奠

好友芬尼总是说我有种特殊的感受别人情绪的能力，即使那个人尽力地隐藏着自己的情绪波动，我还是能够直觉地感受到something is wrong。很多时候这种“能力”让我能够及时帮助需要帮助的朋友，有时候，却给我带来阴影和不安。

上个月有一次跟爸爸妈妈聊天准备行程的时候，感到爸爸在电话上欲言又止，但是我一发现苗头他就马上转移话题了，后来不管我怎么跟妈妈说，妈妈都一口咬定什么事情都没有，是我想多了。我知道自己没有想多，但是也只能勉强安慰自己。我最担心的，自然是爸爸妈妈的健康。

爸爸妈妈星期四到了，全家团圆，心情自然是非常高兴。昨天晚饭又吃到了妈妈做的家常菜，春天的夕阳下，其乐融融。

晚饭后，妈妈坐下跟我说，有件事情爸爸妈妈决定到了这里再告诉你，奶奶没有了。

在我的大脑还没有来得及process 这个噩耗的时候，我的泪水已经汹涌而出。爸爸单独走开了，妈妈坐在我身边抚摸着我的头发，慢慢地说着。他们不想让我一个人在这里承受悲伤却又无能为力，于是全家统一瞒着我，等爸爸妈妈来了告诉我，这样至少和我在一起。

我的奶奶没有了。

那个每个周六都会给我做午饭然后在楼下喊我名字的奶奶；那个能够做天下最好吃的腌笃鲜的奶奶，那个给我做杨梅酒的奶奶， 那个不停给我纳密密实实鞋底让我在美国穿的奶奶； 那个我出国的时候，拿着手绢不断地擦眼泪的奶奶；那个一心等着四世同堂的奶奶，我却再也看不到了。

爸爸每天陪伴着重病的奶奶，医生说奶奶日夜颠倒，尽量不要让她白天睡觉，爸爸就不断地跟奶奶说话聊天，讲笑话；医生说要用进口药，爸爸就一支四千块钱地买；最后奶奶丧失意识了，医生说要气管切开了，爸爸终于放弃了。奶奶第二天就走了。2月1 6日。

那个月我在病房，很少上网，偶尔打个电话也是匆匆就挂了，我关心着自己的病人，却从来没有想到，在大洋的那一边，我深爱的亲人，已经奄奄弥留。 我的父母，默默经受着生离死别却不让自己学医的女儿担心悲伤。

[乾坤九掷]

看到你的这篇文章我哭了，作为一个和你同龄的男人，我几乎从来没哭过，但是不知道为什么，随着年龄的增长，我觉得自己越来越软弱。
我跟你一样，也在国外。就在2年前，我的大姨去世了，在我心目当中，大姨就等于是我的姥姥，我从小就是由大姨带大的。尽管在大姨病危的时候，我回去过，但是那个时候的大姨已经认不出我了。
我不知道我们这样的人，出国是为了什么，最后又能得到什么，也许我们是增长了见识，会比别人多说点外语，也许我们也挣到了一点钱，但是我们失去了很多很多，失去的最多的就是我们跟家人的亲情。我最大的遗憾就是我出国的这几年没有能够陪伴在大姨的身边。她是那么每天想见到我。
我上面还有一个姐姐，所以小名叫小二。据后来我妈说，大姨在最后弥留之前，尽管话说不出来了，但是经常伸着两个手指，估计就是 小二的意思。

不写了，写不出来了。

[pupu760]

人是寂寞的吧，远去的亲人让人格外孤单

[Bali]

落花,我和外婆比和父母更亲近.外婆去世的时候家里也是瞒着我,一直等我几个月后到了上海才告诉我.虽然知道是好心,说实话,我很不领情.为什么瞒着我呢? 难道最后一面没有学校工作重要吗? 我觉得中国人这点瞒的习惯很不好,生了绝症的人医生只告诉家人不告诉病人等等,我就想不通.这只是我个人想法,你和你家人的相处方式自然不同. 我们家更气人的是,居然把我外婆的衣物都处理了,只给了我外婆的几件首饰.我更想要的是外婆常穿的带着她气味的衣物. 真是气死了.

[sunshadow]

多多保重。

[纵然平行]

Sorry for your terrible lose, hoping that the words offered from all of us would give you a tad of solace. Clearly, I can understand your struggle of pain, mourning and grief, even a sense of guilt for that you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to your beloved grandma in person. But I guess, sometime it may be better for us to just let it go instead to dwell on it.

Last year at a point time when my grandma’s health condition seemed deteriorating, I was very worried and anxious. The primary reason I returned home last Dec was to make up the time that I was absent when she was in hospital. Like your grandmother , my grandma has also been a significant person cast quite influence during my early childhood and shaped my views towards world. Especially, for the years that my father was out of the country pursuing his degrees and my exhausted mother rushed in, out and between those grinding hospital shifts. It was my grandma who read me bedtime stories, tucked my in the bed, praying for her son safe return ad her grandson a good-night sleep. Many nights through my ajar bedroom door, I’d watch her back producing a long shadow over the soft-lit hallway after she kissed me and walked out my room. With my eyes open I'd listen the sound of her feet fading away from the stair cases in our awfully quite house, I‘d slowly drift away in the dreams of flying out windows over the starlit sky just like Peter Pan to visit my parents in the lab or in the ward….

Enough though my grandma and grandpa are still alive and relatively healthy these days , I know, someday a phone call across the ocean will come to notify me the inevitable. I just secretly wish the days will be postponed as further down the road as possible.

Today at lunch time as I was walking out with my lunch buddies from “Café Sage” on John Street, the early April’s sunny sky was overshadowed with dark clouds, and chilly west wind carried snow flurries swirled aground us. I couldn’t help but think that even the dimension of time itself may be infinite , yet our lives are perhaps not. So cherishing the moments with our love ones becomes imperatively important because sooner or later our time would run out in our own spaces. And unlike in video games, in reality there are no “time portal“ or “wormhole” to transport us back to the time to relive the past again.

I think taking some time off with your love ones may be the sensible way to alleviate the sorrow and possibility to heal the wound a bit faster, so do enjoy the family time with your folks in FL.


Take care, Babe.

P.S Speaking of Orlando, I’d attempt to recommend that EPCOT may be one of suitable place for you and your parents to have some good time together. The attraction there, “Soaring”, is poetically exhilarating , and it is also mild enough for your folks to enjoy as well. If your are lucky you may have a simulated fly along Californian coast line, but the drawback is the waiting time which can be brutally long, though. For you, the interactive Space Advanced Training Lab (the Orange type not the green one) and high-tech Automotive Testing Track can be two fun attractions to challenge your audacity if you brave enough to give them a try. For food, the restaurant, “Chefs de France”, in EPCOT is also not too bad to try authentic French cuisine, Its chefs do come from France. If you are not sure the menu items , order the lamb dish, I found it was pretty good. Make the reservation two days ahead as the hostess can be quite snobbish and discouraging when handling the walking-ins. BTW, if you don’t like my comment please delete it. It is just a “cut and dry”case.

[spacespirit]

和我的父母一样。有这样的父母和有过这样的奶奶已经就是幸福人生了。

[蚊子凶猛]

圣严法师的四个它：面对它，接受它，处理它，放下它

道理很简单，很简单的也才是道理，共勉

[流浪的人群]

回复落花飘零的评论:

非常理解你现在阵痛的心情。希望能好好的安慰你，正如你安慰我一样。语言终是苍白，握你的手...
记得刚来美留学时，姥姥去世，家里一直瞒着我，直到我两年后回国探亲。她也是从小陪我,直到我考上大学.
几天前是妈妈一周年的忌日，心碎的痛苦久久不去,难以入眠. 后来，经常去教会，试图相信人的永生。以抚慰着刻骨的痛。

"妈妈
我也想给你打电话
如果上帝
有你天上的号码"

正逢清明，落花，让我们一起为我们的亲人们祈祷吧！

祝你和爸爸妈妈共度美好时光！

[盈袖2006]

feel for you my dear. you have all the good memory, which will be with you forever.

[蚊子凶猛]

和父母去南部放松一下，保重

[落花飘零]

谢谢大家。还是觉得心里不时地一阵悲伤，但是不想让爸爸妈妈太难过了。马上要去佛罗里达了，希望阳光下大家的心情都好起来。

[sinorachel]

以前我不相信人有直觉，但是经历了两次，我才知道什莫是血肉相连。第一次，我在美国的时候，有那末几天心情莫名烦躁，等到了周末给家里打电话才得知大舅去世了。第二次，我生病了从美国回中国治病，早上8点20几分在病房里，老公和我开玩笑，我一下子突然很烦躁，当时我还想要控制莫名其妙的脾气控制自己的情绪，过了一个多小时，妈妈来告诉我爷爷去世了，正是在不到8点半的时候。那时候我重病在身，白细胞远远低于正常人，所以根本没有办法去再看爷爷最后一眼，只有不到半小时的路程，但是我和爷爷从此阴阳永隔了。
生离死别，我们每个人都不得不经历，每次想起来都会禁不住泪流满面。抱抱落花，同哭同悲伤。

[punny]

hug hug，应该刚出了七吧，有爸爸妈妈陪在身边，会好过一点。

[寂寞的蟋蟀]

落花姐，别难过了。拥抱！

[随意简单]

落花，多保重。开心些，陪陪爸爸妈妈，走走，看看，一起享受天伦之乐。

[linda_tan]

恩，我也想我奶奶了 ～～～～～～～

[狼来了!]

HUG,HUG!

奶奶在天堂里看着你一步步实现自己的梦想的时候，她老人家一定会非常开心。你对奶奶的深情，奶奶一定能感受到。MM节哀！

爸爸妈妈来了真好，这次多陪陪他们。不一定游山玩水，有时候在家里多陪他们聊天吃饭散步胜过带他们到处旅游。

祝福MM全家！

[mich_eom]

落花,我都看哭了,真不知道说什么,什么宽慰的话在这样的离别前都是无力的.我想我们还能做的就是,好好珍惜还可以去爱的亲人.

[蔓穗草]

节哀！
你奶奶看到你家庭幸福，工作顺利，身体健康，她在天上会非常欣慰的。好好的生活就是对奶奶最好的怀念。。。

[little.snail]

may your grandma rest in peace...

[流沙随风]

清明时节雨纷纷
落花飘零欲断魂
借问酒家何处有
流沙谣指地球村

同奠

[damaof]

强有力的拥抱一下。

[Appleflower]

Luo Hua, I'm sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Unfortunately, that's how it is for those of us in medicine, we're so busy caring for other people's families that we don't have time to look after ours.

[fog_rain_thunder]

pat pat