如此这样，本周已过一半，才有时间闲下来写一写主日听神借着牧师之口传给我的信息。周日晚上工作到凌晨，周一周二也被工作塞得满满当当，睡眠严重不足。我跟朋友抱怨说，后悔来工业界了，后悔来这个公司。说此话，没有任何矫情抑或强说愁的成分，是真的后悔。就如同当年后悔出国，后悔读博一般，也许是个人习惯性后悔，总觉得另一条路会比现在更开心。先不说这些吧，总结一下主日信息。
主日经文来自约翰福音第一章。
“There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”
John 1:6-13 ESV
牧师的信息给我印象很深的是对于第七节和第十二节中believe的讲解。God-given believe. Believe是约翰福音中一个非常重要的词。两个John，一个施洗约翰，一个写福音书和启示录的使徒约翰。The former as pre Jesus John saying Jesus is coming, he is the son of God, he is the Christ, life is found in Him. And the latter as post ascension John saying Jesus is the light, he is the son of God, he is the Christ, life is found in Him. Both of them bear the witnesses and testify that Jesus is the light, one before one after Jesus. And message is the same: believe in Jesus. 当约翰在这本福音书中提到believe，前面从来不会有形容词或者副词。It's always just believe. It's not radically believe, it's not with your whole heart to believe, it's not deeply or intensively or sincerely believe. Just believe. Why? Because to believe is to receive something. But when you add an adverb or an adjective in front of it, it seems like we can control it and we can do it ourselves. It feels like there is something I can control in my hand. But a single word believe, means that I have received that from our Lord, the gift of believe.
I guess this the whole message I received on this Sunday worship. But this message encourages me the whole week so far, knowing that how amazing the grace is that God gives this "believe" to me, so that I can have eternal life in Him and only in Him. Every time I feel so weary and weak, feel so doubtful, not so clear why things go this way, or feel like I couldn't believe in Him. I am always struggling by myself and always use my own way and strength to try to go back to that "believe". But all my endeavors are in vain. All I need to do is to pray to Him and ask for "believe", ask for wisdom, ask for strength, ask for that my heart and soul can be fulfilled solely by Him. Because "believe" is a wonderful gift from God, and only from God.
林朗
