For a long time, family means voice over the phone to me.
I have lived away from Shanghai for over 15 years. During the first four years, I went back once a year when I was living in Tokyo. Since I came to US in 1999, because I changed my tourist visa to student status, later working (H1) status, my lawyer suggested me, not to go back home until I filed Green Card, even though I was legal to stay here. This wait was 8.5 years. The first time I was able to reunion with my family was two years ago.
During those 8.5 years, I called my family almost daily. My memories of my parents were still the way they looked the last time I saw them. Their voice was the same. The way they talked was still sharp. One day, one of my good friends from college visited my parents in Shanghai. After she came back to LA, she emailed me some pictures of my parents she took. I was stunned when I first glanced at my parents' pictures. Gray hair more than I expected jumped into my eyes which brought surge of tears on my cheeks. Suddenly I realized these many years went by, we both lived without each other’s presence, but only communicated via phone. Wrinkles aged them badly, they looked slower than used to be. A severe pain was hurting my chest, I was emotionally down to a point that I couldn’t control or I didn’t want to control. I let my tears go, as if it could wash off my accumulated homesickness away.
Year after year, my mom started repeating things to me over the phone. It scared me that she told me the same stories as yesterday’s, as if the first time she was telling me. I told her: Mom, you had told me this yesterday. She would say: Oh, really? I know I can’t deny the fact that their health is deteriorating as they are getting old.
A year and half ago, one evening I called them as usual. It went to voice mail. I called again an hour later, voice mail again. I called my brother’s cell phone then, voice mail again. I started to worry, called my brother’s office. His secretary told me: “I hope your brother won’t blame that I am telling you this, you mother just had a stroke”. I was panic, didn't know what to do. Finally I was able to reach my brother’s cell when they were in hospital. My mom was able to speak to me on the phone, however her right side lost feeling and movement. I kept awake that night, imaged each detail that could have happened to my family.
The next morning, Sep. 22, 08, I came to office early, sitting in front of my desk thinking, at the same time, my poor mother lying in bed alone by herself in hospital, with half body not be able to move. I started crying. I walked to my co-worker Susan, told her that my mom had a stroke last night. She was trying to calm me down, and asked me to write down my mom’s name, and she would ask her church friends to pray for my mom. It's been a year and half since then.
I am flying back to Shanghai tomorrow night. My mom told me over the phone the other day: You will see a disabled mom now. You should treat you father well as he does all the things for me. Your poor father! I told her, for these two weeks, I am yours. I will do everything for you two and Huihui, even though it’s so limited two weeks. I love you all, dearly!
