2/5 星期一

周一, 迟到, 地铁竟然有座位, 旁边的外国老大爷的香水味道浓郁得可以杀死一火车皮的蚊子, 我的生命力比蚊子强, 稳坐到六本木车站. 中午去GYM, 遇见MARC, 好久不见, 意外的发现他还算是个PRETTY BOY. MARC说他可能要转职去香港, 这年头怎么人人都在换工作?! 我这些天也一直想去香港, 赋闲一段时间, 一个在香港的朋友可以让我住他的公寓, 听起来还是很诱人的. 有一种冲动, 想立即辞掉工作, 换个地方住几天, 然后再考虑将来, 如果还有将来的话. 这个想法在我脑子里反复折腾, 仅存的一点点理智拉着我的满脑子的混乱, 告诉我要考虑下一步先. 其实一个人要玩DISAPPEAR, 也是需要很大的勇气的, 我的顾虑太多, 于是, 被牢牢栓在东京, 困兽犹斗.



周末还算愉快. 周六去做头发, 然后去SHIBUYA取之前订的DRESS, 交钱的时候, 很强烈的心痛的感觉, 发誓这个月再不买任何东西, 如果我能一直记得这个誓言的话. 和MARIO约定的时间从7点改为8点, 于是利用一个小时的时间和轶一起喝咖啡, 她也恰好在SHIBUYA. 轶又开始幻想回国发展, 每次她和国内来的人聊天后都"发病", 总记不得当初她是怎么从国内跑回东京来的, 人都是这样, 喜欢追求人家有自己无的东西, 结果追到后却发现, 切, 什么玩意! 然后悔得一蹋糊涂.



和MARIO在一起的时间过得很愉快, 超出我的预料. 我们上一次见面, 两个人都似乎无话可说, 沉闷至极, 让我有一瞬间的想法,--是不是不该再见MARIO了? 这一次, 不知道我们是不是潜意识的在试图弥补什么, 除了做我们最爱做的事情以外, 两个人, 话都格外的多. MARIO告诉我他20岁的时候, 鼻子, 舌头, 耳朵都打了PIERCE, 我拉着他的舌头, 试图在上面找PIERCE的痕迹, 难以想象MARIO20岁的时候究竟是什么样子, 满脸金属部件的PUNK? 哈! Later he said he had duty on Sunday, I said I gonna clean my room, kinda messy, cos I am not very organized, and asked if he is an organized person. Mario said, he's organized at work, and his financial situation is organized well, but "my personal life is not organized at all". What the hell that means??? Sounds like he has a few kids around the world with all different mothers, LOL! I didnt ask, even though I did want to, but I couldnt, its too personal, and none of my business.



A few days ago, I had a talk with Mario, and we both agree that we dont want more. He said he likes what we have now, and for me, I just never be able to figure out if I really want more with Mario, I dont think love is powerful enough to change everything. George thinks that I made a mistake, that I should not make this issue so clear by now. He thinks I should leave the option open, Mario might be a not bad choice, as long as we happy together. But I really...dont think that I could give up my life, and follow him to different navy bases around the world. Life is practical, and love should be as well...should it??? Sooner or later, I need to cut this off, but its just so tough, Mario is like drug to me, I am so addicted already... Now you got the point why I wanna run away to HK so much? Tokyo just full of mess, all the time...

[jgey]

hahaha...at least, they have fun! why have to care abt the result so much? life is to enjoy, not to suffer. if i cant change the flow, at least i can try to enjoy it in some different way.

there are 2 types of football players, one is those so-called winners, all they care is the score, they wanna win, the game is not just a game any more for them. the other is those players, who love the game, and have a lot fun in the game, but not very serious abt the score.

its all abt the attitude.

[G.C.]

Don't you know that all gamblers leave casino empty-handed, regardless which game they played?

[jgey]

well...I am an opportunist, new city might bring me new opportunities, hopefully...its like you go gambling, if you get bad luck at roulette, maybe its time to try blackjack...you would never know whats waiting for you at the next corner until you go through it.

like you said, things are not that bad in tokyo, i guess i just get bored, and need something new...that is all =)

[G.C.]

Given your personality, how do you know that you won't make a mess in HK after a year or two? Doesn't seem like things are so bad in Tokyo that you need a fresh start elsewhere. After the initial excitement of living in a new city fades away, you'll find the rat race is the same everywhere, unless you move to an island in the Caribbean.