Samuel和登登在楼上又吵了起来。
我叹了口气，对这两个人来说，争吵的话题一直都是学习中文。
“我为什么要学中文？！”登登喊道。
“因为！……”
我想象着Samuel解释了一百遍，然后他还是发火了。
“你必须这么做!!”
我摘下蓝光眼镜，推开我的笔记本电脑。妈妈的魔法时间到了，Samuel和我昨晚刚刚谈过这件事。如果他对登登发脾气，同意我干预。
我上楼打开办公室的门，我给了先生一个会意的眼神。Samuel不情愿地坐回椅子上，转身离开登登。
我走了进去。
危机干预对我来说是很自然的事。毕竟，我已经实践了二十年。
我毫不费力地转换成了行为分析师角色—客观的，轻松的，甚至是顽皮的。
渐渐地，诺登停止了叫喊，再也没有眼泪和怒气了。
妈妈，你总是希望我诚实。爸爸撒了谎，他说我只需要做这一页，然后他又补充了一些。
我听到了。有没有可能爸爸第一次给你指示的时候，你没有注意?
没有。但没关系，反正我也得不到我的 30 分钟 游戏时间。
原来这才是真正原因！没有了学习的动力。
我明白了，为什么?
因为我早上9点之前没有写日记。
哦，我知道了。那么，如果你不是写一页，而是写两页呢？然后你可以问是否可能赢得游戏时间。一切皆有可能，只要你愿意。
一个小时后，登登下楼来。
爸爸说我态度很好，我的中文也学完了。现在我要开始写日记了。如果我写两页，我能玩吗?
一切皆有可能。但如果我是你，我会先展示结果，然后你的谈判才会更有力量。
十分钟后，他给我看了他完成的日记，甚至把它命名为第一部分和第二部分。
我笑了笑。是的，这就是成长。
我和他不是一直这么亲密的。在过去的三年里，我非常努力地建立了这种关系。他知道“我懂他”。我理解他的幽默，他的顽皮，他的笑话。我知道他很在意自己的外表和形象。他想变酷。
他知道我对他的生活，他的学校，他的朋友，他的老师，他的一切都感兴趣。登登有一颗宽广的心。他很聪明。一想到“懒惰”这个词，我就忍住不说。他现在正在培养品格和职业素养，他还是个喜欢走捷径的12岁孩子。
正当我暗自庆幸自己是一个多么好的母亲时，第二天早上我就失控了。
我和登登大吵了一架。那是我们有史以来最糟糕的一次。
我看着我的愤怒狂飙，但无法阻止它。顷刻间，愤怒吞噬了我。他跺着脚上楼，我在楼下像疯女人一样尖叫，以至于我的胸口都痛了。这种身体上的痛苦以前从未发生过。
它震惊了我。我必须冷静下来!
我走进卧室，放了一首让自己情绪宣泄的歌。我很生他的气，但更生我自己的气。我愤怒和羞愧地哭了。
五分钟后，我的闹钟响了。那是我和莎莉的晨间河水清洗的时间。
我打电话，仍在抽泣，“我感受到了内心深处的痛苦。我很爱我的儿子。我不知道发生了什么……我怎么这么快就生气了……我就是这样，只有登登在身边，没有其他人……那瞬时发生在我身上的事情……谁在掌控？我内心的某些东西完全被引爆了。”
15分钟后，我走出房间，暂时平静下来。
我上了车去赴约，找了一本有声书听。
“你怎么了?”脱口秀主持人奥普拉和精神科医生布鲁斯·佩里的对话引起了我的注意，我听了下去。
我们都有创伤。我们每一个人，或大或小，各种颜色和形状。我们的身体承载着创伤。压抑的情绪会卡在我们的身体里，吞噬我们的精神。我意识到生气并没有错，愤怒只是一个释放的机会。
我一直被教导说，生气是不好的：这是我对自己的一种评判。
现在我明白了充分体验愤怒并释放它一件多么难得的礼物；所有的情绪都是多么美好的。它们都是彩虹中的颜色，是我们灵魂的燃料。
那天晚上，我和登登谈心并设定了新的界限。第二天又是美好的一天。我们去购物，吃冰淇淋，看电影。
我们围坐在餐桌旁，分享各自的引爆点。我们四口之家更好的了解彼此。
“我的语言和艺术老师很严格，但人很好。妈妈，你也一样。你很好，也很严格。有时太严格了。”他半开玩笑地笑了笑。
“谢谢你。”我笑着回道。
谢谢你，登登，做我的老师。感谢愤怒，让我的家庭更加紧密。
传递给大家满满的爱♥，
伟丽
Samuel and Norden were
arguing again upstairs
I sighed. For these two, it is always about studying Chinese.
“Why do I have to learn Chinese?!” Norden shouted.
“Because! … ”
I pictured Samuel explaining for the hundredth time, then he lost it.
“You just have to!!”
I took off my blue-light glasses and pushed away from my laptop. Time for the mommy magic. Samuel and I had just talked about this last night. He agreed to let me intervene if he loses his temper with Norden.
I went upstairs and opened the office door. I gave Samuel a knowing look. Reluctantly, Samuel sat back in his chair and turned away from Norden.
I stepped in.
Intervening in the middle of a crisis comes naturally to me. After all, I’ve had two decades of practice.
Effortlessly, I transformed into my Behavior Analyst role. I was objective, light, and even playful.
Gradually, Norden stopped shouting. No more tears and huff puff.
“Mommy, you always want me to be honest. Daddy lied. He said all I need to do is this one page. Then he added more.”
“I hear you Nor. Is it possible you didn’t pay attention when Daddy first gave you instructions?”
“No. But it doesn’t matter, I can’t get my 30 minutes [game time] anyway.” So that is the real reason! There is no motivation to study.
“I see. Why?”
“Because I didn't write my journal before 9 am.”
“Oh, I see. So what if instead of writing 1 page, you write 2 pages? Then you can ask if it’s possible to still earn the game time. Everything is possible, as long as you are willing.”
...
An hour later, Norden came downstairs, “Daddy said I had a good attitude and I am all done with my Chinese. Now I am going to make up my journal. If I write two pages, can I play?”
“Anything is possible Nor. But if I were you, I would show the results first, then your negotiation will have more power.”
Ten minutes later, he showed me his completed journal and even named it Part I and Part II.
I smiled. Yes, that is growth.
He and I were not always this close. I have worked really hard for the last three years to build this relationship. He knows “I get him”. I get his humor, his playfulness, his jokes. I get how he cares about his look, his image. He wants to be cool.
He knows I am interested in his life, his school, his friends, his teachers, his everything. Norden has a big heart. He is smart. I bite my tongue if the word “lazy” ever comes up in my mind. He is building character and work ethic now. Well, he is also a twelve-year-old who likes to take shortcuts.
Just as I was self-congratulating how good of a mom that I am, the next morning I lost it.
I had the biggest fight with Norden. It was the worst in the history of our co-existence.
I watched my anger rise but I couldn't stop it. Rage engulfed me in seconds. He stomped upstairs and I screamed like a madwoman from downstairs to the point that my chest hurt. This physical pain had never happened before.
It shocked me.
I must calm down!
I went into my bedroom and put on a swamp song. I was so mad at him but more at myself. I cried in anger and shame.
Five minutes later, my alarm went off. It was my morning River Cleanse time with Sally.
I called, still sobbing … “I feel the pain deep in my heart. I love my son so much. I don’t know what happened...how did I get so angry so fast… I’m like this with no one else in the world but Norden...what happened to me during those moments ...who was in the driver’s seat? Something in me was completely triggered.”
15 minutes later, I came out of the room, temporarily in peace.
I got in the car to drive to an appointment and looked for an audible book to listen to.
“What happened to you?” by Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry, a neuroscientist and psychiatrist, caught my eye and I listened.
We all have traumas. Every single one of us, big or small and in all colors and shapes. Our bodies hold our trauma. Suppressed emotions get stuck in our bodies and eat away our spirit. I realized there is nothing wrong with being angry. Anger is just an opportunity to release.
I had been taught that getting mad is bad: a judgment I place on myself.
Now I understand how getting to experience anger at its fullest and releasing it is such a gift. All emotions are beautiful. They are all colors in the rainbow and fuel for our soul.
Norden and I talked and set new boundaries that night. The next day was beautiful again. We went shopping, ate ice cream and watched a movie.
We went around the dinner table and each of us shared our triggers. We learned some new things about each other in our family of four.
“My language and art teacher is strict but nice. Mom, you are the same. You are nice and strict. Sometimes too strict.” He smiled, half teasing.
“Thank you.” I smiled back.
Thank you, Norden, for being my teacher. Thank you, anger, for bringing my family even closer.
Love,
WeiLi
