诸诗友翻译《惜别词》佳作小辑

《惜别词》原韵如下：

亭边一棵柳树，桥头一棵柳树。纵有碧丝千万条，怎能挽得行人驻？
岸上一声杜鹃，水中一声杜鹃：“行不得也哥哥！莫若回帆。”
 

谢琴韵兄分享美图！

诸诗友翻译《惜别词》佳作集锦如下，排名不分前后，“---”号后为雪葵评：

活动 译诗 （给曹老师交作业） 琴韵
曹老师说了，他这次要抄袭琴氏公式，那么俺也就再用这个公式完成这个作业了，最后一次。

Willow willow, swaying in the wind,
One besides the gazebo and one stands at bridgehead.
Despite having thousands of threads,
Nobody can be stopped from going ahead.

A cuckoo is crying in the water,
Another cuckoo is sighing on the bank.
“Oh! my sweetheart,  please don’t  go。
Turn your sails back!”

--- 琴兄译作，灰常精彩。不由地要赏析几句：

Willow willow, swaying in the wind,
--- 越读越觉得“琴公式”有魅力，像田园诗，像歌谣，别一番韵味！柳啊柳，风中摇，好。

One besides the gazebo and one stands at bridgehead.
--- 流畅自然，还是渲染的笔意

Despite having thousands of threads,
--- 这儿开始转，这个despite跟纵然这个词真得是100%镜像！呵呵

Nobody can be stopped from going ahead.
--- 这句里，个见：stop 不如用个具体动作的字，如pluck，pull啥的，entangle？英文有这个字吗？另外，nobody 不具体，词里的“行人”还是理解为要远行的哥哥更突出惜别的诗意。

A cuckoo is crying in the water,
--- 杜鹃 crying，好，那种心魂俱裂的呼叫

Another cuckoo is sighing on the bank.
--- 在改为 sigh ，则是一种无奈，帆越走越远了，叫是叫不回来了，只好sigh

“Oh! my sweetheart,  please don’t  go。
--- 这一句是自己对自己说，只有自己听得见，

Turn your sails back!”
--- 而这句就是感情迸发的叫喊了。

--- 全篇融为一体，对画面和声音都译出了原文的韵味！大赞！

活动 译诗 边砦

There is a willow tree beside the pavilion,
There is also a willow before the bridge waving.
Even willow branches blown to thousands lines,
How could they hold the pedestrians from leaving?

You heard one cry of cuckoo on the bank,
You also heard one cry of cuckoo from the bay.
“Rather than going away, my sweetheart!
You need to come back and forever stay.”

--- 大赞边砦兄佳译！韵律铿锵，用笔流畅感人，为一贯特色！

活动 译诗 雨飘柔

A willow tree stands by a gazebo
Another in front of a bridge.
Why can't you make people stay
With your thousands green tendril arms?

A cuckoo cry coming from the bank,
Another from the water,
Both sadly said:
"Please don't leave, my dear! Turn around your sails!"

交作业： 折柳《惜别词》 绿岛阳光

One by the pavilion and one by the bridge they are standing
Two willows try hard to stop the traveller leaving
Even with the countless arms of stretching and catching
Their attempt looks failing

Calling from the shore and calling from the water
Cuckoos joint the plea and sound tender:
“My darling, the fun of life is us together to share and enjoy,
Please return and stay”!

--- 全篇精彩！有英文诗的旋律和韵味。上片赋予柳丝情感来暗喻人之情感，生动！俺个人最喜欢下片：

Calling from the shore and calling from the water
Cuckoos joint the plea and sound tender:
--- 这两句的旋律柔和、韵脚产生的韵味浓郁。plea 和 tender 字搭配贴切！

“My darling, the fun of life is us together to share and enjoy,
Please return and stay”!
--- to share 很感人，cuz the happiness cometh not from how much you have, but a loved one with whom you could share. 写的好！汉语喜欢含蓄婉约，但英文常喜欢抒发情感。

盛情难却 和众诗友译《惜别词》 豌博
"Lyrics for an Unwilling Parting"

One willow tree rooted besides the pavilion,
another willow tree flagging at a bridge end.
Thousands of soft tender green strings waving,
how could grab walking-by people from behind?

A cuckoo screeching, first from the riverside,
and catching with another cry in the water:
"How could you leave me, dear brother!
You have just got to sail back."