Nice thing in tension

Hospitality is welcome, but too much of it gonna you uncomfortable. How can you diffuse the tension? Tell a joke, share some laugh. Are you trying to think of something nice to say to impress her or him? You gonna know the way.

That's why I like comedians, Robin Williams, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmal, Jimmy Falon, making me laugh heart out while learning some REAL hardcore daily life English, not bookish English, useless English as people don't say bookish English.

Here is some more, below:

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1 好客 Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir,” replied the boy.

2 我丈夫马上就要回来了 My Husband Will Be Home Soon

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh really, I can't, “he replies. "My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

3 借公牛一用 Borrow an Ox

Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, “OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I’ll go myself shortly.”

4 Akimbo  叉腰                                                          

Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn’t like washing hands──she’s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae. Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back her from doing it: “What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to her blame, replied at ease: “I’ m akimbo."

5 心不在焉的老师 An Absent Minded Professor

A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter, the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said：“Good evening, professor. How are you？”  “Well,” answered the professor, “I thought I was all right when I left home, but now I don't know what's the matter with me. I've been limping for the last half hour．”

6 献错殷勤

At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.” “To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."

(From internet: 来源: 南山松  )

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