卢岩回忆录
本人的回忆录，宗教文化
卢岩的回忆录，28-40岁，1998-2010年；Luyan’s Memoirs, 28-40 years old, 1998-2010.
本章目录 Contents of This Chapter：9.1 拓疆房地产公司 TJ Real Estate Ltd；9.2 岩土顾问公司Soil Engineers Ltd；9.3 黑社会帮我 Mafia Helps Me；9.4 我抑郁了 I'm Depressed；9.5 桫椤给我改性格 Sal Changes my Personality；9.6 迷惑 Muddles；9.7 社会环境 Social Environment； 9.8 把工程作坏 Job Rip；9.9 觉思失调Schizophrenia.
1998年4月，我东北大学硕士毕业了，也失业了。我担心刘团长在背后坏我，到新的工作单位后找不到女朋友，就不愿意去国家机关，学校等国营的企事业单位，认为在私人企业他很难使坏。我喜欢搞房地产，可我是色盲，不愿意练习计算机绘图，使我找工作遇到了困难。我在家里，平时上个英语口语学习班，也参加了GRE的学习班，但我发现GRE对我太难了，学不了。
In April 1998, I graduated with a master's degree from Northeastern University and became unemployed. I was worried that Liu was doing something bad to me behind my back and that I would not be able to find a girlfriend at my new workplace. So, I was unwilling to work in state-owned enterprises and institutions such as government agencies and schools, thinking that it would be difficult for him to do something bad in private enterprises. I like real estate, but I am color blind and unwilling to practice computer graphics, which made it difficult for me to find a job. At home, I usually took an English-speaking class and participated in a GRE class, but I found that GRE was too difficult for me, and I could not learn it.
9.1 拓疆房地产公司TJ Real Estate Ltd
1999年春，辽宁拓疆房地产公司的董事长，刘总找到了我，说他们在沈阳人才市场发现了我的个人简历，让我做这个公司的经理。工作中，刘总让自己找项目，自己做方案，计划成熟了再向他汇报。刘总是1960、70年代在沈阳军区大院里长大的；我接触的人也多是沈阳军区的高干子女。同事们开始给我介绍女朋友了；我把以前的不开心事全忘了。
In the spring of 1999, Mr. Liu, the chairman of Liaoning Tuojiang Real Estate Company, found me and said that they found my resume in the Shenyang Human Resource Market and asked me to be the manager of the company. At work, Mr. Liu asked me to find projects and make plans by myself, to report to him when the plans were mature. Mr. Liu grew up in the compound of the Shenyang Military Region in the 1960s and 1970s; most of the people I met were children of high-ranking officials in the Shenyang Military Region. My colleagues began to introduce girlfriends to me; I forgot all the unhappy affairs in the past.
刘总是会计出身，没什么复杂的经历，可他写了回忆录，而且准备出版（注1）。
我常常对我的工作中弄虚作假的事而烦恼，而且因为工作中所做的亏心事，常常感到恐惧。我申请了移民加拿大，决定如果我在这里工作得不好，就到国外去开辟新天地。
Mr. Liu was an accountant by profession and had no complicated experience, but he wrote a memoir and was preparing to publish it (Note 1).
I was often troubled by the fraud in my work, and I was often afraid because of the bad things I did at work. I applied to immigrate to Canada and decided that if I couldn't work well here, I would go abroad to open a new world.
注9.1，刘总写回忆录的行为对我的影响很大。我写回忆录就是因为他的熏染。
Note 9.1, Mr. Liu's act of writing a memoir had a great influence on me. I wrote my memoir because of his influence.
9.2 岩土工程师公司 Soil Engineers Ltd
2001年4月，我移民到了加拿大的多伦多，一边学英语，一边在肯德基打工。不久后，我结婚了，开始了新的生活。2002年3月，一家岩土工程师有限公司找到了我，作工程质量检测的技术员。面试我的人说是在人才交流中心发现了我找工作的简历。
In April 2001, I immigrated to Toronto, Canada, and worked at KFC while learning English. Shortly afterward, I got married and started a new life. In March 2002, I was approached by Soil Engineers Ltd, a geotechnical engineering company, to work as an engineering quality inspection technician. The person who interviewed me said that he had found my resume in a job exchange center looking for a job.
我上班没多久，就有同事们议论我说，我在中国是个大家族的孩子，和父亲吵架，就自己跑到加拿大了；我父亲委托这家公司的所有者Victor，帮我安排了这份工作。有人对我说：加拿大可不是你这种人该来的地方，你该明白了，回去吧！或者说，你什么时候回国呀！？我对这说法没什么感觉，就认为是他们搞错人了。
I hadn't been at work for long when some of my coworkers were talking about me saying that I was a child of a big family in China, and that I had run away to Canada on my own after a fight with my father; that my father had commissioned Victor, the owner of this company, to help me arrange this job. Someone said to me: Canada is not a place for people like you, it's time for you to realize that and go back! Or when are you going back to your country! I didn't feel anything about this statement and assumed that they had the wrong person.
9.2-2 谣言 Rumors
同事刘加力（Garry Liu），是一位来自台湾的工程师，几次跟我说父子吵架不应该这样。我回答，在大陆，我只是个普通农民家的孩子。
My colleague Garry Liu, an engineer from Taiwan, told me several times that father-son quarrels should not be like this. I replied that in mainland China, I am just a child of an ordinary farmer's family.
一次，刘加力对我生气了，指责我不给爸爸打电话，还说：“你爸给你找工作，就表示他已经后悔了。怎么地？你还想让你爸给你道歉呐！那工作给你找的，你满意不满意的可不是问题所在。你爸他一个大陆人，在加拿大办事能有多大能量！怎么就这点事儿，我就跟你说不明白呢！”
Once, Garry CC. Liu got angry with me, accusing me of not calling my dad and saying, "The fact that your dad got you a job means that he already regrets it. What's wrong with that? You still want your dad to apologize to you! The job is for you, whether you are satisfied or not is not the issue. Your dad is a mainlander, he can't do much in Canada! That's the only thing I can't get through to you!"
我开始明白了，这是刘团长指使人在背后制造的谣言，对他说： “我回家就给他打电话。”
事后我想，这老头子终于后悔了。可让我难受的是，刘团长知道我喜欢刘健君，是因为不喜欢他，所以我不愿意和刘健君交往。老头子心里明白，他得多难过！
I began to understand that this was a rumor created behind the scenes by Troupe Leader Liu's instructions, and said to him, “I'll call him when I get home.”
Afterwards I thought, this old man finally regretted it. But what makes me feel bad is that Troupe Leader Liu knows that I like his daughter Eve Liu, because I don't like him, so I don't want to go out with Eve Liu. The old man understood in his heart, how sad he had to be!
9.2-3 窃听 Eavesdropping
一次，公司在每个员工工资支票的信封里放了一个通知，说有人监听我们公司技术人员的电话，让所有的员工不要使用公司的电话作为媒体来交流测量数据和商谈质量评定。随后经理在公司开会时说，我们也琢磨不出为什么有人监听我们技术人员的电话，但是总公司发现了这个问题。
At one point, the company put a notice in the envelope of each employee's paycheck saying that someone was listening in on our company's technicians' phone calls and that all employees should refrain from using the company's phones as a medium for exchanging measurement data and negotiating quality ratings. The manager then said at a company meeting that we couldn't figure out why someone was tapping our technicians' phones, but the home office found out about it.
当时，对此我没在意。后来，我怀疑我家的电话被窃听了。电话的声音小，声音不清晰，像似被串联了许多电话。我更换了电话公司。开始还好，可不久后，电话的音质又变差了。随后十来年，这一问题都纠缠着我。我没办法，只是心里想，“我没有秘密，让你们听去吧”。可是，我总感觉个人隐私被泄露了；这事对我觉思失调症（Schizophrenia）的形成和爆发有很大的作用。
At the time, this didn't bother me. Later, I suspected that my home phone was tapped. The phone's voice was small and unclear, like it was strung up for many calls. I changed phone companies. It was fine at first, but soon after, the sound quality of the phone got worse again. This problem haunted me for the next ten years or so. I had no choice but to think to myself, “I have no secrets, let you hear them”. However, I always felt that my privacy had been compromised; this played a big role in the development and outbreak of my Schizophrenia.
9.2-4 糊涂的争吵 Confused Argument
一天在Mclaughlin Rd crossing Derry Rd 西北角的工地，忽然工地的经理和另外几个人怒气冲冲地来和我吵架，指责几件我不知道的事。开始时，他们说我撒谎，还是很生气。后来，他们看我的表情是既没生气也没笑，是在认真地分析他们所说的事。他们几个相互质疑说：“咱们是在和谁打架呢！？他们相互商量，结论是都是从XXX地方，那两个中国人那里听来的，他们在骗我们。”几个人愤愤地离开了。
One day at the site on the NW corner of Mclaughlin Rd and Derry Rd, suddenly the site manager and a couple of other guys came in angry and argued with me, accusing me of a couple of things I didn't know. At first, they said I was lying and still angry. Later, they looked at me with an expression of neither anger nor laughter and were seriously analyzing what they were saying. Several of them questioned each other and said: who we are fighting with! They discussed with each other and concluded that they had heard it all from XXX place, from those two Chinese, and that they were lying to us. They left angrily.
注9.2-4，这种挑唆别人和我打架来改善我性格的作法，道理上和5.2节，9.3节，以及9.5节桫椤的作法相同。
Note 9.2-4: This method of improving my personality by instigating others to fight with me is essentially the same as in Sections 5.2, 9.3, and 9.5.
9.3 黑手党帮我打架 Mafia Fight for Me
2003年夏，我在Mavis Rd and Steels Rd工地工作。这是一个很大的工程，开发区里在开发学校，商场，公园，和千余栋房子。工程前期施工承包商是TACC，是加拿大一个很大的私人施工企业。
In the summer of 2003, I worked at the Mavis Rd crossing Steels Rd site. It was a large project, with a school, a shopping mall, two parks, and thousands of houses being developed. The pre-construction contractor was TACC, a large private construction company in Canada.
一天下午，快要下班的时间，几个50左右岁，自称是工会的，有白头发的意大利人来到工地，还故意露出他们的手枪，说：“你们这个工地的人有种族歧视，对卢岩没礼貌。下班后，除了卢岩，别人谁也不准离开。” 当晚，那几个意大利人就跟工地上所有其他人一个一个地谈话，了解情况。
One afternoon, near the end of the shift, several Italians in their fifties, claiming to be from the union, with gray hair, came to the site and deliberately showed their pistols, saying, "You people at this site are racist and rude to Luyan. After work, no one else is allowed to leave except Luyan." That evening, those Italians talked to all the other people on the construction site one by one to find out what was going on.
第二天，工地的人们问我：“怎么回事啊？你有什么意见不能直接说？你找那帮人！他们就是电影电视里拿机关枪的那帮人。这可不是在开玩笑，会出人命的。” 当然，我是真不知道发生了什么事。
The next day, people at the site asked me, "What's going on? What is your opinion? You can say it directly, should not look for those guys. They are the ones with the machine guns in the movies and TV. It's not a joke; people can get killed." Of course, I really didn't know what was going on.
两个星期后，那群带着枪的意大利人又来了，说：我们警告过你们，你们对卢岩没礼貌，你们不听。” 他们和一个工人吵起来了，推倒了那个工人，用枪把打了几下，还说：“把他送医院去，住院三天。” 事后，工地经理Bob和一些人找到我，问是怎么回事，让我好好想想是不是跟谁抱怨过他们的不是。我真的从来没抱怨过。Bob说：“你再好好想想，什么时候想起了什么，就告诉我。这次那帮人是给我们个警告，没真打人。那个工人伤得不重，但是我们已经跟医院的人说好了，让他住院一个星期。那帮人是靠面子吃饭的，若是他们的面子在咱这儿丢了，咱们可赔不起！”
Two weeks later, the group of Italians with guns came back and said, "We warned you that you were rude to Luyan, and you didn't listen." They got into a fight with one of the workers, pushed the worker down, hit him a few strokes with the gun handle, and said, "Take him to the hospital and hospitalize him for three days." Afterward, Bob, the site manager, and some of the guys approached me, asked what was going on and asked me to think about whether I had complained to anyone about what they weren't doing. I never complained to anyone. Bob said, "Think about it again, and let me know when you remember anything. They gave us a warning this time, they didn't really hit anyone. The worker wasn't badly hurt, but we've talked to the hospital people to keep him in for a week. Those guys eat by face, if they lose face here, we can't afford to pay for it!"
9.3-2
工地中有很多不同的工种，人员的流动很大，许多人我都分不清谁是干什么的，谁是新来的。有人在谈这件奇怪的事，我就去听了。
There were a lot of different types of work on the site, and there was a lot of turnovers of people, many of whom I couldn't tell who was doing what and who was new. Someone was talking about this strange affair, and I went to listen.
他们问我：“是你老板干的？”
我回答：“不可能！我们公司的实力不如你们公司的百分之一。你们老板还有许多亲戚有自己的大企业；谁敢惹你们公司！”
They asked me, "Did your boss do it?"
I replied, "No way! Our company is not as strong as one percent of your company. Your boss has many other relatives with big businesses of their own, who would dare mess with your company!"
他们当中有人说：“是这么回事！那帮人是谁给他们钱就给谁干活。这事肯定是人干的，而且那个人肯定和你有关系，是你爸爸？”
我回答：“我连个房子都买不起。我爸爸哪里有钱，干这种事。”
One of them said, "That's how it is! Those guys work for whoever pays them. Someone must have done this, and that someone must be related to you, is it your father?"
I replied, "I can't even afford a house. Where would my father get the money to do such a thing."
他们当中有人说：“有人认为人生幸福不幸福不在于有多少钱，而在于性格。有钱人跟咱穷人想的不一样，就有人认为找人帮着打架对改善性格有帮助（注2）。你再想想，是不是你的哪个亲戚干的？现在咱这里还没出什么事，没什么关系。”
他们帮我回忆了所有亲戚，我都回答：“他们既没钱，又没这知识，也没这能力。”
One of them said, "Some people think that happiness in life does not depend on how much money you have, but on your personality. Rich people don't think the same way as we poor people do, so there are people who think that getting help in a fight will help improve personality (Annotation 2). Think again. Is it one of your relatives who did it? Nothing has happened to us here yet; it doesn’t matter yet!"
They helped me recall all my relatives, and I replied, "They have neither the money, nor the knowledge, nor the ability."
注9.3-2，这说法，前文5.2节《在集市打架》中的那个前女友她爸爸说过。
Annotation 9.3-2, this same statement was made by her father, the ex-girlfriend in the previous section 5.2, "Fighting at the Fair".
9.3-3
过了几天，工地经理Bob找我谈话。他说，前些日子他从外面找来两伙儿明白人，对前些天发生的奇怪事进行了调查，都跟我卢岩谈过几次。前天下雨的时候，我卢岩不在工地，他们全体员工和外来的两伙儿明白人一起开了个会。会议中，全体员工一起对那件奇怪的事举手表决，全数通过决议。我卢岩也是工地的一员，应该服从决议，合作：
After a few days, Bob, the site manager, approached me to talk. He said that some days ago he got two groups of wise people from outside to investigate the strange affairs that happened some days ago, and all of them talked to me, Luyan, several times. When it was raining the day before yesterday, I, Luyan, was not at the construction site, and all their employees and the two groups of wise people from outside had a meeting together. In the meeting, all the employees together on that strange affair by a show of hands, all through the resolution. I, Luyan, am also a member of the construction site and should obey the resolution and cooperate:
1. 他们决定不报警，自己处理。原因是，如果报警，这个工地肯定就被关闭，调查耗时至少两个月，结果什么也查不出来。这两个月所有工人就没活干，待在家里。但是，黑社会那帮人的事儿没办成，还把面子丢了，那我们这里就有可能有人被打死。
1. They decided not to call the police and deal with it themselves. The reason was that if the police were called, the site would surely be closed, the investigation would take at least two months, and nothing would be found out as a result. During these two months, all the workers would have no work to do and would stay at home. However, if the Italian mafia fails to get anything done and loses face, then there is a possibility that some of us may be killed.
2. 黑社会那帮人想办什么事呢？你们新移民的境况，我们都很清楚，以前在自己国家都混得不错，结果来这里干这些没人愿意干，辛苦还不挣多少钱的工作。你们生活得不开心，满腹牢骚。就有一个你的有钱亲戚知道了你的情况，难受了，所以咱们的工地就出现这件怪事了。前几天，那两伙明白人在调查你的时候，跟你说过：有人认为，人生的前途和幸福取决于性格，而找黑社会帮着打架能改善性格。虽然这作法也有很多不好的影响，但就有人认为利大于弊，就有人迷信这事。这种说法虽然是我们意大利人的，而你那个有钱的亲戚是中国人。在会上，我们全体100多人一致认同：你们中国人也应该是这么认为的，全世界的人都一样。
2. What did those Italian mafia want to accomplish? We know very well the situation of you new immigrants. You used to be doing well in your own country, but now you come here to do these jobs that no one wants to do, and you work hard and don't earn much money. You are unhappy and full of complaints. Just one of your rich relatives knows about your situation and has a tough time with it, so we have this weird thing going on at our construction site. A few days ago, when those two groups of wise people who were investigating you, they told you that some people believe that the future and happiness of life depends on personality, and that finding triads to help fight can improve personality. Although this practice has many harmful effects, there are those who believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and there are those who are superstitious about it. Although we Italians have this belief, and your rich relative is a Chinese. At the meeting, all of us agreed: you Chinese should think the same way, and so should the rest of the world.
3. 那因为这事，我们可不能跟你打架呀！这事说大就大，早就已经触犯刑法了，还可能出人命；说是小事，就是小事，人家还真没让我们做多为难的事。我们决定就按他们的意思做，那两伙儿明白人都告诉我们怎么做了。我跟你商量，要求你配合我们。从现在起，你就是这个工地的老大 ，你走路时要挺直身体，说话办事要硬，要横，说一不二。我们所有人都已经安排好了，都配合你。
3. We can't fight with you because of this! This is a big matter, it has already violated the criminal law, and people may be killed; but saying it is a small matter, then it is a small matter, and they have not really asked us to do anything difficult. We decided to do what they wanted; the two groups of wise people have told us how to do. I am talking to you and asking you to cooperate with us. From now on, you are the boss of this construction site, you must walk with a straight body, talk, and act hard, be gross, and say one thing but not another. All of us have decided to cooperate with you.
和Bob谈话后，工地里的人们都开始训练我。早上见面一定要站直了，相互打招呼，而且声音要大，要霸气，等。有时候，我没注意，就可能被对方提醒说，“站直了，大点儿声，有人在看，你别看（他们）！” 开始时，我还向工地外看，说，“那不是个中东人么！” “哎呀，还中东人！我们在这里土生土长几十年了，都分别不出谁是干什么的；你来加拿大两年半，就能看出谁是黑社会的！在多伦多谁都不知道谁是干什么的。人家要是发现我们在演戏，那再教训教训我们，会死人的！”
工地的人都很认真，很害怕，我也随着害怕了，变得认真起来了。
After talking to Bob, people in the construction site started to train me. When we meet in the morning, we must stand up straight, greet each other, and be loud, bossy, etc. Sometimes, when I wasn't paying attention, I could be reminded by the other person, "Stand up straight, speak up, someone's watching, don't look at (them)!" At first, I would look out at the construction site and say, "Isn't that a Middle Eastern guy!" "Oh, a Middle Easterner! We have been here for decades, and we can't tell who's doing what; you come to Canada for two and a half years and you can tell who's in the triads! In Toronto nobody knows who does what. If they find out we're acting, then teach us another lesson, it'll kill us!"
The people at the construction site were serious and scared, and I became serious with the fear.
9.3-4
几天之后，我想出来了，这事是刘健君她爸刘团长干的，很感动，心想，“老头子老了，终于后悔他对我做过的事了，要弥补。可是你要帮我，就帮我买座房子呗！整点儿钱都捐给黑社会了！”
这件黑手党帮我打架的事持续了一个多月。
A few days later, I figured out that this is done by Eve Liu’s father, Troup Leader Liu, very moved, thinking, "The old man is old, finally regret what he did to me to make amends. But if you want to help me, just buy me a house! The whole bit of money goes to the mafia!"
This mafia helped me fight for over a month.
注9.3.4, 这两伙儿明白人给出的对策正确吗？答：正确！刘团长就喜欢这个；这行为代表着最胜真如，参见16.2节《离垢地》和5.3节《威仪路》。
Annotation 9.3.4, Is the response given by the two group of wise people, correct? Answer: Correct! Troupe Leader Liu likes this; this behavior represents the Most Victorious True suchness, see Section 16.2 “Heartland of Leave Filth,” and Section 5.3 “Majesty Path”.
9.4 我抑郁了 I was Depressed.
2003年9月的一天，一个工地，同事刘加力（Garry Liu）气冲冲地来找我，说： “我又听说你不给你爸爸打电话。你爸爸委托你的邻居和朋友劝你，你谁的话也不听。” 我愣住了，明白过来后，问：“是谁让你来劝我？”
One day in September 2003, at a construction site, my colleague Garry.CC. Liu came to me angrily, said, "I heard again that you don't call your dad. Your dad entrusts your neighbors and friends to persuade you, and you don't listen to anyone.” I was stunned, and after understanding it, I asked, "Who asked you to persuade me?"
刘加力（Garry Liu）愣住了，知道自己是突然说了这个话题，回答说：“谁也没让我来劝你。前天我去世嘉堡 (Scarborough)开会，休息时，有人故意在我后面说你的事。这不是他们知道我和你的关系不错，又和我不熟，就故意这么做，让我来劝你么！这事咱们全公司的人都知道了，结果我跟你连这点事都说不明白，那我是啥人呐！我还怎么做人呐！你还知道，你爸爸的身体不好，说不定哪天就咽气了。你怎么就感受不到他老人家的那片心呢！我跟你说，等他死了，你肯定后悔，到那时，你肠子悔青了也没用！我还听说你爸爸知道你在加拿大生活得不开心，想尽办法来帮你，可是你就是不接受！这爹跟儿子打架，儿子生气到你这种程度的，我长这么大，就从来没听说过！”
Garry Liu was stunned, knowing that he suddenly mentioned this topic, and replied: "No one asked me to persuade you. I went to Scarborough for a meeting the day before yesterday. During the break, someone deliberately talked about you behind me. Isn’t this because they know that I have a good relationship with you and they are not familiar with me, so they did this deliberately to asked me to persuade you! Everyone in our company knows about this, but I can’t even explain this to you, so who am I? How can I be a human being! You also know that your father's health is bad, and he might die at anytime. Why can't you feel the old man's heart? Let me tell you, when he dies, you will regret. By then, it will be useless even if you regretted your intestines into blue! I also heard that your father knew that you were unhappy living in Canada and tried his best to help you, but you just refused to accept him! A father fights with his son, and the son is as angry as you are. I have never heard of it in my whole life! "
刘加力和我一样，都是老实人，生气脸就红。这时，他激动得像是要哭了似的。我赶紧说：“我知道了，回家就给他打电话。过一段时间，回去看他。”
Garry like me, is an honest person, and his face turns red when he is angry. At this time, he was so excited that he seemed to cry. I hurriedly said, "I know, I'll call him when I get home. After some time, I go back to see him.”
他走了，一会儿又回来了，说：“他们没说你爸爸病危，你回家的事可能也用不着那么着急。我看你脸色不好，像是病了。我已经跟工地的经理说了，你把这里的工作交给我。今天，你早点回去，好好休息休息！”
He left and came back after a while and said, "They didn't say that your father was critically ill, so you probably didn't need to be in such a hurry to get home. I see that you don't look good, as if you are sick. I have already told the manager of the construction site. Now, leave the work here to me. Today, you go back early and have a good rest!"
9.4-2
回家的路上，我把车开到一个空停车场，然后放声大哭。这时，我虽是怀疑，但认为我以前在和平房产局（参见第6章）和在拓疆房地产公司（参见9.1节）工作时，背后有刘团长的帮助。我出国后，没有了他的帮助，两年多了，连个正经的工作都找不着。我回国去看望他，说什么呀！？没脸去见他！我又想：这是刘健君到现在还没找着对象，还结婚后又离婚了！？老头子又想起我来了，又闹心了！可是我已经结婚了，还能怎么办！我失声哭过后，全身舒服了，忽然想，“老头子这是又玩什么花样？你不是要用 “死不瞑目” 诅咒我么，一辈子不能和我见面吗?”
On the way home, I pulled into an empty parking lot and let loose. At this point, although I was skeptical, I thought that when I used to work at Heping Housekeeping Bureau (see Chapter 6) and at TJ Real Estate Ltd (see Section 9.1), I had the help of Troupe Leader Liu. After I left China, without his help, I couldn't even find a decent job for two or three years. When I went back to China to visit him, what did I say? I didn't have the face to see him! I also thought that this is Eve Liu so far has not found a partner or married and then divorced! The old man remembered me again, and disturbed! But I'm already married, what else can I do! After I lost my voice and cried, my whole body comfortable, suddenly thought, “the old man this is again playing what tricks? Aren't you going to curse me with ‘Die with Eyes Open’, and not be able to see me for life?”
注9.4-2，就在这时，“死不瞑目”（参见2.4节《刘团长对桃花劫的讲解》）这个诅咒从我的无意识跳到了意识。我感觉刘团长是在诅咒我，但我并没有回忆出什么证据，只是隐约地感觉我在第6章《和平房产局》时，也是他在背后帮助我。
Annotation 9.4-2, just at this moment, the curse of “Die with Eyes Open” (cf. v. 2.4) jumped from my unconscious to my conscious mind. I felt that Troup Leader Liu was cursing me, but I did not recall any evidence of this, except that I had a vague feeling that he was also behind me in Chapter 6 “Heping Housekeeping Bureau”.
9.4-3
一天夜里，我妻子突然对我说：“你怎么了？三更半夜不睡觉，在那里唉声叹气！”
我说：“我什么也没想。”
妻子说：“我都看得很清楚，自从我说我怀孕了，你就不开心了，一天天的总是闷闷不乐，在那里发呆。”
这时我才意识到，两周前和刘加力谈话后，我的全身都像是有沉重的感觉（注3），不一样，心情也不一样。将有孩子了，我和妻子商量换家公寓住。我也打算找份新工作，离开这家岩土顾问公司，那老头子（刘团长）就找不着我了。
One night, my wife suddenly said to me, “What's wrong with you? Not sleeping in the middle of the night, sighing there!”
I answered, “I'm not thinking about anything.”
My wife said, “I can see it all very clearly, ever since I said I was pregnant, you've been unhappy, and you're always moping around day after day.”
At this time, I realized that two weeks ago after talking to Garry, my whole body is like a heavy feeling (Annotation 3), different, and different mood. There will be a child, and my wife and I are discussing a new apartment to live in. I was also planning to find a new job and leave this geotechnical consultancy, so that old man (Troupe Leader Liu) wouldn't be able to find me anymore.
注9.4-3，当时我不懂，现在想来，那时我患了抑郁症。
Annotation 9.4-3, I didn't understand it at that time, but now I think that I suffered from depression at that time.
9.5 桫椤给我改性格 Sal Changes my Personality
2004年8月，我到Davroc 测试实验室有限公司工作。老板桫椤（Sal Fasullo，如插图9.5）是个意大利人，50岁左右。他有个小心计，就是给新来的员工多到做不完的工作，还总催促快、快、快。这样让新员工在刚到新环境时变成勤快人。结果，我不知不觉中变成了勤快人。桫椤看到了我性格的变化，对他这个小计划的成功感到骄傲，但有美中不足。
In August 2004, I joined Davroc Engineering & Testing Ltd. The owner, Sal Fasullo (see fig. 9.5), is an Italian, about 50 years old. He has a careful plan, that is, to give the new employees too much work to do, and always urge fast, fast, fast. This makes new employees more diligent when they first arrive in a new environment. As a result, I unknowingly became a diligent person. Sal saw the change in my personality, was proud of the success of his little project, but there was a fly in the ointment.
随着长子的出世，我开始了新生活，工作之余出去钓鱼，整天无所事事。两年后在一次公司聚餐中，桫椤看着我们，对女秘书，安琪拉，说：“咱公司的人都怕我；你说我怕谁？”
安琪拉说：“我不知道你在自己的公司里还怕人，你怕谁？”
With the birth of my first son, I started a new life, going fishing outside of work and doing nothing all day. Two years later, at a company dinner, Sal looked at us and said to the female secretary, Angela: "The people in our company are afraid of me; Who do you say I'm afraid of?”
Angela said: "I don't know that you are still afraid of people in your own company, who are you afraid of?”
桫椤说：“我怕卢岩！不知道咋回事。他刚来的时候，还是我面试的他呢。当时看见他，我就毛愣愣的。他走了我就琢磨：我为什么这么害怕呢（注1）！？所以从他来公司上班，我就开始观察他。我琢磨了这两年了，才明白：他是个好人！你知道啥叫好人不？”
注9.5-1，这是我肉眼通（参见第3章）的作用，看见的人感受各异。
Sal said, "I'm afraid of Yan Lu! I don't know what's going on. When he first arrived, I interviewed him. When I saw him, I was stunned. When he left, I wondered: Why am I so afraid? So, from the day he came to work, I started observing him. I pondered it for two years before I realized: he is a Goodman! Do you know what is a Goodman?
Annotation 9.5-1, this is the effect of my “Flesh Eye Through” (refers to chapter 3), and people who see it feel differently.
安琪拉被问得不安了，说：“我本来知道！但你这么问，我就不知道了。他到底哪里不一样？”
桫椤说：“你就是不知道什么是好人！真正好人的世界里没坏人；卢岩看我是好人!”
Angela was disturbed by the question and said: "I knew! But if you ask that, I don't know. What is different about him?”
Sal Fasullo said: "You just don't know what a Goodman is! There are no bad people in the world of Goodman’s eyes; Luyan sees me as a good person!"
安琪拉说：“啊！你是坏人！”
桫椤说：“我说的这种好人，罕见！全世界有多少个？我不知道，也许有60个。他没亲眼看见人杀人，就不相信人会杀人。”
Angela said: "Ah! You are the bad guy!”
Sal said, "The kind of Goodmen I'm talking about are rare! How many are there in the world? I don't know, maybe 60 of them. He didn't believe that people would kill without seeing them kill with his own eyes.”
安琪拉问：“那他就没在报刊杂志、电视电影里看过？”
桫椤回答：“当然看见了，但那种在媒体上看见的对他的影响小。”
Angela asked, "Then he hasn't seen it in newspapers, magazines, TV movies?"
Sal replied, "Of course he saw it, but what he saw in the media had little effect on him."
安琪拉问：“这卢岩是不是傻呀？”
桫椤立刻说：“你才傻呢！傻咱还说他干啥！在某些方面卢岩还很聪明！他能理解出许多别人琢磨不明白的事。”
Angela asked, "Is this Luyan stupid?"
Sal immediately said: “You’re stupid! Silly, let's say what he does! In some ways, Luyan is still smart! He can understand many things that others do not understand.”
桫椤又说，他看见我生气，就害怕，怕得连心都哆嗦。他最终没研究明白为什么，但他想出了一个解决办法。他说我生气是因为我在工地受气了，懦弱，不打架。过后，我想起来生气，责怪他这个经理没做好本职工作。他说，在工地受气了就应该立刻和他们打架，不打架是我的性格所致。作为男人，这性格可不行。他说他是我懦弱性格的最大受害者。为了解决这个问题，他决定把我的性格改一改。
Sal also said that when he saw me angry, he was afraid, so afraid that his heart trembled. He didn't figure out why in the end, but he came up with a solution. He said that I was angry because I was bullied at the construction site, and I was cowardly and didn't fight. Later, I remembered that I was angry and blamed him as a manager for not doing his job well. He said that if I was bullied at the construction site, I should have fought with them immediately. And I didn't fight because of my personality. As a man, this personality is not acceptable. He said that he was the biggest victim of my cowardly personality. To solve this problem, he decided to change my personality.
安琪拉惊讶了，说：“性格还能改！咋改？你还有这本事！”
桫椤骄傲地说：“看你，又不知道了吧！人都说我，干啥啥不行，啥都不知道！其实他们都不知道：我就干这个在行。怎么做？你就等我以后告诉你吧！照我说的做就行了。”
前面聚会时谈的话，我没在意。我是搞工程质量检测和建筑材料取样的，常常一天走几个工地。
Angela was surprised and said, "You can change personality! How? You can do it!"
Sal Fasullo said proudly, "Look at you, you don't know anything again! People say I can't do anything, and I don't know anything! In fact, they don't know I am good at this. How to do it? You just wait for me to tell you later! Just do as I say."
I didn't pay much attention to what was said at the previous gathering. I was doing project quality inspection and building material sampling, and I often visited several construction sites a day.
事例一 Case 1
一段时间后，工地里有人向我抱怨：“我们一直很尊重你，没对你有区别对待，你怎么抱怨我们不尊重你呢？”
我回答：“我没发现你们不尊重我，没抱怨过。”
“什么你没抱怨过！我们公司来电话，说你怎么，怎么的。”
这我当然生气了，我没做过那事，就吵。随后，他们向我道歉，说一定是公司里的人把名字搞错了。
After a while, someone on the construction site complained to me: "We have always respected you and did not treat you differently, why do you complain that we do not respect you?"
I replied, "I didn't see you disrespecting me, I didn't complain."
"What haven't you complained about! Our company calls and says how you are, how you are.”
Of course, I was angry, I didn't do that, just argued. Later, they apologized to me, saying that someone in the company must have mistaken the name.
事例二 Case 2
一次，我去个工地，感觉人们很怪异，说话带刺，就说：“你们这地方，怎么这么特殊呢！”
甲人说： “是！连我自己都感觉自己特殊！”
我感觉事情不妙，对另一个人说：“哎呀！我感觉有人用话熏我呢！”
Once, I went to a construction site and felt that people were weird and prickly, so I said, "Why is this place so special!"
Person A said, "Yes! Even I feel special!”
I felt that things were not going well and said to another person, "Oops! I feel like someone is smoking me with words!”
乙人对甲说： “别挑训！” 我当然愣住了，叨咕：“我什么时候害着它了！”
有人劝我：“别理它，他今天早上吃错药了。”
Person B said to Person A: "Don't pick on him!" Of course, I was stunned and muttered: "When did I hurt him!"
Someone advised me: "Ignore him, he took the wrong medicine this morning."
我委屈又认真地说：“我真想不起来，发生什么事了！”
来人拉我走说：“什么都没发生，你能知道什么。谁也不知道他跟谁生气了！”
I said aggrievedly and seriously: "I really can't remember what happened!"
The person pulled me away and said: "Nothing happened, what can you know. No one knows who he was angry with!"
事例三 Case 3
一次，我去个工地去取测试材料的样本，忽然工地的人对我的态度变了，告诉我说：“我们从安全上考虑，你不能自己去那里取样儿，我们派某人把样品给你取来，你在这里等着。”
Once, I went to a construction site to get samples of test materials. Suddenly, the people at the construction site changed their attitude towards me and told me: "For safety reasons, you can't go there to get samples by yourself. We will send someone to get the samples for you. You wait here."
我感觉奇怪！就争吵：“我以前都是自己去取的，某某人不知道怎么做工程材料取样儿。你们要搞什么鬼？日后材料质量出了问题，问我，我怎么回答呀！不行！”
I felt strange! So, I argued: "I used to get them by myself. Someone doesn't know how to take samples of construction materials. What are you doing? If there is a problem with the quality of the materials in the future and they ask me, how can I answer? No way!"
工地的人说：“这是我们领导告诉我们这么做的！”
我说：“我活见鬼了！取样就必须由我自己做，这是规范和我的工作要求。你们这是在浪费我的时间！我不记得我们有什么过结。你们怎么突然刁难起我来了！”
最后，他们也没办法，就都陪我一起去取样本。
The people at the construction site said, "Our leader told us to do this!"
I said, "What the hell! I must do the sampling myself. This is the specification and my job requirement. You are wasting my time! I don't remember any conflicts between us. Why are you suddenly making things difficult for me!"
Finally, they had no choice but to go with me to collect samples.
对我的影响 Impact on Me
几个月的事情里有蛊怪（腐尸虫在作怪，如图9.5-2）。我渐渐地明白了：肯定是桫椤背后搞鬼；他想让我有脾气，头上长角，身上长刺！我气愤地对自己叨咕：“改性格！竟扯这些没用的！你咋不给我涨工资呢！”
There were carrion beetles (aka. Thor’s Devils, see figs. 9.5-2) causing trouble in the past few months. I gradually realized that it must be Sal Fasullo who plotted the incidents; he wanted me to have a temper, grow horns on my head, and thorns on my body! I angrily muttered to myself: "Change my personality! These are useless! Why don't you give me a raise!"
一次在工地，我忽然向工地四周望，想，“那老头子（刘团长）几年都不来逗我玩儿了，他是不是死了！？小时候，崔凤龙姨父（注，是刘团长安排给我的启蒙老师）经常逗我玩，后来他（刘团长）就来和我寻开心，现在他死了，没人再注意到我了！在国内，有他的照顾，我工作中还有个脸；到加拿大五、六年了，我连个工程师都没混上。”安省工程师学会让我参加它们的工程师资格审查考试，我拖拖拉拉，到现在还没认真准备。从此，我开始认真准备工程师的资格考试了。
Once at a construction site, I suddenly looked around and thought, "That old man (Troupe Leader Liu) hasn't come to play with me for several years. Is he dead? When I was a child, Uncle Dragon (note, who is my revelation-teacher arranged by Troupe leader Liu) often played with me. Later, he (Troupe Leader Liu) came to have fun with me. Now he is dead, and no one pays attention to me anymore! In China, with his care, I still have a face at work; I have been in Canada for five or six years, but I haven't even become an engineer." The Ontario Institute of Engineers asked me to take their engineer qualification examination, but I procrastinated and have not prepared seriously until now. From then on, I began to prepare seriously for the engineer qualification examination.
事例四 Case 4
一次在多伦多的TTC Mt Dennis Bus Garage工地，多伦多地铁工会，还有他们从外地请来的两位专家，组成了一个调查组来调查我。他们对会议记录里留下的我的抱怨处理不了。几个人轮流过来和我谈话，后来一起来了。他们谁也看不明白我的眼神（肉眼通），认为我知道他们调查的策略，在嘲笑他们。
Once at the TTC Mt Dennis Bus Garage site in Toronto, the Toronto Metro Union, and two experts they brought in from out of town formed an investigation team to investigate me. They couldn't handle my complaints left in the minutes. Several people took turns coming to talk to me, and later came together. None of them could understand my eyes (Flesh Eye through, refers to chapter 3), thought I knew the tactics they were investigating, and were laughing at them.
我说：“我可没时间跟你们闲聊，我还要干活呢！”
一个人说：“我们这哪是在闲聊！从记录上第一次出现了你的抱怨，我们就努力改正，让人们注意礼貌。到现在有三、四次你受到不公平待遇的记录了，我们处理不了，在做决定是否交给警察来处理！”
I said, "I don't have time to make small talk with you, I still have to work!"
One person said, "Where are we gossiping! From the first time your complaint appeared on the record, we worked hard to correct it and get people to pay attention to politeness. So far, there are three or four records of you being treated unfairly, we can't deal with it, and we are deciding whether to hand it over to the police!”
另一个人说：“受害人什么都不知道，怎么报警！”
他们走的时候，还在议论，一个人说：“这肯定是他们公司搞的鬼。”
Another said: "The victim doesn't know anything, how to call the police!"
When they left, they were still talking, and one person said, "This must be Davroc tricking us!”
另一个人问：“那，他们公司干这事儿干啥？”
过了几天，我才想起来，这又是桫椤在给我改性格.
Another asked, "So, why do they trick us?”
It took me a few days to remember that it was Sal Fasullo who was changing my personality again.
事例五 Case 5
我外出工作，和我们公司别的部门的人唠嗑，他们说我和桫椤关系好：桫椤对我像是他儿子似的，说我是我们公司的二老板。我对此事很烦，认为他们是瞎说。他们却很认真，说：这是真的！我都听说好久了，咱公司里都这么说。但是，我认为这是拿我寻开心，这话题没意思。
说的人多了，渐渐地，我对这种说法接受了，认为我自己的工作干得好，得到了老板的肯定。
I went out to work and chatted with people from other departments of our company, they said that I had a good relationship with Sal: Sal treated me like his son, and I was the second boss of our company. I was annoyed by this and thought they were talking nonsense. But they were serious and said: This is true! I've heard it for a long time, and we all say it in our company. However, I think this is making fun of me, and this topic is not interesting.
More people said it, and gradually, I accepted this statement, thinking that I had done a good job and was affirmed by the boss.
9.6 迷惑 Muddles
事例六 Case 6
我们公司有数百个市政的工程项目。我认识很多市政工程监理，他们互相议论我。一次，市政监理甲当着我的面告诉他的和我不熟的同事：这个卢岩，可不是一般人物。他干活，干什么样就是什么样！你千万别打电话到他们公司抱怨。”
我和新监理都不明白，问：为什么？
Our company has hundreds of municipal engineering projects. I know many municipal engineering supervisors, and they talk about me. Once, Municipal Supervisor A told his colleague who I didn’t know well in front of me: This Lu Yan is not an ordinary person. He works the way he does! You must not call their company to complain. "
The new supervisor and I didn’t understand, so we asked: Why?
监理甲说： “他们老板对待他（说我呢）就像对待亲儿子似的；有人说，比亲儿子还亲。”
这我们就更不明白了，继续问。
Supervisor A said, "Their boss treats him (saying of me) like a son; Some people say that it is closer than a son.”
This, we don't understand even more, continue to ask.
监理甲说： “桫椤几天看不见他，就想他，在办公室走来走去，还叨咕：这卢岩上哪去了呢？怎么几天不回公司了！他们公司的女秘书知道他是想他了，就劝：要不我打电话，把他叫回来？桫椤就说：那不用！但是他还是闹心。你说谁对他自己的儿子这样：几天见不着，就闹心成这样？”
我们都不明白，说：“没有，现实生活里，父亲对儿子这样的，少见！”
Supervisor A said: " Sal Fasullo couldn't see him for a few days, so he thought about him, walked around the office, and muttered: Where is Luyan? Why don't he come back for a few days! The female secretary of their company knew that he missed him, so she advised: How about I call him back? Sal would answer, ‘No need!’ But he was still disturbed. Who do you say to his own son: if he can't see him for a few days, he misses him like that?”
We didn't understand and said, "No, in real life, it's rare for a father to miss his son like that!”
听着的人都感觉奇怪，桫椤是意大利人，我卢岩是中国人，问：那他俩见面什么样？
监理甲说： “我刚听着的时候也不信，可这都是听他们公司的人说的。他们公司里也没人明白，就观察他们俩；他俩见面时，和所有的老板和雇员关系一样，一点儿也不特别，就是互相看看，有时说几句话。”
Everyone who listened felt strange, Sal is an Italian, I Luyan is a Chinese, asked: So, what was it like for them to meet?
Supervisor A said: "I didn't believe it when I first heard, but I listened to the people in their company. No one in their company understood it, so they observed both. When they met, like all bosses and employees, they were not special at all, just looking at each other and sometimes saying a few words.”
有人问：“要是谁，打电话到他们公司抱怨卢岩，会怎么样？”
监理甲说： “那桫椤肯定立刻打电话到他的老板那里，整他一身不是。这都有人试验过多少次了。桫椤就认为这个卢岩，什么都好，就没有不好的地方，没有犯错的时候。不信，你试试？”
Someone asked, "What if anyone calls their company to complain about Luyan?"
Supervisor A said: "Sal must have called his boss immediately, he is not all over. Many times, people have tried this! Sal thought that this Luyan, everything is good, there is no bad place, there is no time to make mistakes. Don't believe it, you try?”
新监理说：“你别扯了！小事看不出来，没人在乎。真整出事了，把工地整停工了，那我可遭殃了！”
开始时，我听了，感觉新奇，可是听得多了，也渐渐地信了。我认为，我工作做得好，公司里有问题的工程，烂尾工程，甚至已经纠纷到了法庭的工程，我常做；但是，这是把我放进了风险之中（注1），桫椤在利用我的无知。
The new supervisor said, "Don't pull it off! Little affairs can’t see, no one cares. If something really happened, and the construction site was shut down, then I would suffer!”
At first, I heard it and felt novel, after I heard it more and more, gradually believed it. I thought that I do a good job, and I often do problematic projects in the company, unfinished projects, even projects that have been disputed to the court; but this put me at risk (Annotation 1), Sal was exploiting my ignorance.
注9.6-1，我的感知渐渐地脱离了现实，进入了歧途；这些糊涂就产生了觉思失调症，俗称精神分裂症。
Note 9.6-1, my perception gradually detached from reality and went astray; these muddles gave rise to mental disorder, commonly known as schizophrenia.
事例七 Case 7
怪事就发生了，常有人要看我。工地里，认识我的人还给介绍：“就是他！谁看了，谁琢磨，谁也琢磨不明白！你看！这浑身上下，没有一点儿特殊的地方！”
然后，那个要看我的人就上下打量我，表情严肃不屑：总是让想看我的人失望！
我感觉又好气，又好笑：你们怎么这么奇怪呢！
Strange affairs happen, people often want to see me. At the construction site, people who knew me introduced me to others: “That's him! Whoever reads, who ponders, no one understands! You see! There is nothing special about this whole body!”
Then, the person who wanted to see me looked me up and down with a serious and disdainful expression: always disappointing those who wanted to see me!
I felt angry and amused: why are you so weird!?
事例八 Case 8
一次，在一个地铁工程的工地，工地的经理从开始耽误我的时间，我完成工作就要离开。工地经理突然着急地喊：“哎！哎！你不能走！”
我可感觉奇怪了：“我怎么还不能离开呢？”
Once, at a subway project site, the manager of the construction site delayed me from the beginning, and I was about to leave after finishing the work. The site manager suddenly shouted anxiously: "Hey! Ay! You can't go!”
I wondered: "Why can't I leave yet?"
那个经理想了半天，说：“这事我也不明白！我就从头说。上星期，我在我们工程科里开会，他们就议论：他们都没见过你，就想看看你。最后决定，让我找个活儿，把你叫来；他们来这儿看你！昨天，我还特意对你们公司的主管说：就让你卢岩来取材料，别人不行！别把人名儿整错喽！结果你就来了。他们还没到。”
The manager thought for a long time and said: "I don't understand this either! I'll start from the beginning. Last week, I had a meeting in our engineering department, and they said: They haven't seen you; they want to see you. Finally decided, let me find a job and call you here; They come here to see you! Yesterday, I also specially said to the director of your company: Just let you Luyan come to get the samples, others can't! Don't make a mistake about people's names! So, here you are. They haven't arrived yet.”
我当然感觉奇怪：“他们是谁呀？为什么要看我？”
那个经理说：“我说的是真话！我真的不明白，但是他们要看你！那看就看看呗！你在这儿等着，我们为你的等待付费！”
我虽然感觉奇怪，顺从了。
Of course, I wondered, "Who are they?" Why look at me?”
The manager said: “I'm telling the truth! I don't really understand, but they want to see you! Then look! You wait here, we pay for your waiting!”
Although I felt strange, I obeyed.
案例九 Case 9
一次，在多伦多市政的一个工地，也发生了（事例8）的事。我就问那个多伦多的市政监理，他们为什么想看我？
这个新市政监理说：“没人知道！就连想看你的人，老板他自己也不知道！他就说：几个月没看见卢岩了！你们谁的工地有事，把他叫来，我去看看他。”
Once, at a construction site in the city of Toronto, something happened like above Case 8. I asked the Toronto city inspector: “why did they want to see me?”
The new municipal inspector answered: "Nobody knows! Even the person who wants to see you, the boss himself does not know! He said: I haven't seen Luyan for months! Which of you has something to do at the construction site, call him and I'll go see him.”
我说：“这事儿，我是真糊涂，一点点的线索都没有。”
监理说：“我们也是真不知道。我们监理们在办公室里，见面了，没事问候就说：见着卢岩没有？卢岩又干什么了？人们都想听。工程处的办公室里，到处都是你的报告。”
I said: "I'm really confused about this, don’t have the slightest clue.”
The supervisor said: “We really don't know. We supervisors were in the office, met, and said when there was nothing to greet: Did you see Luyan? What did Luyan do again? People want to hear it. Your reports are everywhere in the Engineering Department offices.”
我听了更觉得奇怪了：“你们市政雇用的工程质量检测公司，怎么地也有三、四家。我们公司里就有三、四十个技术员。怎么他们的办公室里到处都是我的报告呢？”
监理说：“他们不看别人的报告！就看你的。他们总问：‘有没有卢岩的报告？’ 那我们有了，就得送。他们接到了，就摆在那儿，结果就成那样了！人们就这样儿，谁也不明白到底是为了什么！”
I listened and felt even more strange: “Our Davroc alone has 40s technicians, and at least, there are three or four engineering quality inspection companies employed by your municipality, why are their offices full of my reports?”
The supervisor said: "They don't read other people's reports! It's up to you. They always asked, ‘Is there any report from Luyan?' Then we have it, we must send it. They received it, put it there, so it turned out like that! People are like this, no one understands what it is for!”
注9.6-2，多伦多市政有上百位监理，为什么那么多人在一起都没发现我哪里特别？答：我的肉眼通（亦作不眩眼，如图9.6-2-3，触目，如图4，参见第三章）的眼神反射可以激发观望者内心深处的感情；人的心事各异，他们得到的结论数据发散，找不到共同点。
Note 9.6-2: There are hundreds of supervisors in the Toronto Municipal Administration. Why didn’t they find anything special about me when they were all together? Answer: My Flesh Eye Through (also known as Non-Dazzling Eyes, as shown in Figure 9.6-2-3, Touching Eyes, as shown in Figure 4, cf. chapter 3) can stimulate the deep feelings of the observers; people’s thoughts are different, so the conclusions and data they get diverge, they can’t find common ground.
这我就想啊！这是我做的工程都是争议的工程！所以，人们都问我干什么了！所以，他们那些工程师们都看我的报告！就我这个没心没肺的人，都不管设计说明，不顾行业工程规定，乱出主意，瞎指挥。干好了，没人说啥，要是有问题了，没人说我过去有功劳。要是有人说我伪造数据，那我的工程师执照白考了，还没用上呢，就丢掉了！
This is what I thought at that time! The projects I do, all are controversial! So, people asked me what I did! So, their engineers read my reports! As far as I, a person with no heart and no limits, did not care about the design instructions, ignored the industry engineering regulations, came up with random ideas, and blindly directed. Well, done, no one said anything, if there were a problem, no one would say that I had credit in the past. If someone says that I falsified data, then my engineer license was taken in vain, was lost before I can use it!
来看我的人时常有，有的是工程建筑业的老板，有的是他们的家属，笑嘻嘻的，看了就走。我对此总是迷惑，分析不出任何原因。
在2010年春，我的工程师考试通过了，我要找实习工程师的工作。桫椤同意了三个月后让我作这个实验室的实习工程师。
There are often people who come to see me, some are bosses in the engineering and construction industry, some are their families, smiling, watching, and leaving. I am always confused about this and cannot analyze for any reason.
In the spring of 2010, I passed my engineer exam, and I was looking for a job as a trainee engineer. Sal Fasullo agreed to make me a trainee engineer in the lab three months later.
9.7 社会环境 Social Environment
2010年4月的一天，我开车在路上，忽然发现刹车不工作，踩到底了才有一点儿作用。我小心翼翼地把车开到了我习惯去的汽车维修店，去换机油。我把车钥匙交给他们时，却把刹车失灵的事忘记了。
One day in April 2010, I was driving on the road, suddenly noticed that the brakes were not working, and it only had a little effect when I stepped to the end. I carefully drove the car to the auto repair shop I used to go to change the oil. When I handed them the car key, I forgot about the brake failure.
车维修完了，我去取钥匙时，本来那个结账的服务员是个欧洲的白人小姑娘，她突然被召唤进去了，换了个说汉语的华裔人来为我结账。他拿着我的钥匙，四处看了看，伸头到我脸的附近，用汉语小声说： “卢先生，你的车闸我们已经替你紧过了，你的车现在安全了。” 我答应着，没在意，但当我走到门口时，全身出汗了。人人都知道：车闸出事有两种可能的原因，一是来自事故，二是人为的。我的车近几个月都没事故，是有人在故意害我！
When I went to get the keys after the car was repaired, the waiter who was originally checking out was a little white girl from Europe, but she was suddenly summoned in and replaced with a Chinese-speaking Chinese to check out for me. He took my key, looked around, reached near my face, and whispered in Chinese: “Mr. Luyan, we have tightened your brakes for you, and your car is safe now.” I answered without attention, but when I walked to the door, I was sweating all over. Everyone knows that there are two possible reasons for a brake accident, one is from an accident and the other is man-made. My car hasn't had an accident in recent months, someone is deliberately harming me!
在回家的路上，我一直想谁在害我？一、两个小时内，几次出汗。随后，我的生活和工作中就出现了奇奇怪怪的事（注1）。
On the way home, I kept thinking who was harming me? Sweating several times in one or two hours. Then strange things happened in my life and work (Annotation 1).
注9.7-1，我受到了严重的惊吓，身心处于高度的恐惧和怀疑之中；肾上腺激素等分泌维持着这种身心状态，多星期时间不能被降下来，致使我的心理容纳空间变小了，思想多走入极端。
Annotation 9.7-1, I was severely frightened, physically, and mentally in a high state of fear and doubt; adrenal hormones etc. secretions maintained this bodily and mentally drowsy state, could not be lowered for weeks, resulting in a smaller space for my mental behaviors, thinks were rampaging extremely.
9.7-2 美国不欢迎我 I'm not Welcome in America.
2001年移民加拿大后，一次我回国乘飞机经由美国。美国警察来接我，伴随我上了另一架飞机。回加拿大时在芝加哥转机，我被扣留在了机场，等待审查结果。等了十几个小时之后，一个警察来跟我说： “老规矩，你可能都知道了！限你48小时之内离开美国。你在美国期间，我会一直陪着你；吃饭、睡觉、上厕所、去商店，去公园，我都陪着你。”
After immigrating to Canada in 2001, I returned home and flew through the United States. The American police came to pick me up and accompanied me to another plane. Transiting in Chicago on my way back to Canada, I was detained at the airport awaiting the results of the review. After waiting for more than a dozen hours, a policeman came to me and said, "You probably know the old rules! You are allowed to leave the U.S. within 48 hours. I will always be with you while you are in the United States; Eat, sleep, go to the toilet, go to the store, go to the park, I will accompany you.”
我对此很生气。美国警察说：“这你有什么生气的！美国和中国的关系不是那么友好；美国不欢迎你这种人！你来这儿干什么？”
我回答：“什么也不干，就是转机、路过！若不是你们把我扣留下来，这时候，我已经在加拿大自己的家里了！”
I was very angry about this. The American police said: "Why are you angry? The relationship between the United States and China is not so friendly; the United States does not welcome people like you! What are you doing here?"
I replied: "Nothing, just transiting, passing by! If you hadn't detained me, I would have been in my own home in Canada by now!"
他说：“我在计算机屏幕上都看到了，十几个组织调查了你十几个小时。你来这里没事！？我才不信呢！当然，你不可能告诉我！我只是按照计算机屏幕告诉我的，例行公事，做我的工作。”
He said, "I saw it all on the computer screen. More than a dozen organizations have been investigating you for more than a dozen hours. You are fine coming here!? I don't believe it! Of course, you can't tell me! I just follow what the computer screen tells me, routine, do my job."
注9.7-2，从2001年到2010年，美国中央情报局对我的关注是引发我觉思失调症的一个因素。我怎么被列入了美国的不欢迎人物名单？直到2014年，我写完回忆录才明白。1996年，一次我和室友，那个来自国务院的警察（参见第7章《东北大学》）谈话时，他说： “他们（去砸美国领事馆的同学）进没进美国的那个名单，我不知道，但你是已经进去了。对不起！都是因为我。我这种人一出北京，就会被他们盯得死死的。我来东北大学读博士，碰巧和你住一个寝室一年多。他们就不这么认为；他们认为我和你有什么勾搭，所以你就被列进了美国的那个名单。”
Note 9.7-2, from 2001 to 2010, the CIA’s attention to me was a factor in triggering my schizophrenia. How was I included in the list of unwelcome persons in the United States? I didn’t understand it until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014. In 1996, when I was talking to my roommate, the policeman from the State Council (see Chapter 7 "Northeastern University"), he said: "I don’t know whether they (the students who went to smash the US consulate) are on the US list, but you are already on it. I’m sorry! It’s all because of me. People like me will be closely watched by them once we leave Beijing. I came to Northeastern University to study for a doctorate and happened to live in the same dormitory with you for more than a year. They don’t think so; they think I have something in common with you, so you were included in the US list."
那怎么还10多个部门一起研究我呢？与我这个国务院警察室友对应的美国国家部门就是美国电影中的那种“X-file” 警察。他们是直接受美国白宫领导的秘密警察，涉及的部门多。
Why are there more than 10 parties investigating me? The US national department corresponding to my State Council police roommate is the "X-file" police in American movies. They are secret agency directly under the leadership of the White House, they involve many departments.
9.7-3 事例二 Case 2
例如，一次，加拿大联邦警察打电话问我：“你在XXX时间，去了YYY地方；你到那里干什么？”
我回答：“那时我在多伦多，那段时间，我就没离开过多伦多。你可以打电话去我工作的DAVROC 询问一下；那时我在上班啊！”
For example, once, the Canadian federal police called me and asked, "You went to YYY place at XXX time; what were you doing there?"
I answered, "I was in Toronto at that time, and I never left Toronto during that period. You can call DAVROC where I work to ask; I was at work at that time!"
加拿大警察说：“美国那帮人（注3）在调查你，要看你的档案。这件事，我们有困难。不过，我们可以帮你找人权律师，起诉他们。”
我回答：“你们有困难，就让他们看吧！我没钱，负担不起雇用律师的费用。”
The Canadian police said: "Those American people (Note 2) are investigating you and want to see your file. We have difficulty with this matter. However, we can help you find a human rights lawyer to sue them."
I replied: "If you have difficulties, let them see it! I have no money and cannot afford to hire a lawyer."
事后，我想加拿大警察怎么说 “那帮美国人” （注3）！他们是谁！？
加拿大联邦警察多次因为 “美国那帮人” （注3） 打电话给我；我不知道为什么，谁在监视我。他们的调查进入了我的信誉记录；我就麻烦了，却无可奈何。
Afterwards, I wondered what the Canadian police said about "those Americans" (Note 2)! Who are they!?
The Canadian federal police called me many times because of "those Americans" (Note 2); I didn't know why or who was watching me. Their investigation entered my credit record; I was in trouble, but there was nothing I could do.
注9.7-3，加拿大联邦警察所说的 “那帮美国人”是什么人？请允许我先解释我的那个国务院警察室友是什么人？一次，他对我说：“你这种人，如果我不告诉你，你一辈子不会知道我是什么人。我是国务院审查公安部报告的文职人员。我们这种人很多，国务院采用公司制管理，用了个不相关的公司名。我们本质上是国务院的员工，但国务院不准我们随便使用国务院的名头。” 类似的，加拿大警察所说的 “那帮美国人”就是用了假名的美国白宫的工作人员。如果加拿大警察告诉了我他们的公司名，反倒是欺骗了我。
Note 9.7-3, who are “those Americans” mentioned by the Canadian federal police? Please allow me to first explain who my State Council police roommate is. Once, he said to me: "If I don't tell you, you will never know who I am. I am a paper-work-checking worker of State Council who reviews reports from the Ministry of Public Security. There are many people like us. The State Council adopts a corporate management system and uses an unrelated company name. We are essentially employees of State Council, but the State Council does not allow us to use the name of the State Council casually." Similarly, the "Those Americans" mentioned by the Canadian police are the staff of White House who used pseudonyms. If the Canadian police told me the name of their company, they would have deceived me.
9.7-4 事例三 Case 3
2010年4月，我去RBC银行申请买房贷款。银行的贷款经纪人看了我的信誉记录后，忽然说： “哎呀！你是国际人物（注3），我们不知道你是谁，不和你这种人做生意！”
我立刻懵了：“什么国际人物！？我的信誉记录里哪条表明了：我是国际人物？”
In April 2010, I went to RBC Bank to apply for a mortgage. After looking at my credit record, the bank's loan broker suddenly said: "Oh! You are an international figure (Note 3), we don't know who you are, don't do business with people like you!"
I was immediately confused: "What international figure!? Which line in my credit record shows that I am an international figure?"
从2002年起，我一直都有警察监视我的困惑；直至2014年写完回忆录，明白了此中的缘由。
Since 2002, I have been confused by the police monitoring me; until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014, I understood the reason.
9.8 把工程作坏 Job Rip
一天，在多伦多的Yonge St and Finch Ave工地，那个技术员突然请假离开了，我接替了他。这是个铺设2公里长公路表层沥青路面的工程。我的工作是检测沥青混凝土的压实密度。
One day, at the Yonge St and Finch Ave site in Toronto, the technician suddenly took time off work， I took his place. This is a project to lay the surface asphalt of a 2-kilometre-long road. My job is to detect the compaction density of asphalt concrete.
铺沥青路面压实的工作有三道工序：一是铺设沥青混凝土机器刚刚摊平混凝土，压路机立刻碾压，震碎混凝土中的结块儿；二是10或15分钟后，压路机第二次压实，达到目标密实度的底线；三是混凝土的温度比较低了，作最后的路表平整工作，使路面美观，有一些压实的功能。我的工作是在第二次压实时作密度测试，确保压实工作能达到工程质量的要求。
There are three processes in the compaction of asphalt pavement: First, the asphalt concrete laying machine has just flattened the concrete, and the road roller immediately crushes and breaks the agglomerates in the concrete; Second, after 10 or 15 minutes, the roller compacts for the second time to reach the bottom line of the target compactness; Third, the temperature of the concrete is relatively low, and the final road surface leveling work is done to make the road surface beautiful and have some compaction functions. My job is to do density tests in the second compaction time to ensure that the compaction work meets the requirements of engineering quality.
工作开始后，我测试了，然后告诉了开压路机的人，合格了。过了一会儿，那人开着压路机继续压。我过去测了一下密度，告诉他，这密度已经超过了要求的密度，你不要再压了，那人离开了。可随后那人说他去洗手间，却在我的后面继续压实已经合格了的路面。我又走回去告诉他，他又离开了；可他一边离开，一边用震动压实。我注意到了他的压路工作有密度高低的格式（注，开压路机的人在故意破坏工程质量）。
After the work began, I tested it, and then told the person who operated the roller that it passed. After a while, the operator drove the roller and continued to press. I went over, measured the density, told him that the density had exceeded the required density, you don't press anymore, the man left. But then the man said he went to the bathroom, but behind me continued to compact the already qualified pavement. I walked back to tell him, he left again. But on his way leaving, he compacted with vibration. I noticed that his roller work had a high-and low-density format (Annotation, the roller operator was deliberately destroying the quality of the work).
工作休息时，我来到了他们休息的地方。建筑公司的技术员开始告诉那个开压路机的人如何继续他的压路工作。他们就这么当着我的面搞破坏工作。这事我只在上中学时的历史书上看见过：故意把路压坏。我立刻意识到了，我正身处于有组织的犯罪团伙正在犯罪的过程中；我的世界变得昏暗了。我不知道谁和谁在搞恶性竞争，但我遇上了，就是倒霉！
During the break from work, I came to the place where they rested. The technician of the construction company began to tell the roller operator how to continue his compaction work. They just sabotage in my face. I only saw this in the history books of middle school: deliberately crushing the road to ruin the work. I realized immediately that I was in an organized crime gang that was committing crimes; my world has darkened. I don't know who is engaged in vicious competition with whom, but I ran into it, it was bad luck!
随后，我去和施工队的领队谈话，向他抱怨。他板着脸，没说一句话。这时，我感觉真是活见鬼了，这工地的人都是强盗。市政监理也不在。整条路面被压得密度高高低低，如同马赛克。我手中所有的测量数据都变成了假数据。我从头开测，得到真实数据，保护自己。等我完成我自己的工作，天已经黑了。我就把报告如实交上去了。
Afterwards, I went to talk to the leader of the construction team and complained to him. He kept a straight face and didn't say a word. At this time, I felt devastating, and the people at this construction site all were robbers, thieves. The municipal supervisor was also not there. The entire road surface is pressed to high and low, like a mosaic. All the measurements in my hands turned into fake data. I started the test from scratch, got real data, and protected myself. By the time I finished my own work, it was dark already. I handed in the report truthfully.
我晚上回家认为有人跟踪我，监视我，认为有人窃听我的电话。
I came home at night thinking that someone was following me, watching me, thinking that someone was tapping my phone.
9.8-2
第二天上班，市政出事了。同事们都不理我了。桫椤去市政开会了。市政同时请了三家质量检测公司进行测试；测量的结果密度都是高低不均。他们紧急召开工程师会议，决议是所使用的沥青混凝土是个新配方，质量不稳定。结果，多伦多市政取消了这份价值三千万元沥青混凝土订单。
The next day at work, something happened to the municipality. My colleagues ignored me. Sal Fasullo went to a municipal meeting. The municipality also invited three quality inspection companies to conduct tests; The resulting densities are also high and low, uneven. They urgently convened a meeting of engineers and decided that the asphalt concrete used was a new formula and of unstable quality. As a result, the City of Toronto cancelled the $30 million asphalt concrete order.
这种事情发生了；我认为我们公司Davroc也有责任。那时，我相信如果改变我们的报告表格纸，添两个新栏目，让技术人员记录压路机的类型，重量，再对沥青浇筑程序做些粗略描述，那么那些坏人就不会再选择Davroc来做他们的下一个“把工程做坏”的项目了。
This kind of affair happened; I think our company Davroc is responsible also. At that time, I believe if change our report paper form, put on two new blocks which technician should record compaction machine’s type, weight, and rough description of asphalt placing progress, then those bad people wouldn’t choose Davroc to do their next “Job Rip” project anymore.
我去Barrie以前同事的家里去取他们公司的表格，途中感觉有人跟踪我。第二天去到桫椤的办公室，他不听我说话，说：“我这买卖做了几十年了，做得挺好！听你的，还不定整出来什么麻烦呢！”
I went to Barrie's former colleague's home to pick up their company form, and on the way, I felt someone was following me. When I went to Sal Fasullo's office the next day, he didn't listen to me and said: “I've been doing this business for decades, and it's doing a pretty good job! Listen to you, maybe there will be any trouble!”
9.8-3
随后的工作中和生活中，许多奇怪的事发生了。我的身体，包括头和脸已经被多天的紧张、恐惧、怀疑产生的不适、和沉重的感觉充满了。路上总是感觉有人跟踪我，电话被窃听，家里被人安装了窃听器，摄像镜头。我此时的内心世界，（觉思失调的世界里），桫椤派人暗中保护我，可他也怕我去报警。那时，我认为，资本家之间的恶性竞争中，如果某些人的心理承受不住了，就可能出事故，比如某人被暗杀。而我，根本就不知道在他们的斗争中，自己处于什么位置，以及是否有危险。
Later days, many strange things happened. My body, including my head and face, was filled with days of tension, fear, discomfort from doubt, and heavy feelings. On the road, I always felt that someone was following me, my phone was tapped, someone was installing a bugging device and a video camera in my home. In my inner world at this time, (in my world of schizophrenia), Sal Fasullo sent someone to secretly protect me, but he was also afraid that I would call the police. At that time, I thought that in the vicious competition between capitalists, if some people's psychology could not bear it, there could be accidents, such as someone being assassinated. And I have no idea where I stand in their struggle and whether there is danger.
注9.8-1，本节之前的第1章《娃娃婚约》，述说了我一岁时受到了刘团长的惊吓，患了婴幼儿神经发育失调症。7.3节和刘健君《相亲》时受到了她的刺激。8.4节《大惊失色》受到了刘健君的父亲刘团长的威胁，我再次受到了惊吓，创伤严重。那一年多的时间里，我的精神病潜伏症发育迅速，以至于在8.7节《出故事的人》中，就有了发作的迹象。本小节述说了我的精神病发育成熟了，爆发的经过。精神病的发病程度属于 “严重” ；但这时我还不知道自己病了。
Note 9.8-1, before this section, chapter 1 “Child Marriage Contract” describes how I was frightened by Troupe Leader Liu when I was one year old and suffered from infant neurodevelopmental disorders. In section 7.3 “Blind Date with Eve Liu”, I was stimulated by her. Section 8.4 “I was Shocked”, I was threatened by Eve Liu’s father, Troupe Leader Liu, shocked again and severely traumatized. Over that year, my psychotic latent disorder developed so rapidly that there were signs of schizophrenia in Section 8.7 “The Person Initiates Stories”. This section describes how my psychosis matured and aroused. The degree of psychosis is “severe”; But I didn't know I was sick at that time.
读者可能会有疑问，一岁时的事和此时的病相关吗？答：这种病一般都可以追溯到幼年。
Readers may wonder, is the incident at the age of one related to the disease at this time? Answer: The disease can generally be traced back to early childhood.
9.9 觉思失调 Schizophrenia
在我心里，不知道桫椤是作什么买卖的！我以前就怀疑过，暗地里问，有的市政监理说：他就是个精明的生意人。也有人说，加拿大的建筑业就是他们意大利人的，你们Davroc测试实验室可不好惹，说什么的都有。
In my heart, I don't know what Sal Fasullo does! I had doubted it before, and asked secretly, and some municipal supervisors said that he was a shrewd businessman. Some people also say that Canada's construction industry is their Italian, and your Davroc testing laboratory is not easy to mess with, many kinds of saying.
一件件奇怪的事不断地发生。那时，我认为自己卷入了资本家的行业内恶性竞争。敌对方是一伙儿叫“大佛印（Dufferin）” 的坏人和刘健君。大佛印是北约克（North York）的一群臭名昭著的坏小子，背后有一些财团支持。而刘健君即利用Davroc也利用大佛印，背后捣乱，就是 “琢磨” 我。 “琢磨” 我这件事源于4.5节的《真人医学实验的报纸新闻》，她继承了她爸爸的灵魂转世实验的事业。
Strange affairs kept happening. At that time, I thought that I was involved in vicious competition in the capitalist industries. The components are Dufferin Gang and Eve Liu. Dufferin Gang is a group of notorious bad boys in North York with some consortium behind them. And Eve Liu used both Davroc and Dufferin to make me trouble, that is to “polish” me. The “polishing” of me stemmed from section 4.5, “Newspaper News of Real Human Medical Experiments”, in which she inherited her father's career of soul reincarnation experiment.
从上面破坏路面的事之后，不到两周时间，我就处于恐惧，怀疑，全身昏沉的感觉（注1），已经处于天昏地暗，昼夜难辨的状态（注1）。我认为自己只是个打工的，挣点儿工资养家糊口，不应该卷进他们的大买卖，整不好，不一定什么时候被驱逐出建筑行业或被送进监狱。我从Davroc辞职了。
In less than two weeks after the “Job Rip” above, I was in a state of highly fearful doubtful and drowsiness, was already in a state of indistinguishable day and night (note 1). I thought I'm just a regular worker, earning a little salary to support family, shouldn't be involved in their big deals，not necessary to take the risk of being expelled from construction industry or sent to prison. I resigned from Davroc.
注9.9-1，这些描述实际是长时间处于高度恐惧、迷惑、和怀疑引起的不舒适的感觉。
Note 9.9-1, these descriptions are uncomfortable feelings caused by prolonged periods of highly fear doubt and muddle.
9.9-2
二零一零年五月，我在Mississauga买了房子，在家休息，栽树，看圣经。我觉着自己干不了工程师的工作了。
In May 2010, I bought a house in Mississauga and spent my time at home resting, planting trees, and reading the Bible. I felt that I could no longer work as an engineer.
9.9-3
七月，我到LVM Ltd做土建技术员。开始两个月还好，也是怀疑这怀疑那的。十月，它们派我去负责安省北部的一座小型飞机场翻修项目。这个项目对我来说，有些难度，技术上不熟。机场是二次世界大战时修的，下面根本没有地基，这个社区又没钱。奇怪的事又发生了，测量的数据和实验室的数据相差太大，而且测量数据也离散，离散到了我根本没办法理解。我怀疑是刘健君在背后更改了实验的数据。我建议使用从现场用标准的程序作出材料的标准密度，在辅助用现场的观察来决定施工质量是否合格。LVM和建筑公司都同意了，我自己却没有任何可参考的实验室数据，而且这是飞机场建设。
In July, I went to LVM Ltd as a civil technician. The first two months were fine, but I also doubted this and that. In October, they sent me to lead a small airport renovation project in northern Ontario. This project was a bit difficult and technically unfamiliar to me. The airfield was built during World War II, there is no foundation underneath, and the municipality has no money. Strange thing happened again. The measured data was very different from the laboratory data, and the measured data was also discrete. It was so discrete that I couldn't understand it at all. I suspect that Eve Liu changed the experimental data behind. I suggest using standard procedures to determine the standard density of materials from the site, and then using on-site observations to determine whether the construction quality is qualified. Both LVM and the construction company agreed, but I didn't have any laboratory data to refer to, and this was airport construction.
几周后，我的身心又处于天昏地暗之中了。在我打电话的时候，常有电话窜线，有人在我们通话时，他们在开会，唠嗑，以这种形式指导我，或者向我传递信息。
A few weeks later, my body and mind were in darkness again. When I'm on the phone, there are often lines on the phone, and while we're talking, they're in a meeting, chatting, instructing me in this way, or passing on information to me.
9.9-4
二零一零年十一月，我收到了卡尔加里环球测试有限公司（Global Testing Ltd）的工作的邀请，做实验室的经理。我接受了这份工作，逃离了这个翻新飞机场的鬼地方。
In November 2010, I received a job offer from Global Testing Ltd in Calgary as a laboratory manager. I took the job，escaped the hell of Airport Renovation Site.
不知从什么时候开始的，我的胃肠就走动不顺，有很多瘴气，我总是多喝水来通顺胃肠（注4）。皮肤上也生了些疮，治不好。
注9.9-4，精神病是情感创伤，胃肠是最能体现情感的器官；不准确地说，胃肠溃疡和那些皮肤病都是心理疾病的伴生病。
I don't know when my stomach and intestines didn't move smoothly, there was a lot of miasmas, and I always drank more water to smooth my stomach and intestines. There are also some sores on my skins, which cannot be cured (note 4).
Note 9.9-4, Psychosis is emotional trauma, the gastrointestinal tract is the organ that best embodies emotions; it is not accurate to say that gastrointestinal ulcers and those skin diseases are companion diseases of mental illness.
在卡尔加里，我对公司老板的一些非规范作法非常有意见。我还被常派去工地。冬天施工的弊病很多，他们为了挣钱，坚持要施工，我对此有很多抱怨。没过多久，我的世界里，刘健君的人跟我到了卡尔加里，继续和我作对。一月末，我回家过年，就没回去卡尔加里。
In Calgary, I'm very vocal about some of the non-standard practices of company owners. I was also often sent to construction sites. There are many drawbacks of winter construction, I complained a lot about those, but they insist on construction to earn money. Soon in my world, Eve Liu's people followed me to Calgary and continued to fight against me. At the end of January, I came home for the New Year and didn't go back to Calgary.
9.9-5
二零一一年三月，我到多伦多的建材测试有限公司（Construction Testing Ltd）工作；几周以后被解雇了，因为我时常呆在那里几十分钟，头脑中空无一物（注5）。
In March 2011, I went to work for Construction Testing Ltd in Toronto. I was fired a few weeks later because I often stay there for dozens of minutes with nothing in my head (note 5).
注9.9-5，这是抑郁的症状。精神病患者在不同的阶段会经历大部分精神病症状。
Note 9.9-5, this is a symptom of depression. Psychotic patients experience most psychotic symptoms at different stages.
