温馨秋月
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How can having or killing a baby be related to a failing marriage?
I have read countless stories and discussions about marriage and babies, not that the normal process of getting married then having babies... but that using a baby as the last shot to ‘cure’ an unfortunate, falling-apart marriage or that killing a baby to either revenge or escape.
The common charactistics about these stories are the cause of the unhappy relationship—the husband is lousy in various possible aspects. Therefore the wife is asking for advice on whether to have a baby to save the marriage, or whether to abort a baby to save herself.
I never thought the two –marriage and babies- should be connected this way. To me, it is so simple: you should only bring a child into the world when you can offer it a happy family.
I know the world is never perfect. Some women have unrealistic hopes for their miserable marriage and convince themselves to believe a mirage. If you are not magicians, the miracle will never happen. If a marriage is dying, it will, sooner or later, with or without a baby. Since when a new baby can sew up a broken marriage and drag back a wandered heart? Don't USE a baby. The only reason you have it should be: you love it.
A baby should not become a victim of the stupidity and lust either. If you are on the verge of walking out of a marriage, don't get yourself knocked up. Even if you are pregnant, the brave and right thing to do is to deal with your own stupidity. Face the consequence of the joy you still want to get from the sex within the miserable marriage and give the baby a chance. If you don’t love it or you can’t afford to raise it, give it to some people who deserve it. How could you be that irresponsible and selfish to get pregnant when you know that you don’t really want it? Why kill a life if it was not its fault?
Am I thinking logically this way? To some women with strong personality, maybe. To others, maybe not. For those who are using and killing their babies, there would always be so many excuses and reasons not to do the right thing.
Personality determines a person’s fate or luck…and marriage. Save yourself first then save the marriage but leave a baby out of it.
PS: I am not referring to any particular person or case. I am just sketching down my thoughts and do not mean to attack anyone. If you feel offended, my apologies.
I have read countless stories and discussions about marriage and babies, not that the normal process of getting married then having babies... but that using a baby as the last shot to ‘cure’ an unfortunate, falling-apart marriage or that killing a baby to either revenge or escape.
The common charactistics about these stories are the cause of the unhappy relationship—the husband is lousy in various possible aspects. Therefore the wife is asking for advice on whether to have a baby to save the marriage, or whether to abort a baby to save herself.
I never thought the two –marriage and babies- should be connected this way. To me, it is so simple: you should only bring a child into the world when you can offer it a happy family.
I know the world is never perfect. Some women have unrealistic hopes for their miserable marriage and convince themselves to believe a mirage. If you are not magicians, the miracle will never happen. If a marriage is dying, it will, sooner or later, with or without a baby. Since when a new baby can sew up a broken marriage and drag back a wandered heart? Don't USE a baby. The only reason you have it should be: you love it.
A baby should not become a victim of the stupidity and lust either. If you are on the verge of walking out of a marriage, don't get yourself knocked up. Even if you are pregnant, the brave and right thing to do is to deal with your own stupidity. Face the consequence of the joy you still want to get from the sex within the miserable marriage and give the baby a chance. If you don’t love it or you can’t afford to raise it, give it to some people who deserve it. How could you be that irresponsible and selfish to get pregnant when you know that you don’t really want it? Why kill a life if it was not its fault?
Am I thinking logically this way? To some women with strong personality, maybe. To others, maybe not. For those who are using and killing their babies, there would always be so many excuses and reasons not to do the right thing.
Personality determines a person’s fate or luck…and marriage. Save yourself first then save the marriage but leave a baby out of it.
PS: I am not referring to any particular person or case. I am just sketching down my thoughts and do not mean to attack anyone. If you feel offended, my apologies.
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温馨秋月
2009-02-22 15:21:31
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悄悄话
喜欢你的照片荟萃，就像多层次的生活，远远近近，五彩缤纷，昨天和今天交织在一起......
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