College Essay系列（三十七）：芝大 小文书 Why Chicago（3）

 

 

 

 

芝大 小文书 (3)

 

 

凸某的双11是惨淡的。这，不只是因为我不网购。还有就是，我简单地只喜欢写。惨淡的点击率告诉我，我简单的文字，就别跟双11的抢流量了。可我只喜欢写。

 

在上两篇芝大小文书（Why Chicago）里，我们讲了加州白人女孩India的小文，那是一篇OK文，读得出Ctrl-C/V的模版感；还讲了加州白人男孩Ricky的翻盘小文书"Why UChicago"，读得出他强烈的Spike。

今天，我们来看一篇自伊州的女孩Emily的Why Chicago。我昨天预告说，这一篇会让你们更更更懂的：

 

Emily Dow

Class 2024

Major Econ Psyc

York Comm High， IL

Demo: 

large size public school
Stats: 

GPA4.0/4.93, SAT1570, Rank 1%

11APs

ECs: 

Nat'l Semifinalist Euro Challenge, 

Principal Cellist ILMEA 9-12, 

EYSO, 

Speech Co-captain, 

NFP Law Firm Intern 

Peer Tutoring, 

CA Essay: 

Failure to enter state speech in Jr.

At UChicago:

2021 Small Business Consultant at Polsky Center of UChicago

2022 Consulting Intern for Vindelici Advisors AG

2023-24 Intern & Fulltime for McKinsey

 

作者是伊州白人女孩 Emily。高标、高G申请芝大。下面看看她的Why Chicago

 

The minute I got home from school, the first thing I think about coffee. Should I make my signature oat meal latte or pass on the late afternoon caffeine so that I can actually sleep? You guess it. I usually succumb to the enticing aroma and flavor of my favorite beverage.

One unique afternoon, a postcard caught my attention with vivid descriptions of UChicago’s 14 coffee shops. Intrigued, I felt that any school that makes daily dilemma a little more palatable must be the school for me. If I am accepted to Chicago, I plan to visit every one of those 14 coffee shops during my first two weeks. In between analyzing the ambiance, people, music, décor, and of course the coffee, I will be plenty busy talking the advantage of all the other opportunities that UChicago provides.

The University of Chicago curriculum presents perfect combination of liberal arts education and research, which I plan to explore primarily as an economics and math student. Economics allows me to exercise both my creative side, which manifests in writing and real-world problem solving, and my analytical side through quantitative research. With its dual focus on scientific and mathematical methodologies and on public policy, UChicago’s economics department stands alone. I hope to explore economics by joining cohorts and topics from central banking to game theory and participate the econometrics game to challenge my data analysis and presentation skills.

The Becker Friedman Institute’s research initiatives will inspire me to connect with professors and graduate students across academic disciplines. For example, I’m interested in Professor List’s Chicago Experiments Initiative, which applies experimental methods to the study of economic behavior right here at Chicago. Additionally, personalized career advisors and the prospect of Metcalf Internship will allow me to discover where my interests intersect real world problems and lead to a fulfilling career in the vibrant space of Chicago and beyond.

While I will focus my studies on economics and mathematics, I’m enticed by UChicago’s dedication to instilling a wide breadth of knowledge. I’ve considered topics ranging from political science to chemistry to music. UChicago’s core curriculum values all of these equally. Another exciting part of the interdisciplinary curriculum is the Big Problem Series. Inequality origins dimensions and policy is development sustainable. And from neo-liberalism to neo-imperialism can buy my interest in economics and public policy to identify complex problems and innovative solutions.

I am also drawn to UChicago’s teaching philosophy which matches my learning style. Instead of measuring progress simply by quantity of information transmitted, UChicago values discussion, writing, and research as life skills. The classes in high school that challenged and intrigued me most were based on primary source analysis and proof-based theory, which are methods emphasized within UChicago’s Core. I look forward to making intellectual connections that will impact my views on campus and in life through the stimulation of solving problems with a diverse student body.

Along with its emphasis on discussion-based academics, UChicago’s devotion to free expression and intellectual diversity is unique. From my volunteer work at Citizen Advocacy Center creating a citizen guide that analyzed local procedures on public protest to my tackling the political polarization induced by free speech debates on college campuses for an English research essay, I have been fascinated by the integration of first amendment rights into life. And how that impacts political and social environment. Unlike many elite colleges, the University of Chicago’s political culture is truly a melting pot of ideas, both in and out of the classroom.

Finally, I feared that college would mean choosing between academics and music, but UChicago will allow me to expand my artistic pursuits in a truly unique manner by emphasizing both the performance and academic study of music. As cellist, I look forward to playing in the university symphony orchestra and chamber groups, taking lessons from CSO musicians and combining music with other art forms. Unlike many schools, UChicago provides these opportunities equally to all majors, and blurs the lines between music and academics through an intellectual approach to music.

One of my most meaningful extracurriculars is the Elder Youth Symphony Orchestra conduct by UChicago’s own Matthew Shepard. While we perform technically demanding works such as Bartok’s concerto for orchestra and Shostakovich symphony #1, the organization also challenge me to think music intellectually. Connecting music, for example, to nature, literature, and movement. Formal rehearsals comprised of Socratic style discussions, ranging from what defines organism to historical implications of soviet communism, have instilled me an appreciation for connections between music and society. Professor Supakowski’s music and mind course bears a powerful to my EYSO studies. UChicago is the only school that will allow me to expand on this academic approach to music, where nothing is black and white. And the process of thinking is valued just as highly that of performing.

Outside the intellectual benefits， UChicago will enable me to pursue, I look forward to connecting with others in a vibrant community nowhere else. By fostering arts outreach in a culturally diverse community and pioneering social change through economic investment, UChicago provides a place where I will develop my passion for exploring the unknown. With a group of people who value building on each other at UChicago, the inspiration of a postcard and a simple sip of coffee can lead me to meet the mad scientist of Plein Air Café, discover exactly what makes grounds of being so divine, and conduct some experiments in Quantum Café to engineer a perfect cup of coffee.

 

 

技术指标：

Structure：Loop-Trio

1) Core/学术

2) Teaching/学术

3) Music/课外

WordCount=917

Density=0.56

 

这篇914字的Why Chicago，OMG！这不是一般的小文书，满屏的热情，你体会到了吗？

这篇出自作者口述的文字太长，我只好替她分段了。所以，以上的分段状态不一定忠实原文。

结构上，Emily的这篇Why Chicago也是三个部分，课程内容、教育理念和方法、课外活动。读到这里，你们仿佛懂了，Why School是不是最好谈三个方面呀？答案是肯定的。Duo太少，Quinto太多，Trio正好。甚至连AP Lit或者SAT Essay部分，都是Trio最好的。

但Emily这篇的Trio结构，比前面两篇却又更胜一筹。原因在于这三项的选择和排序，非常符合人的认知潜意识逻辑。潜意识逻辑是什么鬼？上过我的阅读课的人都听得懂这个。

比较一下三篇的内容排布，Emily的读起来就感觉顺畅，因为她选了两个学术方面的点和一个学术之外的点来谈Why Chicago。这符合主客维度的逻辑，无论你认为学术主观、课外客观，还是学术客观、学术主观，把内容主客分开，这样的选点让你的表达自带完整性又没有废话。这种对事物的分析结构，就是逻辑上常说的MECE（Mutually Exclusive Collectively Exhaustive）。

再来看学术内部的两项，一项是课程，另一项是教法，这在精细层面上也是MECE的，你应该看得出来内容属客观而教法属主观（反之，亦可）。这种思维逻辑下，她表达得顺畅，我们读得舒服，潜意识逻辑都是生来如此。

如果你听说过McKinsey（麦肯锡），就肯定也知道MECE。这也是那本叫《麦肯锡方法》的畅销书里所讲的东东啊。你再看看Emily的LinkedIn，不是正在麦肯锡发财吗？17岁的高中生，就自然地MECE思考。这种思维能力，你学会了吗？

这篇的其他好处，我不说你都会评论了吧。Postcard，14 café，Plein Air Café, Quantum Café, Sci-Math，Central banking，Game Theory，Friedman，Professor List，CEI，Metcalf Internship，BPS，Primary Source Analysis，Proof-based，Neo-liberalism，Neo-imperialism，Free Expression，CSO，EYSO，Academic Study of Music，Shepard，Socratic Style，Supakowski，不完全列表就有22项，完成称得起900的字数。如果从内容的density指标来看，a whopping 0.56欸。又是远超其他两篇了吧。

不知道什么叫density的读者，请私信我了解吧。这是朽石君在指导学生作小文的时候发明的一个技术参考值罢了。让理工男研究文科性内容，纯技术含量就是实现可复制性成功的关键啊。

让我们再来回顾一下三篇Why Chicago的技术参数比较：

最后还有一点更具技术性的结构特点，让这篇超长的文字的可记忆性超强。那就是它从Coffee开始，以Coffee结束，当读者读到这里，他们的潜意识又被拉回到开篇的场景，不由自主地又可以从头回忆起一些印象深刻的细节。这种以情节元素做前后呼应的写法，在小文书里实属罕见。你学会了吗？