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Father and Son: Going Home

(2023-09-01 21:34:08) 下一个

It was one of the rare hot days since summer. Somewhere inland a wildfire was

raging. Under a hazy sky, the bald east hills took on a bright beige and loomed

behind a veil of dust. The lazy, wafting late afternoon wind brought no relief

to the sluggish south-bound traffic toward San Jose. Thank God we are heading

north, Bill thought.

 

"We learned about marketing and fund-raising for robotics today." Tim was just

off his robot-building shift, a three-hour daily sweat after school.

 

"Useful skills!" cheered Bill out of the habit of playing a supporting parent.

He knew little about robots and even less about the trade. It must be good for

Tim's career, he thought. But no need to sound excited anymore, he told himself.

The boy must have out-grown it. He acted assured of himself and seemed to need

no props from dad.

 

"Do you know what I appreciate you the most?" Bill asked out of the blue.

Painfully aware of his limited English, he wondered if there was a clever phrase

to slip it in. There was no time for research, however, and he had to say it

before the moment was gone.

 

"That I chose the Lectric bike?"

 

"That you never behaved any different since I lost my job in April."

 

"Oh." Tim sounded underwhelmed: "I have no say in how you live, man. You are an

individual. You do what you enjoy. You do what you think is the best for you."

 

"Where did you learn this?" Bill was slightly taken aback by the wisecrack. He

thought he knew all about and much agreed with individualism by now. But when it

came about himself from his own son, it sounded impersonal, alien and cool. He

tried but failed to detect any grudge or sarcasm in the kid's voice.

 

"Christian Ethics."

 

"What else has it taught you?!"

 

The Jesuit prep school has one such course every semester. So far, Tim had taken

the Scriptures and the Creed. Bill knew a bit about the former, from Bible study

in his student days in Canada, but he had not been following up closely his boy's

education.

 

"Okay. But have you ever lost sleep over some quiz the next day?" Bill wanted to

try a different angle to pass on how he felt.

 

"Rarely. I tire myself out and sleep comes easy. I work hard but never worry

much. I remind myself to be thankful for what I have."

 

"God!" Bill sighed a silent sigh as it dawned on him how futile his effort was

to get the idea through to the American boy.

 

"Well. I did." he continued: "Losing one's job was a big no-no back home in

China, a family disaster as well as a social stigma. You might not have noticed,

but smart, highly educated Chinese software engineers jump off buildings over

this or they kill their managers. It has happened, almost every year." Two and a

half decades after migrating to the west and with neither parent living, Bill

still referred to his old country "home."

 

It was painful childhood memory. Without a high-school diploma, his mom took

menial jobs and sometimes had no work. When the latter happened, the whole

family felt it and switched into austerity mode, not that they lived lavishly in

the first place. No matter what, his dad held onto his post as a school teacher

for 20 plus years. Only now, three years after dad passed away, Bill started to

understand his old man.

 

Bill and, to some extent, his wife Amy had carried the fear of want into their

adulthood. Since April he became even more wary of spending. He even stopped

jiu-jitsu in August and joined the local "Buy Nothing" facebook group.

 

If the high-school junior felt anything, he must have hidden it really well.

Besides, it was the toughest year with the heaviest workload. The boy rather

felt like talking about something else.

 

"That kid my friend Ethan brought in from Hillsdale whined all the time."

 

"What about?"

 

"Oh. Mostly how lonely he was. How nobody cared about him. I hated it."

 

"Maybe you should not judge. Maybe it was his family and the way he was brought

up. Does he live with his parents?"

 

"Perfectly caring parents!"

 

"How do you know?"

 

"Well. Okay. I don't but everyone has troubles. You just need to get a grip. I

use his whining as fuel. The AP courses and robotics are tough but I don't

complain. I suck it up and work hard." Tim was indignant and self-righteous.

 

"Wow. Déjà vu. That just rhymed with what I told my mom when I was about your age.

I used to despise the slackers and tried to work as hard as possible, in part to

show them what could be done."

 

There was a poignancy in his voice, a hint of regret. There was disappointment

in himself, a disappointment that could only come with age. It was not about his

job or income, although dark visions still arise from time to time. He thought

he had seen through the rat race and he was wealthy enough. And there was no

self-pity. At least he had overcome that and it looked like he wouldn't get any

sympathy from the teenager if he hadn't.

 

It was a smooth ride. In 20 minutes, they were at the door.

 

"What's for dinner?"

 

"Beef and broccoli."

 

"Super."

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7grizzly 回复 悄悄话 回复 '暖冬cool夏' 的评论 : The layoff shocked Bill and awakened his passions outside programming. He's busy and not looking :-)

To me, this post just showed how wide the gap between two generations and two cultures are. At the same time, something did seem to pass on through the genes.

Thanks for liking. Enjoy the weekend.
暖冬cool夏 回复 悄悄话 I'd like to tell Bill not to worry too much about the job. With his education, skill set and experience, it won't be too hard to land a good one, if not a better one. I understand that even if he is financially free, it is a bit too early for him to retire completely:))
Tim is great that he can take his stressful high school years in his stride. Not everyone can handle that very well.
Great writing!
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