Gone with the wind
随心而飘， 随意而写。 我自流连随风笑，凡人痴梦各不同。
病房里的故事《汤姆和我》
认识枋姐缘于病房。去年晚秋我刚从国内休假回来，病房里住进了Hypervolemia 的汤姆，他下肢严重浮肿，说话喘息还不时的呛咳，翻开汤姆的病例他有多发性骨髓瘤病史但一直在稳定控制状况下，没有心衰。这次由于身体过度水钠储留伴有临床症状，胸片有渗透病灶医生高度怀疑他有急性心衰和肾功能不全。对于新的诊断汤姆难以接受。
汤姆曾是一个著名的Trumpet Player 他与很多明星如Ray Charles同台演出，他是那种性格钢毅，脾气倔强非常有主见又不屈服医学的人，对于医生和护士他时不时会给不信任的hard time，态度生硬，不怎么友好。他的床边桌上堆放着汽车机械书本，一个劲地囔囔着让他出院，“我要去上课。”
在我走进病房时，他用中文说了一句“你好！”马上跟我讨近乎，“我太太是中国人，她非常聪明能干。”看得出，他谈到太太时幸福洋溢，崇拜的眼神喜形于色。他说太太是上海人，他也去过上海。我则有意识的：“明天你太太来了叫她留下，让我见见她。”医院通常对于不合作的病人会要求家属involve patient care, 但我更好奇的是，什么样的东方女性可以驾驭这个顽固的，可以使他佩服得五体投地的美国佬。
见到汤姆的太太枋，是在第二天傍晚。我一出现在病房，她就迎了上来。 通情达理的枋立即为先生对staff不友好的行为抱歉，枋完全知道自己的先生有多 tough. 枋的落落大方，谈吐雅致，和善解人使我们很快就有了共同语言。在汤姆的病情上似乎不需要我多作解释，精明慧心的枋已心领神会。她之前为了先生的病已在网络上学习和研究了很多，因着汤姆的顽固一直拒绝来医院接受治疗，在Lasix（利尿剂）和 Albumin（白蛋白）治疗下，汤姆依然排尿不多，消肿不明显。汤姆自然情绪低落但对医务人员态度有明显改善。枋知道汤姆的病情不容乐观，她很认真的问道：“汤姆会走吗？他走了我怎么办？”我诚实地点点头：只要他活着您做到最好的就仁至义尽了。
我和枋一见如故,彼此信任。健谈的枋道出:认识汤姆是因为喜欢中餐的汤姆是中餐馆的老常客，他意愿娶个中国太太。在朋友的帮助下，汤姆特意跑到中国迎娶上海娇娘枋。他们没有孩子，如胶似漆互相支持着各自的事业和兴趣爱好26年。
知性大气的枋，不施粉黛，穿戴典雅，崇尚素食，一切以organic为主，如果枋不告诉我她的年龄，我一定猜不出她的实际岁数。她在做着一份accounting工作同时有着诸多爱好，她喜欢画画，喜欢房屋设计，喜欢音乐，喜欢旅游和阅读。噢，她还是我们文学城的长期潜水员，在与她交流时，我发现她的英语能力也非常强。我鼓励她写字，她歉虚地说，自己文笔不好。其实我们在用心和真实的感情记录着生活点滴，分享我们的理念和感受又何必计较华丽词藻。
二天前，我收到了枋用真情写下的中英纪念文《汤姆和我》和她自己设计的墓碑让我热泪盈眶，我所能给她的安慰：“枋姐，含泪看完您对先生热爱和生命叙述，知道您是用感情写成的而不只是笔墨，太真实，太感动了。我知道Tom会走，还是快了点，天堂里汤姆依然为您骄傲。一个人的日子多保重，有需要的时候，我会在您身边。”我又鼓励到：“真的很高兴看见您用文字这么平静而美好的叙述，喜欢文字会使您的生活充满想象，不寂寞。”
在征得枋姐同意下，我把她的纪念文放在这里与大家分享。
《汤姆和我》
作者枋
(一)
那是一个阳光明媚的星期六12月20日，2014年的临终关怀的团队（一种联邦对生命最后阶段患者服务）已停止了对汤姆的病24小时监控服务。一个洗澡的服务人，奥斯卡，在这里帮助清理他。其实，没有太多的奥斯卡能做的，我已做了一切，我从来没有让任何肮脏的尿布留在汤姆身上。事实上，汤姆使用尿布仅两天。
一个月前，他还在Citrus大学上他的汽车课。汤姆买了昂贵的测试设备和许多其他工具来实践他从学校学习的知识，他计划用在未来几个月里。而且他一直在寻找一个小旧丰田车练习。
他去了急诊室，还是我的堂亲Gloria和她的专业同事告诉他，他的病必须在医生护理下，否则, 他的生命可能不久会结束。
我记得那天我们去了Kaiser，他还带了他的学校功课和书，我们去急诊室11月13日，2014年，他总是告诉我:"我确定，下周会更好，我的病不久会改善"。他唯一要求的事情是:"我们需要一个楼梯升降机; 实在是太难受，步行到二楼 。" 我安装座椅电梯，2014年11月18日当天他回到家里。
奥斯卡要用手腕血压设备检查他的血压。我认为, 如果我们有一个手臂血压检查设备会容易得多。我叫妈妈过来看汤姆，这样我就可以去附近的商店发现手腕血压的设备。
今天上午早些时候，洛雷娜和她的丈夫前来探望汤姆。汤姆是如此高兴与这位来自埃及的年青人聊天。不知何故，汤姆爱中东文化，我猜在他的前生中他曾是中东人。
午饭后瑞雅和她的丈夫也访问了汤姆，汤姆很高兴和这对新婚夫妇聊天。汤姆喜欢与年轻人分享他的理念。每一次，我们去参加聚会，我从来不介意，他跟任何年轻女孩或男性聊天，因为他有这么多的知识分享，如果不分享这将是浪费。
从CVS买的设备不可以用;我无法测试汤姆手腕血压（也许这是一个警告，我不知道，因为奥斯卡在这里的几个小时前，他看上去这么好）。汤姆一直在问我“上哪里去找一个温度测量？”我知道我们有一个，我从中国26年前带来。但是我找不到了。我没有时间去寻找，因为汤姆这几天不能够自理了。我不得不问CVS的工作人员，当我买腕式血压的设备时。他们告诉我，这是夏天的项目，不携带在冬季。Home Depot可能有。
我问汤姆，我可以去Home Depot 吗？。他说：没问题，我很好。他看上去这么好，今天非常高兴地和两对年轻男女交谈，而且听到临终关怀人员奥斯卡说，他很好。
喝了2勺蔬菜汤，他看上去很好。我们开始看电视。电视是3天前买的。我们有几个小电视，但汤姆说，他希望有一个较小的电视能放在他的床边小桌上，因为他认为他不得不留在这种情况下3或4个月。他相信他的状态数个月后会渐渐好起来。在这26年来，我从来没有否定汤姆的需求，他也从来没有提出任何不合理的要求。任何事情，他认为是必要的，如果我认为是不必要的;他会找到一种方法来赚钱去满足自己的需求。
我知道他的健康状况正在下降，六月份我带他到中国医生看他的脚肿胀。汤姆在VA和Kaiser看他的多骨髓瘤病。2个星期前，我们在他的医生面前有争论，因为汤姆觉得他的医生能医治愈他，其实我听到医生说：我很担心，你的化验数据没有下来还上去了。我认为我们需要改变我们的治疗方法。汤姆忽视医生的说法; 他相信他的腹泻是腹部感染引起。我不是医生，但我猜引起肿胀不断升级，从腿到肠道腹泻。当时，他的肾脏功能只有25％。但他在夏天的时候，看了肾脏医生。医生把他送回骨髓瘤医生，说肾没问题。骨髓瘤的医生又在度假。当治疗再开始，就已经延迟了3个月。他的学校功课，消耗了更多他自己的实力来战胜疾病的能量。
是否每个人都有一种放式和一个特定日期结束生命？
2夜前，我们为找一个较小的电视机从搜查网站西尔斯，目标，沃尔玛和弗莱。汤姆说，"怎么样亚马逊" "亚马逊并不好，需要两天的时间交货。"我说。我发现弗莱的有15英寸的小电视。弗莱离我们住的地方不太远。 "汤姆，我去购买电视，你可以留在你自己吗"？我问。 "是的，没问题." 这是晚上7点左右，我没叫妈妈过来，因为汤姆看上去很好。他刚刚停止了临终关怀24小时监护理。我知道汤姆说好，他是确定的，因为他总是很真实的。他是一个简单又拥有很多知识的人。记得有一次，我曾在贝弗利山的办公室文员工作。我的老板要我带一些打印纸回家，因为她没有用那么多的纸张比其他律师事务所。汤姆看见了，告诉我："不要拿回家了，这是仅供办公室使用".
我把15寸电视买回家，这是一个退货的项目，但我没有任何选择，这是店里唯一一个。我没有时间去奔波。
不知怎的，曾在我的脑海里。汤姆是在非常恶劣的条件下。2014年12月13日，我们离开KAISER医院前，医生告诉我们："我们没有任何更多的治疗为你们做了。胃没有感染." ;"那么，你为什么不发出善终服务给TOM?" 我问，医生说:"是的，我们可以发出善终服务，但你不能使用任何积极的治疗." 我们从来没有任何积极的治疗，如果我们做了，汤姆可能未能幸存多骨髓瘤首诊第二阶段4年。汤姆可能也意识到了他的健康是非常糟糕的情况，因为他让我告诉他姐姐他的病情。在我的面前，他总是说："别担心，我会活下去两年." 我知道他是试图不使我伤心。汤姆的健康状况一直非常好，即使是在四月份他的血液测试数据都好。以他的年龄，他的心脏是非常好的。之后，我们离开了医院，在家接受治疗。我们有两天，天天寻找附近的自助餐馆，想找出什么食物汤姆可以吃。他喜欢阳光加州的天气和我的作伴。是不是太晚了？他一身奔波于他的音乐，从五岁开始，直到他被诊断多发性骨髓瘤。那些整个职业生涯的成功跟他这一代同著名歌星演出 （有一段时期，电视里常常报著名歌星过世，TOM常说，我跟他同台演出。），12年的工会仲裁员，都只是在照片上。那些都是你自己的宝藏不是别人。他是一个永不停止的人。当他不能再演出后，他的兴趣转移到汽车上。这也是他的其中一个兴趣，但一直没有时间做。12岁时他帮助过他叔叔汽车修理店，在他79岁的年龄，想重新进入这个兴趣。
虽然，我没有鼓励他采取这种冒险，因为我认为这是不利于他的健康，车内肮脏的空气会触发他的病情。我想，他可以开始写他的一生。他坚持要进学校学汽车修理，我没有阻止他。我们一直尊重对方的想法和兴趣。我们都相信，我们只有活一次在这一生中，你应该为自己而活着不是为了别人，你活得更长，但不做你想做的事生活又有什么意义。
(二)
我买回来15英寸的电视，没有包装盒。汤姆很高兴又有玩的乐趣了。他的手力仍然较强，足以调适电视。我们设置了电视，它运作良好。
今晚，通道5-2是玛丽莲梦露的电影周。下午，汤姆调节电视角度使更适合躺着看。他的手臂依然强劲。我坐在他的床边，我们手握住手。他说:"想想，有哪一家餐馆下星期我们可以去，如果他的健康下周变得更好"。广告时，他用自己的手摸着我的背，给了我轻轻的按摩，正如我们整个婚姻期间他所做的。在结婚之前我的背部脊椎有问题。汤姆每天晚上给我按摩，10-15分钟，后来背就不疼了。几个月前他停止了，我想汤姆不希望我感觉伤心，如果他不在了。我们多么享受彼此在这和平和舒适的夜晚。在电视广告中，我们仍然谈论我们圣诞休假。大多数时候，我喜欢圣诞节安排参观附近的一些城市，因为我们没有大的家庭聚会。我喜欢享受旅游地方的装饰。我们打算租一部大车让汤姆可以舒适的坐和更容易进出的大车。
"EDDIE可以帮助照顾我."汤姆说。EDDIE是汤姆的侄子。他是唯一一个住在加利福尼亚州。所有其他相关的亲戚都住在汤姆的家乡马萨诸塞州的SPRINGFIELD。汤姆经常告诉别人他是波多黎各。事实上，这是他最成功的职业生涯的地方。1959年他得到了他的波士顿大学管理学位，他去了波多黎各获得他的音乐硕士学位。因为管理学是父亲要的，音乐是他自己要的。 30岁的汤姆双学士学位在60年代是很成功的。他有乐队在波多黎各最好的酒店进行演出长达7年。谁不会为自己感到自豪？我总是说"我爱你."我今天才知道，"我为你感到骄傲"，是汤姆更想听的这对他更重要得多。一个男人需要更多的骄傲和尊重。虽然我一直生活在美国的26年，英语还没有达到9年级的学生。简单的沟通和专业的沟通达到了，认为够用就可以。我错过了告诉我最亲爱的人给他最想听到的话。
这部电影应该在下午11时30分结束;剧情渐渐进入白热化。妻子试图谋杀她的丈夫。几分钟前，汤姆说，他想坐起来，我很努力去帮他移动一点。我猜他有一点点呼吸艰难，但他并没有意识到。他还在跟我说话。我希望他会得到一天天好起来。我不会介意用我的余生去照顾他。我们还说起放弃我的工作，做到2015年3月。在2014年12月的最后我不得不设法每周多休息一天。每周五带汤姆看他的医生。当我得知他多骨髓瘤已经转移到肾脏，我决定12月13日之后停止工作，但我还有一堂12月18日星期四要给分公司上训练课，那天汤姆身体不舒服，需要为24小时监控服务。我取消了训练课。
突然，汤姆说“芳，你把氧气关了吗？”汤姆是使用氧气。随即，我意识到这是汤姆的健康造成严重的问题，因为氧气没有动。我说：“等一下汤姆，我现在拨打911，”，但我看到他的眼睛是睁大，直看前方，嘴巴想说点什么，但说不出话来了。我知道他想说“是什么呢？生活就这样结束了?" "汤姆坚持，坚持住，我爱你." 他的身体只是杵回到床上。我看到他点头，当他听到我说:我爱你. 他能听见？他仍然可以点点他的头？我的通灵说，是他的身体回声，当我说:"我爱你."
我叫善终公司，有紧急情况时，我们同意不拨打911时。这是签善终公司的一项条规。对方回答了，但立刻音乐上来。这意味着他们试图寻找护士。我用另一个电话立即拨打了911。临终关怀护士回了，但他在40英里远。我回去试试营救汤姆。完全没有反应。3分钟后911来了。从机器上看心脏已经没有跳动。 "他走了，夫人." "你试救一下，好吗？" 911医生看到一张粉红色的卡躺在桌子上，粉红色的卡片上写着没有极端的治疗当心脏停止跳动。在美国，当你在人生的最后阶段，医院要病人作出的决定，他们希望如何被对待。汤姆和我都同意，这是没有必要把呼吸机和心脏跳动的机器上几天，如果自己的心脏不能正常工作了。我求求医生尝试用"触电"。医生说:"病人已经签署不这样做". 我不知道这是包括在极端处理。
汤姆走了，就这样走了。我哭了，并搂着他的背，我的心被打成千万碎片，但心里却依然清晰的知道我要做什么，我需要做的什么。 911团队试图拨打电话报警; 警方需要参与，如果有人死在家里（我很高兴我们没有购买人寿保险，如果被保险人死亡在家里而且就唯一受益人在身边，会把事情搞得很复杂）。汤姆说了不要葬礼。我不能就这样让他走，只有我在身边。这是在晚上11:30。我想至少有两个儿子和一个女儿。我们没有任何子女; 我打电话给他的侄子EDDIE，我的好朋友DAVE，他们都是住40英里的路程。我打电话给我的表亲GLORIA汤姆总是把她看作亲姐妹。不久，EDDIE和他的密友黛比，DAVE和他的妻子丽贝卡，GLORIA和她的女儿军谊，和我的母亲，都到了。我知道汤姆一定在什么地方看着我们，他会满足地看到这么多的亲人对他的身体说再见。
汤姆走得很尊严，有美国国旗覆盖着和一辆新的殡仪车。多么的巧合，他有一辆新的殡仪车去玫瑰山庄（公墓和殡仪服务业务）。汤姆喜欢车这么多年，他有凯迪拉克，1968年的。我们只有2辆汽车的停车库，但我们总是有3到4辆汽车。谢谢GLORIA和JUNYI 送TOM出门。我把大家叫上二楼，这是最让人痛心的一幕，对我来说身体只是我们灵魂的衣服，我们的死亡只是这件衣服坏了。
我的心脏被打破千万片，但我的世界没有死亡，因为我知道我还有很多事要做。我完全没有准备。我们有楼梯升降机一个月前安装让汤姆更容易上楼。我已经买了很多的软布衣服让汤姆肿胀的腿舒服。我是在不断尝试租用大型豪华车与汤姆去度假。与汤姆的生活不应该就这么结束了。我哭了，不知道没有TOM怎样生活。今晚，我和我的母亲住，但我喜欢回家，我相信汤姆会用另一中方式回来找我的。
第二天早上，我通知了几个亲密的朋友，没有告知一些没有能力处理这种悲剧，也没有告知自己已经足够麻烦的人。我是一个很坚强的人，总喜欢帮助别人，但不接受其他帮助，因为我知道我能做到这一点。汤姆知道我的个性。他惹恼了很多次，但他让我成为我自己。他也是一个强烈个性，在某种程度上我们很像相。
对于我们的婚姻26年来，我们都爱做我们自己有信趣的事。汤姆忙于音乐，他已经习惯午夜12点后睡觉。我得去上班，早上7点一定要起床。汤姆妥协去睡觉时间到晚上11:30。我们总是同时去睡，平时他先按摩我的背部直到我睡着。醒来也是同时。我不习惯自己睡觉的，谁可以帮助。每个人都有自己的时间表。我不知道该怎么办，不知何故，在我寻找朋友的名子时，在我停在一个名字前。我们已好久没联系了。我打电话给她，告诉她汤姆昨晚离开了我。她立即说："我马上来." 那是多么惊人的？TOM在帮我。我知道你们会做相同的，但你们有自己的事情做。弗兰是我亲爱的朋友和同事，一个聪明和坚强的女人。她开车45英里来安慰和陪伴我。我不知道她2天后要去看望她在旧金山的儿子。她有许多准备工作要做。我相信汤姆安排了，他知道我不能在家里一个人。莉莉，她也是一个聪明和强大的女性了。我们通过购买房地产认识。我通常不寻求帮助，但我请莉莉来帮助，晚上陪我，当我得知弗兰要去旧金山10天 。
弗兰和我整理了客厅，书房准备晚上她好睡觉。
(三)
我总是告诉汤姆"我依然美丽"。"是的，因为我爱你." 汤姆总是这样说。这是真的，我突然老了十年。我不能想太多东西，但我不能停止思考我的职责。母亲是最后一个人我需要担心。我知道在她的年龄，她已经学会把什么事情都看淡了。
虽然TOM的身体是不与我在一起，但我仍然担心汤姆。他的精神是和我在一起的。我还是要做他喜欢的方式，如果这些事和他有关。我可以叫GLORIA的帮助或我的侄女军毅的帮助，但我不能。他们知道。我很难满足，我有我的方式去做事。我是一个不安常理出牌的人。
我想很多朋友可能会问这两个人怎么会爱对方;他们俩有这么强烈的个性。汤姆怎么能和我一起26年，仍然关心和爱我的。我不是一个容易相处的人;唯一的优点是任何场合我不把我的利益高于他人。如果我不喜欢的事，或者不会做的事，我不怕说出来。
汤姆希望火化。在他走前一周他问我,"你会做什么." 我说, 和你一样火化把骨灰撒到大海。他说："我不舒服骨灰在海洋中，但我不想再回到马萨诸塞州。" 马萨诸塞州是汤姆的家乡和家庭有购买了很久以前的大型墓地。我说："那就不回去了。" 我应该怎么做，放在庭院或就像有人放在客厅。不，这些都不是好主意。骨灰是纪念品。我祈祷，顿时我心里想到可以去玫瑰山庄，这是对所有生命纪念品的地方。我以前还想给别人多留一点空间。现在，Tom希望用它，我们就去玫瑰山庄。我告诉汤姆，我们将去玫瑰山庄，我们会在一起。他喜欢，我做了一个梦，他拉我说："让我们来看看新房子。"
玫瑰山庄打来电话，安排在周二安排一切。感谢DAVE，他不得不作出努力采取半天离开他的工作。我知道他的上司是一个不容易相处的人。有DAVE和我在一起，让我感觉好多了，像有一个儿子在我旁边。 DAVE和我也是通过看房子认识。那是很多年前，他还是一个学生与他的同学来看房。那个时候，他们有4个同学跟我看房。我甚至不记得谁是谁。DAVE做得很正确，他毕业后当他开始找工作时联系很多人。我是他联系的人之一，并帮助他找到了一份工作，而且一直工作到现在。
汤姆说了, "我不希望有葬礼，我不想防腐"。我不知道英文的防腐，也没问他。唯一的话记得是没有葬礼。我应该怎么做，怎么可能让汤姆就是这样去了。安年龄来算，我知道汤姆会比我走得更早。安我的想法，我要在一个大礼堂或一个大餐馆有一个追思会与管弦乐队。但现在，没有什么准备，汤姆并没有躺在床上三四个月。他并没有失去他的记忆。他是如此的犀利，直到最后一刻。当玫瑰山的工作人员问我"你想防腐" "这是什么意思？;如果你想要一个开放棺材的葬礼，一定要经过防腐处理。我恍然大悟，为什么汤姆说，没有葬礼。我马上感到放松了，因为我们可以有葬礼的追悼会，只是不打开棺材。这是一个节日，圣诞假期，新年的期间，很多人已经安排休假。我要马上安排追思会，要不大家都要出城。 12月27日是星期六，是可行的日子。" 有一个好的礼堂可用吗？"我问。女孩说："让我看看"。是的，HILLSIDECHAPELIS AVARIABLE。时间地点都很好，如此巧合。 "汤姆，你为自己安排了吗?" 我想。汤姆会很高兴。DAVE和他的妻子已经安排休假，但他今天能陪我，我已经非常满足了。
我们按排了花魁，退伍军人的服务和其他一切必要的业务。
如果有人参观玫瑰山庄，你不会相信这是一处公墓。它是如此的美丽有山有水石牌都是躺在地上（现在有立的是为满足东方人的需要，但只能立在靠山边）。为了满足亚洲文化，他们甚至改变他们的门牌号为3888。墓地有3个选项，最好的，一般，还有可接受的。我说让我们先看查最好的。一旦我们看到了最好的，我说，我们就买这一个，因为最好的还没有那么理想。因为多年前，我的姑姑的墓地也在这儿，好高，看得到LOS ANGELES。玫瑰山庄有这么多土地，但每一时只开发了几个地段。如果不提前买，在最后一刻买只能有什么买什么。
土地不是太糟糕;它是一个非常开放的区域，在山坡上也可以看到远处的洛杉矶。就是没有姑妈那块好
幸运的很，我们有28人参加汤姆的追悼会。汤姆和我都没有做太多的社交活动。如果我们有追悼会我们都认为没有太多的人会来参加。
折叠美国国旗是在追思会第一个步骤，非常庄严。汤姆的同学和老师作了讲话，讲述TOM在学校给小年青的鼓励。他的侄子EDDIE和他的好朋友BERNARDO（一个92岁的老教授）的女儿也作了讲话。当然TOM有很多音乐界的朋友，我一个也没叫。他们是一定要办音乐会的我没有精神去打理。洛雷娜和军谊代表我说了话，她们分别用英文和中文代我表达了对TOM的思念。追思会之后，在中国人的传统，每个人都必须去餐馆吃一顿饭才回到自己的家。我们去了一个广式当地餐馆，食物质量很好。我想TOM一定满意我们所作的全体安排。谢谢和我一起和作的同伴们。
对我来说，这整个49天是最困难的。首先，圣诞节假期到了。我们正准备去OJA INN度圣诞节，从洛杉矶150英里的地方，在加利福尼亚州。我不能带着我的破碎的心开车这么远，但我在帕萨迪纳市附近预订了最好的酒店。我订了两天，以纪念汤姆的愿望。我知道他不会要我坐在家里哭。我把汤姆的最后使用的物品（助听器，氧气管头，他睡觉的帽子）我留在酒店兑现他的假期愿望。我把OJAI预订给了EDDIE和Debbie。我希望他们能享受美丽的旅馆，并带着汤姆的愿望，但EDDIE认为太贵难以接受。他取消了预订。我很不高兴，后来他还是去了就是没有住。
汤姆和我一直喜欢高品质的酒店。我们去优胜美地，我们留在里面最好的酒店，通常大部分人都不愿意支付因为其他酒店也可以住。我们去了塞多纳和箭头湖，我们一直在寻找高品质的酒店。我们的一起旅行了很多地方，像意大利深度游，阿拉斯加，墨西哥游船去了很多次。
GLORIA 请我们（我和妈妈）平安夜晚餐，第二天圣诞节带我们去了赌场。非常难过的每一刻，可能是我太软弱，失去伴侣的我不是第一个。幸运的是GLORIA告诉我一个游戏“CANDY CRUSH”。这是当TOM 离开后，帮助我度过了第49天的时间。我不停地玩两个手机，一个平板。我的左手手腕似乎使用过度了。现在，我试图恢复它。
汤姆知道我不能自己留住。弗兰，莉莉双方只有很短的时间帮助。卢奇在周末来陪我。艾米莉我最亲爱的朋友同我妈妈一样的年龄，但她以前是一个的运动员，充满活力，对生活的热爱。84岁仍然在寻找爱情。她表示愿意陪我几个晚上。小南和他的母亲，通过另一位朋友认识，他们陪我住了两个月。
谢谢抗焦虑丸（小剂量），今天我活了下来。什么是下一个计划，我还不知道。我会离开它汤姆的手。他知道什么是最适合我的。我不做8小时工作了。我不能有和以前相同的时间表。我不能回到家手头有多余的钱，却没有人。我想尝试一些我喜欢做的事。现在，汤姆的社会保障的帮助和我的储蓄，我相信我能够生存没有问题。
我参加了一个大学的室内设计课程，并打算拿一个学位。我不知道这个专业可以为生，但我知道我在班里的前5名。
汤姆并没有走;他只是以不同的方式存在。我知道他有他自己的议程。当我跟我的心灵师贝尔纳黛特，她说，"汤姆说，我35了，我有我的全部身体。你必须学会自己生活。" 是的，我必须学会自己生活。在过去的26年里，我和汤姆没有建立一座宫殿，但我们也建立了我们的小巢。我们很高兴住在这里，并高兴拥有对方。我们只是一个两人之家，但是我们住像8人的家庭，他是父亲，儿子，丈夫和情人。我是母亲，女儿，妻子和情人。他走了，我失去了4个人。日复一日这是非常困难的，如果你从来没有在这种情况下，你不明白。
生活永远不会同汤姆在一起的时候一样。时间会治愈一切。没有他在我身边我必须生存。
我爱你，汤姆，为你的所有成就而骄傲。我很高兴嫁给你，汤姆。
(本文作者枋和她的已故先生汤姆)
English Version
Thomas S Cortez and His wife Fang (Tom’s wife)
written by Jia Fang
It was a sunny Saturday on Dec 20, 2014. The hospice team (a type last stage sickness patient service fund by federal) had stopped for 24 hours monitoring on Tom's sickness. One of the bath service man, Oscar, was here for helping to clean him. Actually, not too much Oscar could do, I had done everything, I never let any dirty diaper to stay on him. In fact, Tom used diapers only for two days.
A month ago, he was active with his automobile class in Citrus College. Tom bought expensive test equipment and many other tools to practice his knowledge learn from school, he planned to use it for few months. Even he was looking for a small old Toyota truck for practice only.
He had brought strong attention to emergency room until my cousin Gloria and her professional colleagues told him, that due his illness he must pay full attention under doctor care, if not his life could be ended.
I remember that day we went to Kaiser, he brought his homework and books with him when we went to emergency room on Nov 13, 2014. He always tells me "I am ok, it will be better next week. " The only thing he requested was "we need a stair lift; it is too hard for me to walk to second floor." I did install a stair lift, on the day he went back home on Nov 18, 2014
Oscar checked his blood pressure used wrist blood pressure check equipment. We only have arm check equipment. I thought it is much easier if we have one. I called Mom came over to watch Tom, so I could go to nearby store find wrist blood pressure equipment.
Earlier this morning, Lorena and her husband came to visit Tom. Tom was so happy to had conversation with Lorena and her husband who came from Egypt. Somehow, Tom love the Middle East culture, I guess he was from Middle East in one of his life.
Rhine and her husband also visited Tom after lunch, Tom was so happy to speak to these new wedded couple. Tom loved to share his philosophy with young people. Every time, we went to parties, I never mind he talk to any young girls or men because he had so much knowledge to share, it would be wasted if not share.
The equipment from CVS was not good at all; I could not test Tom&39;s blood pressure from the wrist (maybe that is a warning, I did not know because Oscar was here a few hours ago and he looked so well at that moment). Tom kept asking me "Anywhere to find a temperature measure?" I know we had one I brought from China 26 years ago. It was working, but I could not find now. I had no time to look for one since he was not be able to manage himself. I had to ask CVS staff when I was buying the wrist blood pressure equipment, they told me it is summer item, not carry in winter season. Home depot may have one.
I asked Tom, could I go to Home depot to get one. He said"no problem, I am fine." He looked so well today, happy to spoke to young men and happy to hear the Hospice said he is fine.
After drink two spoon vegetable broth, he looked very well. We started to watch TV. The TV was bought 3 days ago. We had a few small TV, but Tom said he would like to have a smaller TV on his bedside since he had to stay on this condition for 3 or 4 months. He believed his condition will improve in a few months and getting better after that. During these 26 years, I never deny Tom&39;s needs, neither he never ask any unreasonable request. Anything he thought is necessity and if I thought is not necessity; he found a way to earn it.
I knew his health was going down, that was reason I brought him to Chinese doctor since June his feet was swelling. Tom was working with his doctor in VA and Kaiser for his multiple-myeloma. 2 weeks ago, we had argument in front of his doctor in Kaiser, because Tom thought his doctor could heal him, in fact I heard doctor said "I am worried, I am worried, your number is not going down it is going up". I believed we need to change our treatment straightedge. Tom ignored doctor&39;s statement; he believed his diarrhea caused by stomach infection. I am not a doctor, but I guessed the diarrhea caused by escalating swelling from legs to intestinal. At that time, his kidney only function 25%, but he went to see the kidney doctor during summer time. The doctor sent him back to Myeloma doctor. Myeloma doctor was on vacation. When the treatment started, it has been 3 months delay and his school work consumed more his strength to fighter with sickness.
Is that everyone has date to end life one way the other?
Ok, we were search for the TV 2 nights before from website Sears, Target, Wal-Mart and Fry&39;s. Tom said:"How about Amazon?" " &
Amazon is not good, it takes two days delivery." I said. I found Fry&39;s had 15 inch small TV. Fry&39;s was not too far from where we live. "Tom, is ok I go to buy TV, you could stay by yourself?" I asked. "Yes, no problem." It was around 7pm, I did not call Mom to come over, because Tom looked very well. He was just released by Hospice from 24 hour monitor care. I knew Tom said ok that mean he is ok because he always tell true. He is a simple man with a lot of knowledge. Remember one upon time, I worked as an accountant in an office in Beverly Hills. My boss asked me brings some print paper to home, because she did not use so much paper than other lawyer office. Tom saw it and told me "Do not do it anymore, the paper is for office use only."
I brought home the TV, that was a return item, but I did not have any choice, this was the only one in the store. I did not have time to run around.
Somehow, I had in the back of my mind. Tom is in very bad condition. On Dec 13, 2015, we left Kaiser Hospital because the doctor told us "We do not have any more treatment for you. There is no stomach infection at all." "Then, why do you not issue a hospice?" I asked, the doctor said "Yes, we could issue hospice, but you cannot use any aggressive treatment." We never had any aggressive treatment, if we did, Tom may never survived 4 years from first diagnosed second stage of Multiple-Myeloma. Tom might also realize his health was in very bad condition because he told me tell his sister about his condition. In front of me, he always said "Do not worry, it is not my time. I will survive another two years." I did not realize he tried to not make me sad. Tom's health was always very good, even in April his blood test number was all good. His heart was in very good condition for his age. After he left hospital, we had two days in a roll to check out nearby buffet to test what Tom could eat. He enjoyed the sunshine California weather and my companion. Was it too late? He had run around for his music since he was five years old until he diagnosed Multiple-Myeloma. Those entire successful careers only go with his generation. Performances with big starts, 12 years union arbitrator, all just on the pictures. That is your own treasure not others. He was a nonstop human been. He transferred his interest to automobile that was one of his interesting in pass, but no time for it. He helped his uncle auto shop at age of 12. The memory was clear and wanted to re-get into this adventure at age of 79.
Although, I was not encourage him take this adventure because I believed this is not good for his health, the car dirty air may trigged his illness. I wanted he could start to write his life. He insisted to do automobile interest, I did not stop him. We had always respected each other ideas and interest. We both believe one only live in this life once, you should live for yourself not for others and what is good you live longer but not do the things you want to do.
I bought back 15 inch TV with no box. Tom was happy to have fun on it. His hand was still stronger enough to adjust TV. We set the TV up and it was working well.
Tonight, the channel 5-2 was on Marilyn Monroe movies week. Tom had set TV in right angle to view more comfortable in the afternoon. His arm was still strong. I sat on his bed side and our hands hold each other. He was talking which restaurant we could go if he getting better next week. Once a while, he used his hands touched my back and gave me a little message that just as he did during our entire marriage. My back spine had issues before I marry Tom. The issue disappeared after Tom gave me message 10 to 15 minutes every night. It had stopped a few months ago. I guess Tom does not want me feel so much lost if he had to go. We were so much enjoyed each other in a peace and comfortable night. During the TV commercial, we still talked about our planed vacation in Ojai inn on Christmas vacation. Most time, I love to arrange Christmas to visit some nearby city because we do not have big family get together. I like to take advantage to enjoy the tourist place decoration. We were planned to rent a big car that Tom could comfortable sit in and easier to get out. "Edie could help to take care of me to the car." Tom said. Edie is Tom&39;s nephew. He is only one live in California and all other relative was live nearby Tom&39;s home town Springfield Massachusetts. Tom often tells others he is Puerto Rican. In fact, that was most successful career in his life in Puerto Rico. After he got his Boston university administration degree 1959, he went to Puerto Rico to get his music degree. At age 30, Tom had two bachelor degrees at 60
and a successful band performed at best hotel in Puerto Rico. Who will not pride himself? I always said "I love you." As I know today, "I am proud of you" is much more important to Tom. A man required more pride and respect. Although I have been living in US for 26 years, English has not reach to 9 grade student. Simple communication and professional communication were reached that thought just enough to me. I missed to tell the person I love dearly to him the words he most wants to hear.
The movie should end on 11:30 pm; the plot was getting into intense. A wife was trying to murder her husband. A few minutes ago, Tom said he want to sit up, I worked very hard to manage him up little better. I guess he had a little difficult time breathing, but he did not realize. He was still talking to me. I hoped he will get better day by day. I would not mind take care of him rest of my life. We were discussint to quit my job in March 2015 on November 2014. Tom was surprised "Why?" he asked during our conversation at November. Finally, I decided to stop work at end of January 2015. I had managed to take the day off every Friday to take Tom to see his doctor during end Nov to Dec. His sickness was getting more critical after we learned his Multiple-Myeloma went to Kidney. I had decided to stop work after Dec 13, but I had to give training on Thursday Dec 18. On Thursday, Tom was not feeling well the hospice called for 24 hours monitor. I canceled the training class on that day.
Suddenly, Tom said "Fang, did you turn off the air." Tom was using the oxygen. Immediately, I realized it was serious problem for Tom's health, because the oxygen was on. I said "Hold on Tom, I call 911 now"; but I saw his eyes were open and straight look at front, Mouth open and want to say something, but could not speak up. I know he want to say "That is it? Life just like this ended?" "Tom hold on, hold on, I love you." His body just clubbed back on bed (was sit with pillows on back). I saw him nod his head when he heard I said "I love you." Could he heard, could he still nod his head? My psychic said his body echo when I said I love you.
I called hospice, it was agreed not call 911 when have emergency when we signed hospice. The other side responded but immediately the music is on. It means they were trying allocating a nurse. I called 911 immediately when I heard music used another phone. The hospice nurse back on phone also, but he was 40 miles away. I went back try to rescue Tom. No response at all. 911 came with 3 minutes. There is no heart beat from the machine. "He is gone, madam." "Would you try something, please?" The 911 doctor saw a piece pink card lay on desk, and on the pink card was written no extreme treatment when the heart stops. In US, when you were in last stage of life, hospital wants the patience to make decision for how they want to be treated. Tom and I both agree, it is no need put on breath machine and heart beat machine for days if the own heart is not working anymore. I beg the doctor try use the electric shock. The doctor said "The patient has signed not to do it." I did not know this is including in extreme treatment.
That is it. Tom is gone. I was crying and hold his back, but my mind was still clear what I need to do. The 911 team tried to call police; the police need to be involved if anyone dies at home (I am glad we did not buy life insurance, it will made so complicated if the insured person dies at home and only beneficiary stay with the issuer ). Tom said "no funeral" for him. I could not just let him go only by my side. It was at night 11:30. I thought at least has two Son and one Daughter. We do not have any children; I call his nephew Edie, my good friend Dave, both those live 40 miles away. I called my cousin Gloria whom Tom always calls her my sister. Not too long, Edie and his close friend Debbie, Dave and his wife Rebecca, Gloria with her daughter Junyi, and my mother, all arrived. I know Tom was looking from somewhere, he would satisfy to see so many loved ones to say good bye to his body.
Tom left in a dignity with US flag covered as blanket and a new car. What was a coincident he had a new car to Rose Hill (a cemetery and funeral service business). Tom loves car so much, he had Cadillac built at 1968 for years. We had only 2 cars parking garage, but we always have 3 to 4 cars.
My heart is breaking in million pieces, but my world is not fall apart because I know I will have so much to take care of. I was not prepared at all. We had stair lift installed a month ago for Tom easier to get upstairs. I had bought many soft cloths for Tom swelling legs. I was constantly to try rent a large luxury car to take on vacation with Tom. Life with Tom should not be end now. I was crying and do not think how to live. Tonight, I was with my mother, but I like to go home, I believe Tom will be back to looking for me in some format.
Next morning, I informed a few close friends and did not inform those one nothing could handle this tragedy or someone had own problems. I am a strong person, always like to help others, but not accept other help because I know I could do it. Tom knows my personality. He was annoyed many times, but he let me be myself. He had a strong personality two, somehow we worked it out.
For our marriage 26 years, we all love to do our own interest. Tom was busy for music, most of the time he goes to bed after 12am. I have to go to work at 7am. Tom compromised to go bed at 11:30pm. We always go to bed at same time, usually he put me sleep first by massaging my back. Wake up same time also. I am not used to sleep by myself at all, who could help. Everyone has own schedule.
I do not know what to do, somehow I stopped in one name while I searched my contact in my cell, I called her and told her Tom was passed last night. She immediately said "I come now." Is that amazing? I know all of you will do same, but you have something to do at that particular moment. Fran is my dear friends and co-worker, a smart and strong woman. She drove 45 miles away to companion me. I did not know she supposed to visit her son in San Francisco in 2 days. She had much preparation to do. I believe Tom was arranged, he knows I could not stay by myself at home. Lily called she helped me last Thursday. Lily, she is another smart and strong women too. We know each other through buying real estate. I usually do not ask for help, but I asked Lily to come at night to stay with me after I learn Fran has to go 10 days in San Francisco.
Fran and I clear the home immediately to make living room functional and made study room ready for her to sleep.
I always tell Tom "I am still beautiful." "Yes, because I love you." Tom always responded this way. That was true, I suddenly aged ten years. I could not think too much anything but I could not stop thinking about the rest of my responsibilities. Mother was the last person I need to worry. I know at her age, she has learn to take it easy about everything.
I was still worry about Tom although physically his is not with me but his spirit is with me and want me do everything the way he like it. I could ask Gloria&39;s help or my niece Junyi&39;s help, but I could not. They know. I am very particular, everything that is personal I have to do it my way.
I guess many surround friends have learned how these two will love each other; both them have so strong personality. I wondered how Tom could live with me and still care and loves me. I am not an easy person to live with; the only strong benefit to surround me is I am not put my benefit first in any occasion. If I do not like it or will not do it, I am not afraid to speak out.
Tom had wished to cremate his body. He asked me in last week, "What will you do". I said same as you and the ash will go to the ocean. He said I am not comfortable to put ash in the ocean, but I do not want to go back to Massachusetts. Massachusetts is Tom home state and the family had a large cemetery that bought long time ago. I said "it is ok, not to go back." What should I do, put on patio or just like someone put into living room. No, All these are not good idea. The ash is pass live souvenir. I played, suddenly I thought just put into Rose Hill, which is the place for all pass life souvenir. I thought to save a space for someone else in the future. Now, Tom wants, we are going to use it. I told Tom we are going to Rose Hill and we will be together. He like it and I had a dream he pull me say let's check the new house.
Rose Hill called and arranged in Tuesday for arrangement everything. Thanks for Dave, he had make the effort to take half day off from his work. I know his supervisor is a not an easy person. I had Dave with me and made me feel much better, just like have a son next to me. Dave and I also know each other through viewing a house. It was many years ago, he was a student go with his classmate to check properties. That time, they had 4 students with me. I even did not remember who is who. Dave did right thing, he contact many people after graduate from university when he start to look for a job. I am the one of contact and helped him started work until now.
Tom specific said I do not want to have funeral, I do not want to embalming. I did not know what mean;embalm and did not ask. The only words were no Funeral. What should I do and how could let Tom go just like that. I knew Tom will go earlier than me if go with the age, I have thought to have a memorial service with an orchestra in a large restaurant. But now, nothing prepared, Tom did not lie on bed three or four months. He did not lose his mind. He was so sharp until the last moment. When the Rose Hill staff asked me "do you want embalming?" "What does that mean?" "If you want an open casket funeral, must be embalmed." I suddenly realized why Tom said no funeral. I was so relieved, because we can have funeral a memorial service, just not open casket.
It was a holiday season, many people has scheduled to vacation. I have to schedule immediately. Dec 27 is Saturday. It is possible; someone has come back from Christmas vacation or ready go for new year. I said want to have memorial service on Dec 27
, Tom want cremation done as soon as possible, we had talk about before his health go down and other good friend died. Both of us believe we are a real spirit been, the body just like a piece cloths on our spirit been. It is used and was out, let go. "Do you have a good Chapel available?" I asked. The girl said:" let me check" "Yes, the Hillside has opening on morning." It is so perfect. "Tom, are you scheduling for yourself?" I thought. Tom will be happy. It is on time and everyone that needs to be there will be available. Dave and his wife had scheduled a vacation long time ago, but he managed come with me today. It is good enough for me.
We arranged flowers, veteran’s service and other necessary business.
If anyone visited Rose Hill, you would not believe this is a cemetery. It is so beautiful with majority head stone lay on ground. For satisfy Asia culture, they even change their address number to 3888, and the option to have standard head stone in side of the mountain. There are 3 options for the land, best, so, so and acceptable. I said let’s check the best first. Once we saw the best, I said we just buy this one because the best is not good as many years my auntie’s grave yard. Rose Hill has so much land, but only develops a few lots at time. If you do not buy ahead, the best just at that moment what they have.
The land is not too bad; it is on a very open area and on the hill. You can see far away the Los Angeles.
Luckily we had 28 people to attend Tom's memorial service. Tom and I do not do too many social activities. We both thought that not too many people would come to our funeral if we have one.
Fold of the American Flag was the first procedure in the service. Tom&39;s classmate and teacher made speech, his nephew Eddie and his good friend Burnedo&39;s daughter also made speech. Lorena and Junyi represent me, they made English and Chinese speech. After memorial service, at Chinese tradition, everyone must go to a restaurant for a meal before back to their own home. We had big good one in a local restaurant.
To me these entire 49 days was difficult. First it came holiday came Christmas. We were planning to go Ojai inn in California, Ojai where 150 miles from Los Angeles. It is too far to drive with my broken heart, but I booked nearby best hotel longhand in Pasadena. I booked for two days to honor Tom’s wish. I knew he would not want me to sat home cry. I took Tom"s last used items (healing pads, oxygen head and his sleeping hat that he did not wear in his last day) with me to stay in the hotel to honor his vacation wish. I gave the Ojai inn reservation to Edie and Debbie. I hope they could enjoy the beautiful inn and take Tom’s wish but Edie thought too expensive to accept. He canceled the reservation. I was so upset, later he went to a day trip.
Tom and I always enjoy good quality hotel. We went to Yosemite and we stay inside best hotel that usually most people are not willing to pay. We went to Sedona and lake arrowhead, we were always looking for good quality hotel. We were travel to Italy, Arlask and Mexico, etc.
Gloria took us (Mom and I) for Christmas Eve dinner and went to the casino together in Christmas day. It was not easy for me, luckily Gloria show me a game "Candy Crash". It was the game that helped me in the first 49 days after Tom's physical body gone. I was switch two cell and one paid continues to play. My left hand wrist seams over used. Now, I am trying to recover it.
Tom knows I could not stay by myself. Fran, Lily both only have short time help. Lu will came at weekend nights. Emily my dearest friend a senior same as my mother age, but she is a great runner, full of energy for love for life. She offered to stay with me a few days. Xiao Nan and his mother who I know through another friend were needed to study English, they move with me for two months.
With the anxiety pill, I survived to today. What is next plan, I do not know yet. I will leave it on Tom&39;s hand. He knows what is best for me.
I am not working 8 hours anymore. I could not have same schedule every day because my life routine has changed. I cannot come back home with empty nest with extra money on hand. I want to try something I like to do. Now, with Tom&39;s social security help and my saving, I believe I could survive without a problem.
I have attended a college interior design program and intend to have AA degree on this subject. Could I make a living on it? I do not know, but I know I am among the top 5 in the class.
Tom is not gone; he is with me in some format. I know he has his own agenda. When I spoke to my psychic Bernadette, she said "Tom said, I am 35 now and I have my full body. You have to learn to live on your own." Yes, I have to learn to live on my own. In the last 26 years, Tom and I did not build a palace, but we did built our small nest. We were happy to live here and happy to have each other. We were only a family of two, but we lived like a family of 8. He is father, son, husband and lover. I am mother, daughter, wife and lover. He is gone, I lost 4. Day by day it is very difficult, if you were never in this situation, you were not understood.
Life will never be same as with Tom. Time will heal everything. I must go on without him.
I love you, Tom, and proved you all achievement in your this life. I am happy to marry you, Tom.
知性的樱儿，我当时看完此篇与你一样粉色情感的塌陷泪如雨下。。。
生活中因为我们有爱：婚姻是承担、是责任、是尊敬、是平淡、是理解、是一个你浓我浓的家。走在这样婚姻里的人是幸福的，当一个伴侣先行而去，通透澄澈的灵魂却依然枭枭，谁不说这是婚姻的最美诗篇～～～
多谢樱儿多情的留言和祝福，让每一个粉色的爱情故事都相濡以沫，魂牵梦萦！
一阵风铃叮当响，一篇留言纽约来，一语直言女汉子，一份真情雨雪螎。
啊、啊、啊...纽一MM空降寒舍把心雨的小心脏吓得蹦蹦直跳，MM投资理财果粉迷，文字幽默好才情。看见你们在花生园玩得不亦乐乎，妒嫉、羡慕 、恨，定是没了心雨的插足之地，哈。。。
MM观察仔细，自己从一开博就把写字台搬走了，平时太没时间了，关了留言清静了许多自然也失去与大家交流的乐趣，真的很抱歉！今天的留言为枋而开。
令人喜出望外知道，自己营养不良的文章还有MM这样活跃网友跟读，心雨敬谢不敏。
“雪影”也是我非常喜欢和熟悉的网友，MM慧眼有貌似她新的lD出现吗？让我们祝福她！
多谢MM对枋的祝福，让我们在平凡的生命中用生生不息的笔墨写尽美好未来。
祝纽一MM在五月的花香里新周玩博快乐！
一直跟读你的文章，非常欣赏。
非常让人感动的故事。又不是专职作家，谁在乎个别文法与错字。
再次谢谢分享。
虽然“雪影”这个ID消失了，但又貌似有新的ID出来了。我好喜欢读你的，还有她的有灵魂的文章！
Best of wishes to Fang.
分享是一种美丽的心境，你，我，他／她的故事是我们平淡生活可以激起涟漪的心波，让我们走得更远，心胸更宽。
多谢大家读文理解，宽容支持！
枋35岁认识汤姆时已是“老姑娘了”，次年结婚，婚姻维持了26年直到汤姆去了音乐的天堂这也是去年年底的事了，聪明的读者sbs能知道枋几岁了吗？
与枋中文交流完全没有问题，但习作中母语的词不达意和有些错字我也注意到了，为了尊重原作者，我就这么post上来了，在此给大家造成的误解和不便，心雨表示深深的抱歉。
多谢您读文，希望我的注解使您有所释然。
玫瑰，你的感觉是真实的，枋和美国先生结婚26年，思维是英语式的在先。枋为了给朋友们一个交代为什么3个月没有和大家交往，写了这篇英语小文，转发时也有些错字。中文是从 Google 翻译再作修改，谈不上一篇文学作品,而是分享我们的理念，特别是"不听我话的老公不是好老公, 不给我化钱的老公不是好老公" 的概念不是婚姻的唯一标准。夫妻间学会理解、包容、互让、共识、相持，生活中总有比财富更能让人快乐的幸福。
多谢玫瑰读文留言，我也想起三年前刚提笔写中文，生疏了二十年的母语都是写成英语翻译过来的，且至今我的计算计也没有中文写字软件，常感叹：自己英语没学好，中文却忘了错不多了。
文城读者品味高雅，让我们在分享理念的同时，提高自己的文学修养和鉴赏能力使更多新手有成长的空间。
Thank you for your blessing !