Never Surrender Life (图)

(2006-07-24 16:22:19) 下一个

My heart went to grief-stricken family after reading the news about a Chinese immigrant who had dual PhD degrees,  yet committed suicide in Canada. I prayed for this devastating family at home and church yesterday, I was hoping his wife and his children would be able to live a normal life after this impairing impact. 

I thought of my grandpa and compared him with this guy. Both had PhD degrees and both experienced hardships and mishaps in life. In fact, my grandpa has much worse deal than that he had. But because of different mind sets, towards the end one gained respect from people know him and became a  hero to his family,  the other was a lost soul in foreign land.  

Here is a short version of my grandpa’s story.  At the eve of new China was born my grandpa went back to his motherland after received a PhD from an  ivy league university in U.S.A, he married my grandma  who just graduated from St. John's university. They loved each other and both believed that they could make a difference to help young sleeping giant to awake up. Instead, Life cheated them and lashed them with non-stopping political prosecutions and unspeakable crimes. Grappa was jailed and broken leg bones and several ribs by repeated lynches. Worst thing was that he was humiliated in front of his family during so called “Great Culture Revolution”.   

My grandpa has never mentioned a single word to me about his glory as well his excruciating ordeals in his life.   In daily life he has been a kind, knowledgeable mentor to all of us with ever-positive attitude.   I remembered when I was skipped grades from elementary school to middle school by teachers’ recommendations.  I was bullied by two big boys in my class constantly. Teasing, pushing  and whacking were part of my day to day life. I was so frustrated and approached a point that I wanted to go back to my original grade even secretly thought about running  away from home. One day my mother noticed the bruises on my knees and asked me the reason. I told her what had happened. My parents were so fumed that they were ready to solve the issue through drastic means.  In the middle of the commotion my grandpa took me into his room and had a talk with me.  He told me in 1967 and 1968 his colleagues and friends in his university committed suicides by jumping from rooftop and into lake because of unbearable daily abuses and humiliations.  But he had chosen not.  I uttered to him that I might think about doing same thing as to save the dignity.   I asked him why he didn’t do it  he said to me “ Because I said to your Grandma “ I do at our wedding ,  that is a  solemn  promise I’d like to  keep in my life time, for better or worse”,  He added  “ kid, to give up  something and someone you love so easily is not a fighter rather a coward”.  I chewed his simple words that evening and then I indicated to my parents that I would like to handle my situation by myself.   

The next day after school two bullies ganged up on me again at a small ally.  This time I fought back bravely. They punched me very hard, blow after blow , my nose started bleeding and blood  soiled my t-shirt. To their shock  each time they knocked me down  to the ground , I was struggling to stand up again and  jump  back to them again, it lasted for several times, Finally,  one boy said to me “ TMD, this one isn’t afraid of death” and they stopped fighting  and walked away silently.   I was laying on the ground and was smiling. Even I could barely walk but I was very happy in my mind because I knew I was not a coward and I had won a battle that would deem  to lose from the beginning.  From then on nobody   in my class would mess up with me again.  I also got a  “nice” nick name as the side affect of that bloody fight.  Later any time I encountered low points in my life I would remind myself my grandpa and his words. I always felt I can deal with it. I’d hold my head up and know tomorrow would give me other chance.  

To me , to be needed by someone  from work or  especially from  family would give me the ultimate satisfactions. Such need would define how much we would be worth not just by how much we posses in materials.   When we make a promise to someone in this world it would mean something, otherwise we would on the way to betray the trust and banish the respect and honor which normally says about a person.  To run away from the problem we face would not be a solution it just means to bury our head in the sand.

Obviously I am not in the position to criticize this person’s tragic act. Even though I think that he victimized not only his loved ones and  he also became  a victim himself  as well.

In my life time, my body could be fragmentized; my assets or career could be deprived. Nevertheless, there is one thing  this world can not take away from me that is; my will to fight and win back again.   

In my book, a real man would never surrender his life.


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纵然平行 回复 悄悄话 豆沙小月饼: I’d agreed with your assessment. Wrote one more piece in related topic.

豆沙小月饼 回复 悄悄话 可是事实上,除了自杀的,还有消极放弃生命的,萎靡的,一蹶不振的...