小不忍.不忍集
胸中自有谋，奈何小不忍！
Without bothering to open my eyes, I’d known it’s Roy who crept into our quilt. Every morning on weekends, if we didn’t get up timely, we would have this scene. I stroke a pose, meaning to pinch his butt. He pretended to shun my mean move. Despite his shouting “help Dad, help Dad”. Both Roy and I know we love this game. I patted his firm and round bum, sighing, “ in a couple of days, mom can’t do this to you!” Still giggling, he asked” why not?” “remember, you will be 10 years old and it’s not appropriate for me to do this!” “Even though you are my mom？” he asked in doubt. “Yes, even though I am your mom!” I said, feeling oddly a sense of loss. “As long as you want, mom, you can always do that!” Roy announced generously. “ I know you are not a pervert” he added. To protect the boys, I have explained obscene touching and peeking of private part to them. They don’t quite understand it yet especially for Ryan but a least they know there are some dangerous people in this world called perverts.
Feeling his skin, like always, I feel much of pride that a mom does. Who else in this world has such a perfect body, firm yet smooth like a new-born baby, resilient. When patted, it bounces back like being projected by elastic band. I can’t believe such a strong body was evolved in my embryo, and out of my belly. Look at my preg stretches tucked in the flabby stomach, these inerasable, still stunningly ugly marks are there to remind me of how hard and heavily I carried him, how traumatized experience I went through the c-section; and I actually still got a front tooth chip crack left by the pregnancy with him, another evidence that he was such a robust boy, fighting for his need of growth to get more calcium back then.
10 years flies by… look at him--- the big chubby baby now has grown into a strong handsome lad. He steals all his mom and dad’s best qualities in appearance—though dad and mom are still in argument on whom he looks like more. No, he looks like none. He is created a unique being himself---his “like father like son” dragon eyebrows, his small yet speaking eyes, shining with make-your-heart-skip-a–beat innocence. The way he look at you with these eyes, you know immediately this is a person of pureness and kindness. The nose may be mom’s, but his mouth---I always feel so amazed at the two lips: not too thin, not too thick, not too big, not too small… “Perfect” is still a bit far from the reach of best delineation of them. With the gentle yet striking sensation transmitted by a subtle dip of moisture on them, when kissed, I am always made a happiest, most blessed mom! When he smiles, the very tip of lip tilting upward a bit, sometimes silly sometimes cool, the whole world is beaming with sunshine. ---It’s that time that I feel I will never stare enough at my lovely son!
Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder, how is it even possible for us to create such a beautiful being? I mean, I have never ever been artistic, neither has QM, a bit better than me though. In real life, however, we are a master in making an unmatchable artwork in the world---my boy, Roy!
10 years is not a short time but for me, the course of his growth feels like a flash shot---fleetingly short. Physically, he has become a tough teenager. When he sits on me, I can’t breathe as if suffocated by a huge rock stomped on me. When he holds his arm around me, I feel I could be truly protected. When we race, I do not have to fake not to be able to catch up him but tried all my best instead. When he charges in the soccer field, with the club uniform on, I see an athletic Beckham in 10 years.
He gains maturity in all other respects. I still remembered when we first got Ryan come over 3 years ago, it ‘s like Roy’s world was shaken. He was not the sole attention of his parents anymore; he needed to give in as he was told now he was an older brother. They fought constantly. There was once he cried his heart out and asked me heart-brokenly if I loved him enough. It takes Roy a good two years to adjust his part in this family head down. Now fully entitled to being an older brother, Roy takes care of everything for Ryan. He dotes on him, waking him up in the morning, making him breakfasti, walking him to school, finding him the lost clothes. When Ryan cries, he always knows how to comfort him and makes him smile the soonest. Without our reminding, he gives in whenever possible. Ryan relies on his brother far more than either his mom or dad. A timid boy he was, now, Roy is the lead to hit the road with his brother shuttling back and forth from school all by himself, rain or shine.
Now, he knows Christmas gifts are not from endeared Santa but his hard-working parents. He understands he can’t get all toys at his wistful thinking ‘cause money are saved for more important things, like groceries. He does not take everything for granted anymore and starts caring about people he loves. Every day, he greets me back by asking “how’s day at work mom?”. He gave me his gift on my birthday by massaging me WITHOUT any condition. What else a mom would ask more from her 9-year-old?!.
In his cognition, he progresses amazingly. He tried his own version of Diaries of Wimpy Kid and started knowing the ropes of writing. He even got recognized in assembly for improved writing. He has big vocabularies and finishes Rick Riordan’s Series of 5 thick volumes within 20 days--- almost beat my speed. He picks up some grade-5 math worksheets in USA, though with many wrong answers. He is motivated to refine his handwriting. He starts explaining some science to either Ryan or me, some of them pretty intricate to me.
Culturally, I don’t praise my boys too much in front of people. Deep inside, I feel so proud of them.
After all, Roy is still a KID. As of today, to be accurate, a 9-year-old child. He has all features and disposition this age processes, good and bad. He still cries, though not that much as he did when he was 3 or 4 year old, over some trivial things. When he gets upset, he is never easily comforted. He holds the grudge and hardly let it go. Unlike his brother, he does not know to observe circumstances he is involved in. When people are already angry, he still nags and grunts till he finally gets on people’s nerve and ends up being punished. He nags my head off sometimes despite my desperate drive to be left alone. He holds high self esteem, sometimes too high so he becomes extremely sensitive and can’t take in anything against him. He is afraid of being teased. His dad’s laughing after soccer game would be taken mocking him thus setting him off some attitudes! He tries to get rid of his messiness but the attempts to get organized obviously neglected or failed to be made. The way he kicks the soccer ball as if it were a shark that could bite his feet off anytime. He chickened out his guitar performance in church at the last minute…
… but so what? He is a young child. He has the greatest wealth of youth. His future has yet to be unfolded fully and he has a lot to learn, to strengthen, to rectify, to develop and to perfect.
Yeah, Roy has qualities and flaws. He is a normal kid. A good kid. But for us parent, he is not only a common good kid. He is unique, he is special, he is marvelous,he is unprecedented, and most precious to us. He is our son! We love him and we always take pride in him.
Happy birthday, son!
Love
