【漫谈闲笔】0905 思

【漫谈闲笔】0905

 -答赠德利君 旧照 -花见五月

大湖两地德利一语

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2009年5 月18 日晨

Deli 君，

May this mail find your recent translation job a smooth one, and thank you for your letter. One thing for which I hate myself is that our letter writing might take too much time from you only for some words that I myself am struggling with.

First, your short verses about flowers are so nice. But I find I need more time before it’s really comfortable for me to re-verse them Instead, I bought two tropical flowers for my little balcony so I can take a look at them daily for inspiration from where I sit at desk and raise my head from behind the laptop screen.

Glad that the opening subject has been changed from the lonely lake-birds to spring flowers. I have been buried myself in the thoughts of "樱花-Sakura Cherry” for days since I read  your letter which you shared with me about invaluable ideas concerning a Spring poem done in 7 言 ( Chinese Characters ) for the subject. Thank you again.

In searching for a littile token of my thanking you for the comments on my so called seven-character-guatrain (7 言 诗) on 北美樱花,  I am digging very hard from my old modeled laptop hard-disc to look for a photo for sharing, luckily, the old 2007 Sakura Photos are still on file.Wish you would like them.

Another point I would like you know is one online comment here in this web saying one of the sentences in my translation of your spring poem “Miss”  （“思”） is difficult to pronunce. So, it's resulted, too, in the second version as attached: 

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【思】第二 译稿

 

一春又一春，

无日不思君；

不信抬头问，

南风知我心。

 宋德利   
2005年5月14 日

V.01

 Spring comes year after year,

My heart stays as a day ticks away,my dear,

I whispered softly as breeze in spring morning...air freshened n' clear

"Let southern winds brings me close to you dear... n' nearer

 

* n' = and 弱读，

一语 试译
9:02 AM 5/15/2009

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V.02

二稿修改·：

Spring comes year after year,

My heart stays as a day ticks away,..dear,

I whispered in this  morning, earlier, softly in the breeze, in the air

"Let southern wind brings your voices near, Oh, so sweet n fresh to hear...
Softly in breeze early this morning, I whispered in the fresh air

一语 改译：
2:21 AM 5/19/2009

One thing is certain, shorter the Chinese poem is the harder it is to reverse them!

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I have been writing too long. I have to cut it short! I will give revised poem in a separate post shortly, please kindly wait.

Till then, so long!


一语 于
湖边



Would be happy if you find it little better? and here attached a photo, old though.

to be continued

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 旧照  “花见湖边 满开五月”

	Photograph by author May 5, 2007

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春意湖边
A maple leaf O'er the water,

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