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“If I were in heaven, Nelly, I should be extremely miserable.” “Because you are not fit to go there,” I answered. “All sinners would be miserable in heaven.” “But it is not for that. I dreamt once that I was there.” “I tell you I won’t hearken to your dreams, Miss Catherine! I’ll go to bed,” I interrupted again. She laughed, and held me down; for I made a motion to leave my chair. “This is nothing,” cried she: “I was only going to say that heaven did not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung me out into the middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where I woke sobbing for joy. That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other. I’ve no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn’t have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he’s handsome, Nelly, but because he’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton’s is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire.” |
“要是我到了天堂，耐莉，我一定会极其痛苦。” “因为你不适合去那个地方，”我答道，“所有的罪人在天堂都会很痛苦。” “可是并非为了这个。有一次我梦见我到了那儿了。” “你给我听着，我不想听你的梦，阚思睿小姐！我要上床睡觉啦。”我又打断了她。 她笑了起来，我要起身离开椅子时，她把我按在椅子上。 “这并没什么，”她大声叫道，“我只是想说天堂看起来似乎并不是我的家。于是我就哭了起来，哭得心都碎了，我要回到尘世。天使们因此恼羞成怒，他们把我扔到呼啸山庄上的石楠丛中。随后我就醒过来了，高兴得哭了起来。这下就可以解释我内心的秘密了，以及另外一个秘密。和去天堂相比，我并不热衷于要嫁给爱德嘉•林腾。如果那边那个恶人不把黑思克里夫贬得这么低，我还不会想到这个。现在，嫁给黑思克里夫就会降低我的身分，所以他永远也不会知道我多么爱他；那并不是因为他有多帅，耐莉，而是因为和我相比，他更像是我自己。无论是什么原料造就了我俩的灵魂，我俩的灵魂一模一样；而林腾的灵魂好像月光不同于闪电，或者冰霜不同于烈火那样。” |
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Ere this speech ended I became sensible of Heathcliff’s presence. Having noticed a slight movement, I turned my head, and saw him rise from the bench, and steal out noiselessly. He had listened till he heard Catherine say it would degrade her to marry him, and then he stayed to hear no further. My companion, sitting on the ground, was prevented by the back of the settle from remarking his presence or departure; but I started, and bade her hush! “Why?” she asked, gazing nervously round. “Joseph is here,” I answered, catching opportunely the roll of his cartwheels up the road; “and Heathcliff will come in with him. I’m not sure whether he were not at the door this moment.” “Oh, he couldn’t overhear me at the door!” said she. “Give me Hareton, while you get the supper, and when it is ready ask me to sup with you. I want to cheat my uncomfortable conscience, and be convinced that Heathcliff has no notion of these things. He has not, has he? He does not know what being in love is!” “I see no reason that he should not know, as well as you,” I returned; “and if you are his choice, he’ll be the most unfortunate creature that ever was born! As soon as you become Mrs. Linton, he loses friend, and love, and all! Have you considered how you’ll bear the separation, and how he’ll bear to be quite deserted in the world? Because, Miss Catherine—” |
她的这段话还没说完，我发觉黑思克里夫在场。我注意到了一个细微动作，回过头，看见他从凳子上站了身来，悄默声响地偷偷溜了出去。他一直听到阚思睿说嫁给他就会降低她的身分，就没再留下来继续听她讲。阚思睿坐在地上，视线被高背长靠椅的椅背挡着，她既没看到他刚才在这儿，也没看见他离开。可是我吃了一惊，叫她别说话。 “为啥？”她问道，紧张地向四周张望。 “周思福来了，”我答道，恰好听到周思福的车轮在路上隆隆的声音，“黑思克里夫会跟他进来。我不能担保他这会儿在不在门口。” “啊，他不会在门口偷听我的！”她说，“把海瑞腾给我，你去准备晚饭，弄好了叫上我一块吃。我情愿昧着良心，尽管这并不好受，而且也深信黑思克里夫不会想到这些事。他不会，对吧？他不知道爱情到底是什么吧？” “我看不出你有何理由说他不跟你一样了解爱情是什么。”我答道，“如果他选了你，他就会成为世上命最苦的人。你一旦成了林腾太太，他就失去了朋友、失去了爱情，失去了一切！你考虑过吗？你将怎样承受这场分离，他又将怎样承受被人抛弃在这个世上？因为，阚思睿小姐——”
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“He quite deserted! we separated!” she exclaimed, with an accent of indignation. “Who is to separate us, pray? They’ll meet the fate of Milo! Not as long as I live, Ellen: for no mortal creature. Every Linton on the face of the earth might melt into nothing before I could consent to forsake Heathcliff. Oh, that’s not what I intend—that’s not what I mean! I shouldn’t be Mrs. Linton were such a price demanded! He’ll be as much to me as he has been all his lifetime. Edgar must shake off his antipathy, and tolerate him, at least. He will, when he learns my true feelings towards him. Nelly, I see now you think me a selfish wretch; but did it never strike you that if Heathcliff and I married, we should be beggars? whereas, if I marry Linton I can aid Heathcliff to rise, and place him out of my brother’s power.” “With your husband’s money, Miss Catherine?” I asked. “You’ll find him not so pliable as you calculate upon: and, though I’m hardly a judge, I think that’s the worst motive you’ve given yet for being the wife of young Linton.” |
“他被人抛弃！我们分开！”她喊道，声音充满了愤慨。“敢问，谁能把我们分开？他们要遭到米罗的命运！只要我还活着，爱蕾——我看哪个活人敢把我们分开？即使世上林腾家的每个人都化为乌有，我也不会答应抛弃黑思克里夫。啊，我可不想要这样——这不是我的意思！如果要付出这样的代价，我宁愿不作林腾太太！他这后半生对于我，就和他现在对于我一样地珍贵。爱德嘉必须得消除对黑思克里夫的反感，而且至少要包容他。爱德嘉知道了我对黑思克里夫的真情实感后就会包容他。耐莉，现在我明白了，你以为我是个只顾自己的自轻自贱之人。可是你难道从来没想到，如果黑思克里夫和我结婚了，我们就得去讨饭吗？而我要是嫁给了林腾，我就能帮助黑思克里夫发迹，并且把他安排到我哥哥管不着的位置。” “用你丈夫的钱，阚思睿小姐？”我问道，“你会发现他可不是你算计的那样听你的话。而且虽然我这个断言本不当讲，但我认为你要是出于这样的动机去给林腾少爷当媳妇，这简直是糟糕透顶。” |
