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儿子最近脾气大。昨天一到家就看他一个人在family room玩。老爸到家，也没有过来迎接一下。老爸问了句：“Did you have a good day in school?”
儿子头也没抬地回答：“Yes.”
到了吃饭的时候，妈妈叫儿子吃饭，儿子就是不来，还不耐烦地说“ I know.”
看他那没精打采的样子，老爸就随口问了句：“有人在学校欺负你了吗？”
儿子才抬起头说：“Yes, Arnold smashed my finger on my desk.”
“Did you call your teacher?”
“Yes, I did. She did not response.”
老师对儿子一向还不错，怎么会呢？可能不是大事吧。就问儿子：“What happended?”
“It's my desk. Arnold said it was not. So he smashed my finger.”
看看他的手指，没什么事。就问：“Did you fight back?”
“It is not allowed in school to fight back bully kids. ”
“Then, what should you do?”
“1st, ignore; then if she/he keep bothering you, walk away; finally, if she/he does not stop, report to grown-ups.”
看来口诀还背得不错呢。老爸想了想，给他说：“You know what, when I was little kid like your age, I was always picked by other kids, too. However, I used my brain to win--not physically by using my fists. I worked hard and studied hard. So I am the only one from my class in elemetary school who went to a top college in China. You visited my hometown 2 years ago, you still remember it's a poor countryside, right? Most of them are still in the countryside. So you can win, too, by your brain. You can go to a better college in the future.”
然后我们就不着边际的谈了一会儿，从哪个college是第一，到哪些地方好玩。儿子还记得MIT, Harvard, Amherst呢。上次陪姐姐的campus visit还是给他留了点记忆嘛。
孩子真是一天一个样。要在忙碌的日常生活中还能照顾到这些学校的孩子们争吵打架的小事，真是不容易。今天上学前，还提醒他：“Win by using your brain. Get it?”
儿子点了点头。
（４／２０／２００７）
儿子头也没抬地回答：“Yes.”
到了吃饭的时候，妈妈叫儿子吃饭，儿子就是不来，还不耐烦地说“ I know.”
看他那没精打采的样子，老爸就随口问了句：“有人在学校欺负你了吗？”
儿子才抬起头说：“Yes, Arnold smashed my finger on my desk.”
“Did you call your teacher?”
“Yes, I did. She did not response.”
老师对儿子一向还不错，怎么会呢？可能不是大事吧。就问儿子：“What happended?”
“It's my desk. Arnold said it was not. So he smashed my finger.”
看看他的手指，没什么事。就问：“Did you fight back?”
“It is not allowed in school to fight back bully kids. ”
“Then, what should you do?”
“1st, ignore; then if she/he keep bothering you, walk away; finally, if she/he does not stop, report to grown-ups.”
看来口诀还背得不错呢。老爸想了想，给他说：“You know what, when I was little kid like your age, I was always picked by other kids, too. However, I used my brain to win--not physically by using my fists. I worked hard and studied hard. So I am the only one from my class in elemetary school who went to a top college in China. You visited my hometown 2 years ago, you still remember it's a poor countryside, right? Most of them are still in the countryside. So you can win, too, by your brain. You can go to a better college in the future.”
然后我们就不着边际的谈了一会儿，从哪个college是第一，到哪些地方好玩。儿子还记得MIT, Harvard, Amherst呢。上次陪姐姐的campus visit还是给他留了点记忆嘛。
孩子真是一天一个样。要在忙碌的日常生活中还能照顾到这些学校的孩子们争吵打架的小事，真是不容易。今天上学前，还提醒他：“Win by using your brain. Get it?”
儿子点了点头。
（４／２０／２００７）
这确实是一个大难题。鼓励孩子用拳头解决，是暴力行为，以后会欺负小的孩子，加上判断力有限，不好。在学校老受欺负，也是孩子心理上的负担，长期下来，可不是好事。
目前这种受欺负的情况还不多。但大人的注意观察，早点发觉孩子的不正常表现，和学校一起防止这种情况发生。中国孩子过头都偏小，这往往导致孩子的自信心不够。俺现在是让儿子学点少林功夫，增加点自信心。
儿子在这方面事情多多了。女孩子很少面临这样的情况。
It's always a challenge for parents to teach kids how to deal with bullying at school. Talking with him seems an effective way to turn him around from the anger.