警花的成长-48 battle ground

About her surgery, we contacted an surgeon in the same hospital who has 20 years practice and also board certified surgeon. All the doctors we consulted in this hospital are board certified in their specialty which give us a confidence that they know what they are doing. 

The surgeon discussed with her oncologist and looked at the CT results before we had the discussion. 
医生说她尽管不是很确定的肿瘤是良性还是恶性。她们倾向于恶性，因为太大而且压迫周围大血管。 特别是主动脉附近。

after discussing with the surgeon,we decided to have the surgery to remove it. The surgery was scheduled on Monday. On Saturday, two days before the surgery, I finally reached the point of breakdown. Ever since her new PCP claimed that she had a enlarged spleen, all kinds of thoughts and speculations and worries clouded my mind, I cried many many times, I can't believe I am facing it. Even till Saturday, I still have this tiny hope that tumor is benign, maybe just a cyst... maybe they made it up, maybe it just a bad dream that I couldn't wake up. 
 

every time that I think of they opening her up, expose her organs, my heart will bleed. I would rather grab that tumor myself, step onto it, mash it. 
 

星期一到了，一大早我们带着警花去医院。因为是大手术，她们要我早早把她送去，因为要配血型为输血准备。我的心里七上八下，怕她不能下手术台，因为肿瘤离大动脉太近了，已经把血管及变形了。又因为COVID, 没见过医生，都是电话里说话。好怕。护士拿来一些表格填写，问要不要在手术之前跟医生再次通话，我写下YES.