College Essay系列（五十一）：2024 哈佛成功文书（6）

这个系列的前五篇链接如下：

College Essay系列（四十六）：2024 哈佛成功文书（1）

College Essay系列（四十七）：2024 哈佛成功文书（2）

College Essay系列（四十八）：2024 哈佛成功文书（3）

College Essay系列（四十九）：2024 哈佛成功文书（4）

College Essay系列（五十）：2024 哈佛成功文书（5）

 

今天读第六篇，Francisco 的《Family Meeting at MITES》

Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.

I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn't be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn't care for me.

I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I’ve never met in a place I’ve never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had “Family Meetings” and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this “Family Meeting” was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, “I have work to do” was the most common phrase. We learned that “Family Meeting” was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything. Today’s theme was, “what’s something important about your identity that makes you unique?” but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn’t be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn’t care for me. In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn’t even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we’re going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.

This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don’t feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.

这是一篇出于URM环境、科研经验少、缺乏自信少年的MITES经历。MITES项目的一个重要活动设置是星期四的Family Meetings，是一个非科研性的社交项目。通过在这里倾听别人，帮助别人、作者自己也找到了归属和自信。

这篇Hook文书，从文字的角度上看，也具有一个值得学习的地方，那就是它的开篇。从琐碎的旅行准备开始谈起，让人开始感兴趣于作者的背景。什么人会对一个6周的旅行这么紧张，要把身体检查一遍，还要停止喝牛奶呢？原来，是一个即将参加MITES的男孩。看到MITES，你自然想到作者在其背景下的优秀，这就是Hook。

看不出这种写法的同学可能在多数。这是一种轻意识流的手笔，是英文叙事写作中常见的笔法。我在文书课里会讲到这个笔法，把看似琐碎、不值一提的事物，用尽量细节的手笔来描绘出来，这实际上是西方油画追求的做法。相对立的，是中国国画里的大量想象式的笔法，尽管那也是细节丰富的。中文叙事文里，很多人也习惯充满想象式的笔法，而不善于使用真实事物的细节来传递叙事的画面感。

本文的结构属于简单的五段式结构。但他用到了一个强对比性的情节来推升主题。故事到临近末尾，作者是通过帮助Izzy来发现久违的自信的。大多数人比如Izzy，他们的故事则都会是通过受到帮助而找到家的安全感。相对于大多数，本文的选材是一种更高明、更有感染力的做法。这也是我在文书课里讲到的一点。

读到这里，我觉得自己是在讲一堂文书课。Harvard Crimson也给我们提供了丰富的对比阅读素材。这一篇，我必须给出的评分是A，因为这真不是一个简单的URM男孩，他确有优秀之处。