Night Knight
Beneath a capricious ivory moon, an autumn night was still young. Abruptly, a knight on a horseback was emerging onto a path of a hill which had been swept with silken silence and profound stillness. His armor was shimmering at the moment when escaped moonlight from the cloud smothered on it. He held his impatient horse and gazed at the distant castle where the shining beam of light from a window of the stone tower was glowing against drowned waves of night. A smile across on his face melted all of his exhaustions and burdens carried from battle ground. He seemed to be able to hear sweet and warm melodies from her fingers on the harp strings. His spirit was refreshed and he declared, “My dear lady, you have been engraved on my heart to which you hold the key!” He whispered to his nickering horse, “Let’s go home”. Cold mist of fog, chilly wind and shadowed moon over the hill were all left behind his flying back.
- A 纵然平行’s nightly dream
鱼 和 熊 掌 (3)
Suppose you ask men a question "Whom do you work for?" I bet majority of them would tell you that they'd work for business entities such as a multi-billion global companies or a fast-grow business where they are their own bosses. Few would realize that their answer might not be entirely right, in my opinion. In a true sense if a man who is going to marry someday or has already been married the one he really works for is his wife, future or existing one. Some of my fellow species may stop their doing and challenge me on the spot while blood boiling "You must be kidding, am I working for her ? NO WAY! ". Guys, please relax, you are not alone to think that way, so was I. Please sit down and give me few minutes and allow me to explain my point. I am hoping by finishing reading this piece you may see what I mean.
Before starting to substantiate the ground, I am going to ask ourselves anther simple question “What does a man really want in his life?” You may answer, “He wants a successful career, becomes famous of some thing someday, possesses great wealth, dates lots of beautiful women, travels around the world …” The list can certainly expand further. But there comes the kicker, “Then what?” That is right. Suppose a man has all these mentioned previously. Would he be truly happy? I could be wrong (have been wrong many times) about this. I think that a man may not have perpetual happiness until he finds his true love and shares his life and his accomplishment with this woman whom he truly loves and willingly works hard for. Furthermore, he can really feel to be needed by someone. Otherwise his life may just be an incomplete one and his happiness wouldn't be last very long. Let me give an example about what I mean "incompleteness". About one year and half ago I was on a short vacation in the biggest city of China etching to buy a two bed room apartment for investment purpose in an upscale district, the building has fantastic façade even based upon Manhattan standards and the location is wonderfully close to everything. But it didn’t work out, below were our short conversation between a female real estate agent and me.
Young real estate lady: "This is extremely posh building and the materials used here are imported around the world so you would have the best of best. And for a guy like you it would worth it." Her voice was bubbled with excitements as her hands touched my left forearm. To be honest, I was not sure why a girl who was selling apartment units needed to dress so skimpy.
Me: “May I see the this unit at the top level ?” I pointed to the chart and asked her calmly.
Young real estate lady: "You are a really lucky guy, I still have it available" she tried to butter me up and she was not t able to curb her enthusiasm for talking about all the features coming with that unit.
Me: "Are you sure this is it ?" I couldn't hide my shock when I s saw an unfinished, raw concrete box and a hole at the bath room floor as she showed me around.
Young real estate lady: "Yes, that is, you can furnish apartment the way you want." She seemed puzzled by my questions and continued her “song and dance”.
Me: "Let me think about it "I said to her politely while I was recovering from my disappointment of how she could sell me such a dump in an appealingly nice place.
My point is that to me it does matter how extravagant and great a building looking from outside, if inside is undone it is incomplete. A man without a woman and a family his life would be still under construction mode.
Why I bring this into the picture, people may ask, because I am setting the stage for my confession. I’ve realized a fact that I have studied, pursued my degrees and worked my tail off ( or butt off you may prefer) to reach this point where I am standing, What I actually have done or archived is in essence would all be for my future _ _ _ _ . Sounding dubious isn't it ? Please think again.. Without her as the "inside" the building will be marked as incomplete after all.
Now, here comes my punch line we (men) may not know it or we don't want to admit that even any of us may lead a department, a company, a division of army or a country but eventually he may give everything he ever got TO and willingly work FOR a women who loves him and bears his offspring. Why ? It is because she holds the key to his heart.
Have you ever heard or read stories about King Edward VIII of
Note:
1) Just in case you could not figure it out the word missing from the blank the answer is the last word of this essay
2) The title comes from 罗隐
蜂
不论平地与峰间，无限风光尽被占。
酿得百花成蜜后，为谁辛苦为谁甜？
I am impressed that you have really pondered on your life and your future marriage. I believe that it will really benefit you in a long run.
I found that most Chinese guys I met seems not have not really thought through what kind of life they are pursuing and what kind of marriage they prefer. Even those who are over 30 years old and kind of desperate to get married.
I wish you will find the loving lady you are looking for and work out the relationship. Also wish the best for every person who is looking for Mr./Ms. Right and being serious about it.
三三子: Thanks for sharing your views as well as your personal experiences in apparently successful marriage. I'd like to agree with your thoughts on these imperative aspects of Mutual Respect, Acceptance, Adaptation and Power of the love in the realm of relationship/marriage. It is veracious and undisputable that these characteristics that you brought up and others such as faithfulness, unselfishness, sacrifice, obligation, trust … would contribute, prevail and renew a thriving relations and a joint-adventure . Nevertheless, I'd need to point out, due to limited time and spaces, the primary intent of my series was to present my personal belief about traditional women role with education rather to cover every and each of ground to cater different readers' comprehensions on healthy and lasting relationships. I have repeatedly said that I am not a expert on relationship and marriage and my future growth plan does not include them as a vital option, either :).
Indeed, I personally endorse women who pursue higher education and then choose to stay home to focus upon family and personal growth in non-career oriented areas as financial worry is being removed. Do my beliefs cast influences over my contemplation (prospect) over what kind of MM I'd like to know better? The answer is positive, Do I feel improper or shameful because of my thinking , I am afraid that I don't think that way, at least at this juncture.
Many people strongly believe that if women don't work especially with higher education background then
1) they may lose leverage to be independent or equal partner in a healthy relationship.
2) they may be over burdened with house chores and children's education.
3) they may become less attractive from their men over time.
4) they could stop growth personally.
5) they gradually become dull and boring.
6) they would be less respectful in their men’s eyes.
7) their contributions to the family would be murky and less valuable.
8) their life’s domain and friend circle would be become narrow.
As you can see this lists can grow further, but the question is how much truth and how much fear are based to form these notions. We should all think about it.
I’d like to let you know that I enjoyed reading your writing in English.
i am in fact not a career oriented woman, when time is right, i have no problem quitting my engineering profession to do things i enjoy, opening an art/crafts studio, working for some cultural foundation, photographing, cooking and taking care of kids in the future. but i don't really agree wuth your prospect of marriage and relationship. the problem is not who works and earns the money. i have no problem with the husband works and supports the family. the problem is some essential piece of a relationship/marriage is missing from your statement: RESPECT. i enjoy my potential path of not being the bread-earner of the family since it would be my own choice, i might do it, might not, might do it for a period of time, might want to change after a while. We discuss our future path together. he told me: if you want to develop your career, i support you, if you want to do art/NGO work, i support the family. when i told him: i really appreciate valuable family time together, i don't really care about how big the house is and how much money we have, since i am married to you, not a house, not anything else. he acknowledges that he wants the same thing and he doesn't want to be like his colleagues who was so busy with working as a young legal associate that he barely saw his first born till she was two years old. thus, we are trying to figure out a career path that suits the needs of our future family (eg. not become a lawyer). i enjoy the feeling of being loved, supported and respected, and i love the way we are working on our life together for what we both wanted. i am myself now since i am with him, he is himself since he is with me. and we are us because we took the path we decided on.
you say you "work for" your future wife, all you have done and accretive so far is all for her, sounding devoted but a little empty. you worked hard, you established, you already have a view of what kind of woman suits you and now you just need to find this woman.
you said:
(Q: What if what she wants is not what you believe is the best for her?
A: In that case, it may mean that we would not suit for each other.)
you mentioned King Edward VIII of England who gave up his throne for one woman, his wife, (i think he gave up his throne so he can marry her). so if your woman asks you for more attention for family, since the time you spend together is the most valuable, would you consider cutting back your working hours, which may mean giving up promotion opportunities? or are you going to give up her since she doesn't suit you?or what if she finds her passion for a career which she has to devote more time and can't assume all the family responsibilties?
my point is trying to find somebody fitting yourself is too idealistic and essentially too self-concentrated or selfish. i don't know about the feasibility of trying to find another one who statically suits you like two adjacent pieces in a jigsaw. before you meet a person, you can't really define what your ideal mate would be. i used to also have some ideas of what my love will be, but when love came, i realize that a lot of the predefined thoughts are vain. in fact you even enjoy the wonder of sometimes you may say a twist of fate. love is a mutual thing, love is energetic and dynamic. when you are surprised at the power and ecstasy it brings, you are also going to be surprised at how flexible you are, and how much you want to be open to embrace him/her,how much you want to adjust and adapt, it's a DYNAMIC FIT. As your relationship evolve and you both evolve too. Once you decide to joint your life together, anything is not for her, not for you. it is for you both, for your life together. you don't work for HER, you shouldn't work for YOURSELF either, you work for YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.
I wrote another article about this. It is too long. I have posted it in my blog. Here is the link.
怎样去爱是一生都要学习的课程
http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=200610&postID=3390
As I am digesting your questions further let me try to address your points in the meantime.
Your wrote "Your heart might have multiple keys held by different women, and you might change the lock over time."
I’d rather say that my heart might have been kindled and warmed by some women in my life. But, I am thinking only one person who holds the key will live there forever.
Q: Do you have the key to her heart?
A: No, I am looking for it :). If I'd find hers and she'd find mine simultaneously then we may both have the keys to each other’s heart. That would be settled.
Q: Do you know what she wants?
A Yes, I know some, but not all of them. Nevertheless, that is my point, during the process the rest of them can be found out.
Q: What if what she wants is not what you believe is the best for her?
A: In that case, it may mean that we would not suit for each other.
I am thinking that I may write a piece to respond your questions in more detailed way when time permits.
豆沙小月饼: Each woman should be able to choose the suitable model and pursue her life style. The analogy is like a key to a lock. There are many great women out there who want to fight with men shoulder-to-shoulder in the “trench” to share the triumphs and failures in fist hand. There is nothing wrong with it. It just happens to me that a woman in traditional role would benefit more when coming to relationship and family.
Looking back the history traditional ways of women’s life have been constantly demonized by people with political agenda from American feminist movement to Chinese culture revolution ( “women may have half-sky”). The resemblances of those hypes were that some people took the advantages of women’s real hope for freer and more independent life (which could be achieved peacefully and gradually through raising the awareness and working together, Taiwan would be an example) for their own political gain. In my thoughts these women who received higher education and special training but chose to stay home should not be any inferior to those who join the work force. The main purpose of education would give a person critical mind and foundation for further learning. The beauty is that an educated woman may go back to work at the time when there is a need assuming she takes some up-to-date training and course.
I think that the essence about American dream is not just about owning a big house, an exotic car or other state-of-art materials. It is about each of us has the freedom to go after the opportunity, aspiration and happiness in an individual way.
一粒麦子:It is very kind of you to give compliment to my writing. But I do know I have long way to go.
You are right about that I’ve given lots thoughts to marriage as I slowly and surely realize that it will be my ticket to win in the end.
爱的方式
你匍匐在我的脚下
含泪亲吻我的指甲
啊，谢谢你的爱
可惜，这不是我要的方式
你四海为家走遍天涯
一心给我采朵最美的花
啊，谢谢你的爱
可惜，这不是我要的方式
你欣然赐我豪华的宫殿
重重朱门, 深深庭院
啊，谢谢你的爱
可惜，这不是我要的方式
你坚定地护在我身前
遮蔽风雨, 也阻挡了视线
啊，谢谢你的爱
可惜, 这不是我要的方式
亲爱的人啊, 别着急
握着手先陪我说说话
爱我, 该用什么方式
只要你问, 我就答
I think that you have done lots of thinking about your future marriage. You understand the commitment of a marriage, which is the unity between a man and his woman for life, and a man’s solemn duty for his wife and his family. Who says that men don’t use brain to think? Are we being fed too much stereotype garbage from media?
Please keep sharing your thoughts with us.
一粒麦子
这篇文章，我觉得道出了他内心深处的渴望。在打拼了一天之后，希望看到家中燃起温暖的灯火，照亮他奋斗的方向：）
虽然，他忽略了他深爱的女人，可能在奉上一杯热茶的同时，抱怨她的家务有多繁重，让她的双手变得粗糙；油烟有多厌烦，让她失去了女人味；孩子有多顽皮，让她筋疲力尽...或许，温柔的妻子会轻轻地为丈夫放松着肩膀，在丈夫满足的闭目养神时，脸上掠过一丝压抑的阴霾，一丝倾诉的渴望...
这些，真的很难讲。
我未步入婚姻，可是我猜想两人的关系该是跷跷板一样，有一个支点，你高我低，我低你高，总是在寻求动态的平衡。没有孩子愿意一直在低处，因为高处可以看到更多的风景；也没有孩子愿意一直停留在高处，因为悬空的双脚找不到安心；如果两个孩子同等重量，他们会在同一条水平线上...那么，更不代表一个打拼事业，一个照顾家庭。因为，家庭更重要。
退一步说，如果有纵然平行期盼的女子，这样为家庭奉献所有的女子，她在文学艺术的殿堂中净化灵魂，越来越理想化。丈夫在为事业打拼的同时越来越现实，甚至激情淡化...两人的距离是否会越来越遥远，也未必能够尽如人愿。
我觉得，纵然平行这一系列的文章，有些理想化。他当然可以从一个男人的角度来思索什么对女人才是最好的。但是前提是，他需要了解什么是他爱的女人最想要的。他可以是一个攻城掠阵的将军，如果他爱的女人想与他并肩作战，生死不弃，如果他强迫女人留在营地中焦虑的等待，会是对他的女人爱情的一种辜负。
以前妈妈问我，你会怎样去善待你喜欢的人？我没有答案。后来妈妈说，真爱一个人，就用对方喜欢的方式去爱。双方都用对方喜欢的方式去爱去尊重。这样，才有白头到老的和谐，相濡以沫的默契，直面风雨的同心：）
爱情，不是自己想如何就如何的。我们都在红尘中，被爱情摆布着。
Two things I want to point out:
1. Your heart might have multiple keys held by different women, and you might change the lock over time.
2. Do you have the key to her heart? Do you know what she wants? What if what she wants is not what you believe is the best for her?