a brief moment of thinking

On my way home, I came across a hare. It ran briskly and was out of my sight before I could have a good look at it. If only there were no one around, I would have followed it. All of sudden, I was thinking of the moments when I encountered rabbits for the first time in my life.

 

I was about three or four  back then. It was my first time to visit the hometown of my parents and quickly became the sweetheart of all relatives. One day my ancle put me into a tiny cabin because I was the only one there who was small enough to get into it, my given task was to catch one of the rabbits they raised. Unfortunately, I was so scared by the sparking red eyes of bonny in the dark cabin that the mission ended up with my bursting into tears. Later on, my maternal grandparents  blamed my ancle for doing that. That incident was among a few things I could remember so clearly till now.

 

It was also the only time I have ever met my maternal grandmom, and the trip there also turns into the only one I have ever had with my paternal grandmom . In my memory, my maternal grandmom was extremely gentle, nice and quiet. Once right before my paternal grandmom  and I was just about to sleep, she came and asked me gently whether I'd like to spend one night with her. Since I have been used to staying with my grandmom and was not that familiar with her, I refused to go with her no matter how attractive her promises were. Till now, the big disappointed carried on her face is still in my mind and I would see it so clearly. Years later, she passed away with blood cancer.

 

Now my paternal grandmom  also left me behind. when last time I was at home, I was so busy with my interviews and other so-called important things that I barely had chance to sit down by her side and carried on a long conversation. I left in such a hurry to catch the coach that I even didn't give her a hug.  A few months she was ill all of sudden so seriously that she could not even talk, so I lost any meaningful contact with her for ever.

 

When I was little, I didn't understand all of these meant. When I was older, I took all of chances for granted. I had always thought that I could have millions of opportunities to do something more meaningful for them, and they would be always there for me.  I have every excuse for not doing something simple but meaningful, I am too busy, I have to deal with something more important........As a matter of fact, we could still carry on it without compromising our so-called critical goals or missions.  We just don't know how to appreciate what we have had in our hands when everything looks just too normal or too trivial. Only when we lose it will we know how much it means, however, as always it would have been too late. Theoretically we know all of these, perhaps we could give a good lecture on this topic. In real life, how much do we actually follow it? Sometimes it is just a simple hi, but we could do that because we are too busy and are so packed up with our study or our job.

 

I had thought to learn more about the life of my grandmom and those aweful moment or experiences of her life, and had believed she would always be right there to answer so many questions in my head. Until the moment I got the news of her illness, did I know I had missed the opportunity permanently. I KNEW she was old and the moment would come, but I had never got ready enoug to accept it when it finally came.  How about those younger ones? our friends, family members? we would not think much about this topic that someday we will depart even though we do know it.

 

When it is still in our control and when there is still an opportunity, will you treat it as the last day or the last time in your life? Sometimes we don't value those which we get so easily without any serious effort, sometimes we don't bother to care about people around us and believe it is just life. But what  is your life? what compose of your life?........

 

sometimes we are so afraid that we might be taken advantaged, we choose to protect ourselves from being hurt by not giving out. So we want to be rational by every means, we won't devote ourselves to something that sounds unreal or practical. Maybe we will get hurt, but at least we have tried.

 

Life is full of traps, that is true. Life is hard, I admire those who choose to devote themselves to what they believe  how many times they fall, they choose to believe the beautiful side of the life no matter how much suffering they take from it. They never  get beaten down by failures and hurt, and they choose to believe when they don't know the right choice.

 

From this moment, cherish what you have, and do your best . Probably there won't be tommorrow, you'll never know. That is, never give yourself a chance to regret later on!

May 27,2007