给桂鱼哥交翻译作业

 

我觉得桂鱼哥小看原作者了。前XI？我觉得从第三段开始就已经进入实质举动了。

这诗的特点是有非常多的 internal rhyme，要译得忠实就受到很大的限制。我尽量把internal rhyme都译出来、并且保持每个韵的平仄一致。有时候不得不加个把废词。也借鉴了许多桂鱼哥的翻译，致谢。

译出来似乎有点拗口，但是又要押内韵又要忠实原意有点难度。译得流畅不是问题，但那样就要做比较大的改动，不再是忠实的翻译，文字游戏的意义也就不在了。

合格不合格也就这样吧。收工！

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"may i feel said he"
by e. e. cummings

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may I touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
it is love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh nn said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

苗译：

让我探探  by 某人

让我探探。他说
(那我就叫唤。她说
就碰一次。他说)
还挺有趣。她说

(能不能摸摸？他说
摸几多？她说
摸个遍。他说)
随你便。她说

（做不做？他说
别太深。她说
啥叫深？他说
你有点过。她说）

我呆会儿行吗？他说
（怎么个呆法呀？她说
像这个呆法。他说
那你得亲下。她说

我想动，你莫怪。他说
这才叫爱！她说）
只要你欢喜。他说
（我会被你弄死。她说

就该这样活。他说
可是你老婆……她说
我靠！他说）
嗷……她说

（好爽。他说
别停，再闯。她说
心肝儿……他说）
慢点儿！她说

（来了？他说
呵呵。她说）
你真销魂。他说
（你是我的人！她说）