forgive and forget

just today, I start to gradually realized that about Samuli's story. A man with a despurred wife, who is depressed by her long time career dim. She start to lost her hope by a fair development path, so she decide to go along by her own way. Samuli was annoyed by all my desire to be independent and expect for a bright career. He has been several times to warn me: "you can not..." He feel annoy when I was talking with other high level person in party time.

Later, he decided to go back to his old life. He was the one who stay with a despurred wife. He does not want to get another one; more than that, he hates the woman who would like to break all present for chasing support in career.

Yes, thanks God. he gives me one and half year's time to come along with all my emotional path. I was feeling depressed and vacuum when I was in Salo; I was feeling lost and pain at the time in Helsinki; I was looking back the way and getting crazy ... I pray for a explaination...

Now I get it.

What I get is a life. there are still a lot of things that I can not control, work is under turboling situation, career path is not clear, human relation is under threading ... but from all sides, I got support...

I got a port. if I want, I can park for a while now ... life will be just flouting. Where is the best destination is still not clear. But at least, I have come out from a dim coner and see a bigger world. I got the ability, I should use it to create something for myself.

Helsinki, it has never been so lovely for me. Every time I came here for a refreshment. Some new insprition that can support me for next challenge. I do not know where is the next place to go, or I will never go other place. But now is the time that I know I have come out the dark days from Salo.

Samuli is the good one, I am not wrong. Tommi had told me, many others had told me. Just he is not mine. he and his family is now together at the house that they build in 2000... Continue the life that seems had never changed. They were knowing together from colleague time.

I thank to God and wish them all best. I promise that I will not do anything to disturb them, no matter by how nice an initial.

I can be happier, go forward ...

there is also something else to emerge me write it down. Chen Pin. Aother girl who is deeply in her emotion struggles. She is in a broken stage. I want to help her, in fact, nobody can help her, except she pick up herself first. The church can help a little. But change me to Chen Pin, I'd rather spend longer time but by myself to cover all about these.

I have did that. I know it is not easy.