Pray and Play

Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship—a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence.

Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he’s a little of both.

The furnace at my home does not work for almost a month. I did not feel it when the weather was warm. I did not realize it when I felt frozen cold in the past week. I thought I was the problem. I believed that I was very sick so I was icy cold in the spring time. I was angry about the health crisis until I figured out it was the problem of the furnace.

To fix the problem of a furnace is no easy work. If I am rich, it would be easy. I contest with myself whether to change a new one immediately given I have no ability to fix it. My husband is busy to watching youtube videos to find a solution. I knew him very well. It will take at least a week before he can conclude that he cannot fix it.  I'm impatient. I feel I can't endure the suffering while working 10 hours a day as a tax accountant!

Then I caught myself, I endured well when I believed it was my health issue. Now situation is much better because I have no problem. It was the problem of the furnace. My husband has taken the responsiblity to fix a problem that is not mine. I shall feel relaxed, gratitude, and happy. While, I felt self-pity, angry, and impatient. 

Love is patient. I have no patient at all. How to live a good life with this character flaw? I have no devotion to anyone or anything but God (my secret hope for superpower, perfection, freedom, beauty and every craving). Do I really love God? Am I patient with all my unanswered prayers? If I am, I will be so angry and so mean.

The baby step might be patient- to self, to work, to health, to relationships, to God.