真道的魅力
道成了肉身，丰丰满满地有恩典，有真理，魅力四射，令我折服
以下是订婚前建议彼此询问的64个问题：
1. 你是否已经重生？你的得救见证是什么？
2. 你觉得自己已经发现人生的目的了吗？如果是，你会怎样描述？
3. 在信仰和观念上，你更偏保守还是更偏进步？
4. 你想要几个孩子？婚后多久希望开始要孩子？
5. 你会奉献十分之一吗？如果会，多长时间奉献一次，金额是多少？（讲员指出，不奉献可能表明对神缺乏慷慨，这可能导致婚姻中的财务问题）
6. 你的五年或十年职业目标是什么？你希望人生完成哪些成就？
7. 你的爱的语言是什么？（如果对方不知道，可以解释《爱的五种语言》这本书）
8. 当我们有分歧时，你喜欢怎么处理？你需要空间冷静，还是立刻沟通解决？（这很关键，因为冲突处理方式不同可能引发婚姻问题）
9. 你有多少债务，包括贷款、车贷和被催收的债务？（讲员强调这很重要，因为婚后的债务将是双方共同承担）
10. 你的信用评分是多少？
11. 你每个月储蓄多少？
12. 你的每月开销是多少？
13. 你对共同账户或独立账户怎么看？你对夫妻预算的愿景是什么？（讲员指出，很多夫妻婚前没有讨论这些财务问题）
14. 你如何处理压力和紧张？
15. 你的兴趣爱好是什么？你闲暇时间怎么度过？你喜欢电子游戏、电影、高尔夫、运动、阅读吗？
16. 你一年希望旅行几次？（这有助于了解一方是否是“旅行迷”，另一方是否讨厌旅行）
17. 你认为哪些家务是你的责任？（建议也问问他们父母的分工情况，因为这会潜移默化地影响他们对婚姻角色的看法）
18. 你对在家养宠物（狗或猫）怎么看？（对某些人来说，这可能是“分手点”）
19. 你的饮食习惯和偏好是什么？比如你是纯素食者吗？你是否经常喜欢外出吃饭？
20. 你对性生活的态度和期待是什么？你的性经历情况（例如，你是处女/处男吗？如果不是，有过多少伴侣？是否仅限异性）？（讲员承认这是个难问的问题，但建议问清楚，并强调问完就“结案”，不要再提，以免带来羞耻或内疚）
21. 你如何处理来自公婆或其他家人的干扰？（讲员指出，姻亲问题是常见的“婚姻杀手”）
22. 你对婚姻的担忧是什么？你觉得婚姻中最难的部分会是什么？
23. 你对育儿方式和价值观的看法是什么？（例如，体罚与“暂停反省”）
24. 在养育孩子时，有什么是你会与父母做法不同的？有什么是你会传承给孩子的？
25. 如果我们有生育困难，你对试管婴儿等辅助生殖或医疗干预怎么看？还是选择等候神？
26. 如果我们没有孩子，或者即使有孩子，你愿意收养吗？
27. 你认为我们应该如何照顾年迈的父母？你希望我们的角色是什么？让他们和我们住吗？经济上支持他们吗？
28. 你对我们的退休生活有何愿景？是放松、旅行，还是做其他事情？
29. 你目前有在为退休存钱吗？
30. 你一周或一个月希望见朋友几次？是每天、每周，还是很少？
31. 你对婚前协议（prenup）怎么看？（讲员个人认为婚前协议像是“离婚的预告”，但承认有必要了解对方的期待）
32. 除了未来的孩子，你希望把谁写进我们的遗嘱？你有没有答应过某些人一定会把他们写进遗嘱？
33. 你对我的社交媒体内容有任何担忧吗？
34. 有没有我关注或关注我的人会让你感到不舒服或担心的？
35. 你对彼此可以查看对方手机和私人信息的看法是什么？
36. 你如何看待圣经中丈夫和妻子的角色？
37. 哪些基督徒作家或讲员影响了你对婚姻的看法？
38. 你对在关系中保持性纯洁的重视程度如何？我们的界限是什么？
39. 你对夫妻共同的祷告生活有什么设想？每天一起祷告、灵修，还是各自进行，偶尔分享神的带领？
40. 你对属灵生活中的透明和彼此督责怎么看？比如我们是否要分享各自的挣扎（包括性诱惑）？如果一方陷入色情，会不会直接告诉对方，还是找别人寻求帮助？
41. 我们如何处理属灵分歧？如果发生分歧，妻子是否要顺服丈夫，还是彼此同意保留不同意见？
42. 你对夫妻一起参加小组或查经班的期望是什么？你愿意吗？
43. 如果我们的孩子对信仰产生怀疑，你会怎么做？
44. 我们如何支持彼此的属灵成长？
45. 你对采纳与当今文化相反的生活方式怎么看？（例如在家教育，不参加万圣节）
46. 你对“一次得救，永远得救”的看法是什么？你是否认为基督徒可以选择离弃神而失去救恩？
47. 你认为基督徒会被鬼附、被鬼压制或受鬼影响吗？属灵攻击在你的生命中是什么样子的？你怎么定义？
48. 你对方言的理解是什么？你认为这恩赐今天还能并应当在公共敬拜和私人敬拜中使用吗？你会说方言吗？你相信圣灵的恩赐吗？
49. 你对灾前、灾中、灾后被提的时间观点是什么？
50. 你认为什么算是出轨——调情、情感出轨，还是肉体性行为？
51. 你对各自和同性朋友单独旅行怎么看？
52. 你喜欢你父母婚姻中的哪些方面，希望延续到我们的婚姻？有什么你不喜欢并不想重演的？
53. 在关系中，哪些事是你认为的“不可接受”，一旦发生你会选择分开的？
54. 你过去是否有尚未得到医治的事情？
55. 你对住在城市还是郊区怎么看？有没有定居的理想地点？
56. 在我们的朋友圈或熟人中，有没有人曾与你超越朋友关系，需要让我知道的？
57. 你愿意做全职在家的父/母吗？还是希望双方都工作？我们如何平衡？
58. 对于节日（圣诞、感恩节、生日等）你希望怎么安排？分别和双方家庭一起过，还是轮流？
59. 你对纹身怎么看？
60. 你对饮酒怎么看？
61. 什么对你来说是尊重？
62. 什么让你感到被爱？
63. 婚后你对与异性保持密友关系怎么看？需要设哪些界限？
64. 你对伴侣的外貌重视程度有多高？
Here are the 64 questions recommended to ask before engagement:
- Are you born again? What is your testimony of salvation?
- Do you feel like you've discovered your purpose in life yet? If so, how would you describe it?
- Are you more conservative or progressive in your beliefs?
- How many kids would you like to have, and how soon after marriage do you envision starting a family?
- Do you tithe? If so, how often and how much? (The speaker notes that not tithing can indicate a lack of generosity with God, which could lead to financial issues in marriage)
- What is your five-year or 10-year career goal? Like, what do you hope to accomplish in your life?
- What is your love language? (If the partner doesn't know, the "Five Love Languages" book can be explained)
- When we have a disagreement, how do you like to handle it? Do you need space, or do you prefer to talk it out right away? (This is crucial because different approaches to conflict resolution can cause issues in marriage)
- How much debt do you have, including loans, cars, and collections? (The speaker stresses this is important because a partner's debt will become yours)
- What is your credit score?
- How much do you save each month?
- How much are your monthly expenses?
- How do you feel about joint or separate bank accounts? What is your vision for budgeting as a couple? (The speaker notes that many couples fail to discuss these financial matters before marriage)
- How do you handle stress and pressure?
- What are your hobbies, and how do you spend your free time? Are you into video games, movies, golf, sports, reading? How do you spend your free time?
- How many times a year would you like to travel? (This helps identify if one partner is a "travel junkie" and the other dislikes traveling)
- Which household chores would be your responsibility? (It's also suggested to ask about their parents' division of labor as a "cue of where this person's idea, unconscious roles, they have concerning your relationship")
- How do you feel about pets in the house, dogs or cats? (This can be a "deal-breaker for some")
- What are your eating habits and dietary preferences? Like, are they vegan? Do they like to eat out all the time?
- How do you approach sexual intimacy and expectations? What is your body count, meaning, are you a virgin, and if you're not, did you sleep with people? How many people? Is it just the opposite sex? (The speaker acknowledges this is a hard question but suggests it's good to know, advising to "close that case" afterward and not bring it up to avoid shame or guilt)
- How do you handle interference from in-laws or other family members? (In-laws are noted as a common problem that "could destroy that marriage")
- What are your fears about marriage, or what do you think will be the hardest part about being married?
- What are your views on parenting styles and values? (e.g., spanking versus timeouts)
- When it comes to parenting, what's something you would do differently from your parents, and what would you want to carry on for our kids?
- If we struggle with fertility, what are your views on reproductive medicine like IVF or seeking medical intervention, or do we just wait on God?
- If we don't have children, or even if we do have children, are you open to adoption?
- How do you think we should handle caring for elderly family members, like Mom and Dad, and what will be our role that you want us to have? Do we let them live with us? Do we financially support them?
- What is your vision for our retirement? Do you picture us relaxing, traveling, or doing something entirely different?
- Are you currently saving for retirement?
- How many times a week or a month would you like to see your friends? Is this going to be a daily thing, a weekly thing, that you're going to go hang out with your friends, or you will never do it?
- What are your thoughts on getting a prenup agreement? (The speaker personally views prenups as "an introduction to divorce" but acknowledges it's important to know the partner's expectations)
- Apart from future children, who would you like to include in our will? Are there promises you made to people that they will be included in your will that I need to be aware of?
- Do you have any concerns about my social media profiles or the things that I post?
- Is there anyone I follow or who follows me that makes you feel uncomfortable, and it worries you?
- How do you feel about having access to each other's phones and personal messages?
- How do you view the role of a husband and a wife as described in the Bible?
- What Christian authors or speakers have influenced your view on marriage?
- What importance do you place on sexual purity within our relationship, and what are our boundaries?
- How do you envision our prayer life together as a couple? Are we going to be praying every day, doing devotions, or we going to do it separately, and every once in a while, we'll discuss what we feel the Lord is speaking to us?
- What are your views on transparency and accountability in our spiritual life? Like, do we tell each other everything, even what we struggle with, even if it's like sexual temptation? If one of us falls into pornography, do we share that? Do you want to know that, or do you just want me to go to somebody else, and share, and get help?
- How do we handle spiritual disagreements? If we're going to have disagreements, what we're going to do, is a wife going to submit to the husband, or they're both going to agree to disagree?
- What are your expectations about participating in small groups or Bible studies together? Are you okay, and open to us being in a small group?
- What would you do if our children question their faith?
- How do we support each other's spiritual growth?
- What are your thoughts on adopting a lifestyle that might be counter cultural in today's society? (e.g., homeschooling, not participating in Halloween)
- What are your views on "once saved, always saved"? Meaning, do you believe that a Christian can forfeit their salvation and turn away from God if they choose to?
- Do you believe that Christians can be demon-possessed or demon-oppressed or demonized? What does spiritual attack look like in your personal spiritual life? Like, how would you define that? Can Christians have demons, pretty much?
- What is your understanding of the gift of tongues? Do you believe this is a gift that can and should be practiced today, and should be used in corporate and private worship settings? Do you speak in tongues? Do you believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit?
- What are your beliefs regarding the timing of the rapture in relation to tribulation?
- What do you consider cheating - flirting, emotional cheating, or a physical sexual encounter?
- What are your views on traveling with friends without each other? (Assuming male with male, girls with girls)
- What do you like about your parents' marriage that you would like to continue in ours, and what is something you don't like that you do not want to be repeated?
- What are things in a relationship you would consider as deal-breakers, and what are some things that would make you walk away if they happened?
- Is there anything in your past that you haven't been healed from?
- What do you think about living in the city versus the suburbs, or do you have a vision of where you want to settle down?
- Is there anyone in our acquaintance or current friend circle that you have had more than a friendship with that I should be aware of?
- Would you want to be a stay-at-home parent, or would you prefer both of us to work, and how would we handle that balance?
- How do you feel about spending holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays with both of our families, or how are we going to balance that?
- What are your views on tattoos?
- What are your views on drinking alcohol?
- What does respect look like to you?
- What makes you feel loved?
- How do you feel about having close friends of the opposite sex once we are married? What boundaries, if any, would you want to be set?
- How important is physical appearance to you in your partner?
