婚姻的艺术（四）爱的中断(下）

夫妻之间的冲突很正常，如何有智慧地对待冲突，是解决冲突的关键：
 
  冲突中，夫妻争论需要将注意力：

Focus on （集中在）	Rather than （而不是）
one issue 冲突这件事情	many issues 许多其它事情
the problem 问题本身	the person 人
behavior 行为	character 性格
specifics   具体内容	generalizations 概括
facts    事实	judgment of motives 判断的动机
"I" statements  “我”的陈述	"you" statements “你”的陈述
understanding 理解	who's winning or losing 谁赢谁输

冲突常以致歉而结束，寻求宽恕的步骤可以分成三部分：

要详细地说明为什么道歉。Be specific: "I'm sorry for......"
表明悔改：“我错了，不想再做。”Repent: "I was wrong and don't want to do that again."
请求原谅:“你可以原谅我吗？”Ask for forgiveness: "Will you forgive me?"

若一方致歉，另一方则应宽恕，宽恕的同时，也认识到自己的不足：

私下地做：向神祈祷。Do it privately: Go to God in prayer.
公开地，具体地做：与你配偶就事论事谈论。Do it publically and specifically: Go to your spouse and be specific.
仁慈地做：将更大的目标放在心里。Do it graciously: Keep the bigger goal in mind.
大方地做：认识到自己在冲突中也有做错的地方。Do it generously: Acknowledge your own failings to maintain balance.

“爱的中断”这堂课主要是让夫妻了解到：

夫妻婚姻生活中有冲突是很正常的。Conflict is common to all marriages.
我要正确地处理对待婚姻中的冲突。I will seek to handle conflict correctly when it occurs in my marriage.
我要练习寻求宽恕，并真正宽恕我的配偶。I will practice seeking and granting forgiveness with my spouse.