To 太烦心：首先从自身下功夫然后是老公

你要先分析一下你自己：
1． 你是个心地善良不善言辞的女人，非常容易被人manipulate,自己有和别人不同想法的时候很难让人hear you. 你的一贯做法是忍气吞声，好在一般地的小事说说即使不成也很快就过去了，但大事或屡次发生的事情就不那么容易let go了。你老公姐姐的问题长期涉及相对大笔花销和你们的精力时间，你心疼钱心疼老公自己也到了付出的极限，同时老公姐姐们对你的不尊重及老公对你感受的熟视无睹也让你愤怒怨恨。

2． 当别人不能listen to you的时候，你即使没完全被说服，因为没有什么reasonable and powerful point to argue back,你就默许了，不敢说真话了，其实你这样做，对别人尤其对丈夫是不诚实的，可是沉默不能让你平静，所以这种沉默对你的婚姻没有积极作用。我同意一些姐妹说的应该理解你老公的爱心和无条件的爱，可是我也知道有时爱也会扭曲，更何况他姐姐们可能心里根本没有爱。如果你确定他的爱不是健康的，甚至长此以往肯定影响你们之间的感情，那么你即使决心要忍受了，结果可能很不幸――爱情不能一味要求一方作牺牲，何况这种牺牲不被你爱的人认为是牺牲。

3． 首先要问问你自己：你有没有能力和信心改变你自己，至少改变你自己对这个问题的现状？如果没有，那么还是看好你自己的家当，闭上眼睛，只要他们不再麻烦你，就随你老公自己瞎折腾吧，他总有老了病了的那天可能还有干脆没有照顾的一天…… 何况还有好人有好报，吃亏是福一说呢？

4． 如果你还是想有所改变，也有能力改变，再问问再想想你不能和你老公理论，不能get your points crossed, 你总是gave up, 你怕什么呢？怕他姐姐？怕他？怕他不要你了？怕你理论不过他？如果这些都不是，那么你唯一能做的就是你要下决心非常正式和你老公谈一谈。

既然你比较软弱没有定力表明自己的观点，你要实现做充分的准备，把你的想法思路--包括你所有的曾在坛子里抱怨姐妹们的建议等等—一一理理清楚，来来回回看，直到你认为能说服你自己为止。就我所能考古到的可疑看到你的烦恼主要是：

1． The sisters don’t respect or care about you (eg和你老公亲近向你示威等)，take advantage of you（eg面包等）

2． The sisters don’t respect or care about him and his feelings if they hold that attitude towards his wife, especially in front of him……regardless that kind of behavior—sitting on brother’s lap would be considered by anybody including psychiatrist an abnormal distorted intimacy between brothers and sisters….. the sisters take advantage of him instead of caring about him （eg钱，照顾，旅馆等等）不要因为他一说姐姐是病人你就退缩，病人应该照顾，但应该照顾的是和病有关的基本生活和医疗，四十多岁的女人一辈子已经依赖国家和纳税人了，还要把家里人的爱心耐心和钱财都故意rob 光才甘心就是侍病而娇，为自己的不合理要求而找evil 的借口，是不肯负责任，从小家庭教育和错误“关心”的失败，她既然能去旅游能去赌博，就证明她有能力干力所能及的工作，但她选择了NO，她在刮国家和家人的血汗，为什么你要赞同支持供养这样的不负责任的生命？这和你的生活信条背道而驰吧？以姐姐有病作说服你的唯一条件是不够的，她们本身做人的原则应该受到批评而不是助纣为虐。再说，那个健康姐姐比病人做得好吗？是个诚实富有爱心无私的人吗？如果他们不是，为什么要求你做超人理解他们所有对你的不恭和不公？

3． Love should be based on mutual understanding and caring about each other, to be loved and love back, but the sisters are only taking and never giving (ask him what his sisters ever offer any form of love back etc）

4． You are putting up with his sisters and his behavior towards his sisters because you love him very much, not because you feel it's your responsibility or your duty to take care of two disrespectful unloving manipulative adults. You also respect his care and love for his sisters but he should also care about your feelings. The love and respect between you and him should be mutual and equal. If you respect his decision and actions taken for his sisters, he should also respect your feelings and sacrifices. But what he is doing now doesnot show any respect or love towards you. You feel hurt as your feelings and voices are not heard or even taken into any consideration whatsoever. This is not supposed to happen in any healthy and loving relationship.

5． Make him ask himself: why his other brothers who live closer to his sisters refuse to help? Are his brothers are jerks or unloving persons? If not, why don't they chip in anymore? Are they at fault or the sisters at fault? Why? He should really think carefully.

6． If he thinks you should be thinking and acting in his shoes, and you would have done the same as he does for your own brothers and sisters, then ask him whether he thinks in your shoes? Whether any other people’s adult brothers and sisters are so demanding and needy without even considering any inconvenience and trouble they cause in other people lives? Whether he expects the same from his sisters? If he needs any help, any help at all, would his sisters give a hand the same way at all costs? (你甚至可以建议作个考验，比如要求他的姐姐们因莫种原因来你们这照顾几天你们，而且自负吃住...)

7． ….

如果你准备好了，郑重其事地告诉你老公你需要和他很谈谈他姐姐们的事，谈的时候，请他不要打断你。

因为你易受他人左右，所以如果他打断你，记住不要受他的回答左右，他说什么你听着，但一定追回到你自己的思路上接着按你自己的想法说下去，不管他怎么说，直到你把你想说的都说完为止。

如果他的反馈很好，congrats, 如果不好，他不同意你的想法而且做很多解释，告诉他：I’ve been put myself in your shoes for a very long time. I’ve been putting up all the shit that I hate just because I love you so much. I would certainly hope you can do the same for me and I think that’s the least you can do. I ‘ve also been trying to convince myself that what you and your sisters did are normal, but reality and truth told me the other way. If you think what you do to me and what your sisters do to us are reasonable, I have mothering to say for now. I guess we need think more deeply about myself and you.

你的谈话就leave it as that, 然后再次按以上步骤考虑对他的下次“答辩”。

最后，不要总说自己没办法，没有自信的人才没有办法。相信自己，相信老公爱你，事情因该有个完满的结局。