The Ugly Chinese

Disclaimer: I am a Chinese and will always be a Chinese.



Seldom there are events in life that clearly group your friends for you like a divorce.  I never expected my friends to choose sides, and I don't think it is fair for any friends to have to choose the side either.  However, it turns out people do choose their actions and their sides, and you end up group them to different buckets from then on.





True Friends:  this group of people stand by your side.  They know your character and they trust your actions.  They do not need all the details of your story to decide their commitment.   They are there when you are up or down.  It does not take time to connect to them.  It is just there.  I have two of these friends, and they are both Chinese.  These friends are enormous blessings in life, and they are even more precious because integrity is a quality hard to come by  among Chinese nowadays.  These people are partly born and partly character built over life.





So I am grateful.  Throughout my process, they stood by me, listened to me when I wanted to talk, answered my questions when I was puzzled; pointed out mistakes I made when they see it.  You do not have to be perfect.

The Crowds:  most of our so called friends fall into this group, or so it seems at first.  They are people who will come and go, and does not make a big difference to your life.  It can be fun while we are together, but don't count on them when you are down.  A lot of decent Chinese fall into this group. 



Maybe because we have been a nation with so much hurt, cheat, manipulation, and accusations, our individuals are so skeptical that we do not take any one's words by its face value, not even our own parent's, siblings, spouses.  These people acknowledge what you say every single time.  They check in with you about where you are, and some of them even dig into details, really because of their own natural curiosity than over your wellbeing.  Even if there is any concern for your wellbeing, it's a by product that they justify to their own conscience.  They use your example to tell themselves what not to do in their own life. 



Unfortunately to you, they never truely believe anything they heard, from you or any one else for that matter.  These people are so practical that they only start to act when it is related to their own interest.  So they only listen but no action because that's how far their interest is.  Most of them are amoral when it comes to other people's business.  They do not choose, they do not act, they do not believe, and they do not know true compassion and connection.  After Cultural revolution, most Chinese seem to fall into this group.  It's not our cultural heritage though, at least not so when you read the stories from old times.

The Ugly Chinese: this group is actually bigger crowds than it shows.  There is no integrity when their perceived interest is on the line.  A lot of people that seems to be in the second group actually belong here.  It's like what the story says: the one who could not hold his/her pee and had to go the restroom becomes the "You(4) Pai(4)".  If you ask them if they did the right thing afterwards, they would say yes because they had no choice.  To them, to protect their own interest and safety at the price of lying is not immoral.  It is necessary.   Unfortunately, to most Chinese, being immoral in the name of love or self protection is OK.  Integrity is not the utter most important character.  So this goes on.  By the time they are the ones who had to go to the restroom, no justice or integrity is left in the crowd for any one to stand by them.



I named this article title the Ugly Chinese because a lot of Chinese people falls into this group even though they seems to be in the second.  A few incidents with these people shakes one's belief.  A few too many times' encountering have the real potential to move the rest decent people to this group because no one stands or believe any thing any more.  So don't test your friendship with a Chinese, and don't fully trust them either.  Fang(2) Ren(2) zi Xin(1) bu(4) ke(2) wu(2)--was a historical wisdom, treasured as heritage.

Unfortunately, one of my so called friend chose to be in this group. Considering how unnecessary it was, and how they would rather be used than keeping their integrity, it was just too cheap.  Next time when a friend tells you something, don't believe it.  Nobody needs to tell you their position.  When they do, they are not your friend in the first place and can not be trusted already.



There are so few true integrity, value, and friendship left amonst Chinese.  Woo hoo --


 

[So-hum]

回复Midway8989的评论:
Passion is like the engine, and reason is like the balance-- no need for the later if the former did not get you to at least leave the ground.

[Midway8989]

"The submission to passion is human bondage, while the exercise of reason is human liberty."

In your undertitle, you have a nice discussion about passion. But, there are some people who think otherwise, i.e. the above.