这10种方法疗愈你内在小孩的伤痛

前段一位校友突然找我聊天， 事后， 我决定把感想和建议， 在不涉及校友隐私的情况下，写一段简单的文字， 也是自己的学习功课记录。

 

每个人的内心，都住着一个小孩。

 

童年不幸的人，这个小孩或是孤独无助、缺少安全感；或是喜怒无常，缺乏自控力；更或是阴沉灰暗，失去了生命应有的色彩。不管是以什么样的形式存在于内心，这个小孩是你童年时期被虐待、被忽视、经历过创伤而形成并留存的。

这个小孩对我们成年后的影响是：

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1.很难说 "不 "，没有自我界限，形成了我们熟知的讨好型人格; ( 现实中他们宁可吃亏，也要在无关紧要的朋友面前逞能，对生命中并不重要的事和人过多 投资-时间， 金钱）

 

2.经常苛责自己，无论做什么事，看到的永远是自己没做好的那一面;（对自己很harsh，常被认为是完美主义）

 

3.很容易焦虑，对于还没有发生的事情总是无法控制地朝着坏的方向去想；（熟悉的一个朋友， 90%的时间你客气见面问好， 回答总是“  I am so stressed" “I could not sleep" but she never listen to any solution ( such as seeking professional help) she requested. 

 

4.在乎外界的看法，会不断地寻求外界的认同，如果没有外在认同，会觉得自己很失败；（很多人都是活在自己的NARATIVE里， 标签里， 他人的期望， 认同和叙事里）

 

5.很难控制负面情绪，很容易悲伤或是发怒，发怒之后往往又会感到内疚。（常被标为MOOD SWING， 很ABUSIVE， 我的一位过时的家人， 直到去世前， 她有内疚。 还有我遇到的一个直接上级也是，但我不认为她内疚过， 而是把她在自己生活中的负能量都发在工作团队上了）

.

内在小孩是我们自我消耗的根源，只有疗愈内在的小孩，才能找到平静地自我，从容地体验生活的快乐。以下8个练习或许可以带你疗愈内在的小孩：

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1. 与你内在的小孩子建立联系，听听她/他要什么。这个小孩要的东西一般都是储存在潜意识中你童年时期或好或坏的经历和情绪。当这个小孩被关注之后时，会感到安全和爱；

 

2. 像抱他人那样，每天抱抱自己；

3. 回忆童年那些愉快的时光， 写下来；

4. 对镜练习：每天找一个时间，对着镜中的自己进行爱的冥想，对自己的身体说“对不起”“谢谢你”“我爱你”；

5. 写一封信给你的内在小孩，说出小孩在童年时希望得到的是什么。如果你平常习惯用右手写字，那么这回用你的左手写出这个小孩希望得到什么。你也可以左右手交替来做一个现在的你与内在小孩的对话。

 

6. 关注触发你负面情绪的点是什么？是什么让你愤怒、恐惧或是沮丧？童年时期是否有类似的经历？或许在你的成长过程中父母很少关注你，经常否定你，责怪你， 慢待你， 把他们自己的负面情绪像垃圾一样倒给你， 或者现在当你身边的人或近亲很少真正关注你的需要，认真倾听你，你的负面情绪就会不自觉得涌上心头。

7. 像小时候那样，做自己喜欢做的事情；Do what you love. Do more of what makes you happy. 

 

8. 引导冥想，让你踏上一段内心之旅，与受伤的孩子见面。引导冥想看似简单，实则是连接并开始治愈你内在小孩的强大方法。

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By Grok:

Healing childhood trauma as an adult is a deeply personal process that requires patience, self-compassion, and often professional support. The goal is to address unresolved emotional wounds, reframe harmful beliefs, and build healthier coping mechanisms. Below is a comprehensive guide based on psychological research and therapeutic practices to help adults heal from childhood trauma:

### 1. **Understand and Acknowledge the Trauma**
   - **Recognize the Impact**: Childhood trauma can stem from abuse, neglect, loss, or dysfunctional family dynamics. It often manifests in adulthood as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, relationship issues, or difficulty regulating emotions.

   - **Validate Your Experience**: Accept that the trauma was real and affected you, even if others minimize it. Self-validation is a critical first step.

   - **Educate Yourself**: Learn about trauma’s effects on the brain and body. Resources like *The Body Keeps the Score* by Bessel van der Kolk explain how trauma lingers and can guide healing.

### 2. **Seek Professional Support**
   - **Therapy Modalities**:
     - **Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)**: Helps reframe negative beliefs and process traumatic memories.
     - **Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)**: Uses guided eye movements to reduce the emotional charge of traumatic memories.
     - **Somatic Experiencing**: Focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body through physical sensations.
     - **Internal Family Systems (IFS)**: Helps integrate fragmented parts of the self, including the "inner child," to foster healing.
   - **Find a Therapist**: Look for a licensed professional specializing in trauma. Platforms like Psychology Today or BetterHelp can help locate someone.
   - **Group Therapy**: Support groups like those offered by organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) provide community and shared understanding.

### 3. **Reconnect with Your Inner Child**
   - **Inner Child Work**: Visualize your younger self at the age of the trauma. Offer them compassion, safety, and the love they may not have received. Journaling or guided meditations can facilitate this.
   - **Reparenting**: Act as the nurturing parent you needed. This might involve setting boundaries, practicing self-care, or engaging in playful activities you missed out on.
   - **Creative Expression**: Art, music, or writing can help access and process emotions tied to childhood experiences.

### 4. **Build Emotional Regulation Skills**
   - **Mindfulness and Meditation**: Practices like mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) help you stay present and reduce overwhelm. Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided sessions.
   - **Grounding Techniques**: Use sensory-based exercises (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 method: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.) to manage flashbacks or anxiety.
   - **Breathwork**: Slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body’s stress response.

### 5. **Challenge Negative Core Beliefs**
   - **Identify Harmful Beliefs**: Trauma often instills beliefs like “I’m unworthy” or “I’m unsafe.” Journaling can help uncover these.
   - **Cognitive Restructuring**: Work with a therapist to replace these beliefs with healthier ones, like “I am enough” or “I can create safety.”
   - **Affirmations and Self-Compassion**: Practice positive self-talk. Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion exercises (available on her website) can be a helpful resource.

### 6. **Build a Support System**
   - **Healthy Relationships**: Surround yourself with supportive, empathetic people who respect your boundaries. Avoid those who trigger or invalidate your experiences.

   - **Set Boundaries**: Learn to say no and protect your emotional space, especially with family members tied to the trauma.
   - **Community**: Engage in communities (online or in-person) where you feel understood, such as trauma recovery forums on Reddit or local support groups.

### 7. **Care for Your Body**
   - **Nutrition and Exercise**: Trauma can dysregulate the body’s stress response. Regular movement (e.g., yoga, walking) and a balanced diet support overall well-being.
   - **Sleep Hygiene**: Prioritize rest, as trauma can disrupt sleep. Create a calming bedtime routine and limit screen time.
   - **Somatic Practices**: Activities like yoga or tai chi help release physical tension and reconnect with the body.

### 8. **Process Grief and Anger**
   - **Allow Emotions**: Suppressing anger or sadness can prolong pain. Safe outlets like journaling, talking to a therapist, or physical activities (e.g., boxing) can help.
   - **Forgiveness (Optional)**: Some find peace in forgiving those who caused harm, but this is not mandatory. Focus on what feels right for you.

( My philosophy: forgiveness should be earned by making an effort. )

   - **Mourn Losses**: Acknowledge what was lost in childhood—safety, trust, or love—and grieve those losses to move forward.

### 9. **Explore Spirituality or Meaning-Making**
   - **Find Purpose**: Reflect on how your experiences shape your values or desire to help others. This aligns with your previous interest in living with intention.
   - **Spiritual Practices**: If it resonates, practices like prayer, meditation, or connecting with nature can provide comfort and perspective.
   - **Philosophy**: Your interest in quotes like “至诚胜于至巧”  suggests a value in sincerity and purpose, which can guide healing by focusing on authentic self-growth.

### 10. **Be Patient and Persistent**
   - **Non-Linear Process**: Healing is not linear; setbacks are normal. Celebrate small victories, like recognizing a trigger or practicing self-care.
   - **Lifelong Learning**: As you described yourself as a curious lifelong learner, approach healing with curiosity rather than judgment.
   - **Avoid Rushing**: Trauma recovery takes time. Avoid pressuring yourself to “get over it.”

### Practical Steps to Start Today
1. **Journal Prompt**: Write a letter to your younger self, offering love and reassurance.
2. **Resource**: Read *Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving* by Pete Walker for practical strategies.
3. **Action**: Try a 5-minute mindfulness meditation using a free app like Insight Timer.
4. **Professional Help**: Search for a trauma-informed therapist on Psychology Today or contact NAMI for local resources.
5. **Self-Care**: Schedule one activity this week that brings you joy or peace, like a walk or listening to music.

 

Healing childhood trauma is a journey of reclaiming your sense of self and safety.