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落花飘零 (热门博主)
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生日之旅

(2008-09-02 20:38:57) 下一个

明天是自己的生日了,每年这个季节,总是带着希望,新的学期,新的轮转,炎炎的夏天将要过去,丰富多彩的秋天就要来临。

深夜回家,匆匆打完包袱,明天就要登上飞机飞往阿尔贝斯山脚下的那个小城。买了关于德国的书,却还没有看过,只能在飞机上临时补习了。睡觉前,强忍住自己的冲动不去登陆医院的网站,查看病人的情况,今天是change over,他们不再是我的病人了,希望他们逐渐康复,但是我知道他们中有些不会。

下午和我的mentor, M医生长谈了一次,把自己的困扰,忧伤和压力一一诉说出来。M医生说,你走的每一步,承受的每一次痛苦,我都经历过,我只有一句话给你,就是it will pass。不要被这些拖垮,慢慢地你会变得越来越坚强,虽然还是会有悲伤和低落的时候,但是成熟的职业经验会帮助你更好地度过。

他说他做完住院医生以后刚开业的时候,曾经漏诊了一个病人的癌症,症状很不典型,他也缺乏经验。等到病人症状明显的时候,已经发现了转移。他说那是很多年前了,但是他至今记得那天下午,放射科医生打电话告诉他这个结果时候,他的心情几乎崩溃。但是他还有十几个病人在门诊等着他去看。后来病人经过了痛苦的放疗化疗最后还是去世了,M医生说,那段时间,是他人生最低谷的时候,几乎是不堪回首,但是他还是挺了过来。对自己的怀疑和自责,对病人无法言喻的愧疚,那种无可换回的遗憾,他在告诉我这个故事时候,灰色的瞳仁里,依旧充满了悲伤。

他说我知道那个骨折老人在一开始发作心衰的时候就很可能去世,只有你不愿意放弃。如果我是那个老人,我会希望你是我的医生,伴我走过这最后的人生。坚持下去,把这段低谷走过去,以后你会变得越来越坚强的。医学不仅仅是技术的治疗,还有人文的关怀,你只是需要时间去学会把握自己的感情,而不是彻底dissociate。

谈话以后,似乎心情轻松了一些,但是还是无法真正释怀,这个vacation来的真是时候,我真得很需要。希望德国小城宁静湿润的气氛,能够平缓我的心情,让我重新找到自己。

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阅读 ()评论 (19)
评论
落花飘零 回复 悄悄话 谢谢大家的祝福,真得很感动,希望大家都幸福。
linda_tan 回复 悄悄话 虽然很迟了,但是还想来给落花JJ说声“生日快乐” :)
贴心宝贝 回复 悄悄话 死亡我们永远也无法习惯,可却是完整生命的一部分。你很善良,凡是尽力了就好!老人在天堂里也会感谢你的。生日快乐!
hawaiibluedream 回复 悄悄话 补一个生日快乐!
为了支持落花才注册的文学城笔名.
RUHvgFun 回复 悄悄话 Happy Belated Birthday! 我想你已经到达那个小镇了. 好好的享受那份难得的宁静. 从没单独出门旅行的我也有点心痒了...

祝旅途愉快!
warmginger 回复 悄悄话 生日快乐!
旅途愉快!
Ycart 回复 悄悄话 Happy Birthday!!
一朵小桦 回复 悄悄话 Happy Birthday!落花,很佩服你的坚持真情的勇敢。很多人在日复一日的重复中就失去了敏感的心,坚持真情的勇气,我希望你永远是一个感性的医生,而不是一个冷漠的医生。医者父母心,应当庆幸你有这样的心情,换了是我在你的位置上,只怕想都没往那上面想过,我不是没有同情心哦,别BS我。所以你不要怀疑自己,加油。
drain 回复 悄悄话 You are a good doctor. I'd say the same thing "如果我是那个老人,我会希望你是我的医生,伴我走过这最后的人生。" Go girl!
damaof 回复 悄悄话 花:生日快乐!旅行愉快!听过旅行的意义吗?
你看过了许多美景/
你看过了许多美女/
你迷失在地图上每一道短暂的光阴/
你品尝了夜的巴黎/
你踏过下雪的北京。。。。。。。

纵然平行,我也是在纽约的业内人士,我们NETWORKING一下吧。
windblows 回复 悄悄话 生日快乐,落花。一直关注着你,陪你走过起起落落。Enjoy your trip!
纵然平行 回复 悄悄话 First things first, Happy birthday, wish you have a wonderful one this year.

Hoping that the breath-taking of sceneries of rolling hills of Alps and dazzling baroque architectures dotted along River Lech would give you a break, and hopefully, you’d loose yourself to some degree, feeling something that you have never felt before.

Understood that you’d like to be “stationed” in Fuessen primarily to enjoy some long neglected relaxation, and even do some “soul-searching ” in the meantime. However, a word of suggestion, if I may. Without brushing aside your main purpose, you could do some excursions off the predefined perimeter by touring some interesting attractions to have some exciting adventures in surrounding areas. Besides the famous castles - Neuschwanstein and Hohenschwangau in the town , you may also stop by Linderhof Palace that also bears the name of King Ludwig II as previous two, but Linderhof is bit intriguing. Although it is smaller comparing with other five associated with Ludwig family, the noticeable French influence ,in terms of deco, is fascinating. Last July when I did my European trip I stumbled upon this one, and I liked it. There are couple more places you may give a try in case you are bored with Fuessen which I am reluctantly to characterize it as a small charming town over-packed with foreign tourists.

First of all, Lake Konigssee, this lake is situated at the southeastern side of Munich close to Austrian border not too far from where you lodge. Konigssee is well known for its depth and cleanness. The view and reflection from Alpine Mountain when you are out on the boat gliding over the lake is just particular and tranquil. Secondly, The Zugspitze, this would be another fun place to be considered. The mountain summit is believed by German to be tallest point in Germany, The maintain itself is part of Alpine ridge. It would be thrill to standing at snow covered peak, looking at Germany and Austria from birdsight. Last but not least, I guess that you could spend some time in Munich , too. If you do so, you may stop by Herrenchiemsee, Nymphenburg, Deutsches Museum (the biggest science museum in the world), Hofbrauhaus Beer Hall and Englischer Garten (a park larger than the Central Park of Manhattan). BTW, Austria is just few miles away from Fuessen, you simply can rent a car or hop on the train for a quick day trip down to the south. A caution though, for some reason, Austrian goods and services generally cost more than that in Germany which is technically in a mild recession since its economy contracted in two quarters, back to back. Speaking of recession, there are some good news for you, the Euro is at eight month low vs. US dollar, so your purchase power is being strengthened by over 10% than July, this year.

Overall, German people are very friendly and many folks there can speak decent English. So don‘t worry, you should do alright on the trip. Just let romantic scenes, local wine, fine chocolate, and mineral bath at the spa do the wonder to give yourself a treat. Arguably, it might be a treatment for “neurosis” as a bonus -:)).

Enjoy your vaca.
Amy热爱生活 回复 悄悄话 Have a good trip.
dadaland 回复 悄悄话 Happy birthday!!!Everything will pass!
shuimaomao 回复 悄悄话 Happy Birthday and have a good trip!
觉得我的心太软弱,不能承受那种压力 (zt) - me too. I know it and I didn't choose to be a doctor. So you are a bravo.
随意简单 回复 悄悄话 Happy birthday, and happy vocation.
aaalbert 回复 悄悄话 Happy happy birthday.
undemi 回复 悄悄话 死亡並非最可怕的事情. 人生中痛不欲生的情景更加慘烈.

在德國你也會看到, 青年男女很多喜歡在墓園談情說愛. 醫生就算能挽回一個軀體, 還能讓人快樂不成?

路途愉快, 我沒有去過你的目的地, 但去過黑森林的很多小城鎮..很喜歡的...
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