女兵刘旧日记---4/29/04

亲爱的朋友，可能你认识我，是因为我曾服役美国陆军，但那毕竟只是我人生的一个小站。我自从1990年圣诞节，告别我天津的爸爸妈妈，姐姐，妹妹，踏上飞抵密苏里州，哥仑比亚的飞机直到今天，2009年的刚刚开始，有时不禁回想起这18年的海外寄居的种种境况，与特大事件与决定的发生与拼搏，实在感触良多。

 

我的朋友曾笑说我是“重色轻友”，我当时只是笑笑了之，其实，我怎敢看轻我的如同姐妹的好朋友呢。这些年，尤其时是我离婚那阵子的苦日子，都是他（她）们搀拉着我走过来的。我真是感激涕零。

 

下面是我5年前，准备第2次结婚前的心里路程，与你分享。

 

This is something I digged from my old diary. Regarding my relationship with Kwang. As you can tell, some tears and heartbreaks. And I don't know whether other people's lives are any easier.....
 
Here is some thoughts on 4/29/04...

Yesterday, our bible study group announced that they
would like to seperate to two groups. I think that is
the way how people react to the outbreak of Kwang of
last Wednesdy night when he burst into a big mass.
Raised his voice, and hurting me in front of
everybody, and later on commented on many people
there.
It was just a disgrace. I felt terrible. He is a big
bully. I know many people think he was stupid. Why do
I have to listen to him? I cried and the paster and
many other people came over to comfort me, I felt
terrible. Probably to many people's surprise, we even
got married on Friday. And showed up last night again.

Well, it is part of my fault, because I decided to
stick with him. That day when we went to the court
house, Jim told me that a wise thing people should do
is to decide whether to continue a relationship or end
it. I didn't have the guts. For Shaoyuan's part, I
have already done a lot of things to hurt him, I admit
my sins, and I will leave it to our heavenly father to
forgive me and save me and have God live in me give me
new Christian life, be a good mother first. Dear God,
please give me strength and wisdom and give us love,
and let love fill our hearts, let us not feel the
pain, have mercy on us. Let the bills be taken care
of.
I have mixed feelings. He never set me as his
priority, and why should I? Jane told me that he is
the man, he should take care of his family, but he
never did. Please God, I pray for you to grant me an
open heart and a loving heart to love his two
daughters. Let people respect me and let us have a
peaceful life.

I am doing what I can here to support the family,
house rent and the car payment. What a mess now?
Hongying is right about him?

This is a good way to vent. When two people decide to
get married, they should be responsible to their
words.

I felt better now.