Freedom of Doing Dishes
(2009-05-19 22:27:15)
下一个
I was standing in front of the sink, washing times and times again the sink, the one never ending last pair of chopsticks, plates, knives, spoons and such. It occured to me I was not impatient; I was not trying to finish it fast so I could move on to do something else. I wash them as they come. I wash every piece of dishes as if it was the first and the last dish. The easeness and simple comfort of doing all these caught my own attention. I can't help but wondering why and how I feel at this momeht.
I feel free; I feel present; I feel ease and I feel comfort, from doing dishes in the same kitchen that I have been for the last eleven years, and never liked doing dishes before.
Cooking has always been fun. It is about creation. It is anticipation of tasty food. It calls for creativity and there is often a new recipy involved. But dishes. How could one enjoy doing dishes. It is always the same, no beauty, no unknown potentials, no clear success. I didn't like dishes before. I didn't like any chores, let along such chores as dishes. Bt today, something is different.
Today, I felt free and present. I chose to do this dish, not feeling tired, not feeling dragged. It didn't occur to me that I do not have a choice but having to do the dishes; it didn't occur to me I was tired after my cooking. Every thing came with ease, and feels comforting. Yes, doing dishes feels comfortable and restful as if I was sitting on the couch for a break.
Boubou dashes in and out of the house with friends. When one left for dinner, she eagerly awaited the next one, opening the door before this friend had a chance to even knock on it. Giggle, and small talks come from the living room. There was no need to peek on them. They were free to do whatever the chose to.
No judgement, no sadness, no rush, no anticipation, we both live on our present moments and enjoy the way every thing is just the way it is.
After the last of her friends left, Boubou came to the kitchen. Excitedly but with a timid disclaimer, she showed me the new sassy hip moves she just learned from Megan. At the very end, almost out of context, she added: "My Daddy was divorced two days ago. And I don't feel anything. " I didn't comment like I normally do when she says something. I didn't feel there was anything to add to that comment.
It must be a good thing as she is wondering why she was not sadder. It is a good thing that I have with me now a sense of freedom and peace in what I do. This very deep sense of freedom must have been dying to come out. It must have been buried deep. Do deep that I didn't know they had been there.
Change is not a bad thing. If at this moment, something in your life is just not working out, it's OK to change. It is best to change than to resent and do nothing. If you have to struggle for long and fight yourself constantly in a process, it may just mean you are not on the right path. Even if you don't know yet what you want yet, do change. When you are on the right path, you just know. So believe and move forward. Find your freedom, for your soul.