College Essay系列（四十五）：2023 达茅成功文书（4）

达茅2023系列文书前三篇链接：

College Essay系列（四十四）：2023 达茅成功文书（3）

College Essay系列（四十三）：2023 达茅成功文书（2）

College Essay系列（四十二）：2023 达茅成功文书（1）

 

下面是第四篇也是最后一篇，《Mushroom in Network》

The first rule of mushroom hunting is that if you are unsure about something, don't eat it. It is better to live another day wondering whether that mushroom is edible than to know immediately that it isn't. The second rule of mushroom hunting, which is much harder to learn, is that everything is connected. Underneath the forest floor, for years, tree roots and their corresponding fungal mycelia have grown, merged, and developed in a vast symbiotic network. Understanding these subterranean connections is vital to a successful hunt, but their significance extends far beyond the confines of the woods. Everything, including myself, is a confluence of connections, overlapping threads. This interconnectedness of life has become the essence of my values in scientific inquiry and social advocacy that form the mycelial fabric of my identity.

A single hyphal strand travels for miles in any direction, interacting, exploring. In the Boston Harbor Islands, my boots fill with seawater as I chisel away at the lichens on the intertidal rock. Their skewed distribution hints at the old refuse of the city nearby dumped into the wat er decades ago. This intersection, between a mushroom hunter and expired public policies, is unique, but the unifying connection is not. We ignore fungi, yet they reflect the state of the natural world.

Fungal mycorrhizae share their nutrients with plant roots. Millions attach to a single tree, providing necessities like nitrogen and phosphorus in exchange for sugar. They are the backbone of the biosphere, yet they occupy the background of our thoughts. At the Massachusetts State House, I stand before an audience of legislators and activists alike. I testify, bringing my experience of the fungal Kingdom, and propose state recognition of these organisms upon which we all depend. Fungi receive consideration and appreciation: a mycorrhizal connection.

Trace backward through this linkage eight years and find an origin: a spore germinates.

"Avi, mira!" I shouted to my grandfather from the needle-laden ground, a beige button protruding from the earth in front of my face.

"El cep," he replied, "Boletus edulis." It is a good find: the transient sum of infinite parts, of cooperation between the surrounding hemlocks and the fungal threads underneath. I am perplexed, bewildered: the most excited I have ever been. He provided a window into the inner workings of the woods; I will never stop looking through.

He continued, branching off on another path. In Catalonia, over centuries of cultural oppression under Spain, mushrooms (bolets), and mushroom hunters (boletaires), have been embedded in Catalan myth, culture, and the fabric of the land. Beyond the control of monarchs or dictators, fungi perfectly parallel a language and tradition forced underground.

Now I stand in Boston common among those who share this ancestry. We wave the Estelada and chant, but thousands of miles away, our brethren are beaten and imprisoned for "sedition." I sit alone in the Farlow Herbarium, a global collection of fungi and lichens. Halfway around the world, the streets remain full of protest. I cannot be there to defend the independence of the Catalan people and nation, but I can push to preserve the mycological aspects of its culture. My work for independence and my advocacy for fungi are fused, dikaryotic, joint in cause: elucidating the unseen, the neglected.

In nature, singularity fades, and the collective emerges in its place. From fungi to people, we all exist within networks: each a convergence of imperceptible relationship.

【凸某评四】

从蘑菇到人类，“we all exist within networks”。

人与蘑菇，这是什么主题，我见过吗？没。这就是我读完这篇的感受。因为它让我新奇，所以我对它curious。

开篇一大段，用133 words来讲读者不熟悉的 mushroom的知识。这么写的文书，很少有阅读感觉好的。不考虑我已经知道这篇是达茅成功文书的hindsight，这么写文书能成功需要有两个条件：一是写的内容要新鲜、有趣，二是读这篇的人要有时间和心情。做得到第一点，靠你的写作能力；做到第二点，多少要看你的运气了。

像这篇这样的好开篇，我还有别的亲身经历。她是我今年的文书生E。一开始她写了六篇文书，分别是关于环境、海洋、多元文化、社会活动、社区、艺术的主题。我对她的文书重新做了“编剧”，把海洋、环境和社会活动的故事重编成一个主题故事。那一篇的开篇段，用了E在Caribbean与狼(鲨)共舞(泳)上的真实经历，与本篇的mushroom hunting异曲同工，其实我觉得mushroom更妙。E今年也收到了达茅录取。我做过的文书，版权都属于学生，在他们的大学四年里，我暂不能拿来分享。

下一个重要概念“we”(人）的引出，这篇故事的设计是值得学习的。“They are the backbone of the biosphere, yet they occupy the background of our thoughts”，这句transition是有技术含量的、意识流写法。接着Mass State House的，把作者蘑菇兴趣连接到其origin即祖父（人）身上。接着，从祖父顺滑到Catalan人，接着是两段、152 words的混合主题，把蘑菇和加泰兰人两个看似无关的概念，出其不意地联系在一起。这，还是意识流。

倒数第二段，让叙述从Catalan顺滑回fungi和Boston，这不仅给主题一个清晰的总结，还给故事的结尾一个呼应篇首的设计。很棒！

最后一段，“each a convergence of imperceptible relationship”是这篇点睛之笔，干净、直接。这篇，算是四篇里写得最好的一篇。

【凸某总结】

读完四篇，我的总结如下。

第一，达茅选的文书比哈佛的更真实。这就是我比较哈佛和达茅2023文书的直接感受。其实，哈佛和斯坦福的2023-24里，我也感觉到真实的人数正在增长、superman的数量可能在减少，只是这趋势暂时从海外生源里还不明显。

第二，达茅选的文书比哈佛的更好。他们的narrative笔头都相当熟练，对于figurative语言的把握和意识流式概念转换，都手到擒来的自然。特别是意识流narrative，是值得中国学生好好学习的。要把文书从你们习惯的说明进化到叙事，意识流是一个最佳的学习途径。

说到意识流的写法，不习惯的读者可能不知道怎么看。技术层面上看，它跟普通叙事文的一个重要区别是在段落（主题概念）转换之间，较少用到关联词（虚词），而是主题概念（实词）之间的顺滑。

如果概念之间的跳跃性不大，普通读者的感觉就好一些。跳跃过大，又不加关联词的，读者感受就会觉得突兀和混乱，那是强意识流写法的特点，你可以读读James Joyce的《Ulysses》就明白。2018年SAT阅读第一篇还用过一个小意识流文章，学生们下场后一片的“lmao”。

想学习这个narrative写作技巧的人，也可以反复研读Joan Didion的《Slouching Towards Bethlehem》，也可以来找我上文书课。读到此处的人们，我还有收集十几年的文书样本300篇，400多页的PDF。想要的人，可以QQH我。It's free.

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