College Essay系列（四十七）：2024 哈佛成功文书（2）

第二篇，Marcus 的《The Zoo》

As late afternoon sunlight danced on my shoulders, I squished my eight-year-old face against the glass of the outdoor tank, eyes wide and searching for any signs of life. There! I scrambled from where I was seated, chasing the flickering sight of my prize. The otter darted away from me, his lithe body disappearing into a crack in the stones. I slumped against the wall, disappointed. Ever the HR representative, my mother saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I explained my frustration with the otters -- they’re so fun to watch, but they refuse to be seen. My mother leaned down, brushing a long lock of hair out of my face, and told me, “Sometimes, the animals get tired of being watched. They just want to be left alone.”

I didn’t think much of the otters after that. Until I became one.

In October of my sophomore year, I was four months into my transition from female to male. I wasn’t out to my extended family, my wardrobe was a haphazard mess of cargo shorts and skirts, and my voice was still, to my distress, annoyingly high. Being transgender at Middleton High School was no small feat -- I stuck out in a sea of over 2,000 cisgender peers, and most of my teachers did not know how to deal with people “in my situation,” as one put it.

One day, as I walked to my bus after school, I heard snickers from behind me. I turned around and saw a rowdy group of boys. One had his phone up, recording me. Everyone was laughing, and in an instant I knew they were laughing at me. I turned and walked away, doing my best to conceal myself from their view. The laughter continued.

I was the star of a humiliating show that I never asked to be a part of. I had become the otter. Their laughs kept ringing in my ears as I sat alone on the bus. I wanted to crawl inside myself and implode rather than think about going back to face them again the next day. My phone kept buzzing, but I refused to check it. It was only when I arrived home and checked those messages that I found that the video had been posted across social media for hundreds of my peers to see. It seemed like nothing, just a video of me walking, turning, and looking away. But their laughs were clear in the background, and I still understood the point of the video -- look at the freak. Look at the new zoo exhibit.

Seeing that video, I realized that I couldn’t allow myself to turn into what they saw me as. They wanted an otter, a punching bag that wouldn’t fight back. I was not going to be their otter. The next day, I went to my first Sexuality and Gender Equality club meeting. I spoke to the administration about what had happened. I saved the video and showed people. I took control.

Maybe they'll never see me as an equal, but that is their blindness, not mine.

Those boys wanted me to believe that I was merely an exhibit to be laughed at, but now I know I live for greater things. I live for lattes, for courtroom closing arguments, for the pesto I make at work. I live for Black Lives Matter and #enough and Pride. I live for kayaking and summer camp, for the kids in SAGE and my younger sister. My classmates tried to dehumanize me, trample me, and mold me into their image of transgender people. Maybe they’ll never see me as an equal, but that is their blindness, not mine. I do not live on display. I do not live in a zoo.

 

这篇读完，我就直接B封顶了，因为这一篇与2023的《Butterfly Identity》的故事和结构如出一辙，属于常见题材常见写法。虽然具有了比喻意义的otter、作者的transgender 、others’ laugh、report to admin、BLM #enough 和Pride结构上似乎完整，但这篇文书有明显的欠考虑之处。

首先，动物园里的otter并没有被不公平的歧视、甚至bully。如果有的话，bully和歧视的施予方也只能是作为观赏者，且 “slam against wall”的作者本人。在构成故事的时候，作者在潜意识上缺乏敏感度，otter作为一个比喻的对象，在自己故事里的合理之处是比较有限的。这里有otter本身的原因，更有作者在技术上的原因。

其次，这篇故事的结尾落在自我觉醒和反抗中，把歧视的锅，让“those boys”永久地背着了。它所代表的负面信息，其实也显出作者本人在社会意识上的局限性。Middleton High School如果是这样的状况，那它就不配某年的Blue Ribbon、某某年的ESE、以及某某某年的Ranking了。

这篇，我最后能给的评分是C，除非有人觉得单凭Female2Male的主题也该给个B-。Harvard Crimson的编辑很可能没有仔细读过这些被推荐来的文书。否则，就不会犯这种”一将成名万骨枯“式的逻辑错误。在著名大学校报空间里贴文书，还是不要过分地盯在那张sponsor‘s check上。