JohnO'Reillyhoistedhisbeerandsaid,"Here'stospendingtherestofmelife,inbetweenthelegsofmewife!"
Thatwonhimthetopprizeatthepubforthebesttoastofthenight!
Hewenthomeandtoldhiswife,Mary,"Iwontheprizeforthebesttoastofthenight."
Shesaid,"Aye,didyenow.Andwhatwasyourtoast?"
Johnsaid,"Here'stospendingtherestofmelife,sittinginchurchbesidemywife."
"Oh,thatisveryniceindeed,John!"Marysai...[
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Dearemployees,
Duetothecurrentfinancialsituationcausedbytheslowdownofeconomy,Managementhasdecidedtoimplementaschemetoputworkersof40yearsofageandaboveonearlyretirement.ThisschemewillbeknownasRAPE(RetireAgedPeopleEarly).
PersonsselectedtobeRAPEDcanapplytomanagementtobeeligiblefortheSHAFTscheme(SpecialHelpAfterForcedTermination).PersonswhohavebeenRAPEDandSHAFTEDwillbereviewedundertheSCREWprog...[
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CanadianMoralityTest
Thistestisveryquickwithonlyonequestion,butit'saveryimportantone,especiallyconsideringthenewsofthepastweek.Bygivinganhonestanswer,youwilldiscoverwhereyoustandmorally.
Thetestfeaturesanunlikely,completelyfictionalsituationinwhichyouwillhavetomakeadecision.
Rememberthatyouranswerneedstobehonest,yetspontaneous.
Pleasescrolldownslowlyandgivedueconsiderationtoea...[
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OneWishGenie
Awomanrubbedabottleandoutpoppedagenie.Theamazedwomanaskedifshegotthreewishes.
Thegeniesaid,'I'maonewish-genie.So....whatwillitbe?'
Thewomandidnothesitate.Shesaid,'IwantpeaceintheMiddleEast.Seethismap?IwantthesecountriestostopfightingwitheachotherandwantalltheArabstolovetheJewsandAmericaandvice-versa.Itwillbringaboutworldpeaceandharmony.'
Thegenielookedatthemapande...[
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Adistraughtseniorcitizenphonedherdoctor'soffice.
"Isittrue,"shewantedtoknow,"thatthemedicationyouprescribedhastobetakenfortherestofmylife?"
"Yes,I'mafraidso,"thedoctortoldher.
Therewasamomentofsilencebeforetheseniorladyreplied,
"I'mwondering,then,justhowseriousismyconditionbecausethisprescriptionismarked'NOREFILLS'."
----------------...[
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CANIBORROW$25?
Amancamehomefromworklate,tiredandirritated,tofindhis5-yearoldsonwaitingforhimatthedoor.
SON:'Daddy,mayIaskyouaquestion?'
DAD:'Yeahsure,whatitis?'repliedtheman.
SON:'Daddy,howmuchdoyoumakeanhour?'
DAD:'That'snoneofyourbusiness.Whydoyouasksuchathing?'themansaidangrily.
SON:'Ijustwanttoknow.Pleasetellme,howmuchdoyoumakeanhour?'
DAD:'Ifyoumustknow,Imake$...[
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*******
Ihavereceivedthebelowarticlefromoneofmyassociates
andleaveithereforyoutoenjoy.
*******
AMoreEffectivewaytoWriteanExplanationonasamething
Ablindboysatonthestepsofabuildingwithahatbyhisfeet.Heheldupasignwhichsaid:"Iamblind,pleasehelp."Therewereonlyafewcoinsinthehat.
Amanwaswalkingby.Hetookafewcoinsfromhispocketanddroppedthemintothehat.Hethentookthesign,turne...[
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Astatetrooperseesacarputteringalongat22mph.Hethinkstohimself,"Thisdriverisasdangerousasaspeeder!"
Soheturnsonhislightsandpullsthedriverover.Approachingthecar,henoticesthattherearefiveelderlyladies,twointhefrontseatandthreeinthebackseat,wide-eyedandwhiteasghosts.
Thedriver,obviouslyconfused,saystohim,"Officer,Idon'tunderstand.Iwasgoingtheexactspeedlimit.Whatseemstobetheproblem?"
Th...[
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Here'salistfullofBlondejokes...
HowBlondewasshe???ShewasSooooooooBlonde...
Shethoughtaquarterbackwasarefund.
ShethoughtGeneralMotorswasinthearmy.
ShethoughtMeowMixwasaCDforcats.
ShethoughtBoyzIIMenwasadaycarecenter.
Atthebottomofanapplicationwhereitsaid"Signhere:"shewrote"Sagittarius."
Shetooktherulertobedtoseehowlongsheslept.
Shesentafaxwit...[
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MEMO:NEWOFFICEPOLICY
EFFECTIVEOCTOBER21,2008
DressCode:
1)Youareadvisedtocometoworkdressedaccordingtoyoursalary.
2)IfweseeyouwearingPradashoesandcarryingaGuccibag,wewillassumeyouaredoingwellfinanciallyandthereforedonotneedaraise.
3)Ifyoudresspoorly,youneedtolearntomanageyourmoneybetter,sothatyoumaybuynicerclothes,andthereforeyoudonotneedaraise.
4)Ifyoudressjustright,yo...[
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