happy new year to myself

another new year!  but this is the 15th new year that i did not spend with my parents. this year it hit me so badly about being here without my parents.. in laws are different.. we have friends over for dinner, and i spend the weekend thinking of the menu and really got nervous  cooking out from the crowd... after a busy day when the guests left, i feel so empty minded as what is really the true meaning of life/  is it really so much for to be spending time with friends that are more from the in-law relationship?  i am getting really very anti-social lately.  other than my little girl, not sure what is my inspiration for life.  i missed the time when i was young and totally lack of responsibilities.. if i have a chance, i would like to ask the guys that had a crash on me if life has a second chance, would they choose as the wife?  i am so over with the so called love story that i believe that only the ones that can take you as the life partner is the one truly loves you and will do whatever for you.. i don't have good feeling for life now.. on top of it, i am not feeling well lately.. my beloved me doesn't believe that i love him any more, and therefore, really don't have the passion when our eyes are met.. and ...