personality. Your matter is marriage, which is different from business. Let me give you an example. If you were afraid and agreed to it, you would get angry when you think of it after you marry Eve Liu. People are like this. When you get angry, she will be unhappy when she sees it. There is poison and obstacles in your marriage. Then her father has ruined his daughter's marriage! To facilitate a marriage, it counts if you love her voluntarily and sincerely. Judging from the old man's absolute trait, this is considered making a marriage."

 

室友说：“黄老师他们那些人这几天的作法确实是为了婚姻，我想不出原因。即便是婚姻，没有95%成功的可能性，他不会做。这是从那老头子的性格来说的。”

我叨咕：“95%的可能性，那他不是成功了吗！”

Roommate said, "What Teacher Huang and his people have been doing these days is really for marriage. I can't figure out why. Even if it's marriage, he won't do it if there's no 95% chance of success. This is based on the old man's personality." 

I muttered, "95% chance, then he's successful, isn't he!"

室友说：“这是我个人的观点，提供你参考。我认为那老头子一定会成功，不然他不会做这事；这是由他的性格决定的。但是，这个结论不是来自就事论事，是从很长时间来考虑的，事情有待将来的发展。”

Roommate said, "This is my personal opinion, for your reference. I think the old man will succeed, otherwise he wouldn't do it; this is determined by his personality. However, this conclusion is not drawn from a single case, but from a long-term consideration, and affairs have to wait for future developments."

 

我说：“我也听说过婚姻作法，没人知道其中的原理。我真心地爱她；这爱是从哪儿来的？我怎么感觉不到呢！我以前听说这事的时候，就琢磨过多次，不明白。你认为，爱情能被制造出来吗？”

I said, “I have also heard of the marriage making, and no one knows how it works. I love her with all my heart; where does this love come from? Why can't I feel it! I have wondered about it many times before when I heard about it, and I don't understand it. Do you think that love can be made?”

室友笑着说：“如何缔结婚姻？我不懂！我自己还没结婚呢！我的意思是，老头子安排这么多人的目的确实是为了你和刘健君的婚姻，但是他知道强拧的瓜不甜。依据老头子的性格，他只要熟透了的甜瓜，安排这些人的目的不是要强迫你接受他的计划，你可以完全自主地决定。”

Roommate laughed and said, “How to make a marriage? I don't understand! I haven't gotten married myself! What I mean is that the old man's purpose of arranging so many people is indeed for your marriage with Eve Liu, but he knows that a strongly twisted off melon is not sweet. Based on the old man's personality, he only wants ripe melons, and the purpose of arranging these people is not to force you to accept his plan, you can decide on your own completely.”

 

8.5-4 老头子疯了吗？Is the Old Man Crazy?

我叨咕：“老头子在表明他是认真的，不是随便说说，但他这举动也太大了。他是在表明严正抗议！我找对象与他没关系，他抗议干什么？”

室友说：“那老头子喜欢你，以前三番两次地调查你，这几天又派这么多人来。如果你这次不同意，肯定还有下次。我说了么，这老头子是个绝人，他办事不成功的可能性很小。他已经开始做了，你将来就是他的女婿，没改了！”

I asked: "The old man is showing that he is serious and not just talking casually, but his action is too big. He is expressing his solemn protest! My finding a partner has nothing to do with him, why is he protesting?"

Roommate said, "That old man likes you, has investigated you many times before, and he has sent so many people over these days. If you don't agree this time, there will be a next time. I told you, this old man is an Absolute Person, and it is very unlikely that he will fail. He has already started, so you will be his son-in-law in the future. This affair can’t be changed!"

我问室友：“他是不是盼女婿盼出病来了？”

室友回答：“我不懂他们做这事的道理，所以我不能辨别那老头子疯没疯。不过你这么看，即便是那老头子疯了，黄老师和他的室友没疯，他们不会听从疯子的决定。所以现在这事，他们是以他们的道理和做事方式在做事；你应该从你自身的利益出发，自主决定；得不出结论就不要下结论，你就张果老骑驴看唱本，走着瞧。” 

I asked my roommate, “Is he sick from looking forward to his son-in-law?”

Roommate replied, “I don't understand the reasoning behind what they're doing, so I can't tell if the old man is crazy or not. But look at it this way, even if that old man is crazy, Teacher Huang and his roommate aren't crazy, they won't listen to a crazy person's decision. So now this, they are doing affairs with their reasoning and way of doing things; you should decide on your own from your own interests; don't jump to conclusions if you can't reach them. You'll just go along the affairs and overwatching the consequences.”

 

8.5-5 事情的发展 How the Affair Developed

晚上十点左右，我开始头疼，感觉像感冒愈后似的。后半夜两点左右时，我感觉全身像出疹子一样难受，还是时不时地说话。

Around 10pm, I started to feel headache, like I was recovering from a cold. Around 2 am, I felt like I had a rash all over my body, but I was still talking from time to time.

室友忍不住了，坐了起来说：“我说你睡觉行不行！他们还能来把你绑走啊！把你带走了，不带我走，我就要说，‘他们抢亲都抢到东北大学宿舍里来了！’ 他们把我也带走了，国务院的一个大活人没了，能不找吗，‘怎么地，你们要造反呐！国务院的人都敢绑！’”

Roommate couldn’t help it, so he sat up and said, “Can you please sleep? They can still come and kidnap you! If they take you away but not me, I will say, ‘They came to the dormitory of Northeastern University to kidnap a bridegroom!’ They took me away too. A big person from State Council is gone. How can nobody look for him? ‘What? Are you guys going to rebel? How dare you kidnap someone from State Council!’”

 

我说：“对了！这件事你记在你的那个日志没？”

室友回答没记。

我生气地说：“你为什么不记？你不是应该记录身边的事吗！这件事这么大，你都不记，那你还记什么！”

I said, "By the way! Did you write this down in your diary?"

My roommate replied that he didn't.

I said angrily, "Why don't you record? Aren't you supposed to record affairs around you? This is such a big deal, if you don't record it, then what else are you supposed to record?"

室友说：“我那日记是有人审读的，然后存档。如果审读的人看不明白，还要和我沟通，那可麻烦了。人家审读的人也不高兴啊，‘你那博士是不是读得太安逸了，连个日记都写不好了。’ 今天你这事，我可不好说明白，那读的人肯定看不懂。不过，你今天的事特殊，我会记住一辈子。日后，这事引发了什么争议性的后果，你放心，我会如实说，如实作证。今天的事，我肯定一辈子不会忘。”

Roommate said, "My diary is reviewed by someone and then filed. If the reviewer doesn't understand it, must communicate with me, that's troublesome. The reviewer will also be unhappy, saying, 'Did you have such a comfortable doctorate that you can't even write a diary well?' It's hard for me to explain what happened to you today, and the reviewer will not understand it. However, your incident today is special, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. In the future, if this incident causes any controversial consequences, don't worry, I will tell the truth and testify truthfully. I will definitely never forget what happened today."

 

我可能睡了两个小时。早上头不那么痛了，感觉好多了。早晨七点钟，黄老师来了，我告诉他说：“我感觉骗人不好。” 他的室友很生气，黄老师对他说：“怎么地？你还要打卢岩呐！我告诉你，我帮他不帮你。” 他又瞪着眼睛，恶狠狠地对我说：“我会把你的话如实向老头子汇报。这些事都是他让我干的，与我个人无关。如果你有意见，找他去。你不爱找老头子，你就去找刘健君。”

I probably slept for two hours. My head didn't hurt as much in the morning, and I felt much better. At seven o'clock in the morning, Teacher Huang came, and I told him, "I feel it's not good to lie to people." His roommate was very angry, and Teacher Huang said to him, "What? You still want to beat Luyan! I tell you; I will help him but not you." He glared at me again and said to me viciously, "I will report your words to the old man truthfully. He asked me to do these affairs, and it has nothing to do with me personally. If you have any opinions, go to him. If you don't like to go to the old man, go to Eve Liu."

我想，如果刘健君在沈阳，我肯定去找她。回寝室就睡觉了。中午，我醒来时发现六楼就只有我一个人，感觉轻松多了。随后几周时间，我偶尔感到身体在转好。

I thought, if Eve Liu is in Shenyang, I will go to see her. I went back to the dormitory and went to sleep. At noon, I woke up and found that I was the only one on the sixth floor. I felt much more relaxed. In the following weeks, I occasionally felt that my body was getting better.

 

8.6 免死金牌 Death-Free Amulet

紧随着那个不眠之夜，我遗失了一段时间的记忆。不过我并没有因为环境的变化感觉诧异，说明我那段时间还在现实生活中。或者可能是我的性格转换了，我是个多重性格的人，前面发生的事被淡化了。有记忆时，我忽然看到阳光照射在寝室的窗台上，感觉温暖。我走过去，伸手到阳光里，感觉到了阳光的温度。春天来了，我向窗外望。

Immediately after that sleepless night, I lost my memory for a period. However, I was not surprised by the change of environment, which means that I was still in real life during that period. Or maybe my personality changed. I am a person with multiple personalities, and the affairs that happened before were diluted. When regained my memory, I suddenly saw the sun shining on the windowsill of the dormitory, and it felt warm. I walked over, stretched my hand into the sun, felt the temperature of the sun. Spring is coming, I look out the window.

室友回来了，欢喜地说：“我听说你这床位的那个人要回来了，你会搬到一楼。将来，九月，你会随着新生入学，住到三舍去。”

表姐王刚告诉过我，“就住在八舍，赶快写论文毕业，别在学校浪费时间了，工作才是人生的主题。” 我回答：“我不知道，谁说的？”

My roommate came back and said happily, "I heard that the person who occupies your bed is coming back, and you will move to the first floor. In the future, in September, you will move to the third dormitory with the new students." 

My cousin Wang Gang told me, "Just live in the eighth dormitory, write your thesis and graduate quickly, don't waste time in school, work is the theme of life." I replied, "I don't know, who said that?"

 

室友说：“这不是明摆着的事么！在黄老师那屋，我们讨论你半天了；终于有了结论。你说什么是好人？”

我想了又想，答不上来（注8.6-1）。

My roommate said, “Isn't it obvious! In Teacher Huang's room, we've been discussing you for half a day; we've finally concluded. What do you call a good man?”

I thought and thought but couldn't answer (Note 8.6-1).

注8.6-1，什么是好人？2006年我在Davroc 测试实验室有限公司工作。老板桫椤（Sal Fasullo，参见9.5 《桫椤给我改性格》 ）对人说，“我研究卢岩两年了，发现他是 ‘好人’。这种人才少见呢，全世界也许能有60个，我不知道。我公司里能有一个，我感到荣幸。”

Note 8.6-1, “What is a Goodman?” In 2006, I was working at Davroc Test Labs Ltd. My boss, Sal Fasullo, (cf. v. 9.5 Sal Changes my Personality), said to us, “I've been studying Adam Luyan for two years, and I've found he is a Goodman. This kind of person is rare, there may be 60 of them in the whole world, I don't know. I'm honored to have one in my company.”

 

他感叹地说：“这世界上好人可不多，也许能有五个。我感到荣幸，能和好人住一个屋住了一年多，就是你！”

我想了想，自己什么坏事都想干，就是没胆量干，回答：“我没感觉到自己是好人；我认为自己和其他人一样。什么是你说的好人？”

He exclaimed, “There aren't many Goodman in this world, maybe five. I feel honored to have lived in a house with a Goodman for over a year, and it's you!”

I thought about all the bad things I wanted to do, but just didn't have the guts to do them, and replied, “I don't feel like a good man; I think I'm just like everyone else. What is it you call a good man?”

 

他没回答我的问题，却说：“我这种人，要是不亲自告诉你，你一辈子也不会知道我能干什么！看在你曾经是好人的份上，我给你一块免死金牌（义为死刑赦免令，如图8.6），一辈子有效！但愿你用不上喔！”

He didn't answer my question, but said, “A man like me, if I don't tell you myself, you'll never know what I can do for the rest of your life! Since you were once a Goodman, I give you a Death-Free Golden Amulet (i.e., a pardon for the death penalty, see figs. 8.6), valid for the rest of your life! I hope you won't use it!”

我讶异地问：“你给我一块免死金牌？”

他说：“人都随着环境的改变而改变，很难说五年十年后，你会成为什么样的人。你自己琢磨着，快被判死刑了，就打电话找我。当你的电话打进了国务院，无论我接不接电话，你应该知道，你的命保住了。这么跟你说，我的大学和研究生同学都是干我们这一行的。即便我将来不在国务院了，这事我也能办成。”

I asked in surprise: "You're giving me a Death-Free Amulet?" 

He said: "People change as the environment changes. It's hard to say what kind of person you will become in five or ten years. Think about it yourself. If you are about to be sentenced to death, call me. When your call reaches the State Council, whether I answer the call or not, you should know that your life is saved. Let me tell you, my college and graduate school classmates are all in our industry. Even if I am not in the State Council in the future, I can still do this."

 

我怀疑地问：“你会这么帮我？”

他说：“我们这行的人朋友少，因为怕被人求。我父母亲戚都是农民，都没什么事。你的电话打进了我们的公司，接电话的人马上就查你是什么人，和我是什么关系？事后，领导还会问我，卢岩那个事儿你是怎么办的？你给谁打电话了？怎么说的？国务院可不允许随随便便向外打电话，都有记录。如果我不帮忙，同事们会怎么看我？研究生时的室友，他都不帮，是不是太没人味儿了！”

I asked doubtfully, "Will you help me like this?" 

He said: "People in our industry have few friends because we are afraid of being asked for help. My parents and relatives are all farmers and have no incident. When your phone call came into our company, the person who answered the phone immediately checked who you were and what your relationship was with me. Afterwards, the leader would also ask me, what did you do about Luyan? Who did you call? What did you say? The State Council does not allow casual calls to be made, and all records are kept. If I don't help, how will my colleagues look at me? He didn't even help his roommate when he was a graduate student. Isn't he too inhumane!"

我相信了。他说：“将来，不论什么时候，你要找我，就到东大校友录里去找我的联系方式。”

室友还说，若我犯了死罪，他会用自己的判断来判决我，给我一次重新做人的机会，只要别忘了给他打电话就行。他还说，只要我不做亏心事，这辈子就没事（注8.6-2）。

I believed him. He said, "In the future, whenever you want to find me, just look for my contact information in the Northeastern University alumni directory."

My roommate also said that if I committed a capital crime, he would use his own judgment to sentence me and give me a chance to start a new life, if I didn't forget to call him. He also said that if I didn't do anything guilty, I would be fine in this life (Note 8.6-2).

 

注8.6-2，由此说法可以看出，他清楚地知道这件事的后果。随后，现实生活中，我常作亏心事，就在2010年堕入了地狱（即患上了精神病）。刘团长留给我的活路是做个 “好人”，100%不做任何亏心事。

Note 8.6-2, from this statement, we can see that he clearly knew the consequences of this affair. Later, in real life, I often do affairs that are against my conscience, and in 2010 I fell into hell (i.e. suffered from mental illness). The way out that Troupe Leader Liu left for me is to be a GOODMAN, 100% not do anything that is against my conscience.

 

黄老师也高兴地过来了，看见我有些尴尬。他是个老实人，什么事都写在脸上。他说如果将来我要找他，就找他们那个期刊的编委，他一辈子都会在那个编委里。

我迷惑地叨咕：“怎么你们都像是跟我告别似的呢！我只是换个屋住。即便是三舍，那楼也就在旁边！”

Teacher Huang also came over happily and was a little embarrassed to see me. He is an honest man; everything is written on his face. He said that if I wanted to look for him in the future, I should look for the editorial board of their journal, and that he would be on that board for the rest of his life.

I chattered in confusion, “Why do you all look like you're saying goodbye to me! I'm just changing a room. Even if it's the Third Dormitory, that building is right next to here!”

随后，王刚表姐来了，帮我搬家到了一楼，我刚来这楼时，住过的那个朝北的房间。我奇怪地问表姐：“出什么事了吗？你告诉我房间号不就行了！”

王刚回答：“没事儿，我就是闲着没事，来看看你的房间。下次我要找你，不就已经知道你在这儿了。”

Later, my cousin Wang Gang came and helped me move to the first floor, the north-facing room I had lived in when I first came to this building. I asked my cousin curiously, "What happened? Can't you just tell me the room number?" 

Wang Gang replied, "Nothing, I just had nothing to do and came to see your room. Next time I want to look for you, I'll already know you're here."

 

8.6-2

大约一个月后的一天，我在一楼的走廊里遇见了黄老师，他表情严肃，若有所查，眼睛放着凶恶的光。我笑着向他打招呼。他没笑，也没像往常一样，站正了才说话，说：“没事，就是过来看看。” 我回屋后，感觉奇怪，“是他觉着对不起我才对，怎么反过来了，他那么恨我，像是我做错事了！”

About a month later, I met Teacher Huang in the corridor on the first floor. He had a serious expression, as if he was investigating something, and his eyes were gleaming with ferocity. I smiled and greeted him. He didn't smile, nor did he stand straight before speaking as usual. He said, "Nothing, I just came to see you." After I went back to my room, I felt strange, "He should feel sorry for me, how could it be the other way around? He hates me so much, as if I did something wrong!"

 

注8.6-3，现在想来，那时黄老师眼神的凶光是心理疾病的症状。刘团长为此事病重了；黄老师像对父亲一样爱戴他，所以也病了，恨我。那我呢？也病得不轻，下一节就出现了多种精神病爆发的迹象。

Note 8.6-3, now I think about it, the fierce look in Teacher Huang's eyes was a symptom of mental illness. Troupe Leader Liu became seriously ill because of this incident; Teacher Huang loved him like a father, so he also became ill and hated me. What about me? I was also seriously ill; in the next section, there were signs of multiple mental illness outbreaks.

 

8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories

1997年5月，王玉山大舅和沈阳大学基建处的同事梅书华，给我介绍了另一个女朋友。她是沈阳医科大学毕业的，在沈阳妇婴医院工作过两年，那时她是中国医科大学的研究生。

In May 1997, my uncle Yushan Wang and his colleague Shuhua Mei from the Infrastructure Department of Shenyang University introduced me to another girlfriend. She graduated from Shenyang Medical University and worked in Shenyang Women and Children's Hospital for two years. At that time, she was a postgraduate student at China Medical University.

一天，我在给她讲我小时在她们医大附属医院经历过的事。一个军官晕针，小护士被吓着了。这时，护士长在用我做范例，教她打针，给她舒缓恐惧。

护士长说：“打针的时候，要把病人的眼睛蒙起来。这孩子没事儿，我就不蒙了。”

One day, I was telling her about my experiences when I was a child in the affiliated hospital of their medical university. A military officer was fainting from the needle and the young nurse was terrified. At this point, the head nurse was using me as an example to teach her about needles and soothe her fears.

The head nurse said, “When you give an injection, blindfold the patient. This child is fine, so I won't blindfold him.”

 

小护士惊讶地说：“他还是孩子！？”

护士长说：“你看，你没看病志。他长得大，才十五岁；我们都认识他。前年他刚来咱医院的时候，比这矮多了，那几个人还研究他，说这儿看见他了，那儿也看见他了，他看啥啥新鲜，走到哪儿就研究哪儿。那几个人商量后，就去向我报告：‘咱这儿来贼了’。我出来一看病志，一个十三岁的农村孩子，自个儿来城里探索新世界来了，不那样啥样啊！那几个人谁也没看病志，不知道她们在研究个啥。你得看病志，心中有数才行。”

The young nurse was surprised and said, “He's still a child!?”

The head nurse said, “Look, you didn't read the medical records. He's big for his age, only fifteen; we all know him. The year before last, when he first came to our hospital, he was much shorter than this, and those people even studied him, saying that they saw him here and there, and that he looked at everything fresh and studied everywhere he went. After discussing the matter, they went to report to me: 'We have a thief here'. I came out to look at the medical records, a thirteen-year-old rural child, came to the city to explore the new world, not that what kind of ah! None of them had read the medical records, so I didn't know what they were studying. You must read the medical records and know what's going on.”

 

前女友问我：“你认识她们？”

我回答：“她说她们认识我。我不认识她们，一个也不认识。那时候，我每年都有两个月去你们医科大学附属医院打针，两星期一次。”

The ex-girlfriend asked me, “Do you know them?”

I replied, “She said they knew me. I didn't know them, not one of them. In those days, I went to your medical university affiliated hospital for injections two months out of the year, once every two weeks.”

前女友说：“我知道了，因为你的眼睛（注，肉眼通的原因，参见第3章），你的眼睛是那种小时候做出来的。”

我不明白，就问：“我的眼睛从小就有些毛病。怎么做的？（注，参见3.1节）”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I know, because of your eyes (note, because of my Non-dazzling Eyes, see chapter 3), your eyes were kind of made when you were a kid.”

I didn't understand, so I asked, “I've had some problems with my eyes since I was a kid. How was it made? (Note, see Section 3.1)”

 

前女友说：“不是毛病。你也不知道！你没有娃娃亲？（注，我忘了，参见第一章）”

我回答：“没听我父母说过；没人知道我的眼睛是怎么回事。我的眼睛怎么了？”

The ex-girlfriend said, "It's not a problem. You don't know! You didn't have a childhood marriage? (Note, I forgot, see chapter 1)" 

I replied, "I haven't heard my parents say it; no one knows what's wrong with my eyes. What's about my eyes?"

前女友说：“没错，我以前在一本书上读到过，我当时看书的时候没太注意，现在找不着那本书了。我也不知道是怎么做的。你在人群中就引人注目，人人都能看见你，还有想法，所以那几个人把你当成贼了。她们每次看见你，都注意到了你，所以她们都认识你。那书上说，你这种人有说道，出故事。一类主流传说故事中的30%是出于你这种人。”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Yes, I read that in a book before, I wasn't paying much attention when I was reading it, and now I can't find the book. I don't know how it's done. You stand out in a crowd, everyone sees you, and has thoughts, so those nurses took you for a thief. Every time they saw you, they noticed you, so they all knew you. That book says that people like you have sayings and come up with stories. Thirty percent of a class of mainstream legendary stories are out of people like you.”

 

我问：“有啥说道？出啥故事？”

前女友说：“我也不明白，只是在那书上看见了这种说法。你接着说，那个护士长人挺好；她还说什么了？”

I asked, “What's the sayings? What's the stories?”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I don't understand it either, I just saw it in that book. You go on to say that the head nurse was quite nice; what else did she say?”

 

8.7-2 心病初发 Initial Onset of My Psychosis

我说：“护士长说，‘还有，任何情况下，你都不能让病人照顾病人。你害怕了，人家也害怕呀！这孩子看起来没事。前年，咱这儿发生了和这次类似的事，那孩子比他现在小点儿。人家父母就不愿意了，告咱们，说他们那孩子回家后半夜惊梦，朝咱们要三十万。现在那案子还在法庭上放着呢！’”

I said: "The head nurse said, 'Also, under no circumstances should you let patients take care of patients. If you are afraid, so are they! The child looks fine. Two years ago, a similar incident happened here, but the child was a little younger than he is now. The parents were not happy about it and sued us, saying that their child woke up in the middle of the night after returning home and asked us for 300,000 yuan. The case is still in court now!'"

我接着说：“我是个见钱眼开的人，回家就把这事告诉我爸了：这回咱讹诈她们医科大学附属医院三十万。”

前女友问：“你爸说啥？”

I continued, "I am a money-grubber. I told my dad about this when I got home: This time we extorted 300,000 yuan from the affiliated hospital of China Medical University."

The ex-girlfriend asked, "What did your dad say?"

 

我说：“我爸说，这种官司难打。为了得到那三十万，你得请律师，精神科专家，贿赂医大医院的院长、校长、法官，等几个人。贿赂的钱先给人家15万。钱给人家了，过些日子，他们还要，你不给就拿不到那三十万，赔了15万。你给，官司赢了你也得亏五万；输了你就净赔。结果，钱都跑医大校长腰包里去了。这事，正常人一看就知道是在骗钱呢！为啥你卢岩能看出赚三十万呢？就因为你的眼睛里没坏人（注，这就是上文那个国务院警察室友说我是好人的原因）！奸人遇到你，要是不拿你的倒挺，他是对天犯罪。我发过誓要告诉你这话100遍吧！这是多少遍了！？’”

I said, "My dad said that this kind of lawsuit is difficult to win. To get the 300,000 yuan, you must hire a lawyer, a psychiatrist, and bribe the dean, president, judge, and other people of the Medical University Hospital. Give them 150,000 yuan as bribes first. After giving them the money, they will ask for more after a few days. If you don't give it, you won't get the 300,000 yuan, and you will lose 150,000 yuan. If you give it, you will lose 50,000 yuan even if you win the lawsuit; if you lose, you will lose all. In the end, all the money went into the pocket of the president of the Medical University. In this matter, any normal person can see that it is a scam! Why can you, Luyan, see that you can make 300,000 yuan? It's because there are no bad people in your eyes (note, this is why the roommate of the State Council police said that I am a Goodman)! If a villain meets you and doesn't take advantage of you, he is committing a crime against God. I swear to tell you this 100 times! How many times is this!?'"

 

前女友没在听我讲，她若有所思地叨咕：“你不傻！”

我当时就兴奋了，质问：“怎么说出这话来了呢？”

The ex-girlfriend wasn't listening to me as she chattered thoughtfully, “You're not dumb!”

I was turned on and questioned, “How did you say that?”

前女友不好意思地说：“啊！她们告诉我，你看上去有点儿傻，让我注意观察观察你。”

在这时，我的声音变成了不同人（不同频率）的声音，语速特别快，思维极其敏捷。她的话还没说完，我就问：“谁们？谁说我傻？”

Embarrassed, the ex-girlfriend said, “Ah! They told me you looked a little silly and told me to keep an eye on you and watch you.”

At this point in the conversation, my voice became that of a different person (of a different frequency), speaking extraordinarily fast and thinking extremely fast. Before she could finish her sentence, I asked, “Who guys? Who called me a dumb?”

 

前女友说：“咱第一次见面时，我妈和梅姨说，‘你看起来像似有点傻’。”

几句话后，她的脸色变了，站起来走到了窗边。

The ex-girlfriend said, “When we first met, my mom and Aunt Mei said, ‘You look like you might be a little silly.’”

A few sentences later, her face changed, she stood up and walked to the window.

过了一会儿，我感觉很疲倦（注，我个人的观点，这是性格的突然转换引起的）。若是她不在，我可能就睡了，但我仍然坚持着坐在那里，不说话了。她板着脸，在寝室里来回走个不停，忽然问我：“你是不是累了？”

After a while, I felt tired (note, my opinion, this was caused by the sudden change of personality). If she wasn't there, I might have gone to sleep, but I still insisted on sitting there without speaking. With a stern face, she walked back and forth in the dormitory and suddenly asked me, “Are you tired?”

 

我回答：“我感觉有点儿困倦，你能不能别走来走去的了，怎么又生气了呢！我不是在逗你玩呢么！”

前女友问：“你没发觉刚才有异样吗？”

我回答：“发现了，我发现刚才忽然变得聪明了。我还是第一次发现我有个聪明的特质；怎么才能开发出来呢？”

I replied, “I'm feeling a little sleepy, can you stop walking around, why are you angry again! I'm teasing you!”

The ex-girlfriend asks, “Didn't you notice anything different just now?”

I replied, “I've discovered that I've suddenly become intelligent just now. It's the first time I've realized I have a smart trait; how can I develop it?”

前女友说：“你那是精神病发作啦！应该说是比发作轻，比发作迹象重。不过，是有人受了刺激后变得聪明了。”

我生气地说：“你才疯了呢！你们医学院的怎么都总想送人去医院呢！”

The ex-girlfriend said, “You're having a psychotic episode! It should be said that it is milder than the seizure and heavier than the seizure signs. However, some people became smarter after being stimulated.”

I got angry and said, “You're the one who's crazy! Why do all of you in medical school always want to send people to the hospital!”

 

过了一会儿，我相信了一些她说的话。她详细地询问了我的个人历史，得出结论，是在刘健君那儿受到了刺激。

前女友说：“我确信，就是刘健君给刺激的。她们那个班的人特别刺激人，就因为谈恋爱的事，我们听说从他们那儿受到刺激的人可不是一个两个了。就这么巧合，刚才咱们的话题环境和语言都是直接刺激。那你现在想想刘健君，感觉怎么样？”

After a while, I believed some of what she said. She asked about my personal history in detail and concluded that I was stimulated by Eve Liu.

The ex-girlfriend said, "I'm sure it was Eve Liu who stimulated them. The people in their class are particularly stimulating. We heard that more than one or two people were stimulated by them because of their love affairs. It's just a coincidence that our topic environment and language just now were directly stimulating. Now think about Eve Liu, how do you feel?"

我回答：“我一想她，就像似忘记了呼吸，上不来气儿（注2），就懒得动了。这与受刺激有关吗？”

前女友说：“当然相关，都刺激到自主神经了。我就想不出来，怎么刺激得这么深！是不是她故意整你？”

I answered: "When I think of her, it's like I forget to breathe, I can't catch my breath (note 2), and I'm too lazy to move. Is this related to the stimulation?"

The ex-girlfriend said: "Of course it is related, it stimulates the autonomic nerves. I can't figure out why it is so deeply stimulated! Did she deliberately do it to you?"

 

 

注8.7-2，这是被玉女刘建君（女神）创伤后患有呼吸障碍的症状。插图8.7.2-1是古埃及的浮雕。夏娃（即玉女）的头顶显示，他用蜣螂（亦作腐尸虫）击垮了狮子。狮子代表亚当。蜣螂代表亚当被夏娃创伤后，患了胃肠溃疡。图中狮子被装进了代表瓶子的密封容器表示亚当被夏娃创伤后，患有呼吸障碍。

Note 8.7-2, which is a symptom of being traumatized by the Jade Girl Eve Liu (Goddess) and suffering from a respiratory disorder. Illustration 8.7.2-1 is a relief from ancient Egypt. The top of Eve's (i.e., Jade Girl’s) head is shown as she crushes the lion with a dung beetle (also known as a carrion beetle). The lion represents Adam. The dung beetle represents the gastrointestinal ulcer that Adam developed after being traumatized by Eve. The lion is shown in a sealed container representing a bottle indicating that Adam suffered from a breathing disorder after being traumatized by Eve.

插图8.7.2-2和3是古墨西哥被翠玉女创伤后的特拉洛克。图2中用一只手捂住了他的鼻子表示他患有呼吸障碍。图3中古墨西哥人用绷带缠绕特拉洛克的鼻子和鼻子上有带棱角的碎片来表示他患有呼吸障碍。

Illustrations 8.7.2-2 and 3 show Tlaloc in ancient Mexico after being traumatized by Chalchiuhtlicue (Jade Girl, Eve). In Figure 2, a hand is covering his nose to indicate that he has a breathing disorder. In Figure 3, the bandages wrapped around Tlaloc's nose by the ancient Mexicans and the angular fragments on his nose indicate that he has a breathing disorder.

插图4和5是安拉造的亚当（须弥颅）和夏娃（苦芭芭），表示金童须弥颅被玉女苦芭芭创伤后患有呼吸障碍，最终屈服于苦芭芭。图5中狮子代表亚当（须弥颅）。

Illustrations 4 and 5 show Adam (Sumeru) and Eve (Kubaba) created by Allah, indicating that the golden boy Sumeru suffered from respiratory problems after being traumatized by the jade girl Kubaba, and finally succumbed to Kubaba. The lion in Figure 5 represents Adam (Sumeru).

 

8.7-3 心病的治疗 Treatment of Psychosis

我回答：“不可能吧！以前我不认识她，就见三、四次，她整我干嘛！”

前女友说：“咱俩是一样的人，她可不是。她算计一会儿得出的结论，咱们几个人一起算计三天都未必能算计出来。她们那个班的人，那才厉害呢！不过我也认为，你说的有道理。现在最好的办法就是你和她重新成为朋友。婚姻不成不是问题。即便你再喜欢她，她对你没什么感觉，不得病。问题是你们俩的事还没完。你得主动联系她，能保持朋友关系你就没事。什么时候见面了，聊聊；日子久了，叙叙旧；什么时候，你的这个心结就化了。”

I replied, “No way! I didn't know her before, I only saw her three or four times, why would she fix me!”

The ex-girlfriend said, “We are the same person, she is not. What she can figure out in a few moments, a few of us can't even figure out in three days. The people in her class are the best! But I also think you have a point. The best affair to do now is for you and her to become friends again. Marriage not being a problem. Even if you like her very much, but she doesn't feel anything for you, you wouldn’t be sick. The problem is that it's not over between the two of you. You need to reach out to her, and you'll be fine if you can stay friends. Whenever you see each other, talk; when the days are long, catch up; eventually, this knot in your heart melts away.”

我回答：“我和她没关系了，没话说。”

前女友说：“那我联系她，我把我看到的如实告诉她。我们学医的和你们工科的人不一样；在这方面，我们都能理解，而且都有医德。她能懂得如何做。然后，你联系她，保持朋友关系。”

我回答：“我不是那样儿的人，用不着你帮忙。”

I replied, “I have nothing to say to her anymore.”

My ex-girlfriend said, “Then I'll contact her, and I'll tell her truthfully what I saw. We medical students are not like you guys in engineering, we can all understand and have medical ethics in this regard. She can know what to do. Then, you contact her and stay friends.”

I replied, “I am not like that, I don't need your help.”

 

这个女友在离开前说：“有几句话我想让你知道，看以后忘了。精神病跟别的病不同，能引发许多疾病。那些病哪个也治不好，活着没幸福，想活也不会长寿。假如将来，五年、十年后，你的精神病发育成熟了，爆发了，你要注意两点，一，别到医院看医生，如果你信了他们的话，你就死定了。”

我问：“这怎么是第一条？医院的医生都不懂精神病吗？”

This girlfriend said before she left, “There are a few things I want you to know, see to it that you forget them later. Mental illness is different from other illnesses, it can cause many diseases. None of those diseases can be cured. There is no happiness in living, and you won't live long even if you want to. If in the future, five or ten years from now, your mental illness develops and breaks out, you must pay attention to two things, one, don't go to the hospital to see a doctor, if you believe what they say, you'll be dead.”

I asked, “How is that number one? Don't hospital doctors know anything about psychosis?”

前女友说：“因为如果你信了医生的话，第二条再好也没用了。医院精神科的医生，90%不懂精神病。因为不懂才去看医生，你分别不出谁说的对，谁说得不对。而且，即便是你遇到了懂精神病的医生，他也不会告诉你正确的治疗方法，因为他们是少数派，说真话会被告上法庭，送进监狱的。我是个精神病的爱好者，就因为这个，我没办法当精神科的医生。自古以来，精神病行业就是地狱。第二条就是你谁的话也别听，自己买书看。我说的这点儿道理，一般的心理学书如果提到了精神病，就讲这个。到那时候，你读十本世界著名专家的书，得出一个结论：就是我刚才给你说过的。先找引起精神病的创伤，刚才已经找到了。你的创伤就是和刘健君有矛盾。解决办法就是找她好好谈，相互谅解，和解。到那时候，方法还是这个；她让你跪下，你就给她跪下。你可别忘了刘健君，忘了就没救了。”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Because if you believe the doctor, the second one can't be any better. 90% of psychiatrists in hospitals don't understand mental illness. If you go to a doctor because you don't understand, you can't tell who's right and who's wrong. And, even if you meet a doctor who understands psychiatry, he won't tell you the right treatment because they are in the minority and telling the truth will get sued and sent to jail. I'm a fan of psychiatry, and because of that, there's no way I can be a psychiatrist. The psychiatric profession has been hell since the beginning of time. The second rule is that you don't listen to anyone and buy your own books. The point I'm making, the average psychology book if it mentions psychosis, it talks about it. At that point, you read ten books by world-renowned experts and come to one conclusion: it's what I just told you. First look for the trauma that causes psychosis, and we have just found it. Your trauma is having a conflict with Eve Liu. The solution is to find her and have a good talk, mutual understanding and reconciliation. At that point, the method is still the same; if she tells you to kneel, you kneel for her. You mustn't forget about Eve Liu; if you do, you're hopeless.”

 

8.8 闹鬼了 It’s Haunted

1997年9月，我随着1997年新研究生的入学，住进了东北大学第三宿舍。五个室友，李国辉是应届本科上来的，是研究生学生会的主席，其他人都是工作了几年后回来读研究生的。我在忙着作毕业论文，没注意到其他人在议论和戒备我。

In September 1997, I moved into the third dormitory of Northeastern University along with the new graduate students of 1997. Among my five roommates, Guohui Li was a freshman and the president of the Graduate Student Union. The others were all returning to graduate school after working for a few years. I was busy writing my graduation thesis and didn't notice that others were talking about me and were wary of me.

一天晚上在宿舍里，我叨咕：“我发现你们对我很照顾，弄得我很不自在。你们干嘛对我这么客气？我又不是小孩儿，用不着！” 

李文华小声叨咕：“你发现啦！那你怎么还不知道呢！我给你提个醒，那个大姐（注1）。”

One night in the dormitory, I muttered: "I found that you took good care of me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Why are you so polite to me? I'm not a child, so I don't need to be polite!" 

Wenhua Li muttered in a low voice: "You found out! Then why didn't you know it? Let me remind you, that big sister (Note 1)."

 

注8.8-1，他说的大姐是指7.9节中的毕姐。本节谈的是前文刘团长三次调查我，和我的不眩眼所产生的后果。不眩眼，亦作触目，在佛教中被称作肉眼通（参见第3章）。

Note 8.8-1, the big sister he mentioned is Sister Bi in Section 7.9. This section discusses the consequences of the three investigations of me by Troupe Leader Liu in the previous articles and my Non-Dazzling Eyes. The “non-dazzling eyes” are also called “Touching Eyes”, which is called “Flesh Eye Through” in Buddhism (see Chapter 3).

 

我愣住了，“大姐！” 瞪着眼睛看着他，问：“什么大姐？你说什么呢？”

他笑嘻嘻地说：“哎呀！你看我这嘴！该打！” 说着，他打自己的脸。

I was stunned, "Big sister!" I stared at him and asked, "What big sister? What are you talking about?" 

He smiled and said, "Oh! Look at my mouth! I deserve a beating!" Then he hit himself in the face.

我看着他打自己，糊涂了，问：“你干嘛呢！”

他本来停住了，听见我说话后，开始一边说：“你看我这嘴，该打！” 一边更用力地打自己的脸。

I watched him beat himself, confused, and asked, “What are you doing!”

He had stopped and when he heard me, he started to say while saying, “Look at my mouth, I deserve to be hit!” While hitting himself harder in the face.

 

我赶忙跑过去，抓住了他的手，问：“你怎么啦？” 

住我对面床的季倩倩对他说：“李文华！你这个玩笑可开大啦！你不是在准备去洗头发吗！”

李文华慌忙地说：“开玩笑呢，不好意思！这个玩笑可开大了！我去洗头发了！” 他出去了。

I rushed over, grabbed his hand, and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Qianqian Ji, who lived in the bed opposite me, said to him, "Wenhua Li! You're joking too big! Aren't you going to wash your hair?"

Wenhua Li said hurriedly, "I was just joking. Sorry! This is too big a joke! I'm going to wash my hair!" He went out.

我对季倩倩说：“他怎么了？我怎么感觉害怕呢！我得去看看他！”

季倩倩对我大喊：“你不能去！”

I said to Qianqian Ji, “What's wrong with him? Why do I feel scared! I must go see him!”

Ji Qianqian yelled at me, “You can't go!”

 

我出去后回来了，走向他，问：“我怎么不能去？” 季倩倩站了起来，满脸通红地走向我（要打我）。

我上铺的马钢突然大喊：“住手！” 他从床上蹦了下来；又对我说：“他受过刺激！”

I went out and came back, walked towards him and asked, “Why can't I go?” Qianqian Ji stood up and walked towards me with a red face (to hit me).

Ma Gang, who was on my bunk, suddenly yelled, “Stop!” He jumped off the bed; and said to me again, “He's been stimulated!”

我明白了：“哎呀！” 问：“这可怎么办？那刚才，他怎么受刺激了呢？”

马钢说：“他刚才先是开玩笑来着。你过去，把他给吓着了。”

我说：“我也不知道哇！这可怎么办？”

I realized, “Oops!” Asked, “What can we do? Then just now, how did he get stimulated?”

Ma Gang said, “He was joking first just now. You went over and scared him.”

I said, “I don't know! What can we do?”

 

马钢说：“他是你介绍来的，你还不知道！他一来，我们就发现了。没事，他不严重！你去水房看看他吧，别靠近他，站在走廊里说话。”

我出去后想起刚才发生的事，又回来了。马钢正对季倩倩说：“卢岩什么都不知道；他的眼睛不一样。”

Ma Gang said, “He was introduced by you, you don't know it yet!? We found out as soon as he arrived. It's all right, he's not serious! Why don't you go to the water room and check on him, don't go near him, stand in the corridor and talk.”

I went out and came back in remembering what had just happened. Ma Gang was telling Qianqian Ji, “Luyan doesn't know anything; his eyes are different.”

我说：“刚才，我听见你喊‘住手’；好像季倩倩要打我！什么我不知道？”

马钢说：“谁要打你来着！别瞎说了！我们说的事，你确实不知道！你还是去看他吧！”

I said, “Just now, I heard you yell ‘stop’; as if Qianqian Ji was going to hit me! What don’t I know?”

Ma Gang said, “Who's going to hit you! Don't talk nonsense! You really don't know what we're talking about! You'd better go and see him!”

 

我站在走廊里和李文华说话。他说：“我没事！你进来吧！这次，我可丢人了！不好意思！” 我陪他唠了一会儿，回到寝室。

I was standing in the hallway talking to Wenhua Li. He said, “I'm fine! You come in! This time, I'm humiliated! Sorry!” I chatted with him for a while and returned to the dormitory.

李国辉和他们俩满脸严肃地讨论着，看我回来了，说：“我们研究决定了：咱们都刚认识，彼此不了解，都不要过问别人的事；有什么事，等以后互相熟悉了再说。”

我觉得奇怪。

Guohui Li and the two of them were full of serious discussion, see I came back, said: “We have studied and decided: we have just met, do not understand each other, do not ask about other people's business; what is the matter, wait until later familiar with each other.”

I felt strange.

 

8.8-2

两周后的一天，他们告诉我，寝室里的警报解除了，要开庆祝会。我回答：“我才想起来，一个多月了，你们几个一起对付我，整地我像似活见鬼了似的！到底是为了什么？”

李文华笑着对他们说：“他还活见鬼了！” 李国辉说：“没事，我们跟你解释什么！谁能把没事解释清楚。”

One day, two weeks later, they told me that the alarm in the dormitory had been lifted and that they were going to have a celebration. I replied, “I just remembered, it's been over a month, and you guys have been working together against me, and the whole thing seems like I'm seeing living ghosts! What the hell is it about?”

Wenhua Li laughed at them and said, “He's seeing ghosts!” Guohui Li said, “It's alright, we have nothing to explain to you! Who can explain nothing clearly.”

季倩倩对我说：“实际也真是咱这屋闹鬼了！”

室友们后来告诉我的。李国辉对室友们说了，我被太原街的大姐看上了，是来东北大学避难的。他们想：没听说过黑社会的老大还有女的，不过男女都一样。他们观察我，当然被我的不眩眼（参见第3章）反射了回去，证实了他们的观察，被吓坏了。

随后，我发现并认为这些谣言是前文黄老师故意制造的，被气得发晕。

Qianqian Ji said to me: "In fact, our room was really haunted!"

The roommates told me later. Guohui Li told my roommates that I was spotted by a big sister from Taiyuan Street and came to Northeastern University to seek refuge. They thought they have never heard of a female gang leader, but it is the same for men and women. They observed me, and of course my non-dazzling eyes (cf. Chapter 3) reflected, confirming their observations, and they were scared.

Later, I found out and thought that these rumors were deliberately created by Teacher Huang in the previous articles, I was so angry that I fainted.

 

8.9 给色狼戴上墨镜 Putting Sunglasses on the Lusty Wolf

几周后的一天，寝室的人都在，忽然李国辉走到寝室中央，大声说：“大家注意了，啊！今天主席有个提议！我发现一只色狼混进咱们寝室了，老是对我图谋不轨。以前，他看我，我害怕，因为他是黑社会的。现在，他看我一眼，我全身就麻秫秫的一次；看我一眼，我就麻秫秫的一次。我是个男的，他就这样！这要是谁带女朋友来咱寝室，让他看一眼，那！那女生是什么感觉呀！我真想像不出来，所以我提议，咱们寝室，卢岩除外，其他人，每人都交钱来买一副墨镜。咱再定一个室规：谁带女朋友来，进屋之前，先告诉他戴上墨镜。”

A few weeks later, when everyone in the dormitory was there, Guohui Li suddenly walked to the center of the dormitory and said loudly, "Everyone, pay attention! Today, the chairman has a suggestion! I found a lusty wolf who sneaked into our dormitory and always plotted against me. In the past, I was afraid when he looked at me because he was a gangster. Now, every time he looks at me, my whole body goes numb. Every time he looks at me, I go numb. I'm a man, and he is like this! If someone brings a girlfriend to our dormitory and lets him look, then! How will the girl feel! I really can't imagine it, so I suggest that everyone in our dormitory, except Luyan, pay to buy a pair of sunglasses. Let's set a room rule: Whoever brings a girlfriend, tell him to put on sunglasses before entering the room."

 

 

注8.9-1，本小节谈的是不同情况下，不同的人看见肉眼通的眼睛（又名不眩眼，如图8.9-2，触目如图3，参见第3章）的反应。

Note 8.9-1, this section discusses the reactions of different people to the flesh eye through (also known as non-dazzling eyes, as shown in Figure 8.9-2, and Touching Eyes as shown in Figure 3, see Chapter 3) under different circumstances.

 

季倩倩立刻反驳说：“我不同意！人家卢岩，每天从早到晚，总是对我含情脉脉，暗送秋波，我心里感觉可舒服了！要是咱们一起给他买付墨镜，那他还不美起来了！一天到晚，总戴着！那我上哪儿还有这感觉去了！”

我听了感觉不舒服，反驳道：“我都没注意到我看了你；你是不是太自作多情了！”

季倩倩说：“哎呀呀! 这我们早就琢磨明白了！”

Qianqian Ji immediately retorted: “I do not agree! People Luyan, every day from morning to night, always to me imploring, secret glances, I feel very comfortable and enjoyed in my heart! If we buy him a pair of sunglasses together, then he would become arrogant! Wears them all day long! Where else would I feel this way again!?”

I felt uncomfortable and retorted, “I didn't even notice that I was looking at you; you're too self-centered, aren't you?”

Qianqian Ji said: "Oh my! We have already figured this out!"

李国辉愤愤地说：“主席说话你也敢不听！等你女朋友来了，让他看了也是这感觉，就跟你黄！那时候你就该不舒服了！卢岩比你长得好看，你自己还不知道啊！”

Guohui Li said angrily: "How dare you disobey the Chairman! When your girlfriend comes, she will feel the same way when she is looked by him, and she will break up with you! You wouldn’t be comfortable anymore then! Luyan is better look than you, don't you know it yourself!"

我上铺的马钢坐起来了，说：“我才知道，上个月的事，我受害最大！我都在做噩梦了！有两次卢岩不在的时候，我去翻了他的床，找刀。我真害怕，他半夜睡睡地就发狂了，拔出刀来就向上扎我！”

Ma Gang, who was on the upper bunk, sat up and said, "I just realized that I was the biggest victim of last month's incident! I had been having nightmares! Twice when Luyan was not around, I turned over his bed to look for a knife. I was so scared that he might go crazy in the middle of the night and pull out a knife to stab me!"

 

8.9-2 备用女婿 Reserved Son-in-Law

同学们没结婚的，都开始谈恋爱了。一天，我对季倩倩说：“你们就没有多余的女朋友？也给我介绍一个，让我在周末也有点儿事干！” 

他笑着回答：“这事儿是你师母的工作。咱们在东大人生地不熟的，谁了解谁呀！你导师要是不跟人说，别人没人敢介绍。”

我觉着他说的有道理。

Classmates who were not married started dating. One day, I said to Qianqian Ji: "Don't you have any extra girlfriends? Introduce one to me, so that I can have something to do on weekends!"

He smiled and replied: "This is the job of your Teacher Mother (i.e., my adviser’s wife). We are all strangers in Northeastern University, people do not know each other! If your adviser doesn't tell others, no one will dare to introduce you."

I think what he said makes sense.

 

一天晚上我遇见我的导师了，请他给我介绍女朋友。他一听就说：“这可邪了！你居然没有女朋友。” 我和他坐在路边聊了起来。他说：“你师母看见你就喜欢上你了，六、七个月前，让我跟你说给你介绍女朋友。我不同意。就因为这事，我们俩半年没怎么说话了。今天她又跟我找茬，我就躲出来了，遇见了你，你又跟我说这个。”

One evening I met my adviser and asked him to introduce me to a girlfriend. He said, "This is weird! You don't have a girlfriend." We sat on the side of the road and started chatting. He said, "Your teacher mother likes you when she saw you six or seven months ago. She asked me to introduce you to a girlfriend. I disagreed. Because of this, we haven't talked much for half a year. Today she picked a fight with me again, I hid away, so I met you, you told me this again."

我说：“你都这么大岁数了，还因为这点儿事吵个没完！”

他立刻发火了：“我这么大岁数也有个脸呐！我输谁也不能输给她。”

I said, "You are so old, and you are still quarreling over such a small matter!" 

He immediately got angry: "I have dignity at my age! I can lose to anyone but not to her."

 

我说：“赌这个气，可真没必要。那你为什么不同意给我介绍呢？”

他问：“你那个什么大姐是怎么回事！”

我听不懂，问：“什么大姐? 我不明白你说什么呢！”

I said, “There's really no point in betting on that. Then why didn't you agree to introduce me?”

He asked, “What's with that big sister of yours!”

I couldn't understand and asked, “What big sister? I don't understand what you're saying!”

他说：“我也不明白。我这人不爱听闲话。可这一年多了，到处都在议论你（注，如前文所说，黄老师调查了我三次）。我没听明白是怎么回事，但我听说了就不能装作没听见。要是别人通过我给你介绍个女朋友，事后人家姑娘被吓着了，那我可有责任。我这么大岁数了，能不明白这个么。这可不是小事！这是大事！”

He said, “I don't understand it either. I'm a person who doesn't like to listen to gossip. But it's been more than a year now, and you've been talked about everywhere (Note, as mentioned earlier, Teacher Huang investigated me three times). I don't understand what's going on, but I can't pretend I didn't hear it after I heard it. If someone introduces you to a girlfriend through me, and the girl is frightened afterwards, I'll be responsible. I'm too old not to understand this. This is not a small matter! It's a big deal!”

 

我听了觉得有道理。最后他说：“你这事在东北大学是不行了。不过你别着急，你的条件不错，毕业到了新地方就没人知道了，机会多的是！”

It made sense to me. Finally, he said, “This is not going to work for you at Northeastern University. But don't worry, you're in good shape, no one will know when you graduate to a new place, there are plenty of opportunities!”

随后，我想明白了，这是刘团长和黄老师（我和刘健君的介绍人）在故意坏我，把我为刘健君作为备用女婿保存起来了，被气得发晕。我去找了黄老师两次，没找到。我放弃了，认为和他吵架并不解决什么问题，我的名誉在东北大学是没办法改变了。

Subsequently, I figured out that it was Troupe Leader Liu and Teacher Huang (the matchmaker of Eve Liu and I) who were deliberately badgering me, saving me for Eve Liu as a spare son-in-law, and was furious and fuming. I went to look for Teacher Huang twice and couldn't find him. I gave up, figuring that arguing with him wasn't going to solve anything, and that there was no way to change my reputation at Northeastern University.

 

这件是对我的影响很大，在和平房产局和东北大学，少有人给我介绍女朋友，都是因为所谓的黑社会。我害怕将来到了新的工作单位，还会有类似的现象，害怕再落入刘团长的圈套，把我为刘健君保存起来，就不愿意找国家企事业单位的工作。那时我认为私人企业的人不会被刘团长操纵，就只在民营和外国企业中找工作。

This incident had a great impact on me. At the Heping Housekeeping Bureau and Northeastern University, few people introduced me to girlfriends because of the so-called Black Society. I was afraid that similar phenomena would happen again when I went to a new workplace in the future. I was afraid that I would fall into the trap of Troupe Leader Liu and be saved for Eve Liu. So, I was unwilling to look for a job in a state-owned enterprise or institution. At that time, I thought that people in private enterprises would not be manipulated by Troupe Leader Liu, so I only looked for jobs in private and foreign enterprises.

 

8.10 科学家的特质 Traits of a Scientist

一九九八年春，在我的论文答辩会上，评委们吵起来了，还有一个教过我的女教授哭了。接着他们讨论我的论文是不是抄来的。几个教过我的说，没见过。院长说：“这还得问导师！” 

我的导师黄本和说：“他原来的底稿有一寸多厚，一百来个新公式。我告诉他，挑有把握的说，简练些，用不着写那么多。他挑了十来个公式，论文就变成这样了。”

In the spring of 1998, at my dissertation defense, the judges got into a fight and a female professor who had taught me cried. Then they discussed whether my thesis had been copied. Several of those who had taught me said they had never seen it. The dean said: "The thing, we have to ask his advisor!”

My advisor Benhe Huang said: "His original draft was over an inch thick, with a hundred or so new formulas. I told him to pick the ones he was sure of, to be concise, not to write so many. He picked about ten formulas, and the paper turned out like this."

院长说：“啊！你帮着改的。”

我导师转过身了：“我干那个干嘛！我就改了些错别字。”

院长笑咧咧地说：“还有错别字！”

The dean said: "Ah! You helped change it."

My advisor turned around: "What did I do that for! I just corrected some typos."

The dean grinned and said: "And typos!"

 

我导师和院长吵起来了，砸桌子后，走了。一个老师告诉我，快去拽他回来！答辩会，导师不能缺席。我出去拽他，他说，他们太欺负人了。我说，你就再坐会儿，若不然，我的答辩不就得等下次了。他对我说，“哪儿有不通过的！” 说着，他蹦起来朝屋里喊，“他的博士生啥样啊！” 就离开了。

My advisor and the dean got into an argument, slammed the desk, and left. A teacher told me to go drag him back! The advisor can't be absent at a defense meeting. I went out to drag him, but he said, "They're being bullies. I said, "Just sit down for a little while longer, or else my defense will have to wait until next time. He said to me, "There's no such thing as not passing!" With that, he jumped up and yelled into the room, "What about PhD students theirs!" And he left.

我回到答辩会，评委还有几个人提问。一个教过我的教授对我说：“你说得够多了！其它的问题你就回答：没考虑过。”

院长说：“算了，这个就先放下吧！照这样超时诤论下去，咱这答辩工作两个星期也搞不完。叫下一个上台！”

I came back to the defense meeting and there were a few more questions from the judges. One of the professors who had taught me said to me, "You've said enough! For the rest of the questions, you just answer haven't thought about it."

The dean said: "Forget it, let's drop this one! If we go on like this, we won't be able to finish the defense in two weeks. Call the next one to the stage!"

 

8.10-2 无不知而舍 No Unknown is Abandoned

一天，导师黄本和找我谈话，说他可以推荐我去一个煤碳研究所，说那儿没什么出息，但一辈子稳定。随后他说：“他们评你的论文为A，你没什么感觉，但这A在许多研究生中争得厉害。咱院这届的毕业生中出来了几个好的。可能你也听说了，有几个人的硕士论文中有多篇在国内外的期刊发表了。评委给了你个A，却给他们B，你知道为什么吗？”

One day, my advisor Huang came to talk to me and said that he could recommend me to go to a coal research institute. He said that there was no future there, but that it would be stable for the rest of my life. Then he said: "They rated your paper as an A. You don't feel much about it, but this A is very competitive among many graduate students. There are several good graduates in our school this year. Maybe you have heard of it, there are several people whose master's thesis has been published in domestic and foreign journals. The judges gave you an A, but they gave them a B. Do you know why?"

我表示不知道，没想过。

导师说：“这我知道！并不是你的论文有多好，这是他们想招你读他们的博士。”

我回答：“我是分院专科毕业的，各方面的基础真的很差。”

I stated that I didn't know and hadn't thought about it.

My advisor said: "I know this! It's not that your dissertation is so good, it's that they want to recruit you for their PhD."

I replied: "I'm a college graduate and have a really poor foundation in all areas."

 

导师说：“这，他们都知道，已经考虑了你的背景。他们给你A，是开会举手表决，一致通过的，都对你有信心。这里面有个原因：科研人员出成果与否，与性格有关。他们认为你有搞科研的性格特质（注2）。你有这性格，如果肯努力用功，你成功的几率比他们那些好学生高两、三倍。”

My advisor said: "That, they all know it and have considered your background. They gave you an A. It was a vote by show of hands at a meeting, and it was unanimous, and they all have confidence in you. There's a reason for this: whether a researcher produces results or not is related to personality. They think you have the traits (note 2) to do research. You have this trait, if you are willing to work hard, your chances of success are two or three times higher than their good students."

 

 

注8.10-2，这个适合搞科学研究的特质是什么？2014年我在写回忆录时注意到了这个问题，认为是图像思维模式，神经质特质，和诚实的综合体现。这个特质在佛教中被称作“无不知而舍，无知而不舍”，是神佛十八不共法（参见15.1.3）之一。这个特质被列为了神佛的不共法的原因，作者我认为是神或佛的个人生活经历使他们的这个特质特别强烈而且名副其实。例如插图8.10-1至22是墨西哥（亦作雨神，特拉洛克，约活跃在公元1285-1345年，参见第18章）画的生命之树（亦作三千大千世界）。画生命之树是他的大学和研究生时期的研究课题（参见18.2.4节）。插图35是流亡国外的墨西哥，图中的三根权杖表示他还在寻找生命之树的树干。图37是约40岁的墨西哥，他仍在改进生命之树树干的设计。图37中，若把半月脸（代表墨西哥，特拉洛克）放在四禅天（即插图5），腐尸虫（代表胃肠溃疡）会叮他，即会引起他的妻子翠玉女不高兴，会加剧他的胃肠溃疡。他手中的大茶壶表示他患有胃肠溃疡，需要不断地喝水来冲淡有刺激性的胃肠分泌。

Note 8.10-2, what is this trait that makes one suitable for scientific research? I noticed this question when I was writing my memoir in 2014, and I think it is a combination of image thinking mode, neuroticism, and honesty. This quality is called "no unknown is abandoned; no having-known is not abandoned" in Buddhism and is one of the Eighteen God Buddha Uncommon Laws (cf. v. 15.1.3). The reason why this characteristic is listed as a unique law is that the personal life experiences of gods or Buddhas make this trait particularly strong and worthy of their name. For example, illustrations 8.10-1 to 22 are the paintings of the Tree of Life (aka. Three-Grand Great-Grand Worlds) by Mexico (aka. the Rain God, Tlaloc, active around 1285-1345 CE, see Chapter 18). Painting the Tree of Life was his research topic during his college and graduate school years (cf. v. 18.2.4). Illustration 35 is Mexico in exile, and the three scepters in the picture indicate that he is still looking for the trunk of the Tree of Life. Illustration 37 is Mexico at about 40 years old, and he is still improving the design of the trunk of the Tree of Life. In Illustration 37, if the crescent face (representing Mexico, Tlaloc) is placed in the fourth meditation sky (i.e. illustration 5), the carrion beetle (representing gastrointestinal ulcer) will bite him, which means that it will make his wife, Chalchiuhtlicue, unhappy and aggravate his gastrointestinal ulcer. The large teapot in his hand indicates that he suffers from gastrointestinal ulcers and needs to drink water constantly to dilute the irritating gastrointestinal secretions.

 

我问：“我的性格有什么特别的？”

导师说：“我也不太明白，说不好；不过，这一点你不用怀疑。你知道，咱院博士的名声还可以，拿得出手。”

我回答：“我听说了。他们是中国唯一的岩石力学博士后流动站，从五十年代就是世界一流的了。据说，咱院的博士在全世界都受欢迎。就因为他们，汉语已经成为了这个行业的第二语言。”

I asked: "What's so special about my personality?"

Adviser said: "I don't quite understand, I can't say; however, you don't have to doubt this. You know, the reputation of the PhD of our school is not bad to take."

I replied: "I've heard about it. They are the only post-doctoral mobile station for rock mechanics in China and have been world-class since the 1950s. It is said that the doctors from our institute are popular all over the world. Just because of them, Chinese has become the second language of this profession."

导师说：“哪有那么好！就是还行。另外，博士还是某些人观念中一辈子的荣誉。”

我回答：“博士是好听。如果我读博士，都得从头开始学，人家读两、三年，我得读五、六年。”

Adviser said: "It's not that good! It's just okay. Besides, a PhD is still a lifetime honor in some people's conception."

I replied: "A PhD is nice to hear. If I were to do a PhD, I'd have to learn it all from scratch; people do it for two or three years, I'd have to do it for five or six."

 

导师说：“你还这么想！不过，五、六年拿个博士也挺好！值得！”

我说：“能成功当然好。如果我失败了呢！我听说了，他们搞的那套理论，全世界就三百多个人懂。如果我整不明白，这辈子就毁了。”

Adviser said: "You still think so! But it's good to get a PhD in five or six years! It's worth it!"

I said: "Of course it's good to succeed. What if I fail! I've heard that the theory they're working on is understood by only 300 people in the world. If I don't understand it, my life will be ruined."

导师说：“没你想的那么难！如果整不明白，你那硕士论文改改，就能博士毕业了；然后，到哪个学校当个老师，跟我一样。他们那东西，我就不懂。”

Adviser said: "It's not as hard as you think! If you don't understand it, you can just change your master's thesis and graduate with a doctorate; then, you can become a teacher in any school, just like me. I don't understand their stuff."

 

我说：“黄老师你可能不知道，学习中，如果我搞不懂，感觉难受，总是放不下，吃不好，睡不着。如果我整不明白，那我这辈子就毁了。读博士风险太大了，我不读。”

I said: "Teacher Huang, you may not know, in the study, if I can not understand, I feel difficult, always can not let go, can not eat well, can not sleep. If I can't understand, my life will be ruined. Studying a doctorate is too risky, I do not want to."

导师说：“我说了，你可以考虑混个博士。你要混，对于你来说，博士不难！”

我说：“我琢磨过这事，也想过为什么我做事总是那么难？我发现，我什么问题都放不下，混，我是学不会了，就只能找个不用脑的行业。我混了个硕士，是为了不让别人瞧不起我；如果我再混个博士，连我自己都瞧不起我自己了。”

Adviser said: "I said, you can consider playingly get a doctorate. For you, deceitfully getting a PhD is not hard!"

I said: "I've mulled over this and wondered why it's always so hard for me to do things. I realized that I can't let go of any problems! Fooling around is a hard thing for me to learn. So, I'll just find an industry that doesn't use much brain. I deceivingly get a master's degree, so that I wouldn't let others look down on me. If I fool around again to get PhD, even I myself would look down on myself."

 

导师感叹道：“真他妈地！”

我惊讶地问：“怎么了？”

Adviser exclaimed: "Holy shit!"

Surprised, I asked: "What's wrong?"

导师说：“他们就是跟我这么说的，如果你同意读博士，就不会混。我就不信！”

我惊讶了，问：“混的人多了！他们以前都没见过我，就在答辩会上看见我一次，他们都看出来了！”

Adviser said: "That's what they told me, that if you agree to do a PhD, you won't be fooling around, I just didn't believe it!"

I was surprised and asked: "There are a lot of people who are fooling around! They've never even seen me before, saw me just once at the defense meeting, said they that I am not a fooling around person!?”

 

导师说：“对！他们大部分人就只在答辩会上看见了你那一次，就看出来了，说你就是不会混的性格。看来我是真不行，我都认识你五、六年了，什么也没看出来！”

Adviser said: "Right! Most of them just saw you that one time at the defense meeting, and they saw it and said you just don't have the personality to fool. It seems I'm no good, I've known you for five or six years and I didn't see anything!"

 

8.10-3 为浪荡公子平反 Vindication of the Playboy

一天，李国辉站到了寝室的中央，颇有感慨地说：“我要讲讲什么是一俊遮百丑。我师母亲自给卢岩平反，让我向咱院的各个寝室传达。” 他师母是我们院长夫人，资源土木工程学院的秘书，负责管理我们研究生。

他说：“昨天，在咱院的组织工作会上，我师母郑重宣布：‘以前，我老说卢岩是咱院的浪荡公子。结果，人家的论文在咱院的论文评定委员会上，三十三位评委意见一至，全都给评优。人家是下了真功夫的，这肯定假不了。我号招咱全院的学生，以卢岩为楷模，端正态度，努力地真心做学问。以后，谁也不许再叫他浪荡公子了。’”

One day, Guohui Li stood up in the center of the dormitory and said rather emotionally: "Today, I'm going to talk about what is “one handsomeness covers up a hundred uglies”. My teacher mother personally vindicated Luyan and asked me to convey it to all the dormitories in our institution." His teacher's mother is our dean's wife, the secretary of the institute of Resource Civil Engineering, responsible for managing our graduate students.

Li said: "Yesterday, at the organization meeting of our institute, my teacher mother solemnly announced: 'In the past, I always said that Luyan was the prodigal son of our institute. As a result, his thesis was evaluated by the thesis evaluation committee of our academy, and all the thirty-three evaluators were unanimous in their opinions, and all of them gave him an excellent grade. He has put in real effort, it's not fake. I call on all the students at this institute to take Luyan as a model, to correct your attitude, to work hard and sincerely on your studies. From now on, no one should call him a prodigal son anymore.'"

 

8.10-4 赐福 Blessing

一天，我在食堂遇见了住八舍时的室友，那个来自国务院的警察，他向我道喜。我问他我有什么喜事？连他都知道了。他说：“我都听说了，你的毕业论文写得不错，受到了赞赏。” 

我没感觉，回答：“这点儿事算什么！”

One day, I met my roommate from the eighth dormitory, the policeman from State Council, in the cafeteria. He congratulated me. I asked him what good news I had, even he knew about it. He said, "I heard that your graduation thesis was well written and was praised."

I didn't feel anything and replied, "It's nothing!"

他说：“怎么是这点儿事呢！研究生不就是这么回事吗！得到了那帮人的赞赏，一辈子想起来都是高兴的事。人家赐福给你了。”

我愣住了，明白之后说：“有道理，要不是听你说了，我没注意到。”

他说：“你在和平房产局干得挺好；在东北大学，你又提前一年毕业，还整成这样！你确实有与众不同之处，我就是瞪着眼睛看不见你是咋整的（注4）？”

He said, "Why is it just this little thing? Aren’t that what graduate students being like? You will be happy to think about the praise of those people for the rest of your life. They have blessed you."

I was stunned, and then I said, "That makes sense. If I hadn't heard you say it, I wouldn't have noticed it."

He said, "You did a great job at the Heping Real Estate Bureau. You graduated a year early at Northeastern University, and you looked like this! You are indeed different. I just can't see how you did it (4) even with my eyes wide open."

 

注8.10-4，2014年，我写完回忆录后才明白，这是刘团长指使他（来自国务院的警察）和黄老师等人支持我的成果。

Note 8.10-4, It was not until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014 that I realized that this was the result of Troupe Leader Liu instructing him (the policeman from State Council) and Teacher Huang and others to support me.

 

我迷惑地回答：“我也不知道，我真的什么都不知道！你怎么样？什么时候答辩？”

他回答：“我还比你早来几个月呢！到现在，他们还不让我准备博士论文。答辩，还没日程。”

I replied in confusion: "I don't know either, I really don't know anything! How are you? When will you defend your thesis?"

He replied: "I came here a few months earlier than you! Until now, they still won't let me prepare my doctoral thesis. There is no schedule for the defense yet."

 

8.10-5 命运 Fate

一天晚上，我在机电管遇到了黄老师（我和刘健君的介绍人）。他郑重地对我说：在我和刘健君婚姻的事情上，他失败了，但还是很感谢我；以后我有事去求他，他一定会尽力帮助。随后，我茫然地想了几次 “他们对我做了什么？他怎么失败了呢？”此后的很多年，我都偶尔会想起国务院警察说过的 “刘团长一定会成功”，什么事一定会成功？我都没想明白直到2014年写完我的回忆录。

One evening, I met Mr. Huang (the person who introduced Eve Liu to me) at the Electromechanical Building. He told me solemnly that he had failed in my marriage to Liu Jianjun, but he was still very grateful to me; if I asked him for help in the future, he would do his best to help. Afterwards, I thought about it several times in confusion, "What did they do to me? How did he fail?" For many years afterwards, I would occasionally think of what the State Council police said, "Captain Liu will definitely succeed." What will succeed? I didn't figure it out until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014.

 

注8.10-5，什么事？刘团长一定会成功。答：我和刘健君一定会成为夫妻。本书的第一章述说了刘团长为我和他的女儿刘建君定了娃娃亲，并为我做了肉眼通，遗留下了精神病潜伏症。7.3节述说了我和刘建君相亲，被她创伤了，激活了我的精神病潜伏症。本章的8.1至8.7节述说了刘团长设计，让我受到了惊吓，以至于有了精神病发作的迹象。精神病是生命之树上的异熟果（参见11.6.1节），此后五年、十年，或什么时候，精神病的异熟果成熟了，我就会堕入地狱。插图35是墨西哥画的他自己，那时他正从纳瓦特国逃离到国外，可是无论他逃到哪里，成熟后的精神病异熟果都会落在他的筐里，他就会堕入地狱。当然，整疯我卢岩不是刘团长的最终目的，治疗我的疯病的唯一方法是和刘建君结婚，刘团长的最终目的是让我们俩把这件事写成书，利乐众生。

Note 8.10-5, what is it? Troupe Leader Liu will succeed. Answer: Eve Liu and I will become wife and husband. The first chapter of this book tells that Troupe Leader Liu arranged a marriage for me and his daughter Eve Liu, and made “Flesh Eye Through” on me, which left me with latent psychosis. Section 7.3 tells that I went on a blind date with Eve Liu, was traumatized by her, and activated my latent mental illness. Sections 8.1 to 8.7 of this chapter tell that Troupe Leader Liu scared me on purpose, so that I showed signs of psychosis. Mental illness is a mutant fruit (cf. v. 11.6.1) of the tree of life. Five years, ten years, or whenever, the fruit of mental illness will mature, and I will fall into hell. Illustration 35 is a Mexican painting of himself. At that time, he was fleeing away from the country of Nahuatl. However, no matter where he fled, the ripe fruit of mental illness would fall into his basket, and he would fall into hell. Of course, driving me, Luyan, crazy is not Troupe Leader Liu's goal. The only way to cure my madness is to marry Eve Liu. Troupe Leader Liu's goal is for the two of us to write this affair into a book to benefit all sentient beings.

 

返回卢岩回忆录的目录 Return to Contents of Luyan Memoir