College Essay系列（四十一）：2023 哈佛成功文书（8-10）

《哈佛2023成功文书》系列的前三篇的链接：

College Essay系列（四十）：2023 哈佛成功文书（5-7）

College Essay系列（三十九）：2023 哈佛成功文书（3-4）

College Essay系列（三十八）：2023 哈佛成功文书（1-2）

 

下面接着说第八到十篇，就是那三篇被后补上去的。

Harvard Essays 2023 on Crimson *Tony    | Study Wilderness Art (CA URM Boy) *Sean    | Butterfly Identity (MA Queerness) *Connor  | Working Dad & Me (NH 1G Boy)

《2023》增订的三篇，一篇URM，一篇Queer，一篇1G

*Connor 的《Waking Up Early》

Getting out of bed in the middle of a long, New Hampshire winter was never easy, but some mornings were especially difficult. On those particularly tough mornings, when the temperature could no longer be measured in the comfortable world of positive numbers, my dad would be up before the sun. He would turn on the gas fireplace in his bedroom, carry milk, cereal, bowls and spoons upstairs, and then wake up me and my siblings. We would wrap ourselves in blankets as we ate our breakfast by the fire. I would complain about having to wake up early, never considering that my dad had been up long before.

Every morning for years he woke me up, packed my lunch, and drove me to school. He helped me with homework, coached my soccer team and taught me how to ski. Even as I’ve gotten older and started to pour my own cereal, my dad hasn’t stopped waking up early. He gets up long before my alarm clock even thinks about waking me, walks to his office (a desk, chair and laptop situated above our garage) and starts to work. He works nearly every day, only taking the occasional break to engage in such leisure activities as splitting wood and mowing the lawn. As I’ve grown older I’ve looked up to him more and more.

There have been times in the past four years when I’ve come home with seemingly unbearable amounts of homework and I’ve thought, “I could settle for a B on this essay” or “How important really are the laws of thermodynamics?” On those late nights, when I’m on the verge of trading my notebooks in for a tv remote, I think about my dad. I think about how hard he’s worked to make my life easier, and I realize that mediocrity isn’t a viable option. I go downstairs, pour myself a glass of ice water, turn on some music, and get back to my work.

Sometimes it’s hard to imagine my dad being young, but twenty-nine years ago, my dad was entering his senior year at Gilford High School. He had won a soccer championship under head coach Dave Pinkham, and was on track for another title that year. He was doing lawn care with his brother to make some extra money, and dreading the speech he would have to make at graduation.

I am now entering my senior year at Gilford High School. I won a soccer championship under the same Dave Pinkham as a sophomore, and hopefully I’m heading toward another this year. I’m running Leggett Lawn Care (which, despite its two unofficial part-time employees, has not yet gone public) and denying the inevitability of the speech I have to make this June. I’m keeping up my grades and trying to emulate my dad by putting others first. I teach Sunday School at my church, support the freshmen and sophomores on my soccer team, and give up countless hours of sleep helping my classmates with calculus. It’s now my turn to go out into the world and figure out what I want to do and who I want to become. I don’t know exactly where I see myself in five years; I don’t even know which state I’ll be living in next fall. I do know though that if I’m half the man my father is, (which genetically I am) I’ll have the strength and humility that I need to selflessly contribute to the world around me.

这篇《Waking up early》，Crimson给出的评价是“no small feat”。故事讲述了作者的“a rustic upbringing rooted in grit and humility”，并且没有“overselling of oneself”。从朽石君的角度，这一篇可以与Abby的《Family in Barnes & Noble》对比阅读。这篇《Waking up early》的父子两代之间的关联更紧密、更自然，我可以给B+。

*Tony（2022）的《Beauty in Complexity》

Gazing up at the starry sky, I see Cygnus, Hercules, and Pisces, remnants of past cultures. I listen to waves crash on the beach, the forces of nature at work. Isn’t it odd how stars are flaming spheres and electrical impulses make beings sentient? The very existence of our world is a wonder; what are the odds that this particular planet developed all the necessary components, parts that all work in unison, to support life? How do they interact? How did they come to be? I thought back to how my previously simplistic mind-set evolved this past year.

At Balboa, juniors and seniors join one of five small learning communities, which are integrated into the curriculum. Near the end of sophomore year, I ranked my choices: Law Academy first—it seemed the most prestigious—and WALC, the Wilderness Arts and Literacy Collaborative, fourth. So when I was sorted into WALC, I felt disappointed at the inflexibility of my schedule and bitter toward my classes. However, since students are required to wait at least a semester before switching pathways, I stayed in WALC. My experiences that semester began shifting my ambition-oriented paradigm to an interest-oriented one. I didn’t switch out.

Beyond its integrated classes, WALC takes its students on trips to natural areas not only to build community among its students, but also to explore complex natural processes and humanity’s role in them. Piecing these lessons together, I create an image of our universe. I can visualize the carving of glacial valleys, the creation and gradation of mountains by uplift and weathering, and the transportation of nutrients to and from ecosystems by rivers and salmon. I see these forces on the surface of a tiny planet rotating on its axis and orbiting the sun, a gem in this vast universe. Through WALC, I have gained an intimate understanding of natural systems and an addiction to understanding the deep interconnections embedded in our cosmos.

Understanding a system’s complex mechanics not only satisfies my curiosity, but also adds beauty to my world; my understanding of tectonic and gradational forces allows me to appreciate mountains and coastlines beyond aesthetics. By physically going to the place described in WALC’s lessons, I have not only gained the tools to admire these systems, but have also learned to actually appreciate them. This creates a thirst to see more beauty in a world that’s filled with poverty and violence, and a hunger for knowledge to satisfy that thirst. There are so many different systems to examine and dissect—science alone has universal, planetary, molecular, atomic, and subatomic scales to investigate. I hope to be able to find my interests by taking a variety of courses in college, and further humanity’s understanding through research, so that all can derive a deeper appreciation for the complex systems that govern this universe.

这篇《Beauty in Complexity》，Crimson给出的评价是通过“strength of language” 使一个成长故事跃然纸上，作者从simplistic mindset转变为深刻理解世界的deep interconnections。从朽石君的角度，这一篇可以与Amy的《Color of everything》和Una的《See without Looking》对比阅读。这篇《Beauty in Complexity》的个人成长线像Una的《See without Looking》故事一样明显，但主题interconnection比《Color of everything》的diversity要离招生价值观稍远，综合起来，我可以给B。

*Sean的《Butterfly Identity》

I have always envied the butterfly.

Its graceful poise as it glides through the air; the blissful flutter of its wings as it courageously embarks upon life’s journeys. Its ambitious and adaptive nature — a change-maker and discoverer, a trendsetter in the animal world, a leader amongst other species. Charles Darwin said, “it is not the strongest of species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one most adaptable to change.” I envy the butterfly’s adaptive approach to change, making them the silent leaders of the animal kingdom.

It was at age nine, on a family trip to the Boston Museum of Science, that I was first drawn to the breathtaking butterfly. As I stepped into the butterfly’s endless capsule of nature, the flamboyant and audacious nature of the butterfly was captivating — their vibrant colors flaunted proud and shame-free, central to their persona but not defining of their personality. Their extraordinary courage in self-expression brought a little boy great inspiration. As someone who has questioned and struggled with my identity and accepting my queerness throughout life, the butterfly exemplified what it meant to be bold, courageous, and proud to a young boy who was lacking in all of those.

I vividly recall one butterfly standing out among its comrades. Being an uncreative third-grader, I named my new friend Bloo due to his radiant cerulean shades descending from darkness to light as they progressed from the wing’s base. I watched Bloo soar, using his wings to glide far above the dainty and fragile stereotypes placed on him by society. I admire the profound growth Bloo must have achieved to get here, at one point a timid and powerless inchworm evolved into a carefully-crafted canvas of power. Bloo exemplified the strength and pride that I needed to begin accepting my identity. Looking back on this brief encounter with Bloo, I recall how he taught an insecure child self-acceptance. From here, I began to internalize the butterfly’s power. I began to molt into a new skin with fledgling wings.

As I progressed through life with these newly-discovered wings, I became increasingly drawn to observing butterflies in nature. They have proven much more than just precious gems found amongst clouds or prize trophies for kindergarteners to catch in their nets. The butterfly has shown itself as the hidden alpha of the animal kingdom — a leader and trendsetter amongst organisms both small and large, a fearless change-maker enabling them to outsurvive the rest for the past fifty-six million years.

With the wings and strength of the butterfly latched to my shoulders, I proudly embraced the challenge posed by this delicate yet powerful creature — to be a leader and a change-maker. Recognizing many social injustices in my community, I was inspired by the butterfly to become a voice of change. Driven by the butterfly’s creativity, I developed a social justice discussion program to take place at my high school, and became a local leader and fighter against corrupt politics in the 2020 election cycle. Bloo reminds me that time moves quickly and I must never settle nor lose focus in the crusade for justice. I hope to use this fragile time to advocate for equality in medicine, combining my passion for science with advocacy to leave a lasting legacy.

Today, the lessons taught by the butterfly are never far from my mind, whether I'm sitting in my English classroom discussing Beowulf, dreading the prospect of my upcoming integral exam, or even studying Darwin in Biology.

All these years later, as I ponder my defining characteristics and core values, I recognize that it is my time to become the butterfly — to embody Darwin’s words and face life with the courage to create change as I break free from my cocoon and enter the long-awaited adult world.

这篇《Butterfly Identity》，Crimson给出的评价是通过“introspective”和“thought-provoking”, 主题价值equality and justice表现得清晰。从朽石君的角度，这一篇跟其他文章没有可比性。故事的成长线明显，以Butterfly做比喻来展现主题，清楚明白但稍欠生动性。纯文字角度，我可以给B。

【2023十篇哈佛文阅读总结】

整体上来看，《2023》的文书选择，看得出2023年8月的哈佛招生心态。经过高法判决后的一个月里，哈佛招生很显然经过了一个调整转向期。选出的文书，文字质量并不比2022以前更高（如果没有因为凑数而显得有些降低的话）。但是每篇文书故事中，你应该可以清晰地看到，2015年以来的招生价值观，equality和justice，变得更加不做遮掩。十篇文书中，有八篇故事都是直接体现了这些价值的。

 

Harvard Essays 2023 on Crimson Georgina| Lemonade with no Lemon (Lebanese 1G Girl) Abby    | Family at Barnes & Noble (Ethiopian 1G Girl) Marina  | Backyard Four Corners (Cuban 1G Girl)   Una     | Seeing Without Looking (Latino 1G Girl) Simar   | First Haircut At Age 17 (Sikh 1G Boy) Samantha| I Am A Storyteller (Poem ECs non-ethnic) Amy     | The Color of Everything (diversity non-ethnic) Tony    | Study Wilderness Art (CA URM Boy) Sean    | Butterfly Identity (MA Queerness) Connor  | Working Dad & Me (NH 1G Boy)

 

两个月后，我们等着《2024成功哈佛文书十篇》，再看什么情况吧！感兴趣这些内容实时更新的，可以QQH我询问。文学城博客和论坛上贴一般会延迟2-6个月