8.6-8.10 免死金牌 Death-Free Golden Amulet

目录 Catalog：8.6 免死金牌  Death-Free Golden Amulet；8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories；8.8 闹鬼了 It's Haunted；8.9 给色狼戴上墨镜 Putting Sunglasses on the Pervert；8.10 科学家的特质 Traits of a Scientist

 

8.6 免死金牌 Death-Free Amulet

紧随着那个不眠之夜，我遗失了一段时间的记忆。不过我并没有因为环境的变化感觉诧异，说明我那段时间还在现实生活中。或者可能是我的性格转换了，我是个多重性格的人，前面发生的事被淡化了。有记忆时，我忽然看到阳光照射在寝室的窗台上，感觉温暖。我走过去，伸手到阳光里，感觉到了阳光的温度。春天来了，我向窗外望。

室友回来了，欢喜地说：“我听说你这床位的那个人要回来了，你会搬到一楼。将来，九月，你会随着新生入学，住到三舍去。”

表姐王刚告诉过我，“就住在八舍，赶快写论文毕业，别在学校浪费时间了，工作才是人生的主题。” 我回答：“我不知道，谁说的？”

Immediately after that sleepless night, I lost my memory for a period. However, I was not surprised by the change of environment, which means that I was still in real life during that period. Or maybe my personality changed. I am a person with multiple personalities, and the affairs that happened before were diluted. When I regained my memory, I suddenly saw the sun shining on the windowsill of the dormitory, and it felt warm. I walked over, stretched my hand into the sun, felt the temperature of the sun. Spring is coming, I look out the window.

My roommate came back and said happily, "I heard that the person who occupies your bed is coming back, and you will move to the first floor. In the future, in September, you will move to the third dormitory with the new students."

My cousin Wang Gang told me, "Just live in the eighth dormitory, write your thesis and graduate quickly, don't waste time in school, work is the theme of life." I replied, "I don't know, who said that?"

室友说：“这不是明摆着的事么！在祝老师那屋，我们讨论你半天了；终于有了结论。你说什么是好人？”

我想了又想，答不上来（注8.6-1）。

注8.6-1，什么是好人？2006年我在Davroc 测试实验室有限公司工作。老板桫椤（Sal Fasullo，参见9.5 《桫椤给我改性格》 ）对人说，“我研究卢岩两年了，发现他是 ‘好人’。这种人才少见呢，全世界也许能有60个，我不知道。我公司里能有一个，我感到荣幸。”

My roommate said, “Isn't it obvious! In Teacher Zhu's room, we've been discussing you for half a day; we've finally concluded. What do you call a good man?”

I thought and thought but couldn't answer (Note 8.6-1).

Note 8.6-1, “What is a Goodman?” In 2006, I was working at Davroc Test Labs Ltd. My boss, Sal Fasullo, (cf. v. 9.5 Sal Changes my Personality), said to us, “I've been studying Adam Luyan for two years, and I've found he is a Goodman. This kind of person is rare, there may be 60 of them in the whole world, I don't know. I'm honored to have one in my company.”

他感叹地说：“这世界上好人可不多，也许能有五个。我感到荣幸，能和好人住一个屋住了一年多，就是你！”

我想了想，自己什么坏事都想干，就是没胆量干，回答：“我没感觉到自己是好人；我认为自己和其他人一样。什么是你说的好人？”

他没回答我的问题，却说：“我这种人，要是不亲自告诉你，你一辈子也不会知道我能干什么！看在你曾经是好人的份上，我给你一块免死金牌（义为死刑赦免令，如图8.6），一辈子有效！但愿你用不上喔！”

He exclaimed, “There aren't many Goodman in this world, maybe five. I feel honored to have lived in a house with a Goodman for over a year, and it's you!”

I thought about all the bad things I wanted to do, but just didn't have the guts to do them, and replied, “I don't feel like a good man; I think I'm just like everyone else. What is it you call a good man?”

He didn't answer my question, but said, “A man like me, if I don't tell you myself, you'll never know what I can do for the rest of your life! Since you were once a Goodman, I give you a Death-Free Golden Amulet (i.e., a pardon for the death penalty, see figs. 8.6), valid for the rest of your life! I hope you won't use it!”

我讶异地问：“你给我一块免死金牌？”

他说：“人都随着环境的改变而改变，很难说五年十年后，你会成为什么样的人。你自己琢磨着，快被判死刑了，就打电话找我。当你的电话打进了国务院，无论我接不接电话，你应该知道，你的命保住了。这么跟你说，我的大学和研究生同学都是干我们这一行的。即便我将来不在国务院了，这事我也能办成。”

我怀疑地问：“你会这么帮我？”

他说：“我们这行的人朋友少，因为怕被人求。我父母亲戚都是农民，都没什么事。你的电话打进了我们的公司，接电话的人马上就查你是什么人，和我是什么关系？事后，领导还会问我，卢岩那个事儿你是怎么办的？你给谁打电话了？怎么说的？国务院可不允许随随便便向外打电话，都有记录。如果我不帮忙，同事们会怎么看我？研究生时的室友，他都不帮，是不是太没人味儿了！”

I asked in surprise: "You're giving me a Death-Free Amulet?"

He said: "People change as the environment changes. It's hard to say what kind of person you will become in five or ten years. Think about it yourself. If you are about to be sentenced to death, call me. When your call reaches the State Council, whether I answer the call or not, you should know that your life is saved. Let me tell you, my college and graduate school classmates are all in our industry. Even if I am not in the State Council in the future, I can still do this."

I asked doubtfully, "Will you help me like this?"

He said: "People in our industry have few friends because we are afraid of being asked for help. My parents and relatives are all farmers and have no incident. When your phone call came into our company, the person who answered the phone immediately checked who you were and what your relationship was with me. Afterwards, the leader would also ask me, what did you do about Luyan? Who did you call? What did you say? The State Council does not allow casual calls to be made, and all records are kept. If I don't help, how will my colleagues look at me? He didn't even help his roommate when he was a graduate student. Isn't he too inhumane!"

我相信了。他说：“将来，不论什么时候，你要找我，就到东大校友录里去找我的联系方式。”

室友还说，若我犯了死罪，他会用自己的判断来判决我，给我一次重新做人的机会，只要别忘了给他打电话就行。他还说，只要我不做亏心事，这辈子就没事（注8.6-2）。

注8.6-2，由此说法可以看出，他清楚地知道这件事的后果。随后，现实生活中，我常作亏心事，就在2010年堕入了地狱（即患上了精神病）。刘团长留给我的活路是做个 “好人”，100%不做任何亏心事。

I believed him. He said, "In the future, whenever you want to find me, just look for my contact information in the Northeastern University alumni directory."

My roommate also said that if I committed a capital crime, he would use his own judgment to sentence me and give me a chance to start a new life, if I didn't forget to call him. He also said that if I didn't do anything guilty, I would be fine in this life (Note 8.6-2).

Note 8.6-2, from this statement, we can see that he clearly knew the consequences of this affair. Later, in real life, I often do affairs that are against my conscience, and in 2010 I fell into hell (i.e. suffered from mental illness). The way out that Troupe Leader Liu left for me is to be a GOODMAN, 100% not do anything that is against my conscience.

祝老师也高兴地过来了，看见我有些尴尬。他是个老实人，什么事都写在脸上。他说如果将来我要找他，就找他们那个期刊的编委，他一辈子都会在那个编委里。

我迷惑地叨咕：“怎么你们都像是跟我告别似的呢！我只是换个屋住。即便是三舍，那楼也就在旁边！”

随后，王刚表姐来了，帮我搬家到了一楼，我刚来这楼时，住过的那个朝北的房间。我奇怪地问表姐：“出什么事了吗？你告诉我房间号不就行了！”

王刚回答：“没事儿，我就是闲着没事，来看看你的房间。下次我要找你，不就已经知道你在这儿了。”

Teacher Zhu also came over happily and was a little embarrassed to see me. He is an honest man; everything is written on his face. He said that if I wanted to look for him in the future, I should look for the editorial board of their journal, and that he would be on that board for the rest of his life.

I chattered in confusion, “Why do you all look like you're saying goodbye to me! I'm just changing a room. Even if it's the Third Dormitory, that building is right next to here!”

Later, my cousin Wang Gang came and helped me move to the first floor, the north-facing room I had lived in when I first came to this building. I asked my cousin curiously, "What happened? Can't you just tell me the room number?"

Wang Gang replied, "Nothing, I just had nothing to do and came to see your room. Next time I want to look for you, I'll already know you're here."

8.6-2

大约一个月后的一天，我在一楼的走廊里遇见了祝老师，他表情严肃，若有所查，眼睛放着凶恶的光。我笑着向他打招呼。他没笑，也没像往常一样，站正了才说话，说：“没事，就是过来看看。” 我回屋后，感觉奇怪，“是他觉着对不起我才对，怎么反过来了，他那么恨我，像是我做错事了！”

注8.6-3，现在想来，那时祝老师眼神的凶光是心理疾病的症状。刘团长为此事病重了；祝老师像对父亲一样爱戴他，所以也病了，恨我。那我呢？也病得不轻，下一节就出现了多种精神病爆发的迹象。

About a month later, I met Teacher Zhu in the corridor on the first floor. He had a serious expression, as if he was investigating something, and his eyes were gleaming with ferocity. I smiled and greeted him. He didn't smile, nor did he stand straight before speaking as usual. He said, "Nothing, I just came to see you." After I went back to my room, I felt strange, "He should feel sorry for me, how could it be the other way around? He hates me so much, as if I did something wrong!"

Note 8.6-3, now I think about it, the fierce look in Teacher Zhu's eyes was a symptom of mental illness. Troupe Leader Liu became seriously ill because of this incident; Teacher Zhu loved him like a father, so he also became ill and hated me. What about me? I was also seriously ill; in the next section, there were signs of multiple mental illness outbreaks.

 

8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories

1997年5月，王玉山大舅和沈阳大学基建处的同事梅书华，给我介绍了另一个女朋友。她是沈阳医科大学毕业的，在沈阳妇婴医院工作过两年，那时她是中国医科大学的研究生。

一天，我在给她讲我小时在她们医大附属医院经历过的事。一个军官晕针，小护士被吓着了。这时，护士长在用我做范例，教她打针，给她舒缓恐惧。

护士长说：“打针的时候，要把病人的眼睛蒙起来。这孩子没事儿，我就不蒙了。”

In May 1997, my uncle Yushan Wang and his colleague Shuhua Mei from the Infrastructure Department of Shenyang University introduced me to another girlfriend. She graduated from Shenyang Medical University and worked in Shenyang Women and Children's Hospital for two years. At that time, she was a postgraduate student at China Medical University.

One day, I was telling her about my experiences when I was a child in the affiliated hospital of their medical university. A military officer was fainting from the needle and the young nurse was terrified. At this point, the head nurse was using me as an example to teach her about needles and soothe her fears.

The head nurse said, “When you give an injection, blindfold the patient. This child is fine, so I won't blindfold him.”

小护士惊讶地说：“他还是孩子！？”       

护士长说：“你看，你没看病志。他长得大，才十五岁；我们都认识他。前年他刚来咱医院的时候，比这矮多了，那几个人还研究他，说这儿看见他了，那儿也看见他了，他看啥啥新鲜，走到哪儿就研究哪儿。那几个人商量后，就去向我报告：‘咱这儿来贼了’。我出来一看病志，一个十三岁的农村孩子，自个儿来城里探索新世界来了，不那样啥样啊！那几个人谁也没看病志，不知道她们在研究个啥。你得看病志，心中有数才行。”

The young nurse was surprised and said, “He's still a child!?” 

The head nurse said, “Look, you didn't read the medical records. He's big for his age, only fifteen; we all know him. The year before last, when he first came to our hospital, he was much shorter than this, and those people even studied him, saying that they saw him here and there, and that he looked at everything fresh and studied everywhere he went. After discussing the matter, they went to report to me: 'We have a thief here'. I came out to look at the medical records, a thirteen-year-old rural child, came to the city to explore the new world, not that what kind of ah! None of them had read the medical records, so I didn't know what they were studying. You must read the medical records and know what's going on.”

前女友问我：“你认识她们？”

我回答：“她说她们认识我。我不认识她们，一个也不认识。那时候，我每年都有两个月去你们医科大学附属医院打针，两星期一次。”

前女友说：“我知道了，因为你的眼睛（注，肉眼通的原因，参见第3章），你的眼睛是那种小时候做出来的。”

我不明白，就问：“我的眼睛从小就有些毛病。怎么做的？（注，参见3.1节）”

前女友说：“不是毛病。你也不知道！你没有娃娃亲？（注，我忘了，参见第一章）”

我回答：“没听我父母说过；没人知道我的眼睛是怎么回事。我的眼睛怎么了？”

The ex-girlfriend asked me, “Do you know them?”

I replied, “She said they knew me. I didn't know them, not one of them. In those days, I went to your medical university affiliated hospital for injections two months out of the year, once every two weeks.”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I know, because of your eyes (note, because of my Non-dazzling Eyes, see chapter 3), your eyes were kind of made when you were a kid.”

I didn't understand, so I asked, “I've had some problems with my eyes since I was a kid. How was it made? (Note, see Section 3.1)”

The ex-girlfriend said, "It's not a problem. You don't know! You didn't have a childhood marriage? (Note, I forgot, see chapter 1)"

I replied, "I haven't heard my parents say it; no one knows what's wrong with my eyes. What's about my eyes?"

前女友说：“没错，我以前在一本书上读到过，我当时看书的时候没太注意，现在找不着那本书了。我也不知道是怎么做的。你在人群中就引人注目，人人都能看见你，还有想法，所以那几个人把你当成贼了。她们每次看见你，都注意到了你，所以她们都认识你。那书上说，你这种人有说道，出故事。一类主流传说故事中的30%是出于你这种人。”

我问：“有啥说道？出啥故事？”

前女友说：“我也不明白，只是在那书上看见了这种说法。你接着说，那个护士长人挺好；她还说什么了？”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Yes, I read that in a book before, I wasn't paying much attention when I was reading it, and now I can't find the book. I don't know how it's done. You stand out in a crowd, everyone sees you, and has thoughts, so those nurses took you for a thief. Every time they saw you, they noticed you, so they all knew you. That book says that people like you have sayings and come up with stories. Thirty percent of a class of mainstream legendary stories are out of people like you.”

I asked, “What's the sayings? What's the stories?”

The ex-girlfriend said, “I don't understand it either, I just saw it in that book. You go on to say that the head nurse was quite nice; what else did she say?”

8.7-2 心病初发 Initial Onset of My Psychosis

我说：“护士长说，‘还有，任何情况下，你都不能让病人照顾病人。你害怕了，人家也害怕呀！这孩子看起来没事。前年，咱这儿发生了和这次类似的事，那孩子比他现在小点儿。人家父母就不愿意了，告咱们，说他们那孩子回家后半夜惊梦，朝咱们要三十万。现在那案子还在法庭上放着呢！’”

I said: "The head nurse said, 'Also, under no circumstances should you let patients take care of patients. If you are afraid, so are they! The child looks fine. Two years ago, a similar incident happened here, but the child was a little younger than he is now. The parents were not happy about it and sued us, saying that their child woke up in the middle of the night after returning home and asked us for 300,000 yuan. The case is still in court now!'"

我接着说：“我是个见钱眼开的人，回家就把这事告诉我爸了：这回咱讹诈她们医科大学附属医院三十万。”

前女友问：“你爸说啥？”

I continued, "I am a money-grubber. I told my dad about this when I got home: This time we extorted 300,000 yuan from the affiliated hospital of China Medical University."

The ex-girlfriend asked, "What did your dad say?"

我说：“我爸说，这种官司难打。为了得到那三十万，你得请律师，精神科专家，贿赂医大医院的院长、校长、法官，等几个人。贿赂的钱先给人家15万。钱给人家了，过些日子，他们还要，你不给就拿不到那三十万，赔了15万。你给，官司赢了你也得亏五万；输了你就净赔。结果，钱都跑医大校长腰包里去了。这事，正常人一看就知道是在骗钱呢！为啥你卢岩能看出赚三十万呢？就因为你的眼睛里没坏人（注，这就是上文那个国务院警察室友说我是好人的原因）！奸人遇到你，要是不拿你的倒挺，他是对天犯罪。我发过誓要告诉你这话100遍吧！这是多少遍了！？’”

I said, "My dad said that this kind of lawsuit is difficult to win. To get the 300,000 yuan, you must hire a lawyer, a psychiatrist, and bribe the dean, president, judge, and other people of the Medical University Hospital. Give them 150,000 yuan as bribes first. After giving them the money, they will ask for more after a few days. If you don't give it, you won't get the 300,000 yuan, and you will lose 150,000 yuan. If you give it, you will lose 50,000 yuan even if you win the lawsuit; if you lose, you will lose all. In the end, all the money went into the pocket of the president of the Medical University. In this matter, any normal person can see that it is a scam! Why can you, Luyan, see that you can make 300,000 yuan? It's because there are no bad people in your eyes (note, this is why the roommate of the State Council police said that I am a Goodman)! If a villain meets you and doesn't take advantage of you, he is committing a crime against God. I swear to tell you this 100 times! How many times is this!?'"

前女友没在听我讲，她若有所思地叨咕：“你不傻！”

我当时就兴奋了，质问：“怎么说出这话来了呢？”

前女友不好意思地说：“啊！她们告诉我，你看上去有点儿傻，让我注意观察观察你。”

在这时，我的声音变成了不同人（不同频率）的声音，语速特别快，思维极其敏捷。她的话还没说完，我就问：“谁们？谁说我傻？”

The ex-girlfriend wasn't listening to me as she chattered thoughtfully, “You're not dumb!”

I was turned on and questioned, “How did you say that?”

Embarrassed, the ex-girlfriend said, “Ah! They told me you looked a little silly and told me to keep an eye on you and watch you.”

At this point in the conversation, my voice became that of a different person (of a different frequency), speaking extraordinarily fast and thinking extremely fast. Before she could finish her sentence, I asked, “Who guys? Who called me a dumb?”

前女友说：“咱第一次见面时，我妈和梅姨说，‘你看起来像似有点傻’。”

几句话后，她的脸色变了，站起来走到了窗边。

过了一会儿，我感觉很疲倦（注，我个人的观点，这是性格的突然转换引起的）。若是她不在，我可能就睡了，但我仍然坚持着坐在那里，不说话了。她板着脸，在寝室里来回走个不停，忽然问我：“你是不是累了？”

The ex-girlfriend said, “When we first met, my mom and Aunt Mei said, ‘You look like you might be a little silly.’”

A few sentences later, her face changed, she stood up and walked to the window.

After a while, I felt tired (note, my opinion, this was caused by the sudden change of personality). If she wasn't there, I might have gone to sleep, but I still insisted on sitting there without speaking. With a stern face, she walked back and forth in the dormitory and suddenly asked me, “Are you tired?”

我回答：“我感觉有点儿困倦，你能不能别走来走去的了，怎么又生气了呢！我不是在逗你玩呢么！”

前女友问：“你没发觉刚才有异样吗？”

我回答：“发现了，我发现刚才忽然变得聪明了。我还是第一次发现我有个聪明的特质；怎么才能开发出来呢？”

前女友说：“你那是精神病发作啦！应该说是比发作轻，比发作迹象重。不过，是有人受了刺激后变得聪明了。”

我生气地说：“你才疯了呢！你们医学院的怎么都总想送人去医院呢！”

I replied, “I'm feeling a little sleepy, can you stop walking around, why are you angry again! I'm teasing you!”

The ex-girlfriend asks, “Didn't you notice anything different just now?”

I replied, “I've discovered that I've suddenly become intelligent just now. It's the first time I've realized I have a smart trait; how can I develop it?”

The ex-girlfriend said, “You're having a psychotic episode! It should be said that it is milder than the seizure and heavier than the seizure signs. However, some people became smarter after being stimulated.”

I got angry and said, “You're the one who's crazy! Why do all of you in medical school always want to send people to the hospital!”

过了一会儿，我相信了一些她说的话。她详细地询问了我的个人历史，得出结论，是在刘健君那儿受到了刺激。

前女友说：“我确信，就是刘健君给刺激的。她们那个班的人特别刺激人，就因为谈恋爱的事，我们听说从他们那儿受到刺激的人可不是一个两个了。就这么巧合，刚才咱们的话题环境和语言都是直接刺激。那你现在想想刘健君，感觉怎么样？”

我回答：“我一想她，就像似忘记了呼吸，上不来气儿（注2），就懒得动了。这与受刺激有关吗？”

前女友说：“当然相关，都刺激到自主神经了。我就想不出来，怎么刺激得这么深！是不是她故意整你？”

After a while, I believed some of what she said. She asked about my personal history in detail and concluded that I was stimulated by Eve Liu.

The ex-girlfriend said, "I'm sure it was Eve Liu who stimulated them. The people in their class are particularly stimulating. We heard that more than one or two people were stimulated by them because of their love affairs. It's just a coincidence that our topic environment and language just now were directly stimulating. Now think about Eve Liu, how do you feel?"

I answered: "When I think of her, it's like I forget to breathe, I can't catch my breath (note 2), and I'm too lazy to move. Is this related to the stimulation?"

The ex-girlfriend said: "Of course it is related, it stimulates the autonomic nerves. I can't figure out why it is so deeply stimulated! Did she deliberately do it to you?"

注8.7-2，这是被玉女刘建君（女神）创伤后患有呼吸障碍的症状。插图8.7.2-1是古埃及的浮雕。夏娃（即玉女）的头顶显示，他用蜣螂（亦作腐尸虫）击垮了狮子。狮子代表亚当。蜣螂代表亚当被夏娃创伤后，患了胃肠溃疡。图中狮子被装进了代表瓶子的密封容器表示亚当被夏娃创伤后，患有呼吸障碍。

插图8.7.2-2和3是古墨西哥被翠玉女创伤后的特拉洛克。图2中用一只手捂住了他的鼻子表示他患有呼吸障碍。图3中古墨西哥人用绷带缠绕特拉洛克的鼻子和鼻子上有带棱角的碎片来表示他患有呼吸障碍。

插图4和5是安拉造的亚当（须弥颅）和夏娃（苦芭芭），表示金童须弥颅被玉女苦芭芭创伤后患有呼吸障碍，最终屈服于苦芭芭。图5中狮子代表亚当（须弥颅）。

Note 8.7-2, which is a symptom of being traumatized by the Jade Girl Eve Liu (Goddess) and suffering from a respiratory disorder. Illustration 8.7.2-1 is a relief from ancient Egypt. The top of Eve's (i.e., Jade Girl’s) head is shown as she crushes the lion with a dung beetle (also known as a carrion beetle). The lion represents Adam. The dung beetle represents the gastrointestinal ulcer that Adam developed after being traumatized by Eve. The lion is shown in a sealed container representing a bottle indicating that Adam suffered from a breathing disorder after being traumatized by Eve.

Illustrations 8.7.2-2 and 3 show Tlaloc in ancient Mexico after being traumatized by Chalchiuhtlicue (Jade Girl, Eve). In Figure 2, a hand is covering his nose to indicate that he has a breathing disorder. In Figure 3, the bandages wrapped around Tlaloc's nose by the ancient Mexicans and the angular fragments on his nose indicate that he has a breathing disorder.

Illustrations 4 and 5 show Adam (Sumeru) and Eve (Kubaba) created by Allah, indicating that the golden boy Sumeru suffered from respiratory problems after being traumatized by the jade girl Kubaba, and finally succumbed to Kubaba. The lion in Figure 5 represents Adam (Sumeru).

8.7-3 心病的治疗 Treatment of Psychosis

我回答：“不可能吧！以前我不认识她，就见三、四次，她整我干嘛！”

前女友说：“咱俩是一样的人，她可不是。她算计一会儿得出的结论，咱们几个人一起算计三天都未必能算计出来。她们那个班的人，那才厉害呢！不过我也认为，你说的有道理。现在最好的办法就是你和她重新成为朋友。婚姻不成不是问题。即便你再喜欢她，她对你没什么感觉，不得病。问题是你们俩的事还没完。你得主动联系她，能保持朋友关系你就没事。什么时候见面了，聊聊；日子久了，叙叙旧；什么时候，你的这个心结就化了。”

我回答：“我和她没关系了，没话说。”

I replied, “No way! I didn't know her before, I only saw her three or four times, why would she fix me!”

The ex-girlfriend said, “We are the same person, she is not. What she can figure out in a few moments, a few of us can't even figure out in three days. The people in her class are the best! But I also think you have a point. The best affair to do now is for you and her to become friends again. Marriage not being a problem. Even if you like her very much, but she doesn't feel anything for you, you wouldn’t be sick. The problem is that it's not over between the two of you. You need to reach out to her, and you'll be fine if you can stay friends. Whenever you see each other, talk; when the days are long, catch up; eventually, this knot in your heart melts away.”

I replied, “I have nothing to say to her anymore.”

前女友说：“那我联系她，我把我看到的如实告诉她。我们学医的和你们工科的人不一样；在这方面，我们都能理解，而且都有医德。她能懂得如何做。然后，你联系她，保持朋友关系。”

我回答：“我不是那样儿的人，用不着你帮忙。”

这个女友在离开前说：“有几句话我想让你知道，看以后忘了。精神病跟别的病不同，能引发许多疾病。那些病哪个也治不好，活着没幸福，想活也不会长寿。假如将来，五年、十年后，你的精神病发育成熟了，爆发了，你要注意两点，一，别到医院看医生，如果你信了他们的话，你就死定了。”

我问：“这怎么是第一条？医院的医生都不懂精神病吗？”

My ex-girlfriend said, “Then I'll contact her, and I'll tell her truthfully what I saw. We medical students are not like you guys in engineering, we can all understand and have medical ethics in this regard. She can know what to do. Then, you contact her and stay friends.”

I replied, “I am not like that, I don't need your help.”

This girlfriend said before she left, “There are a few things I want you to know, see to it that you forget them later. Mental illness is different from other illnesses, it can cause many diseases. None of those diseases can be cured. There is no happiness in living, and you won't live long even if you want to. If in the future, five or ten years from now, your mental illness develops and breaks out, you must pay attention to two things, one, don't go to the hospital to see a doctor, if you believe what they say, you'll be dead.”

I asked, “How is that number one? Don't hospital doctors know anything about psychosis?”

前女友说：“因为如果你信了医生的话，第二条再好也没用了。医院精神科的医生，90%不懂精神病。因为不懂才去看医生，你分别不出谁说的对，谁说得不对。而且，即便是你遇到了懂精神病的医生，他也不会告诉你正确的治疗方法，因为他们是少数派，说真话会被告上法庭，送进监狱的。我是个精神病的爱好者，就因为这个，我没办法当精神科的医生。自古以来，精神病行业就是地狱。第二条就是你谁的话也别听，自己买书看。我说的这点儿道理，一般的心理学书如果提到了精神病，就讲这个。到那时候，你读十本世界著名专家的书，得出一个结论：就是我刚才给你说过的。先找引起精神病的创伤，刚才已经找到了。你的创伤就是和刘健君有矛盾。解决办法就是找她好好谈，相互谅解，和解。到那时候，方法还是这个；她让你跪下，你就给她跪下。你可别忘了刘健君，忘了就没救了。”

The ex-girlfriend said, “Because if you believe the doctor, the second one can't be any better. 90% of psychiatrists in hospitals don't understand mental illness. If you go to a doctor because you don't understand, you can't tell who's right and who's wrong. And, even if you meet a doctor who understands psychiatry, he won't tell you the right treatment because they are in the minority and telling the truth will get sued and sent to jail. I'm a fan of psychiatry, and because of that, there's no way I can be a psychiatrist. The psychiatric profession has been hell since the beginning of time. The second rule is that you don't listen to anyone and buy your own books. The point I'm making, the average psychology book if it mentions psychosis, it talks about it. At that point, you read ten books by world-renowned experts and come to one conclusion: it's what I just told you. First look for the trauma that causes psychosis, and we have just found it. Your trauma is having a conflict with Eve Liu. The solution is to find her and have a good talk, mutual understanding and reconciliation. At that point, the method is still the same; if she tells you to kneel, you kneel for her. You mustn't forget about Eve Liu; if you do, you're hopeless.”

 

8.8 闹鬼了 It's Haunted

1997年9月，我随着1997年新研究生的入学，住进了东北大学第三宿舍。五个室友，李国辉是应届本科上来的，是研究生学生会的主席，其他人都是工作了几年后回来读研究生的。我在忙着作毕业论文，没注意到其他人在议论和戒备我。

一天晚上在宿舍里，我叨咕：“我发现你们对我很照顾，弄得我很不自在。你们干嘛对我这么客气？我又不是小孩儿，用不着！”

李文华小声叨咕：“你发现啦！那你怎么还不知道呢！我给你提个醒，那个大姐（注1）。”

注8.8-1，他说的大姐是指7.9节中的毕姐。本节谈的是前文刘团长三次调查我，和我的不眩眼所产生的后果。不眩眼，亦作触目，在佛教中被称作肉眼通（参见第3章）。

In September 1997, I moved into the third dormitory of Northeastern University along with the new graduate students of 1997. Among my five roommates, Guohui Li was a freshman and the president of the Graduate Student Union. The others were all returning to graduate school after working for a few years. I was busy writing my graduation thesis and didn't notice that others were talking about me and were wary of me.

One night in the dormitory, I muttered: "I found that you took good care of me, which made me feel uncomfortable. Why are you so polite to me? I'm not a child, so I don't need to be polite!"

Wenhua Li muttered in a low voice: "You found out! Then why didn't you know it? Let me remind you, that big sister (Note 1)."

Note 8.8-1, the big sister he mentioned is Sister Bi in Section 7.9. This section discusses the consequences of the three investigations of me by Troupe Leader Liu in the previous articles and my Non-Dazzling Eyes. The “non-dazzling eyes” are also called “Touching Eyes”, which is called “Flesh Eye Through” in Buddhism (see Chapter 3).

我愣住了，“大姐！” 瞪着眼睛看着他，问：“什么大姐？你说什么呢？”

他笑嘻嘻地说：“哎呀！你看我这嘴！该打！” 说着，他打自己的脸。

我看着他打自己，糊涂了，问：“你干嘛呢！”

他本来停住了，听见我说话后，开始一边说：“你看我这嘴，该打！” 一边更用力地打自己的脸。

I was stunned, "Big sister!" I stared at him and asked, "What big sister? What are you talking about?"

He smiled and said, "Oh! Look at my mouth! I deserve a beating!" Then he hit himself in the face.

I watched him beat himself, confused, and asked, “What are you doing!”

He had stopped and when he heard me, he started to say while saying, “Look at my mouth, I deserve to be hit!” While hitting himself harder in the face.

我赶忙跑过去，抓住了他的手，问：“你怎么啦？”

住我对面床的季倩倩对他说：“李文华！你这个玩笑可开大啦！你不是在准备去洗头发吗！”

李文华慌忙地说：“开玩笑呢，不好意思！这个玩笑可开大了！我去洗头发了！” 他出去了。

我对季倩倩说：“他怎么了？我怎么感觉害怕呢！我得去看看他！”

季倩倩对我大喊：“你不能去！”

I rushed over, grabbed his hand, and asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Qianqian Ji, who lived in the bed opposite me, said to him, "Wenhua Li! You're joking too big! Aren't you going to wash your hair?"

Wenhua Li said hurriedly, "I was just joking. Sorry! This is too big a joke! I'm going to wash my hair!" He went out.

I said to Qianqian Ji, “What's wrong with him? Why do I feel scared! I must go see him!”

Ji Qianqian yelled at me, “You can't go!”

我出去后回来了，走向他，问：“我怎么不能去？” 季倩倩站了起来，满脸通红地走向我（要打我）。

我上铺的马钢突然大喊：“住手！” 他从床上蹦了下来；又对我说：“他受过刺激！”

我明白了：“哎呀！” 问：“这可怎么办？那刚才，他怎么受刺激了呢？”

马钢说：“他刚才先是开玩笑来着。你过去，把他给吓着了。”

我说：“我也不知道哇！这可怎么办？”

I went out and came back, walked towards him and asked, “Why can't I go?” Qianqian Ji stood up and walked towards me with a red face (to hit me).

Ma Gang, who was on my bunk, suddenly yelled, “Stop!” He jumped off the bed; and said to me again, “He's been stimulated!”

I realized, “Oops!” Asked, “What can we do? Then just now, how did he get stimulated?”

Ma Gang said, “He was joking first just now. You went over and scared him.”

I said, “I don't know! What can we do?”

马钢说：“他是你介绍来的，你还不知道！他一来，我们就发现了。没事，他不严重！你去水房看看他吧，别靠近他，站在走廊里说话。”

我出去后想起刚才发生的事，又回来了。马钢正对季倩倩说：“卢岩什么都不知道；他的眼睛不一样。”

我说：“刚才，我听见你喊‘住手’；好像季倩倩要打我！什么我不知道？”

马钢说：“谁要打你来着！别瞎说了！我们说的事，你确实不知道！你还是去看他吧！”

Ma Gang said, “He was introduced by you, you don't know it yet!? We found out as soon as he arrived. It's all right, he's not serious! Why don't you go to the water room and check on him, don't go near him, stand in the corridor and talk.”

I went out and came back in remembering what had just happened. Ma Gang was telling Qianqian Ji, “Luyan doesn't know anything; his eyes are different.”

I said, “Just now, I heard you yell ‘stop’; as if Qianqian Ji was going to hit me! What don’t I know?”

Ma Gang said, “Who's going to hit you! Don't talk nonsense! You really don't know what we're talking about! You'd better go and see him!”

我站在走廊里和李文华说话。他说：“我没事！你进来吧！这次，我可丢人了！不好意思！” 我陪他唠了一会儿，回到寝室。

李国辉和他们俩满脸严肃地讨论着，看我回来了，说：“我们研究决定了：咱们都刚认识，彼此不了解，都不要过问别人的事；有什么事，等以后互相熟悉了再说。”

我觉得奇怪。

I was standing in the hallway talking to Wenhua Li. He said, “I'm fine! You come in! This time, I'm humiliated! Sorry!” I chatted with him for a while and returned to the dormitory.

Guohui Li and the two of them were full of serious discussion, see I came back, said: “We have studied and decided: we have just met, do not understand each other, do not ask about other people's business; what is the matter, wait until later familiar with each other.”

I felt strange.

8.8-2

两周后的一天，他们告诉我，寝室里的警报解除了，要开庆祝会。我回答：“我才想起来，一个多月了，你们几个一起对付我，整地我像似活见鬼了似的！到底是为了什么？”

李文华笑着对他们说：“他还活见鬼了！” 李国辉说：“没事，我们跟你解释什么！谁能把没事解释清楚。”

季倩倩对我说：“实际也真是咱这屋闹鬼了！”

室友们后来告诉我的。李国辉对室友们说了，我被太原街的大姐看上了，是来东北大学避难的。他们想：没听说过黑社会的老大还有女的，不过男女都一样。他们观察我，当然被我的不眩眼（参见第3章）反射了回去，证实了他们的观察，被吓坏了。

随后，我发现并认为这些谣言是前文祝老师故意制造的，被气得发晕。

One day, two weeks later, they told me that the alarm in the dormitory had been lifted and that they were going to have a celebration. I replied, “I just remembered, it's been over a month, and you guys have been working together against me, and the whole thing seems like I'm seeing living ghosts! What the hell is it about?”

Wenhua Li laughed at them and said, “He's seeing ghosts!” Guohui Li said, “It's alright, we have nothing to explain to you! Who can explain nothing clearly.”

Qianqian Ji said to me: "In fact, our room was really haunted!"

The roommates told me later. Guohui Li told my roommates that I was spotted by a big sister from Taiyuan Street and came to Northeastern University to seek refuge. They thought they have never heard of a female gang leader, but it is the same for men and women. They observed me, and of course my non-dazzling eyes (cf. Chapter 3) reflected, confirming their observations, and they were scared.

Later, I found out and thought that these rumors were deliberately created by Teacher Zhu in the previous articles, I was so angry that I fainted.

 

8.9 给色狼戴上墨镜 Putting Sunglasses on the Lusty Wolf

几周后的一天，寝室的人都在，忽然李国辉走到寝室中央，大声说：“大家注意了，啊！今天主席有个提议！我发现一只色狼混进咱们寝室了，老是对我图谋不轨。以前，他看我，我害怕，因为他是黑社会的。现在，他看我一眼，我全身就麻秫秫的一次；看我一眼，我就麻秫秫的一次。我是个男的，他就这样！这要是谁带女朋友来咱寝室，让他看一眼，那！那女生是什么感觉呀！我真想像不出来，所以我提议，咱们寝室，卢岩除外，其他人，每人都交钱来买一副墨镜。咱再定一个室规：谁带女朋友来，进屋之前，先告诉他戴上墨镜。”

注8.9-1，本小节谈的是不同情况下，不同的人看见肉眼通的眼睛（又名不眩眼，如图8.9-2，触目如图3，参见第3章）的反应。

A few weeks later, when everyone in the dormitory was there, Guohui Li suddenly walked to the center of the dormitory and said loudly, "Everyone, pay attention! Today, the chairman has a suggestion! I found a lusty wolf who sneaked into our dormitory and always plotted against me. In the past, I was afraid when he looked at me because he was a gangster. Now, every time he looks at me, my whole body goes numb. Every time he looks at me, I go numb. I'm a man, and he is like this! If someone brings a girlfriend to our dormitory and lets him look, then! How will the girl feel! I really can't imagine it, so I suggest that everyone in our dormitory, except Luyan, pay to buy a pair of sunglasses. Let's set a room rule: Whoever brings a girlfriend, tell him to put on sunglasses before entering the room."

Note 8.9-1, this section discusses the reactions of different people to the flesh eye through (also known as non-dazzling eyes, as shown in Figure 8.9-2, and Touching Eyes as shown in Figure 3, see Chapter 3) under different circumstances.

季倩倩立刻反驳说：“我不同意！人家卢岩，每天从早到晚，总是对我含情脉脉，暗送秋波，我心里感觉可舒服了！要是咱们一起给他买付墨镜，那他还不美起来了！一天到晚，总戴着！那我上哪儿还有这感觉去了！”

我听了感觉不舒服，反驳道：“我都没注意到我看了你；你是不是太自作多情了！”

季倩倩说：“哎呀呀! 这我们早就琢磨明白了！”

李国辉愤愤地说：“主席说话你也敢不听！等你女朋友来了，让他看了也是这感觉，就跟你黄！那时候你就该不舒服了！卢岩比你长得好看，你自己还不知道啊！”

我上铺的马钢坐起来了，说：“我才知道，上个月的事，我受害最大！我都在做噩梦了！有两次卢岩不在的时候，我去翻了他的床，找刀。我真害怕，他半夜睡睡地就发狂了，拔出刀来就向上扎我！”

Qianqian Ji immediately retorted: “I do not agree! People Luyan, every day from morning to night, always to me imploring, secret glances, I feel very comfortable and enjoyed in my heart! If we buy him a pair of sunglasses together, then he would become arrogant! Wears them all day long! Where else would I feel this way again!?”

I felt uncomfortable and retorted, “I didn't even notice that I was looking at you; you're too self-centered, aren't you?”

Qianqian Ji said: "Oh my! We have already figured this out!"

Guohui Li said angrily: "How dare you disobey the Chairman! When your girlfriend comes, she will feel the same way when she is looked by him, and she will break up with you! You wouldn’t be comfortable anymore then! Luyan is better look than you, don't you know it yourself!"

Ma Gang, who was on the upper bunk, sat up and said, "I just realized that I was the biggest victim of last month's incident! I had been having nightmares! Twice when Luyan was not around, I turned over his bed to look for a knife. I was so scared that he might go crazy in the middle of the night and pull out a knife to stab me!"

8.9-2 备用女婿 Reserved Son-in-Law

同学们没结婚的，都开始谈恋爱了。一天，我对季倩倩说：“你们就没有多余的女朋友？也给我介绍一个，让我在周末也有点儿事干！”

他笑着回答：“这事儿是你师母的工作。咱们在东大人生地不熟的，谁了解谁呀！你导师要是不跟人说，别人没人敢介绍。”

我觉着他说的有道理。

Classmates who were not married started dating. One day, I said to Qianqian Ji: "Don't you have any extra girlfriends? Introduce one to me, so that I can have something to do on weekends!"

He smiled and replied: "This is the job of your Teacher Mother (i.e., my adviser’s wife). We are all strangers in Northeastern University, people do not know each other! If your adviser doesn't tell others, no one will dare to introduce you."

I think what he said makes sense.

一天晚上我遇见我的导师了，请他给我介绍女朋友。他一听就说：“这可邪了！你居然没有女朋友。” 我和他坐在路边聊了起来。他说：“你师母看见你就喜欢上你了，六、七个月前，让我跟你说给你介绍女朋友。我不同意。就因为这事，我们俩半年没怎么说话了。今天她又跟我找茬，我就躲出来了，遇见了你，你又跟我说这个。”

我说：“你都这么大岁数了，还因为这点儿事吵个没完！”

他立刻发火了：“我这么大岁数也有个脸呐！我输谁也不能输给她。”

One evening I met my adviser and asked him to introduce me to a girlfriend. He said, "This is weird! You don't have a girlfriend." We sat on the side of the road and started chatting. He said, "Your teacher mother likes you when she saw you six or seven months ago. She asked me to introduce you to a girlfriend. I disagreed. Because of this, we haven't talked much for half a year. Today she picked a fight with me again, I hid away, so I met you, you told me this again."

I said, "You are so old, and you are still quarreling over such a small matter!"

He immediately got angry: "I have dignity at my age! I can lose to anyone but not to her."

我说：“赌这个气，可真没必要。那你为什么不同意给我介绍呢？”

他问：“你那个什么大姐是怎么回事！”

我听不懂，问：“什么大姐? 我不明白你说什么呢！”

他说：“我也不明白。我这人不爱听闲话。可这一年多了，到处都在议论你（注，如前文所说，祝老师调查了我三次）。我没听明白是怎么回事，但我听说了就不能装作没听见。要是别人通过我给你介绍个女朋友，事后人家姑娘被吓着了，那我可有责任。我这么大岁数了，能不明白这个么。这可不是小事！这是大事！”

I said, “There's really no point in betting on that. Then why didn't you agree to introduce me?”

He asked, “What's with that big sister of yours!”

I couldn't understand and asked, “What big sister? I don't understand what you're saying!”

He said, “I don't understand it either. I'm a person who doesn't like to listen to gossip. But it's been more than a year now, and you've been talked about everywhere (Note, as mentioned earlier, Teacher Zhu investigated me three times). I don't understand what's going on, but I can't pretend I didn't hear it after I heard it. If someone introduces you to a girlfriend through me, and the girl is frightened afterwards, I'll be responsible. I'm too old not to understand this. This is not a small matter! It's a big deal!”

我听了觉得有道理。最后他说：“你这事在东北大学是不行了。不过你别着急，你的条件不错，毕业到了新地方就没人知道了，机会多的是！”

随后，我想明白了，这是刘团长和祝老师（我和刘健君的介绍人）在故意坏我，把我为刘健君作为备用女婿保存起来了，被气得发晕。我去找了祝老师两次，没找到。我放弃了，认为和他吵架并不解决什么问题，我的名誉在东北大学是没办法改变了。

这件是对我的影响很大，在和平房产局和东北大学，少有人给我介绍女朋友，都是因为所谓的黑社会。我害怕将来到了新的工作单位，还会有类似的现象，害怕再落入刘团长的圈套，把我为刘健君保存起来，就不愿意找国家企事业单位的工作。那时我认为私人企业的人不会被刘团长操纵，就只在民营和外国企业中找工作。

It made sense to me. Finally, he said, “This is not going to work for you at Northeastern University. But don't worry, you're in good shape, no one will know when you graduate to a new place, there are plenty of opportunities!”

Subsequently, I figured out that it was Troupe Leader Liu and Teacher Zhu (the matchmaker of Eve Liu and I) who were deliberately badgering me, saving me for Eve Liu as a spare son-in-law, and was furious and fuming. I went to look for Teacher Zhu twice and couldn't find him. I gave up, figuring that arguing with him wasn't going to solve anything, and that there was no way to change my reputation at Northeastern University.

This incident had a great impact on me. At the Heping Housekeeping Bureau and Northeastern University, few people introduced me to girlfriends because of the so-called Black Society. I was afraid that similar phenomena would happen again when I went to a new workplace in the future. I was afraid that I would fall into the trap of Troupe Leader Liu and be saved for Eve Liu. So, I was unwilling to look for a job in a state-owned enterprise or institution. At that time, I thought that people in private enterprises would not be manipulated by Troupe Leader Liu, so I only looked for jobs in private and foreign enterprises.

 

8.10 科学家的特质 Traits of a Scientist

一九九八年春，在我的论文答辩会上，评委们吵起来了，还有一个教过我的女教授哭了。接着他们讨论我的论文是不是抄来的。几个教过我的说，没见过。院长说：“这还得问导师！”

我的导师黄本和说：“他原来的底稿有一寸多厚，一百来个新公式。我告诉他，挑有把握的说，简练些，用不着写那么多。他挑了十来个公式，论文就变成这样了。”

院长说：“啊！你帮着改的。”

我导师转过身了：“我干那个干嘛！我就改了些错别字。”

院长笑咧咧地说：“还有错别字！”

In the spring of 1998, at my dissertation defense, the judges got into a fight and a female professor who had taught me cried. Then they discussed whether my thesis had been copied. Several of those who had taught me said they had never seen it. The dean said: "The thing, we have to ask his advisor!”

My advisor Benhe Huang said: "His original draft was over an inch thick, with a hundred or so new formulas. I told him to pick the ones he was sure of, to be concise, not to write so many. He picked about ten formulas, and the paper turned out like this."

The dean said: "Ah! You helped change it."

My advisor turned around: "What did I do that for! I just corrected some typos."

The dean grinned and said: "And typos!"

我导师和院长吵起来了，砸桌子后，走了。一个老师告诉我，快去拽他回来！答辩会，导师不能缺席。我出去拽他，他说，他们太欺负人了。我说，你就再坐会儿，若不然，我的答辩不就得等下次了。他对我说，“哪儿有不通过的！” 说着，他蹦起来朝屋里喊，“他的博士生啥样啊！” 就离开了。

我回到答辩会，评委还有几个人提问。一个教过我的教授对我说：“你说得够多了！其它的问题你就回答：没考虑过。”

院长说：“算了，这个就先放下吧！照这样超时诤论下去，咱这答辩工作两个星期也搞不完。叫下一个上台！”

My advisor and the dean got into an argument, slammed the desk, and left. A teacher told me to go drag him back! The advisor can't be absent at a defense meeting. I went out to drag him, but he said, "They're being bullies. I said, "Just sit down for a little while longer, or else my defense will have to wait until next time. He said to me, "There's no such thing as not passing!" With that, he jumped up and yelled into the room, "What about PhD students theirs!" And he left.

I came back to the defense meeting and there were a few more questions from the judges. One of the professors who had taught me said to me, "You've said enough! For the rest of the questions, you just answer haven't thought about it."

The dean said: "Forget it, let's drop this one! If we go on like this, we won't be able to finish the defense in two weeks. Call the next one to the stage!"

8.10-2 无不知而舍 No Unknown is Abandoned

一天，导师黄本和找我谈话，说他可以推荐我去一个煤碳研究所，说那儿没什么出息，但一辈子稳定。随后他说：“他们评你的论文为A，你没什么感觉，但这A在许多研究生中争得厉害。咱院这届的毕业生中出来了几个好的。可能你也听说了，有几个人的硕士论文中有多篇在国内外的期刊发表了。评委给了你个A，却给他们B，你知道为什么吗？”

我表示不知道，没想过。

导师说：“这我知道！并不是你的论文有多好，这是他们想招你读他们的博士。”

我回答：“我是分院专科毕业的，各方面的基础真的很差。”

导师说：“这，他们都知道，已经考虑了你的背景。他们给你A，是开会举手表决，一致通过的，都对你有信心。这里面有个原因：科研人员出成果与否，与性格有关。他们认为你有搞科研的性格特质（注2）。你有这性格，如果肯努力用功，你成功的几率比他们那些好学生高两、三倍。”

One day, my advisor Huang came to talk to me and said that he could recommend me to go to a coal research institute. He said that there was no future there, but that it would be stable for the rest of my life. Then he said: "They rated your paper as an A. You don't feel much about it, but this A is very competitive among many graduate students. There are several good graduates in our school this year. Maybe you have heard of it, there are several people whose master's thesis has been published in domestic and foreign journals. The judges gave you an A, but they gave them a B. Do you know why?"

I stated that I didn't know and hadn't thought about it.

My advisor said: "I know this! It's not that your dissertation is so good, it's that they want to recruit you for their PhD."

I replied: "I'm a college graduate and have a really poor foundation in all areas."

My advisor said: "That, they all know it and have considered your background. They gave you an A. It was a vote by show of hands at a meeting, and it was unanimous, and they all have confidence in you. There's a reason for this: whether a researcher produces results or not is related to personality. They think you have the traits (note 2) to do research. You have this trait, if you are willing to work hard, your chances of success are two or three times higher than their good students."

注8.10-2，这个适合搞科学研究的特质是什么？2014年我在写回忆录时注意到了这个问题，认为是图像思维模式，神经质特质，和诚实的综合体现。这个特质在佛教中被称作“无不知而舍，无知而不舍”，是神佛十八不共法（参见15.1.3）之一。这个特质被列为了神佛的不共法的原因，作者我认为是神或佛的个人生活经历使他们的这个特质特别强烈而且名副其实。例如插图8.10-1至22是墨西哥（亦作雨神，特拉洛克，约活跃在公元1285-1345年，参见第18章）画的生命之树（亦作三千大千世界）。画生命之树是他的大学和研究生时期的研究课题（参见18.2.4节）。插图35是流亡国外的墨西哥，图中的三根权杖表示他还在寻找生命之树的树干。图37是约40岁的墨西哥，他仍在改进生命之树树干的设计。图37中，若把半月脸（代表墨西哥，特拉洛克）放在四禅天（即插图5），腐尸虫（代表胃肠溃疡）会叮他，即会引起他的妻子翠玉女不高兴，会加剧他的胃肠溃疡。他手中的大茶壶表示他患有胃肠溃疡，需要不断地喝水来冲淡有刺激性的胃肠分泌。

Note 8.10-2, what is this trait that makes one suitable for scientific research? I noticed this question when I was writing my memoir in 2014, and I think it is a combination of image thinking mode, neuroticism, and honesty. This quality is called "no unknown is abandoned; no having-known is not abandoned" in Buddhism and is one of the Eighteen God Buddha Uncommon Laws (cf. v. 15.1.3). The reason why this characteristic is listed as a unique law is that the personal life experiences of gods or Buddhas make this trait particularly strong and worthy of their name. For example, illustrations 8.10-1 to 22 are the paintings of the Tree of Life (aka. Three-Grand Great-Grand Worlds) by Mexico (aka. the Rain God, Tlaloc, active around 1285-1345 CE, see Chapter 18). Painting the Tree of Life was his research topic during his college and graduate school years (cf. v. 18.2.4). Illustration 35 is Mexico in exile, and the three scepters in the picture indicate that he is still looking for the trunk of the Tree of Life. Illustration 37 is Mexico at about 40 years old, and he is still improving the design of the trunk of the Tree of Life. In Illustration 37, if the crescent face (representing Mexico, Tlaloc) is placed in the fourth meditation sky (i.e. illustration 5), the carrion beetle (representing gastrointestinal ulcer) will bite him, which means that it will make his wife, Chalchiuhtlicue, unhappy and aggravate his gastrointestinal ulcer. The large teapot in his hand indicates that he suffers from gastrointestinal ulcers and needs to drink water constantly to dilute the irritating gastrointestinal secretions.

我问：“我的性格有什么特别的？”

导师说：“我也不太明白，说不好；不过，这一点你不用怀疑。你知道，咱院博士的名声还可以，拿得出手。”

我回答：“我听说了。他们是中国唯一的岩石力学博士后流动站，从五十年代就是世界一流的了。据说，咱院的博士在全世界都受欢迎。就因为他们，汉语已经成为了这个行业的第二语言。”

导师说：“哪有那么好！就是还行。另外，博士还是某些人观念中一辈子的荣誉。”

我回答：“博士是好听。如果我读博士，都得从头开始学，人家读两、三年，我得读五、六年。”

I asked: "What's so special about my personality?"

Adviser said: "I don't quite understand, I can't say; however, you don't have to doubt this. You know, the reputation of the PhD of our school is not bad to take."

I replied: "I've heard about it. They are the only post-doctoral mobile station for rock mechanics in China and have been world-class since the 1950s. It is said that the doctors from our institute are popular all over the world. Just because of them, Chinese has become the second language of this profession."

Adviser said: "It's not that good! It's just okay. Besides, a PhD is still a lifetime honor in some people's conception."

I replied: "A PhD is nice to hear. If I were to do a PhD, I'd have to learn it all from scratch; people do it for two or three years, I'd have to do it for five or six."

导师说：“你还这么想！不过，五、六年拿个博士也挺好！值得！”

我说：“能成功当然好。如果我失败了呢！我听说了，他们搞的那套理论，全世界就三百多个人懂。如果我整不明白，这辈子就毁了。”

导师说：“没你想的那么难！如果整不明白，你那硕士论文改改，就能博士毕业了；然后，到哪个学校当个老师，跟我一样。他们那东西，我就不懂。”

Adviser said: "You still think so! But it's good to get a PhD in five or six years! It's worth it!"

I said: "Of course it's good to succeed. What if I fail! I've heard that the theory they're working on is understood by only 300 people in the world. If I don't understand it, my life will be ruined."

Adviser said: "It's not as hard as you think! If you don't understand it, you can just change your master's thesis and graduate with a doctorate; then, you can become a teacher in any school, just like me. I don't understand their stuff."

我说：“祝老师你可能不知道，学习中，如果我搞不懂，感觉难受，总是放不下，吃不好，睡不着。如果我整不明白，那我这辈子就毁了。读博士风险太大了，我不读。”

导师说：“我说了，你可以考虑混个博士。你要混，对于你来说，博士不难！”

我说：“我琢磨过这事，也想过为什么我做事总是那么难？我发现，我什么问题都放不下，混，我是学不会了，就只能找个不用脑的行业。我混了个硕士，是为了不让别人瞧不起我；如果我再混个博士，连我自己都瞧不起我自己了。”

I said: "Teacher Zhu, you may not know, in the study, if I can not understand, I feel difficult, always can not let go, can not eat well, can not sleep. If I can't understand, my life will be ruined. Studying a doctorate is too risky, I do not want to."

Adviser said: "I said, you can consider playingly get a doctorate. For you, deceitfully getting a PhD is not hard!"

I said: "I've mulled over this and wondered why it's always so hard for me to do things. I realized that I can't let go of any problems! Fooling around is a hard thing for me to learn. So, I'll just find an industry that doesn't use much brain. I deceivingly get a master's degree, so that I wouldn't let others look down on me. If I fool around again to get PhD, even I myself would look down on myself."

导师感叹道：“真他妈地！”

我惊讶地问：“怎么了？”

导师说：“他们就是跟我这么说的，如果你同意读博士，就不会混。我就不信！”

我惊讶了，问：“混的人多了！他们以前都没见过我，就在答辩会上看见我一次，他们都看出来了！”

导师说：“对！他们大部分人就只在答辩会上看见了你那一次，就看出来了，说你就是不会混的性格。看来我是真不行，我都认识你五、六年了，什么也没看出来！”

Adviser exclaimed: "Holy shit!"

Surprised, I asked: "What's wrong?"

Adviser said: "That's what they told me, that if you agree to do a PhD, you won't be fooling around, I just didn't believe it!"

I was surprised and asked: "There are a lot of people who are fooling around! They've never even seen me before, saw me just once at the defense meeting, said they that I am not a fooling around person!?”

Adviser said: "Right! Most of them just saw you that one time at the defense meeting, and they saw it and said you just don't have the personality to fool. It seems I'm no good, I've known you for five or six years and I didn't see anything!"

8.10-3 为浪荡公子平反 Vindication of the Playboy

一天，李国辉站到了寝室的中央，颇有感慨地说：“我要讲讲什么是一俊遮百丑。我师母亲自给卢岩平反，让我向咱院的各个寝室传达。” 他师母是我们院长夫人，资源土木工程学院的秘书，负责管理我们研究生。

他说：“昨天，在咱院的组织工作会上，我师母郑重宣布：‘以前，我老说卢岩是咱院的浪荡公子。结果，人家的论文在咱院的论文评定委员会上，三十三位评委意见一至，全都给评优。人家是下了真功夫的，这肯定假不了。我号招咱全院的学生，以卢岩为楷模，端正态度，努力地真心做学问。以后，谁也不许再叫他浪荡公子了。’”

One day, Guohui Li stood up in the center of the dormitory and said rather emotionally: "Today, I'm going to talk about what is “one handsomeness covers up a hundred uglies”. My teacher mother personally vindicated Luyan and asked me to convey it to all the dormitories in our institution." His teacher's mother is our dean's wife, the secretary of the institute of Resource Civil Engineering, responsible for managing our graduate students.

Li said: "Yesterday, at the organization meeting of our institute, my teacher mother solemnly announced: 'In the past, I always said that Luyan was the prodigal son of our institute. As a result, his thesis was evaluated by the thesis evaluation committee of our academy, and all the thirty-three evaluators were unanimous in their opinions, and all of them gave him an excellent grade. He has put in real effort, it's not fake. I call on all the students at this institute to take Luyan as a model, to correct your attitude, to work hard and sincerely on your studies. From now on, no one should call him a prodigal son anymore.'"

8.10-4 赐福 Blessing

一天，我在食堂遇见了住八舍时的室友，那个来自国务院的警察，他向我道喜。我问他我有什么喜事？连他都知道了。他说：“我都听说了，你的毕业论文写得不错，受到了赞赏。”

我没感觉，回答：“这点儿事算什么！”

他说：“怎么是这点儿事呢！研究生不就是这么回事吗！得到了那帮人的赞赏，一辈子想起来都是高兴的事。人家赐福给你了。”

我愣住了，明白之后说：“有道理，要不是听你说了，我没注意到。”

他说：“你在和平房产局干得挺好；在东北大学，你又提前一年毕业，还整成这样！你确实有与众不同之处，我就是瞪着眼睛看不见你是咋整的（注4）？”

我迷惑地回答：“我也不知道，我真的什么都不知道！你怎么样？什么时候答辩？”

他回答：“我还比你早来几个月呢！到现在，他们还不让我准备博士论文。答辩，还没日程。”

注8.10-4，2014年，我写完回忆录后才明白，这是刘团长指使他（来自国务院的警察）和祝老师等人支持我的成果。

One day, I met my roommate from the eighth dormitory, the policeman from State Council, in the cafeteria. He congratulated me. I asked him what good news I had, even he knew about it. He said, "I heard that your graduation thesis was well written and was praised."

I didn't feel anything and replied, "It's nothing!"

He said, "Why is it just this little thing? Aren’t that what graduate students being like? You will be happy to think about the praise of those people for the rest of your life. They have blessed you."

I was stunned, and then I said, "That makes sense. If I hadn't heard you say it, I wouldn't have noticed it."

He said, "You did a great job at the Heping Real Estate Bureau. You graduated a year early at Northeastern University, and you looked like this! You are indeed different. I just can't see how you did it (4) even with my eyes wide open."

I replied in confusion: "I don't know either, I really don't know anything! How are you? When will you defend your thesis?"

He replied: "I came here a few months earlier than you! Until now, they still won't let me prepare my doctoral thesis. There is no schedule for the defense yet."

Note 8.10-4, It was not until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014 that I realized that this was the result of Troupe Leader Liu instructing him (the policeman from State Council) and Teacher Zhu and others to support me.

8.10-5 命运 Fate

一天晚上，我在机电管遇到了祝老师（我和刘健君的介绍人）。他郑重地对我说：在我和刘健君婚姻的事情上，他失败了，但还是很感谢我；以后我有事去求他，他一定会尽力帮助。随后，我茫然地想了几次 “他们对我做了什么？他怎么失败了呢？”此后的很多年，我都偶尔会想起国务院警察说过的 “刘团长一定会成功”，什么事一定会成功？我都没想明白直到2014年写完我的回忆录。

注8.10-5，什么事？刘团长一定会成功。答：我和刘健君一定会成为夫妻。本书的第一章述说了刘团长为我和他的女儿刘建君定了娃娃亲，并为我做了肉眼通，遗留下了精神病潜伏症。7.3节述说了我和刘建君相亲，被她创伤了，激活了我的精神病潜伏症。本章的8.1至8.7节述说了刘团长设计，让我受到了惊吓，以至于有了精神病发作的迹象。精神病是生命之树上的异熟果（参见11.6.1节），此后五年、十年，或什么时候，精神病的异熟果成熟了，我就会堕入地狱。插图35是墨西哥画的他自己，那时他正从纳瓦特国逃离到国外，可是无论他逃到哪里，成熟后的精神病异熟果都会落在他的筐里，他就会堕入地狱。当然，整疯我卢岩不是刘团长的最终目的，治疗我的疯病的唯一方法是和刘建君结婚，刘团长的最终目的是让我们俩把这件事写成书，利乐众生。

One evening, I met Mr. Huang (the person who introduced Eve Liu to me) at the Electromechanical Building. He told me solemnly that he had failed in my marriage to Liu Jianjun, but he was still very grateful to me; if I asked him for help in the future, he would do his best to help. Afterwards, I thought about it several times in confusion, "What did they do to me? How did he fail?" For many years afterwards, I would occasionally think of what the State Council police said, "Captain Liu will definitely succeed." What will succeed? I didn't figure it out until I finished writing my memoirs in 2014.

Note 8.10-5, what is it? Troupe Leader Liu will succeed. Answer: Eve Liu and I will become wife and husband. The first chapter of this book tells that Troupe Leader Liu arranged a marriage for me and his daughter Eve Liu, and made “Flesh Eye Through” on me, which left me with latent psychosis. Section 7.3 tells that I went on a blind date with Eve Liu, was traumatized by her, and activated my latent mental illness. Sections 8.1 to 8.7 of this chapter tell that Troupe Leader Liu scared me on purpose, so that I showed signs of psychosis. Mental illness is a mutant fruit (cf. v. 11.6.1) of the tree of life. Five years, ten years, or whenever, the fruit of mental illness will mature, and I will fall into hell. Illustration 35 is a Mexican painting of himself. At that time, he was fleeing away from the country of Nahuatl. However, no matter where he fled, the ripe fruit of mental illness would fall into his basket, and he would fall into hell. Of course, driving me, Luyan, crazy is not Troupe Leader Liu's goal. The only way to cure my madness is to marry Eve Liu. Troupe Leader Liu's goal is for the two of us to write this affair into a book to benefit all sentient beings.

返回 Return