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大夫谈关于减肥和健身(ZT)

(2009-06-05 11:14:45) 下一个

看到一好玩的,不转不行。严重声明,纯属好笑,不代表本人多年来从事营养研究之学术观点。

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride” AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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评论
闲人忙人 回复 悄悄话 回复PP.的评论:真是感动,这么久了,还惦记着我!赶紧贴一小闲的最新段子以示感谢。还是忙,希望下半年能好点。祝你和家人新年快乐,开心多多变!
PP. 回复 悄悄话 我也来冒个泡泡,快过节了,忙得告一段落了没有?
闲人忙人 回复 悄悄话 回复阿小饼、小泥山的评论:谢谢惦记!感动。。。现在进入超忙期,恐怕有好长一阵不能常来了,有空我会去大家常去的几个点看大家的(看着就觉着心安),冒泡可能就会少了。小闲一如既往地健康、快乐!祝大家暑期愉快!
阿小饼 回复 悄悄话 有时候我会想起你,也想你家闺女。。。。你冒个泡泡啊。。。
冲浪潜水员 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈哈!
这个大夫是蒙古的?
小泥山 回复 悄悄话 忙啥呢,好久不见你了!
闲人忙人 回复 悄悄话 回复yueyuan的评论:哈哈,看来月圆MM也是个想得开、活得快乐的人,连公式都总结出来了,赞一个!
yueyuan 回复 悄悄话 太逗了, 太逗了!
不过这种人生态度深和我意呀 :)。
想吃吃,想喝喝,想玩玩,想呆呆着,高兴就好。

活的质量= 享受*时间,享受不到,时间再长又有何益?
我是幸运儿 回复 悄悄话 哈哈哈,太逗了 :))

闲人忙人 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,这个基本上就是我哥的人生观。他说,不让吃这,不让喝那,要活那么长干什么!看来持这种观点的人不少啊!
阿小饼 回复 悄悄话 基本上就是该吃吃,该喝喝,不用锻炼。。。哈哈哈
饼姐姐 回复 悄悄话 这个我记得在哪里看见过,再看一次也好看:))
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