miss home and parents so much

I know that one day when i am really old, i will be regrettful for many things.  one thing i don't understand myself is that i feel like i am living for others.  I do things not necessarily for myself, rather to make others happy.  but the truth is that others are probably not necessarily happy with what i did for them, so maybe it should just stay as try to be happy myself but try not to upset others.  on the other ends, a few times i did things in my own way, without asking permission from others, i handled it so poorly that i ended up hurt so many.  can i even be myself and grow-up?  i don't know.  dependable on whom i am talk to, the answers are not always the same. 

there are so many wonderful places just in China that i would love to visit.  yet, when i would have the time.. i guess if i don't make the time, the time will never be wrong.. so after all, what is really important to me, to life?  and what can i pass along to my child?  what are important to her?  i know i have been too harsh to her as far as homework, which i hated so much when i was a little girl, so why i am just repeating it for her.  is it that there is a trail for me to take, and i dnt know how to go out from it..