连岳：还我夫君

作者：连岳 http://www.bullogger.com/blogs/lianyue/archives/295058.aspx


连岳，您好！

 

抱歉我没有看过您的专栏，只是跟风读过《我爱问连岳》，《我爱问连岳Ⅱ》在读中。

我从来都觉得爱是简单的事情，爱就爱，不爱就不爱。

当然您的一些观点我也很喜欢。

 

我和男友相恋六年，同居四年，我早已到了适婚年龄，

但是他却一直回避结婚这个话题。

几天前，他发给我你们所谓爱情专家开出的婚前必问的15个问题，

意在匹配问题的答案后再决定要不要结婚，

呵呵，我有种被侮辱的感觉。

 

难道你们真的觉得这是对婚姻负责吗？

那么爱情呢？爱情就不用认真对待了吗？

 

我无意冒犯，

我只是觉得这些问题太板眼，适合相亲的对象，

因为人的人生观价值观都在不停地变化。

 

或者你认为，答案大相径庭毫不匹配的两个人，即使相爱相守了6年，仍然要分开为上策吗？

_________________________________

1、你真容易被侮辱，不愧生在中国。

2、问这些问题就是认真对待爱情，对爱情负责与对婚姻负责一点也不矛盾。

3、不管你以后怎么变，至少得让人确定现在的你是可以爱的。

4、如果答案大相径庭，那么，你得庆幸不是在十六年或六十年后才发现；

5、与监狱相守6年或6年以上的囚犯，你认为，他们会因此爱上监狱吗？

连岳

2009年5月15日

[shenmo]

这15个问题，如果婚前要我和领导回答，我们只能答出第7条：YES，卧室能放电视机。想当年只租一间房，不放卧室放哪里？

[emmeyshelper]

执子之手偕老：
2009-05-15 22:41:55

[匿名] skinny [218.106.61.*] @ 2009-5-15 16:59:20
我觉得这位女士没有弄明白，使你觉得被侮辱的不是连岳的15个问题，而是你男友的态度。你男友觉得你们还不适合步入婚姻，理由是什么？是连岳15条中的哪一条？他是觉得自己没准备好，还是对你没有信心？或者觉得双方的经济状况还不够乐观？他是如何向你解释的？有没有相互交流和讨论？

如果你们之间连交流这些问题都做不到，乃至要靠连岳15条去交流，那我觉得你们确实还不适合结婚。

[emmeyshelper]

新浪网友：
2009-05-15 21:03:27

呵呵，喜欢连岳的文字！
智慧，敏捷，理性的光辉！
——红泥

[果果儿]

回复艾友友的评论:
嗯，在考虑。哎，拿不定主意啊。怕犯错误伤心。

[guoguoer]

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?_r=1&sq=questions%20to%20ask%20before%20marriage&st=cse&scp=1&pagewanted=print

Here are the original 15 questions on NY Times:

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

[果果儿]

谢谢艾老师。及时雨啊！：）
感谢！