Swanni's 2006 'Worst' HDTV List! - As good as South Park

1. Rosie O'Donnell
The loud-mouthed comedienne recently joined the cast of ABC's The View, but lemme tell ya, no one enjoys the view of Rosie in high-def. Most people use a wash cloth to clean their face; but Rosie looks like she uses a Brillo pad. Her face is extremely coarse and rough-looking in high-def, particularly when she sits next to the youthful and vibrant countenance of Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

2. Howard Stern
In high-def, Howard looks a little like Cher -- that is, if you saw Cher two minutes after she first woke up in the morning. The shock jock reportedly underwent plastic surgery to try to improve his oft self-maligned appearance, but he might want to consider filing a malpractice suit. This is the worst abuse of a surgical scalpel since Jack the Ripper roamed the streets of London.

3. Teri Hatcher
The Desperate Housewives star was number one on last year's 'HD Horribles' list, but she's not any less desperate this year in high-def. Hatcher is now 41, but her age is not the problem. She's so thin that she could pass as a mother of four in Darfur. Because her body weight is so low, her skin is too tight on her frame. When she makes a facial gesture, the veins on her forehead pop out like they're auditioning to play the Monster in the next Alien movie.

4. Britney Spears
Mrs. Federline is just 24, but she looks 34 in HDTV. Her skin is puffy and covered with small blemishes. In high-def, she looks like a different person. And considering  the disappointing sales of her last two albums, her record company might think she's become a different person.

5. Barbara Walters
Bravo to the bravest woman in America. As executive producer of The View, Babs this year gave the green light to broadcasting the show in high-def. But in HD, her face has more lines than a Manhattan sidewalk.

6. Burt Reynolds
After numerous 'apparent' plastic surgeries, Burt's face looks like it's been Scotch taped back in place. His skin texture seems different in every area, as if the Nip 'n Tuck boys couldn't keep track of what they did last. And those toupees don't help, either. You get the feeling that it takes the Boogie Nights star half the day just to get his head together, and we don't mean psychologically.

7. Meredith Vieira
After first seeing herself in high-def, The Today Show co-host probably wishes she could turn the clock back to yesterday. Despite NBC giving her a soft focus in studio shots, Vieira's heavily-lined face is strikingly visible when the cameras swing outdoors.

8. Madonna
Madonna reportedly has had some cosmetic surgery on her face. But it certainly didn't make her a cut above the rest. The pop star's cheeks look more caved in than a West Virginia coal mine. It's very unnatural looking. In fact, she's starting to look like Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard. Except, please, no close-ups, Mr. DeMille.

9. Mick Jagger
In high-def, his face looks like a rolling stone. No, on second thought, it looks like it's been hit by a rolling stone.

10. Ray Liotta
Another returnee from our 2005 list. The pockmarked actor is now playing a thief in the new CBS drama, Smith. Let's hope Ray steals a case of Clearasil by episode four.