对家暴说不
普及关于家暴的心理以及法律知识，澄清家暴的心理与法律误区，帮助受家暴荼毒的姐妹，推动国内关于家暴的立法。
正文
原著：Beauty Fades, Dumb Is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman
作者: Judy Sheindlin (a.k.a.“Judge Judy”)
译者(Self-Help)简评：作者本人就是美国家庭法法庭的法官，所以人称Judge Judy，她有个电视秀相当有名。这本书不同于心理学专家那种循循善诱的风格，作者通过自身生活和多年法庭办案的经历，对生活中走了弯路的女人颇有点当头棒喝的味道-看看英文题目就知道了,"容颜易逝，愚昧永存"。作者语言直爽幽默，也勇于自我批评，使读者能够捧腹之余体会到作者的一片苦心，并从中汲取知识和力量, 从而正视自己生活中的困惑和迷茫。
AMAZON上的读者评论：
1. 根据她在纽约做家庭法法官25年的经验，法官朱蒂说她看到听到了成千上万的女人太多太多的借口，而目的就是获得或者留住一个男人。她说，现在是女人为自己负责的时候了，而且她们要主动去承担这个责任。
2. 这本书也适合男人（比如本人）阅读。为什么这么说？因为，我相信衡量一个真正的男人不仅要看他的人品和价值观，也要看他是否愿意学习和挖掘生活中的新（旧）事物，提高自己关爱他人的能力。
3. 每个母亲都应该给自己的女儿们读这本书。法官朱蒂朱蒂教导我们对待生活要有幽默感，她也教导我们在职场上别让男人不把我们当回事。
4. 正如我们在她的电视节目和法庭上所见到的那样，法官朱蒂的这本书呈现出的是她一贯的“谁也别跟我犯混”的风格，洒脱, 客观。
这本书绝对是女性必读，不管你是在长大成人，做妻子和母亲，为事业拼搏，还是已经功成名就。书中之瑰宝。
5. 这位瘦瘦小小的女法官朱蒂从来不担心别人说她大嘴巴。她的常识性建议都来自于经验。她懊悔当初为了搬到纽约结婚而同意退出华盛顿特区的一家法学院，她说她现在知道当初应该让未婚夫为了她的事业而搬家。她从一个顶尖法学院的尖子生变成了一个不怎么样的学校里的普通生。
她建议年轻女性不要象她当初那样，把自己的教育和事业看得比丈夫的轻。
法官朱蒂说，好的教育和事业就是女人的“离婚保险”:万一离婚，毕竟多半是妈妈们要承担起抚养孩子的重任。
6. 我终于发现了一本能够认可的书。法官朱蒂是一个实实在在的人，她不跟人玩游戏。朱蒂具有速“读”别人的能力，谁也别想糊弄她。她聪明，机智，而且具备一种几近绝种的天赋：常识！
7. 令(头脑开放而且聪明的)男人也忍俊不禁的一本书。虽然这本书看起来完全是针对女性而写，但法官朱蒂所讨论的基本原则也适用于自尊比较低的男人。嘿，多少年来女人们已经在阅读以男人为主题的书籍，并且悄然把那些“他”转化为了“她”，难道不该换个位置了吗？
8. 尊重这个词早被人忘到脑后去了！法官朱蒂的书告诉女人，我们可以追求自己的梦想。我觉得她非常公正。有时候真相是残酷的，而当头棒喝是能够唤醒人们的唯一办法。
9. 这是法官朱蒂给那些遭遇婚姻搁浅的女人们的自救手册。她告诉女人们要站起来为自己撑腰，要有骨气，要为自己而战，要表现出自信。书中穿插了她本人婚姻，事业和电视节目中发生的小故事。
10. 发现这本书的时候我正在经历离婚的煎熬，而它帮我找到了恢复自我的正确方向。对每个迷失了自我的女人，这是一本优秀的读物。
11. 我正在为了是否结束一场四年的恋爱关系而犹豫不绝，而法官朱蒂的这本书恰恰是我需要读的！她以聪明而幽默的笔触，通过自己的故事，向读者提供了直接了当的建议，没有半句废话。读完这本书，我感觉终于有力量做出了那个自己一直害怕的决定。所有的女人都应该读读这本书，而我会让它一直陪伴我到久远的将来！谢谢你，法官朱蒂！
12. 作为一名男性读者，我发现这本书实在提出了一些很棒的观点，特别是有关年轻的女人以及他们在选择伴侣时所犯的愚蠢的错误。在她的电视节目中，基本上每隔一天就能看到有女人为了信用卡账单的事状告前男友。我还听说过男人打老婆（女友），出轨，以及其它各种虐待女人的故事。
我真奇怪为什么那些不值一提的家伙们还总能找到别的女人，而世界上的好男人却孤独地渡过每个周末。我自己就有这样的经历。我28岁就自己买了房子，从来都不好意思跟女人开口要钱或信用卡（她们基本上连点时间都不给我），更不要说跟女人动粗。开着摩托，留着长发，外加一副吊儿郎当的态度（注释：连份工作都保不住）,这些德性好象使很多女人觉得特“激动人心”。
这个问题我认为最经典：“你为什么要跟那个禽兽不如的虐待狂或不忠实的狗东西在一起？”“因为我爱他！”上帝啊，救救我们吧！虽然很多女人会同情地同意“男人是狗”，法官朱蒂用残酷的直率告诉她们：“聪明点吧！收起眼泪快快长大吧！”
谢谢你法官朱蒂，为你的诚实，而许多人还在拒绝面对现实。
原文如下, 选自：
http://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Fades-Dumb-Forever-Making/product-reviews/006092991X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
1. .....Drawn from her experience as a Family Court Judge in New York City for over 25 years, Judge Judy says she has seen and heard enough of the thousands of excuses that women (in particular) make in order to get or keep their men, and that it is about time that women take responsibility for themselves, and, by themselves.
2. This book can be read by the male species (such as myself) as well. Why? Because, I believe that a true man can be measured not only by his character and his values, but also by his willingness to learn and discover new (or old) things in life to increase his caring capacity.
3. Every mother should give this to their young daughters to read. Judge Judy teaches that you must have a sense of humor in life. She also teaches to not let yourself be trampled on in the work force by your male counterparts.
4. Judge Judy talks about this subject with her usual "I'm not going to take any crap off of anybody" approach that we see all the time on her show, in her courtroom and dispenses it freely and objectively.
This is a definite must for any woman who is at any situation in life. Growing up, being a wife and mother, juggling a career, being a success, etc. A gem of a read.
5. The little lady judge with the big loud mouth pulls no punches. Her commonsense advice comes from experience. She rues the day she agreed to quit a Washington D.C. law school so that she could move back to New York and marry; if she had to do it over, she says she now knows it would have been better to ask her fiance to move for her career. She went from being the top student at a leading law school to being just another ordinary student in a lesser one.
She advises young women not to do like she did, treating their own education and career less seriously than their husband's.
Getting an education that qualifies women for well-paying careers, the judge writes, is "divorce insurance". After all, mothers are the ones who probably will have to support their children should they be divorced.
6. I finally found a book with which I can identify! Judge Judy is a no-nonsense woman, no games here. She has the ability to "read" people quickly and they don't pull anything over on her. She is intelligent, witty, with a rare talent these days, COMMON SENSE!
7. Funny reading, even for (open-minded, smart) guys: Although the book is squarely targeted at women, the principles Judge Judy discusses could apply to men of low self-esteem also (hey, women have been reading and internally switching the pronouns in male-centric books for years; why not turn the tables?).
8. The word respect has long been forgotten! Her writing teaches women that it's okay to develop who you really are. I find her fair. Sometimes the truth hurts, and the only way to get through to the people on the show is to call them on their actions.
9. Judge Judy's self-help guide for women who find themselves on the short end of the happiness stick. Judy tells women to stand up for themselves, grow a spine, choose their battles, and exude self-confidence. Interspersed are Judy's snippets about her marriage, career as a court judge, and her TV show.
10. I was going through a divorce and this was just the right book to put me back on track towards recovery. It is an excellent book for every women who has lost her identity.
11.I am in the midst of deciding whether or not to end a four year relationship, and Judge Judy's book was exactly what I needed to read! She gives straight forward, no-nonsense advice in a clever and often humorous account of her life and experiences. When I finished reading her book, I felt empowered to finally make the decision I have been so afraid of. This is a book that all women should read, and one I will be rereading far into the future!! Thank you Judge Judy!
12. As a male reader of Judge Judy's work, this book really comes out with some excellent points, especially when the judge eloquently talks about young women and the stupid choices they make in the selection of a mate. On her own show, just about every other day, some woman is suing an ex-lover over a credit card bill. I also hear of stories of men who beat up their lovers, cheat on them, and abuse them in countless other ways.
It amazes me to see such losers continually find other lovers, while the nice guys in this world sit home alone on Saturday Night. I myself experienced this. I bought my own house at 28 years old, and was too proud to ever ask a woman for money (not that they would have, many rarely even gave me the time of day!) or a credit card. Owning a Harley-Davidson, long hair, and a rebellious attitude(read: can't keep a job) seem to be attributes that many women find "exciting."
Here's one I really think is a classic: "Why do you stay with that abusive monster" or "cheating dog?" "Because I love him!" GOD help us! While many other women would sympathize and agree that "men are dogs", Judy is brutally honest by saying, "Smarten Up! quit crying and grow up already!" Thank you Judge Judy for being honest while so many people live in such denial.
作者: Judy Sheindlin (a.k.a.“Judge Judy”)
译者(Self-Help)简评：作者本人就是美国家庭法法庭的法官，所以人称Judge Judy，她有个电视秀相当有名。这本书不同于心理学专家那种循循善诱的风格，作者通过自身生活和多年法庭办案的经历，对生活中走了弯路的女人颇有点当头棒喝的味道-看看英文题目就知道了,"容颜易逝，愚昧永存"。作者语言直爽幽默，也勇于自我批评，使读者能够捧腹之余体会到作者的一片苦心，并从中汲取知识和力量, 从而正视自己生活中的困惑和迷茫。
AMAZON上的读者评论：
1. 根据她在纽约做家庭法法官25年的经验，法官朱蒂说她看到听到了成千上万的女人太多太多的借口，而目的就是获得或者留住一个男人。她说，现在是女人为自己负责的时候了，而且她们要主动去承担这个责任。
2. 这本书也适合男人（比如本人）阅读。为什么这么说？因为，我相信衡量一个真正的男人不仅要看他的人品和价值观，也要看他是否愿意学习和挖掘生活中的新（旧）事物，提高自己关爱他人的能力。
3. 每个母亲都应该给自己的女儿们读这本书。法官朱蒂朱蒂教导我们对待生活要有幽默感，她也教导我们在职场上别让男人不把我们当回事。
4. 正如我们在她的电视节目和法庭上所见到的那样，法官朱蒂的这本书呈现出的是她一贯的“谁也别跟我犯混”的风格，洒脱, 客观。
这本书绝对是女性必读，不管你是在长大成人，做妻子和母亲，为事业拼搏，还是已经功成名就。书中之瑰宝。
5. 这位瘦瘦小小的女法官朱蒂从来不担心别人说她大嘴巴。她的常识性建议都来自于经验。她懊悔当初为了搬到纽约结婚而同意退出华盛顿特区的一家法学院，她说她现在知道当初应该让未婚夫为了她的事业而搬家。她从一个顶尖法学院的尖子生变成了一个不怎么样的学校里的普通生。
她建议年轻女性不要象她当初那样，把自己的教育和事业看得比丈夫的轻。
法官朱蒂说，好的教育和事业就是女人的“离婚保险”:万一离婚，毕竟多半是妈妈们要承担起抚养孩子的重任。
6. 我终于发现了一本能够认可的书。法官朱蒂是一个实实在在的人，她不跟人玩游戏。朱蒂具有速“读”别人的能力，谁也别想糊弄她。她聪明，机智，而且具备一种几近绝种的天赋：常识！
7. 令(头脑开放而且聪明的)男人也忍俊不禁的一本书。虽然这本书看起来完全是针对女性而写，但法官朱蒂所讨论的基本原则也适用于自尊比较低的男人。嘿，多少年来女人们已经在阅读以男人为主题的书籍，并且悄然把那些“他”转化为了“她”，难道不该换个位置了吗？
8. 尊重这个词早被人忘到脑后去了！法官朱蒂的书告诉女人，我们可以追求自己的梦想。我觉得她非常公正。有时候真相是残酷的，而当头棒喝是能够唤醒人们的唯一办法。
9. 这是法官朱蒂给那些遭遇婚姻搁浅的女人们的自救手册。她告诉女人们要站起来为自己撑腰，要有骨气，要为自己而战，要表现出自信。书中穿插了她本人婚姻，事业和电视节目中发生的小故事。
10. 发现这本书的时候我正在经历离婚的煎熬，而它帮我找到了恢复自我的正确方向。对每个迷失了自我的女人，这是一本优秀的读物。
11. 我正在为了是否结束一场四年的恋爱关系而犹豫不绝，而法官朱蒂的这本书恰恰是我需要读的！她以聪明而幽默的笔触，通过自己的故事，向读者提供了直接了当的建议，没有半句废话。读完这本书，我感觉终于有力量做出了那个自己一直害怕的决定。所有的女人都应该读读这本书，而我会让它一直陪伴我到久远的将来！谢谢你，法官朱蒂！
12. 作为一名男性读者，我发现这本书实在提出了一些很棒的观点，特别是有关年轻的女人以及他们在选择伴侣时所犯的愚蠢的错误。在她的电视节目中，基本上每隔一天就能看到有女人为了信用卡账单的事状告前男友。我还听说过男人打老婆（女友），出轨，以及其它各种虐待女人的故事。
我真奇怪为什么那些不值一提的家伙们还总能找到别的女人，而世界上的好男人却孤独地渡过每个周末。我自己就有这样的经历。我28岁就自己买了房子，从来都不好意思跟女人开口要钱或信用卡（她们基本上连点时间都不给我），更不要说跟女人动粗。开着摩托，留着长发，外加一副吊儿郎当的态度（注释：连份工作都保不住）,这些德性好象使很多女人觉得特“激动人心”。
这个问题我认为最经典：“你为什么要跟那个禽兽不如的虐待狂或不忠实的狗东西在一起？”“因为我爱他！”上帝啊，救救我们吧！虽然很多女人会同情地同意“男人是狗”，法官朱蒂用残酷的直率告诉她们：“聪明点吧！收起眼泪快快长大吧！”
谢谢你法官朱蒂，为你的诚实，而许多人还在拒绝面对现实。
原文如下, 选自：
http://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Fades-Dumb-Forever-Making/product-reviews/006092991X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
1. .....Drawn from her experience as a Family Court Judge in New York City for over 25 years, Judge Judy says she has seen and heard enough of the thousands of excuses that women (in particular) make in order to get or keep their men, and that it is about time that women take responsibility for themselves, and, by themselves.
2. This book can be read by the male species (such as myself) as well. Why? Because, I believe that a true man can be measured not only by his character and his values, but also by his willingness to learn and discover new (or old) things in life to increase his caring capacity.
3. Every mother should give this to their young daughters to read. Judge Judy teaches that you must have a sense of humor in life. She also teaches to not let yourself be trampled on in the work force by your male counterparts.
4. Judge Judy talks about this subject with her usual "I'm not going to take any crap off of anybody" approach that we see all the time on her show, in her courtroom and dispenses it freely and objectively.
This is a definite must for any woman who is at any situation in life. Growing up, being a wife and mother, juggling a career, being a success, etc. A gem of a read.
5. The little lady judge with the big loud mouth pulls no punches. Her commonsense advice comes from experience. She rues the day she agreed to quit a Washington D.C. law school so that she could move back to New York and marry; if she had to do it over, she says she now knows it would have been better to ask her fiance to move for her career. She went from being the top student at a leading law school to being just another ordinary student in a lesser one.
She advises young women not to do like she did, treating their own education and career less seriously than their husband's.
Getting an education that qualifies women for well-paying careers, the judge writes, is "divorce insurance". After all, mothers are the ones who probably will have to support their children should they be divorced.
6. I finally found a book with which I can identify! Judge Judy is a no-nonsense woman, no games here. She has the ability to "read" people quickly and they don't pull anything over on her. She is intelligent, witty, with a rare talent these days, COMMON SENSE!
7. Funny reading, even for (open-minded, smart) guys: Although the book is squarely targeted at women, the principles Judge Judy discusses could apply to men of low self-esteem also (hey, women have been reading and internally switching the pronouns in male-centric books for years; why not turn the tables?).
8. The word respect has long been forgotten! Her writing teaches women that it's okay to develop who you really are. I find her fair. Sometimes the truth hurts, and the only way to get through to the people on the show is to call them on their actions.
9. Judge Judy's self-help guide for women who find themselves on the short end of the happiness stick. Judy tells women to stand up for themselves, grow a spine, choose their battles, and exude self-confidence. Interspersed are Judy's snippets about her marriage, career as a court judge, and her TV show.
10. I was going through a divorce and this was just the right book to put me back on track towards recovery. It is an excellent book for every women who has lost her identity.
11.I am in the midst of deciding whether or not to end a four year relationship, and Judge Judy's book was exactly what I needed to read! She gives straight forward, no-nonsense advice in a clever and often humorous account of her life and experiences. When I finished reading her book, I felt empowered to finally make the decision I have been so afraid of. This is a book that all women should read, and one I will be rereading far into the future!! Thank you Judge Judy!
12. As a male reader of Judge Judy's work, this book really comes out with some excellent points, especially when the judge eloquently talks about young women and the stupid choices they make in the selection of a mate. On her own show, just about every other day, some woman is suing an ex-lover over a credit card bill. I also hear of stories of men who beat up their lovers, cheat on them, and abuse them in countless other ways.
It amazes me to see such losers continually find other lovers, while the nice guys in this world sit home alone on Saturday Night. I myself experienced this. I bought my own house at 28 years old, and was too proud to ever ask a woman for money (not that they would have, many rarely even gave me the time of day!) or a credit card. Owning a Harley-Davidson, long hair, and a rebellious attitude(read: can't keep a job) seem to be attributes that many women find "exciting."
Here's one I really think is a classic: "Why do you stay with that abusive monster" or "cheating dog?" "Because I love him!" GOD help us! While many other women would sympathize and agree that "men are dogs", Judy is brutally honest by saying, "Smarten Up! quit crying and grow up already!" Thank you Judge Judy for being honest while so many people live in such denial.
谢谢你的跟帖，我翻译这些评论的时候不记得她转学是从哪里到哪里了，DC的好象是乔治城大学，她在纽约是去的哥大和NYU吗？那句翻译应该改成：“她从一个顶尖法学院的尖子生变成了一个不那么顶尖的学校里的普通生。”这样也更符合原文的意思。She went from being the top student at a leading law school to being just another ordinary student in a lesser one.
至于她为什么变成普通生，我想是因为她为了爱情和婚姻而放弃了学业上的努力吧，正因为这样，“她建议年轻女性不要象她当初那样，把自己的教育和事业看得比丈夫的轻。”
人生路上是有很多机遇和外界影响，但是把过错过多的推给外界环境好像也说不过去。不能意识到自己的缺陷和过错，就无法正确的吸取教训。