The more I write here and the longer I block everyone, the harder for me to unblock them. When I know someone cares about me, I suddenly want to unblock it. Well, I did not eventually. I am a strange person sometimes. I do not understand myself but I do let my heart and mind go by themselves.
Tomorrow is a big day. I am not sure what everything gona be like. Hope everything goes well and hope I can be happier.
I want to write something to him. But I don't know what to write. I don't want to lie and I don't want to hurt. So, I keep silent. Well, how long can I stay like this? Not very long, I guess.
Life is not easy for me as people see. I really don't know how to deal with things in my life.
I applied some jobs these days. I describe myself as a person who has strong “ management and organizational skills". Well, am I really? Hopefully my potential employers won't see this site by accident. But my heart tells me that I am NOT. I can hardly organize my life. I can not manage my emotion.
He is leaving on Friday. I still get lots group works and teaching job to do. I guess I don't have too much time to think about things like that. This weekend might be a break for both of us. Life may get a little bit different without being together. But that's not a bad thing for us.
I am a regular person. He knows that. I will always do things in the box and nothing really exciting. I think he is bored of this kind of life. Well, I am afraid that I am not able to change much about it. I tried but there are many things we have to do regularly everyday.
One day, when he is tired to eat my cooking, hear my voice and see me, we will end up there. Because that's not the life he expects.
I don't know what i am saying. That's maybe why I can not open this blog to people. I got to figure things out myself. Hopefully, I won't be confusing shortly.
I love you, but you love yourself
It's a COLD day.
It's a BLUE day.
It's just like my mood today.
It's been a really BAD day for me. I was dying in the classes and finally got through that. I try hard not to think about it. Finally, I found that's impossible.
You know-it hurts.
Well, how can you know that?
I lost my mind the whole day. I made stupid mistakes all the time today. I want to do nothing - or I want to make myself busy. I do not want to go home. I do not want to see anyone. I can feel my tears while I am sitting in front of the screen. I can hardly help myself with my thoughts.
I do not know what these signs mean to you. It means pain to me. The red is blood. It is...
知道有人时常关心我的BLOG,是蛮开心的。我是个容易开心也容易满足的女生。不知为什么，我还是决定把所有人都阻止掉－我想有时我的确是个奇怪的人。不管怎样，被人关心是幸福的，只可惜这幸福是靠不住的。靠幸福过一辈子的人是不幸的。也许，眼前的幸福也靠不住吧－谁知道呢？有些人注定是在飘，有些人注定要停靠。靠不住，于是想逃了。
还有整整一周就要奔赴考场了。没有感觉。
就在今天，我们大吵了一架。
就在今天，我放肆地哭了一场。很久没有如此痛快了。哭到最后，只是想哭而已。
一年前的今天，我一定比今天难过一百倍。只是那时泪流干了而已。
原来，能有泪流也是件好事。
不知为什么阻止了所有人。
也许是开始想保护自己了吧
突然觉得世事无常，有点无奈...
想家了。去年的这个时候也格外想家。难道又是一个循环吗？
我真的不想抓住不放了。过不了自己这一关是多么可怕的事啊！
很乱－所以装的镇定。
乱－说不出来，于是－只能在心里。
不乱的那一天，也许我会在让某些人看到这里的一切。又或者，我将毁掉这一切。
Loving you...
小学的同学，很久没有联系。他加了我的MSN，很开心，很想跟他聊聊。从前的很多事，想想挺有趣的。可是他不在线。偶然地翻看了他的日志，心里感觉酸酸的，真的。老实说，他的日志和我其他异性朋友的不太一样。说不清楚，就是觉得不一样。或许平时的他并不是那样，只是在某些时刻罢了。仔细想想分开也快十年了－十年，人的一生又有几个十年啊，十年可以将一个人变成什么样子啊？！
读到的除了这些年间发生在他身边的一些事，也读到了许多小时候读不到的东西。与其说是改变不如说是成长。有很多心痛，但或许这才是成长的意义。
真的很心酸，祝他幸福吧！
