《 夏家湖 》--- 灯火

《 夏家湖 》--- 灯火

 

--- 我把所有收拾停当之后，就出门了。

 

中学宿舍的门。这门永远开着。就像是没有它的存在一样。你可以这样理解。有什么所谓，这个年头，就是没有所谓的年头。年头与年尾一样。什么也没有。吃的、用的、家徒四壁--光秃秃的。什么也没有。就像这门，有它无它，有什么所谓。室内比室外寒冷。回来就进被窝。所有事都在被窝里做。---而原本就无事可做，无食可吃。学习就是瞎掰。只有农活是真的。误了节气---长不出来。其实，长不出来--又能怎样。长出来了又能怎样--化肥是日本的--。

 

  我关了电灯泡，十五瓦特的。---我向教室方向看了看。那边灯火通明，与月光争辉艳。月亮大大的。每天如此。这是初春。又冷又湿又疾---什么也没有。光秃秃大地。北面的，向北的、淮河的、沙土地上的、平原上的、无什么所谓的年头上的、下的、左右的。----。没有人在乎你的死活。死不了就活着。没有人关心你是谁。你的北京是你的。你来了、你走了。都是你自己的事。那个城我们可以永远不去。我们没有那城的户口、证件。我们的户口就是我们脚下的这土地，长不出什么。但它属于我们。我们的生与死是我们自己的事。不关他人的什么狗屁、什么造反、革命。朱姓皇帝就是河那边的。我们也是朱姓--是河这边的。几百年过去了---什么也没发生、变化。这河已经几千年了--- 有了什么所谓。

 

--- After I put everything in order, I went out.

 

The door of the middle school dormitory. This door is always open. It's like it doesn't exist. You can understand it this way. What is so-called, this year, there is no so-called year. The beginning of the year is the same as the end of the year. Nothing. The food, the food, and the house stalks-bare. Nothing. Just like this door, what does it mean without it? Indoors are colder than outdoors. Go back into the bed. Everything is done in the bed. ---There is nothing to do, no food to eat. Learning is just to break. Only farm work is real. Missed the solar terms --- can not grow out. In fact, it doesn't grow out--what can it be? What can it do if it grows out--the fertilizer is Japanese--.

 

  I turned off the light bulb, fifteen watts. ---I looked in the direction of the classroom. The lights are bright over there, competing with the moonlight. The moon is big. Every day. This is early spring. It was cold, wet and sick---nothing. The earth is bare. To the north, to the north, to the Huaihe River, on the sandy land, on the plains, nothing so called up, down, or left and right. ----. No one cares about your life or death. Live if you can't die. No one cares about who you are. Your Beijing is yours. You are here, you are gone. It's all your business. We can never go to that city. We do not have residence registration or certificates in that city. Our hukou is the land under our feet, and nothing can grow. But it belongs to us. Our life and death are our own business. It doesn't matter what other people's shit, rebellion, revolution. Emperor Zhu is on the other side of the river. We also have the surname Zhu-from the river side. Hundreds of years have passed-nothing has happened or changed. This river has been around for thousands of years---what does it mean.