美国孩子和老人: 不敢苟同2704

2704说 "因为孩子长大后和父母基本不在一起, 老人到了这个年纪没人照顾. 所以有种说法是:美国是年轻人的天堂,是老年人的墓场."您遇到的超级市场的老人, 是其中一例.

因为做社工, 所以对美国老人和家庭有比较多了解.首先, 美国因为对老人有比较好的社会保障,因此对子女没有赡养的要求,例如,低收入的老人有医疗保险和社会保障金, 如有需要还可以免费入住疗养院, 用的是你我纳税人的钱.所以整个社会没有那种风气,认为老人应该由孩子养.见过一些孩子,因为父母当年不尽教养职责,而拒绝参与老人的一切(有时只不过是让他们担任durable power of attorney而已)社会对此没有任何异议.在中国,不抚养老人可以被告上法庭, 因为社会保障实在是太少了, 所以子女是父母最大的依靠.多少年来, 养儿防老这方面没有什么变化.

在我所见,美国的成年孩子对老人照顾的程度, 有些同中国不相上下,有些子女辞了工陪父母, 在所不惜, 将父母接到家里来的也不少, 还有将邻居或朋友接到家里养的呢.

在美国, 父母对孩子没有那种 "我养了你, 你要养我"的期待, 孩子怎样做, 全凭自己一片心.虽然老人是弱势,但很多老人视自己的独立为最大的财产, 不想让别人帮.一位88岁的老人, 还在老人中心帮其他老人呢.见过一个极端的例子,一个80余岁的老人宁愿自己躺在自己的尿中,也不愿让别人帮忙清洁.

所以美国的老人未必比中国的老人惨到哪里去, 在我看来, 他们其实满幸福的, 当然是在仍然有自主能力时, 如果不能自主, 那在哪里都不会幸福吧.

[靈小抓]

Good article. Compared to older Chinese people are usually taken care of by family members, there are a lot of different support systems for elderly in the American society. For example, social services, home care agencies, adult daycare, and nursing homes, as well as family members. In addition to physical care, a lot of these support systems provide healthcare, social events, regilious services, and etc which are not possible in the family setting. I believe that with the rapid economic growth in China, less and less families can afford to take care of elderly just by family members alone. Actually more and more families are hiring nannies now.

Also, it is so true that most of older American people don't want to live with their children at all. The senses of independence and integraty are very important for them to identify who they are as individuals, which is crucial for their mental health at older ages.